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Transvestite Wives on SBS TV 16 Oct 09
Well that was worth watching, and if you missed it, you missed one of the better expose on Crossdressing. It was a programme from the UK and centred around three men who dressed as women, delving partly into why and a bit of each person’s history. Of course, the wives were interviewed too, which is nice for a change to see happening. (Bit of a blast for me was hearing everyone’s accents, me being an ex-Pom!)
The wives did show that they had sensible heads of their shoulders, were able to accept their husbands/ spouses for this dressing wish, and were able to live with some high degree of blending of lives. Of particular interest was the reasons why some of the men do cross dress, and one said he’d considered for a brief moment living as a transsexual but thought the desire to stand up and pee was too strong a thing to loose. Now that struck me as slightly odd thing to say, why does that become the thought in his mind? Is it some loss of masculinity to not be able to stand to pee or was it that to him a transsexual means the automatic road that must be traveled is GRS/SRS? I thought it strange to not consider living in the option of Non-Op. Still, I guess this goes to show that he did consider that path at some stage and I reckon it was good of him to say he’d thought a bit about it.
These 3 wives of transvestites did demonstrate that cross dressing is not the end of the world for them and the relationships, they said it made then closer, it changed their relationships just enough to be enjoyable and for all the pairings, it was a central part of their lives that gave them a focus away from other things. One spouse had started a small social and support grouping that met in their home, and yes, there was even a Transsexual girl there who sought out help and support, even going out during the program for her first daytime event. She displayed the same sorts of apprehensions that most people have, will I get picked and picked on, and will I feel safe. Her minor inclusion demonstrates that for most of the Transgender and Transsexual individuals we are concerned about how we present in public and not being picked, do I feel 100% comfortable with this and can I do this everyday, not once-in-the-while? These are the questions that I feel we try to address and yet wrestle with one a constantly daily basis.
It was most interesting to see the variations in dressing styles for the 3 men, sometimes it was great and other times not so, but that is individual taste and I don’t criticise them for those choices, except to say, what you wear DOES attract attention, its whether that attention is what you want or not. There is not substitute for dressing as the occasion lends itself to be.
The program did show that men from all areas and vocations dressed, and had done so from fairly early in life, usually b4 10 or 12 years of age. None were embarrassed to admit this, although I found some explanations as to why a bit staunched, perhaps this is something they have yet to personally address? Either way, they blew the lids off their own secret lives and it would be great to see a follow-up program. One guy has lost about 50% of his family when coming out, another had already lost half a million pounds in divorce costs (can’t recall if that was attributed to his cross-dressing or not) and the third was just coming out via the program itself so we don’t actually know if there has been any losses, and he worked a laboring job in a metal-works mills.
Yes, the fear of rejection is high, but these three men and their wives showed that cress dressing need not be a Apocolyptic end of the world, it can be managed if not approached with fear but in the correct ways. It’s the shock factor that people find hardest to overcome and this mortifies some yes. But shock can be got past, its a matter of how it is managed.
Is a Crossing dressing husband any less male or masculine before he came out to his wife? No, I don’t think so. It was and is a part of who he is before they were together, but you just didn’t know it or you failed to see and acknowledge this, and that’s nobody’s fault. If you truly think about it, its perhaps one of the things that attracted you in the first instance. Maybe so for some, but not for all. We only saw the much good side of the story, not the bad side.
Of course, there was the obligatory obvious question raised with one couple, Rachel and Sam as they sat in the nail salon. One of the Nail techs asked, so are you now lesbians when he is Rachel, Sam was asked? I rolled my eyes at this, and tutted, why oh why do people have to get that personal? They can’t help it I guess, and perhaps the situation was very relaxed (and a bit staged too perhaps for this question to pop up.) The answer was No, we’re not lesbians. Funny how taking a female name and dressing as a woman and having a female partner makes some people leap to the question, when others just wouldn’t. Its the asking of a very personal thing, and by strangers, one of the un-necessary intrusions people can make. The response to this is to say, “sorry but we don’t talk about that side of our lives with people, just the same as lots of people don’t and we ask you to respect that.” Just because you are out doesn’t mean everything about you is now Open for Public scrutiny. It never was and never should be. Set boundaries on what you will or won’t talk about and you never need to justify why either. You never need to justify why you keep any secrets/ privacy, it is your business and nobody elses, not even your trans-peers. Being or coming out is not a Green Light for you to divulge yourself 100%, after-all does every other person do the same? No, not all, some do and that’s okay for those individuals however its not for all persons, and you might be one of them and its best for everybody to know and respect this choice too.
Support groups are an essential part of society, regardless the common interest, and for trans people its often the only times We feel safe and welcomed and understood by another person without fear of ridicule or overt personal intrusion. Sharing out lives with like-minded and trans-friendly people is important, its relaxing, encouraging and safe, what more could we want for?
Transvestite Wives showed that cross dressers can have that and more. It showed us that for some people it’s not all doom and gloom, that it’s not a bad thing. It’s been going on for centuries, probably since the dawn of civilisation and clothing itself, so why is so much shame heaped on Cross dressing by the rest of the world? I don’t know, what’s important is showing and supporting that for men Cross Dressing it is okay, it is not demeaning nor is it an un-masculine a thing. If you enjoy it, then do it.
I give this program a rating of 4 out of 5 stiletto heels, and that’s pretty good!
Cheers
AbbeyJane
Did anybody happen to record it?
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3 Replies
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qantas … despite some appalling service … gallantly flies the rainbow flag by not only employing acres of gay cabin crew, but have had on their entertainment system (well, international flights, anyway), this documentary for at least two months. i surely hope that one or two of the peeps on board have their minds opened up a little and had the strength to watch it instead of the hours of drudgery that otherwise passes for entertainment.
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I saw this last night as well. Found it a beautiful and sensitive presentation, and was uplifted the way each couple’s love for their respective partners grew and deepened.
three wonderful love stories! -
for those who misseed it, click on
