The rocky road from Awareness to Acceptance

[Adrian]

In this article I’m going to try to put acceptance in some sort of context, in the hope that it will help us achieve positive outcomes as a community. Using quotes from the gay community as an example, I’ll try to illustrate how the attitudes of society might evolve over time.

Let’s start at the beginning of our journey to acceptance with ignorance.

Ignorance
What you don’t know can’t hurt you!
Ignorance, and its undistinguished partner, denial, is our starting point. If you are not aware that something exists then you have nothing to accept, and no reason to learn about it. If we look back over any contemporary issue such as gay rights, immigration, or the use of asbestos we find a time when sections of society were just not aware that the issue existed. And often those who had heard about the issue would deny it affected them.

Quote:

Ignorance: We don’t have any homosexuals around here. We are honest country folk who value the traditions of marriage and family life.

The journey of educating society about gender diversity has to move people from ignorance by creating awareness.

Awareness
In our contemporary society awareness is nurtured through stories on the internet, in print media, and on television. In this way someone can become aware of gender diversity by viewing trans themed stories in the media.

We can also become aware by being personally directly exposed to an issue for instance by personally encountering a gender non-conforming person by the freezer cabinet in Woolworths, or knowing someone who comes out.

Finally we can become aware of facts by absorbing information from documentaries and serious commentary. Knowledge about something can develop into understanding.

When someone is touched by the seeds of awareness they will become aware of other examples of gender diversity around them. We have all experienced a heightened awareness of a particular model of car that occurs after we have purchased one ourselves.

Although awareness certainly leads to more awareness, it would be a mistake to assume that this automatically leads to acceptance. There is a long journey from becoming aware of more men walking down the street holding hands, to accepting that gay marriage is justified.

Quote:

Awareness: Everywhere you look nowadays you see men holding hands and kissing in public. It is becoming a serious health issue.

Our journey to the acceptance of gender diversity starts with awareness, and the recent publicity about transgender stories has sown the seeds. But what might grow out from this new found awareness? I’d like to suggest three possible outcomes: Rejection, Tolerance and Acceptance.

Rejection
If there is no compulsion or desire to embrace a negative or uncomfortable situation, then awareness will often lead to rejection. Rejection can also be the result of bigotry, a hardening of preconceived attitudes often re-enforced by religion and other belief structures.

Quote:

Rejection: I believe we ought to be … tightening up the laws, making them a little more draconian, and maybe we would influence a few of them to take the plane north where it has been decriminalised. Do not let them sully our state with their evil activities. (George Brookes 1991)

Tolerance
According to Wikipedia, Toleration is the practice of deliberately putting up with, allowing or permitting something of which one disapproves. Toleration includes behaviours that we might sometimes describe as conditional or begrudging acceptance.

The motivation to tolerate something may stem from an underlying sense of fairness, a desire to avoid change, or perhaps a feeling that the issue is not important. In a relationship one partner may tolerate the other’s behaviour, but this carries with it no approval or support. That which is tolerated is often the subject of criticism and insults.

The road to positive acceptance is littered with attempts to force others to change their attitudes; by blackmail, by coercion, or worst of all by legislation. The outcome is frequently little better than a begrudging acceptance, and at worse total rejection.

Quote:

I think it’s wrong, I think it’s abnormal, but I don’t mistreat anyone who engages in it. I accept that it’s out there and that some people are doing it. In short, I put up with it even though I think it’s not really right.

Acceptance
Acceptance goes significantly beyond just tolerating something. Acceptance is a conscious assent to the reality of a situation and recognises something (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, or stop it happening. At its best, such behaviour is unconditional and freely offered.

Quote:

…there is a subtle difference between tolerance and acceptance. It’s the distance between moving into the cul-de-sac and having your next door neighbour trust you to keep an eye on her preschool daughter for a few minutes while she runs out to the post office. It’s the chasm between being invited to a colleague’s wedding with your same-sex partner and being able to slow-dance without the other guests whispering. (Jodi Picoult)

Many of us look to a time when there will be wider acceptance of gender diversity in society. Such acceptance would value people for who they are without judging them against norms of others. It would be characterised by positive support and encouragement.

Like rejection and tolerance, acceptance can be a consequence of increased awareness. The circumstances that lead to this particular outcome are not widely understood. It is probable that acceptance is more likely when the change or situation is presented positively, in a way that mitigates fears. But there are other factors at play such as the influence of love, faith, or deeply held personal values. More significantly, it may also depend on the extent to which the situation or behaviour is understood.

Quote:

Acceptance: I believe in equal rights for everyone. When I say equality, I mean equality for everybody. Why are you telling people who they can and cannot marry? This is 2014

Greater awareness can lead to unwanted rejection, unsupportive toleration, or to acceptance. One factor that might influence the outcome is the degree to which the public understands what they are aware of. Education might have a significant role in encouraging awareness to grow into acceptance.

Understanding
Understanding is how we think about something and develop concepts to comprehend it. Understanding requires knowledge, but it goes beyond facts. Knowledge alone cannot lead us to observe and interpret our surroundings. The acid test for understanding is rather simple; if a person says they understand something, then they should be able to explain to others what it is that is understood.

In the context of seeking acceptance, understanding someone helps deal with unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations in a positive way. When you understand another person then you can relate to them and to what is going on inside them.

It is possible to tolerate or accept someone without understanding them. We all experience some fear when we encounter things we don’t understand, so acceptance without understanding rests on an impressive lack of prejudice and a live-and-let-live attitude toward life.

