What are you willing to do?

[Adrian]

I’m happy to be a messenger but generally am reluctant to raise my head above the anonymity of being ‘webmistress” – unless I’m confident that my message is inclusive and representative of others.

In another thread I have voiced my concern about the value of messengers firing off at random with whatever message they personally feel motivated to present. Granted it will get a few people some visibility in the wider community as transgender voices – but if the voices are all saying different things have you actually made any progress?

Currently a lot of the messages I hear people suggesting are not messages I want the public to associate with me – so hence I stay quiet.

One of my motivations in performing the TgR survey in 2011 was to find the common ground – the real messages we need to communicate. It did come up with a few suggestions – but I was waiting to see if others also validated the messages as being correct. As we have observed in another thread – that hasn’t happened in a big way yet.

So whilst I’m a willing messenger – I’m sitting on the fence till we stop talking about what we want to say as individuals, and start talking the messages that would benefit us in general.

[Anonymous]

In my clumsy way I guess I have failed to get the right message in my post. Thank you Amanda for your wonderful work with the survey and for your generous offer to be the messenger.

What I really wanted to know was how many people can help get the message out once we know what it is we want to say, I sometimes miss the point with my texts. There are many and varied places where we can put the relevant information, at all levels of society, and I think it would be asking too much and be a task way beyond what we should expect one person to do.

Just putting out a press release and then forgetting it would be pointless, there will need to be follow up work done in too many areas for one person to be expected to handle.

So what I was hoping was that people who are willing to help to come forward with information about their areas of expertise as well as indicating their willingness to help.

I hope I have got the right message out this time.

[Anonymous]

I think it is fantastic that we are continuing to try to sort out what our message is. As is obvious, it is proving to be tricky. None of us want to dismiss the needs of anyone else & none of us wants to be misrepresented either but we seem to be at an impasse.

For those who don’t know, a small number of us are communicating privately, as well as in these forums, to find ways to be as inclusive as possible but we all have one major limitation & it is not that we are transgendered.
It is that none of us has any experience in changing societies views but then, who does?

It’s important to reply in a manner that does not discourage anyone from participating & we all have varying opinions on how to go about this but it’s almost like political correctness & a sincere desire to not offend, coupled with a fear of being shot down is preventing us having our say.

Quote:

So whilst I’m a willing messenger – I’m sitting on the fence till we stop talking about what we want to say as individuals, and start talking the messages that would benefit us in general.

I think we are to a degree getting to these messages but we are not all equal in our comfort with ourselves & our knowledge of what to do or how to do it, or for that matter, even what to say.

Pamela asked:

Quote:

I would like to know from as many members that are interested just what would each of you be willing to do to help.

Additionally she wrote;

Quote:

So what I was hoping was that people who are willing to help to come forward with information about their areas of expertise as well as indicating their willingness to help.

O.K. here’s what I’ve said I’ll do so far; contact as many Tg related organisations & groups as I can identify & advise them of the TgR survey results. Continue to find out the details of how to deliver information about Tg needs to GP’s & I have a specific contact. I have contacted a media outlet to ask about their motivation to air Tg documentaries.
I am trying to work out how I can arrange both my time & my finances to attend the LGBTI – Health in Difference conference in Melboure in April 2013. No promises on this one.
I have a policy of in some way discusing my transgender identification with at least one person each day who did not already know about it, even though I present as obviously Tg every day anyway.
This next comment is very important. I am only writing about what I will try to do, to hopefully encourage others to see that you will not be alone in caring about these issues. I stand to gain nothing by declaring my endeavours.
Like Pamela, Krystyana, Caty, Amanda & anybody else who is actively engaged I encourage you to at least have your say.

To those who already have ideas & views but are withholding them for various reasons I urge you to speak up & help guide this pursuit.

I’m not convinced we will get to the point of having just one message, nor am I convinced that any message will exclude no one. I do however believe that fear is our stumbling block.

Fear is what prevents anyone from doing anything. Fear prevents us speaking up. Fear prevents even the most confident of us here from ‘sticking our necks out’. Fear is what stops many from disclosing their true gender understanding & fear is the barrier that prevents many in society from even wanting to know about us.
At some point each of us needs to acknowledge this fear, even those of us who are vocal.

I fear that if we wait until we are satisfied that we have missed no one & represent all, that we will go around in circles doing nothing. The message I read over & over again, is that we are so diverse that we cannot be unified. I know that some other organisations that represent Tg people have Diversity as their key focus, so why not work with that?

[Anonymous]

Well I would put my head up and use my dogged persistence to further the cause of this community but for the lack of a clear direction. I have experience in communications, cold calling , advertising and promoting from years in small business not sure what to do with experience without an aim though.

[Anonymous]

When I joined tgr this is the precise discourse I was hopeful I would find it is heartening to me there are people who care enough to try . Whatever we do we must be persistent with our efforts to breath life into our community and it’s objectives, influence others to participate however they can and where ever we can.

[Anonymous]

I’m always vocal & frequently one to help out & that’s been the case here as well but lately I’ve done some even deeper soul searching than my usual dose.

I’ve said that I will do certain things to try to help & as I always do I will honour that but after that I intend to resume my life the way it was prior to starting to transition. No, I’m not denying my Tg I.D. ‘What I’m prepared to do’ is carry on with my perfectly acceptable life presenting & living my gender as I currently am, which for me requires no changes to society because I am no less accepted by the people I encounter now, than I was prior to transitioning my gender.

The soul searching fits in like this; having thought VERY deeply about all the issues we are currently discussing in regard to community & having a voice etc, I don’t believe that a few people discussing how to help everybody (& essentially going around in circles) is actually going to help anybody. I’ve realised that essentially what we are doing is looking at this as a welfare subject & most people who (have or do) work in a welfare capacity agree that an individual must first want to help themselves & so far I see very little evidence of that happening.
I am not berating people but I am calling it as I see it. If people aren’t asking for help then why are we trying to work out what help they may need.
I ask this question of myself only – I ‘m only searching my own soul.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it is right to offer help even when it is not asked for. Maybe those in need of help are unable to ask for it for whatever reason. When help is offered to someone in this situation then it is accepted gratefully. When it is rejected, then one can do no more for that person / group.

[Adrian]

In another thread in a self-confessed rambling post Jane_s wrote something I personally think is very perceptive and very relevant to the “what are you willing to do” discussion.

In this forum
http://forum.tgr.net.au/cms/forum/F439/5165-165
she wrote

Quote:

I think that perhaps, though they may be filled with empathy for a movement that might allow them the social freedom to feel better about themselves, many of the people in our ‘community’ are also looking after ‘me’.

Having 24 hours a day available to champion trans rights is no victory if that availability came from being dismissed from work for espousing one’s views.

Being “out and proud” is a hollow victory if one is subsequently isolated, ostracised or alone for being so.

We may make that choice and perhaps should be applauded for it but we should not be criticised if we choose otherwise.

It rings very true with “informal” discussions I’ve had with my partner.
Obviously a discussion coloured by the large number of hours she sees me spend on TgR and events like TransFormal.

We all of us have to make life balance choices about how we can best live with our gender diversity, discharge our obligations to family and friends, and help others along their journeys.
Looking after “me” sounds a bit selfish, but looking after “me and those close to me” has to be the first priority – and that for many is enough of a challenge!

[Anonymous]

I think that that is very true indeed, what good are you to your family or anyone for that matter if you burn yourself out in the effort. No one can give 100% of themselves and still be a vibrant member of a family, you can only give what you are willing and no more.

If that is not good enough for anyone else then all I can say is that it is too bad for them.

[Anonymous]

This is but a small effort but I have decided that instead of being loyal to the businesses I currently feel comfortable with (for what ever reason), I will try to present myself to as many different people as possible.

I may only be one person but I can spread myself around.

For example I am now using 5 different pharmacies in 5 different areas. This means that 5 different lots of staff are witnessing a Tg person. Any time I feel that the way I am dealt with could be better (in regard to being Tg), I take the opportunity to speak to the staff concerned to explain whatever the issue might be. I then ensure that I go back there next time to follow up. It’s no different to teaching children or staff.

As a brief example, I was recently served by a young girl at a pharmacy, who for reasons unknown used my given name to address me & to call out to see if my prescription was ready. My chosen (& preferred) name is included on all my records, so to refer to me as Craig is not necessary. Nor is it necessary to refer to me as Mr or Sir but that also sometimes happens. It is possible that the persons involved don’t understand my needs & preferences so I educate them. Once done it’s time to try another establishment.

I am now doing this with as many businesses as possible. Many more people now know a Tg person (if they didn’t already) & I have an ever growing choice of businesses & a vastly better experience within society.

We can do it with any number of businesses but it would be especially useful to do it with businesses that have multiple branches. Once numerous of the branches have had contact with Tg people, we could then contact the head office or equivalent, thanking them (or if need be, suggesting the improvements required).
If each Tg person who presents in public as such were to do the same we would allow an ever increasing number of people to learn about us.

[Anonymous]

chloe what you are doing is not so small it is huge and the more it happens the more chances of society accepting all of us for who we are and what we stand for. You are a very strong willed lady and i admire you greatly.Keep up the good work

hugs xxxx