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walk like a girl – sneeze like a man
I don’t know if anyone has faced this, but i bet many of you have
I love to get out, especially for a walk around my lovely area. The two things i fear are not threats or humiliation – they are sneezing and coughing
You can do a great many things to adjust your voice talk more quietly control the speed, etc etc
When you walk there are a great many ways to change your gait to a womanly stride or hip swing
But at that one moment when your body wants to have a – clearance – you are stuffed
I was out the other night and it was beautiful, clear sky, calming breeze and all the nice things i love – and then my nose said – fire torpedo two
My sneeze is like a cross between mortar fire and someone being stabbed
I fought it and tried to suck it in – i willed my self to shut my fat gob
But it was a lost cause the fuse was lit
At the point of explosion – windows shattered, pets ran for cover and every light on the street went on. People came to the doors with crow bars and kitchen knoves to defend their homes from the apparent invasion
And i was looking for a bush to jump into and hide – sas style
Nowhere to go – hopelessly in the suburban open
The people on the other side of the street walking increased their pace to a scurry and disappeared
I did manage a particularly female – scuse me – a waste of time i assure you
And then i exited pronto and entirely unfabulously
If anyone has the recipe for doing this quietly – please tell me
I fear mine are so violent if i contain it all my limbs will fire out of their sockets with the internal explosion and i’ll be just a torso post sneeze
Anyone been here
I laughed all he way home
Is there an operation I can have? -
4 Replies
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Hi Sarah…had abit of a giggle reading that. Thanks. Unfortunately I cant offer any help……still giggling 😆
Rachael -
Thank you Sarah I needed a laugh! I had indigestion over the weekend and had similar thoughts about burping and farting-but managed not to attract my neighbours’ attention.
I have read that the sneeze is the bodily function most closely resembling an orgasm. You must be something in bed!! LOL
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Hi Sarah,
Don’t know what can be of assistance in this case, it has never really been a problem for me though as I have a rather dainty feminine sneeze, well so I have been told anyway, some of my female co-workers have some rather more masculine sneezes than I do, as for coughing, mine isn’t too bad, some times they sound feminine other times can get rather masculine, but this is the case for some of my co-workers as well, and as I work in the hospital, you wouldn’t believe some of the different ranges of coughs pertaining to both Male and Females, some males cough more feminine and some females cough more Masculine. well that seams to be my impression anyway.
Hugs
Sharon -
There are a few times you just cant control it but there are many times you can.
My approach;
When sneezing through the nose and you know it is coming, I stop breathing thru the nose and breathe thru the mounth so air flow into the nose does not irritate the nose any further and not trigger the sneeze, like blocking your nostrils. If stopped just before the sneeze, it can be very irritating but pride in tact. Or bring your finger up to pretend to rub your nose but block it so the irritation subsides. If it wants to come back do it again and retreat gracefully so your are more under control. Always have a hanky in the cold season.
My male cough can be related to a falling sheet of roof iron and if it were consistant the roads department would set up noise barriers to protect the traffic. I this case I pluck my lips and bring the cough to the front of the mouth, like if kissing, and control as much as possible the air flow. I did this at my speach therapist who independentaly comented that was a nice feminine cough.
Other potential solutions are 1, breethe out ahhh-emmmm bringing your hand up 2, series of small forward coughs bringing your hand up 3, One big breath out
If the situation warrants breathe in and out a little heavier to neutralze the urge. When at the table drink something, preferably warm water prepared if it is the colder season or similar in hot soup etc. Have something spicy to eat.
That’s what I do
Georgette