Quote:

Understanding: Dale Hanse was honest in that he said, knowing Michael was gay made him uncomfortable because he didn’t understand it but that he could accept it because many other things in life make him uncomfortable.

In the absence of understanding it is of course much easier to reject and seek the comfort of bigotry.

Conversely understanding does not guarantee acceptance.

Quote:

Understanding: I understand why gays want the same rights to marry as heterosexual couples, but I cannot accept that they should be married in our church

The path from ignorance to a sympathetic acceptance of gender diversity starts with awareness. But what happens after that is less certain. It is a rocky road!

Historically we have found ourselves tolerated by some, rejected by many, and only accepted by a few.

The media is currently showing much greater interest in gender, resulting in an increase in awareness. Ensuring that this awareness flows through to acceptance may rest on informing the public understanding of gender.

Unfortunately few of us are able to explain what we understand about our gender, and our differing explanations reflect our own diversity. But without clear consistent understanding can we reasonably expect society to move to accept us?

This post is in my public blog if you want to share it outside TgR
http://adrian.tgr.net.au/blog/archives/14-The-Rocky-Road-to-Acceptance.html

[Anonymous]

I probably am not eloquent enough to comment but the media still don’t get it, they portray us as if we decide to be what we are .we have no choice this is how we are and most of us try to fit into society. There has to be more definitive science to explain why whether it’s chromasomal or environmental and then people can make rational decisions. But even then you won’t convert the bigots unfortunately.
It worries me that being flavour of the moment with the media that some that are being used as examples are not a typical

[Anonymous]

I don’t think that we can afford to wait for a Scientific explanation of our gender expression, rather , I feel that the more we as individuals can be seen within Society, the more we will be accepted as part of the group. While we hide ( as I have done for so long ) the more we are seen as unusual and therefore, apart from the mainstream.
To even strive for acceptance is fraught with disappointment, I believe. To request acceptance puts us in a ” one down” position. We need to DEMAND that we have a legitimate place in Society and will exist whether others accept us or whatever. We are a DIFFERENT type of gender expression, not a LESSER one.
In the past there were few examples of our ilk to be seen. We were there alright but not out in public. Things are different now and there are many Trans folk ” out and proud” to carry the ” flag”. We must take heart from this and gather the courage from those who have come before us, to be free from the shame, guilt and ignorance that others may put upon us.
In recent years I have found, to my surprise that most people hardly raise an eyebrow to a different gender expression. We owe it to ourselves as well as those coming up through their own journey of self discovery , to be seen , to act courageously and decently. Only then will the fearful in Society , see us as worthy of their trust and accetance.

My shame is that it has taken me 62 years to have the courage to show others the person I have believed myself to be.

[Jennifer_1]

This is a very good summary of a difficult topic. Thank you. I have come across the full range from rejection to understanding and it is sometimes difficult to live with but this puts it into a context that helps.

[Adrian]

In the article that started this thread I suggested that

Quote:

it would be a mistake to assume that [awareness]automatically leads to acceptance

.

An article in the Guardian perhaps lends some credibility to my views.
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/nov/06/transgender-murders-double-2015-united-states

Transgender murders in US have nearly doubled since last year, activists say

Quote:

The number of murders of transgender people in the United States hit a record high this year, activists said on Friday, amid outcry over rising violence in the transgender community.

Quote:

The violence could be tied to growing attention toward transgender people such as the recent coming out of Olympic gold medalist Caitlyn Jenner, said Kevin Nadal, head of the Center for LGBTQ Studies at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York.

“In general if you look at history a lot of times, whenever there are positive moves for historically marginalised groups there tends to be a backlash,” he said.

Community activists and organizers agree.

Alok Vaid-Menon, an organizer with the Audre Lorde Project, told the Guardian that the presence of transgender and gender nonconforming people in the media has lead to greater outrage over their existence in society at large, and has also increased the pressure for others to come out as trans when it may not be safe for them to do so.

[Anonymous]

Comparing this year to last year, I can corrolate this data with my own experience. The people have risen to fight me. Yes me, alone. Bastards.

I’d be dead if I wasn’t built like an old boar.

Oh well. These things work in fads. When I was 21 I said to this obese feminist, why don’t we hear about the environment anymore, all I hear about is feminism? (I know now that the hell of third wave feminism was crashing my life then though I was witless). She replied, these things come in fads. Of course, being a Cultural Marxist, she was right.

I believe, that unlike feminism, this won’t sustain after the fad has tired out. Hopefully we will go back to an underground thing very soon . I’m not in the business of making it easier for prepubescent people to transition by being a walking billboard advertisement. I support them and all but I’m just not made of social justice warrior material. I want my femininity back. I want to get on with it.

why am I always on the rough end of the Cultural Marxist juggernaut?

[Anonymous]

We are all on this rocky road and it would be interesting to know the stats on the social economic divisions and amount of drug related murders and compare them with the gay or other groups to put it into perspective. I think we need to be aware of our surroundings and not put ourselves in dangerous situations. But at the same time we can’t let fear dictate all our movements. I feel that you can’t let victimisation either imagined or real consume all your thoughts or you will only end up a bitter shell. Thank god we live in Australia.
Hugs Julie

[Bridgette]

Whilst I will admit there are those in society that are at ends to accept Trans gender people, I would hate to think Australia could draw parallel to American Society and the problems it faces. I would doubt that the Main stream American would have any tolerance for anything other than guns. Lets face it, they cant ban automatic weapons so the cultural change for Transgender would be unimaginable. To their credit they have legislated Gay Marriage. But hen again, some people refuse tso marry same sex couples and some others refuse to make them wedding cakes! :silly: