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The TAO of Transgender.
I am new to TR so please excuse me if I am going over old ground. I read with interest the comments about how some contributors reported on”feeling like a woman” and it got me thinking as I have wrestled with this thought for some years. I have come to the point[as of now, I am open to change!] is how can I know what a woman” feels”. All experience is subjective, a woman can only report in “limiting” language what her feelings are, she cannot make others feel her feelings, we can only feel our own.[ God, I keep seeing the double entendres I am creating, I will , however, continue!]
I have spoken to a lot of women about this and they all seem to have different feelings! Surely, our feelings come out of the sum total of our experiences and I would hazard a guess that most of us were brought up as males [boys].So we would tend to see the world,including woman and femininity ,through a males mind. I am very aware of how much I enjoy pretending to be a woman but sadly know that I am not one nor can ever be one. I did not have the often difficult upbringing of a girl, did not menstruate, have a debut, have always been addressed and related to as a male,so how can I ever know what it feels like to be a woman?
What I do know is the great joy of being dressed and accepted as Christina and the openness and vulnerability when in an intimate situation with someone I loved. I have never felt this when I was not cd but I put it down more to the moment of acceptance and the feeling of “WHOLENESS” I felt at the time. Crossdressing is PLAY, serious play maybe but play none the less.
And that is OK. Noone shows their real self to others, we all put on a mask for the world, in some contexts mine is Chris, some Christina , that is my choice but the context is the thing that dictates.
Now, I must say that this is my personal view and I mean no offence to anyone . I do believe that the only safe path is to face the reality of our lives and strive to live as we choose, for me, as a Transgender person.
This is long winded and potentially divisive topic but I welcome your own opinions. Regards, Christina. -
4 Replies
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I believe that there is only one true way to try to understand what a woman is able to feel, and that is to put all you are into presenting, living and being as much of a woman as you possibly can be. Emulating womanhood is the greatest compliment you could give to the womens community, learning and practicing the compassion that I believe is one of their greatest strengths. Practicing love, in all its forms comes a close second, love of family, friends, community, environment. Being true to what you do as a woman is the hallmark of pride and honesty, and if you can do all this , I believe that you are so going to be a woman of substance, a credit to herself and worthy of the ‘woman’ title.
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Interesting topic Christina
I will start with the usual disclaimer that any opinions are truly my own. I think any male who claims to truly know what a woman feels or goes through is dellusional and insulting to genetic females. The biological fact that is the body we are born into just does not allow for that kind of experience. As Jade points out however we may indeed express more empathy than most males and that leads us hopefully to be more sensitive towards woman.
The girls who choose the full transition path (and I am truly in awe of your courage) may well experience many of the emotions and physical anomalies that females go through. Discrimination however is just that, good old fashion discrimination because you are different or percieved as weaker in society. That is something we have all probably experienced.
Whilst we have a common thread we are all different and the most uniting thing we can do is respect everyones personal journey wherever they are on the scale.
I feel that realistically I will always be a male in a dress but I will always give thanks for my strong sense of femininity and sensitivity and enjoy who i am. As for being a woman, hopefully in the next life.
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OK, I’ll bite! And of course this is my opinion only and I don’t believe it’s any more correct than what anyone else has said or will say on this subject-but it is what I believe. While as boys we go through different life experiences than girls, I don’t believe that that necessarily means we see the world in a different way. I am a nature before nurture person. We are born with a lump of plasticine of a personality made up of our intellect, sense of humour, talents, faults, sexual inclination, ability to cope, gender et al. Life beats that lump into shape but I believe we are still essentially who we are born. Yes I will have experienced the world differently from a girl, but then perhaps more similarly to her than to a male child born in an impoverished village in the highlands of Ethiopia. Most of what I choose to do and how I behave ultimately comes from who I am, not what I’ve experienced. I believe I am no more playing when I dress than many a girl is. For many of us I believe the urge to do so comes from within and from precisely the same part of our id as it does for a GG. What we experience in life may be vastly different, from girls, from each other, but I believe how we perceive the world and its contents is far more innate, and we are just as likely to see it from a feminine point of view as a masculine one. How do we know other men feel the same way we do? How can we be sure we are not totally female in outlook already and that we have assumed other men think and feel like us, or at least some of us? We can no more know that than know we are not really women in men’s bodies. It is that belief which succours me emotionally-and makes my life interesting.
Love to all, Felicity
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Personal experience for me leads to agree with Felicity regarding nature vs nurture. She poses an interesting thought with us not knowing what a female woman can be feeling but in my own experience, when talking to guys before I transitioned, no, lets make that in most of my life, I dont think I ever really thought like or felt the same as any guy. I couldnt identify with them, nor did I enjoy the destructive phase most go through, some seemingly for a lifetime, I preferred to build and create and play it safe on the ground… no adventure sports for this gal, I’ll tell you.
I will never be female, but I am a woman, no amount of nurture(or abuse) could change that fact in the long run.
