What does society think of us?

[JaneS]

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1. Do you think that generally, society accepts (or will accept) you as a gender diverse person & why/why not?

At the risk of unnecessarily associating gender diversity with sexuality in the minds of ‘society’ I believe that although most people have an opinion about gender diversity, albeit possibly skewed or illinformed, in reality just like the issue of sexuality, if the subject doesn’t directly touch their lives they don’t really care. In other words, their attitude is often “gender diversity is something that affects others so I don’t really need to think too much about it”.

Sometimes, if the subject is injected into their lives by way of discussion, personal interaction with a gender-diverse person or maybe even more intimate revelations (such as by family members) people are forced to consider or voice an opinion. That direct involvement will force them to examine their position on the issue, it might even cause them to change their opinion. My experience, on a purely personal level, is that those I’ve told about my gender diversity have overall reacted positively. The most negative reaction I’ve received is one of “Okay, so I know, now let’s not mention it again…” That said, that person’s relationship with me has not changed in any discernable way whatseoever.

I have, of course, been very selective in who I’ve told and that obviously will bias the results in my favour.

Thus I think that ‘society’ will/would generally accept me as a gender-diverse person, if for no other reason than disinterest. I would hope that personal interaction would foster interest and understanding generally, as it has specifically in my case. I know that it has also done the same for others. In my case, however, the question I pose to myself is: How much am I willing to risk for lack of acceptance? At the moment it is that question that guides my willingness to reveal my expression of gender diversity.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think that the majority of people don’t really give a damn what you are as long as you are leaving them alone. I have told strangers that I am Transgendered and have not had any problems, but like Jane I have been selective about who I have told. There are different types of people though and I think what you tell someone in the women’s section at Myers would definitely not be what you would tell someone next to you in the bar at the local. I think you would get an entirely different type of reaction.

[Anonymous]

Because I express my gender fulltime & my intentions to be seen as a woman are obvious in the way I dress, I can confidently say that I do not experience any obvious problems when interacting with people.
On a daily basis I engage with different customers from all walks of life & none have ever been rude to me. A couple have been obviously shocked but I don’t see that as a problem for me but rather them.

Every person that ever sees me knows that I am Tg (though they may not know the term). I do not have the option of being selective about who I tell. I have recently employed someone, I have engaged contractors, I have seen numerous people for medical reasons & I never consider whether or not to shop somewhere because I am presenting unconventionally.

I have very sincerely had some of the best person to person experiences of my adult life since presenting as a Tg person.

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I honestly think that the majority of people don’t really give a damn what you are as long as you are leaving them alone

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Thus I think that ‘society’ will/would generally accept me as a gender-diverse person, if for no other reason than disinterest.

These two comments seem correct. I would add though that my experience has clearly been that a surprising number of people really are interested.
It’s not uncommon for us to be brought up with the understanding that we should be polite & not pry into other peoples lives but often we are curious & just wish we could ask.
I have had countless experiences now where people thank me for my openness about being Tg. They are relieved when I open the door for them to learn what I’m about. They really are curious, they see documentaries & news items but they don’t get to meet Tg people, it’s all just academic to them.
The flip side to that is quite amazing too, the very surprising number of people who already know about Tg or know someone who is. Or people who are totally accepting because of some other factor in their own lives that they feel makes them ‘different’. I have already (in just 6 months of public disclosure) discovered that one of my existing customers has an immediate relative who is a transitioned Tg person. You may be surprised how many other stories I’ve been told.

I am not guessing at this, I am not making assumptions. I have been documenting every encounter I have had with people in my business for 22 years now, including every telephone contact. Adding information about their response to me as Chloe, the woman born a male has been very easy because I already had a system in place to record every interaction anyway.
It would be wrong to suggest that I have not lost customers because of my Tg presentation, I’m certain that I have but I know for a fact that I have made sales because of my Tg status as well…swings & round abouts.

Because I document all telephone calls in my business, I can tell you that the follow through rate with people visiting my business after having contacted me by phone is unchanged since I started advising people on the phone that my name is Chloe, but without changing my obvious male voice. I can absolutely assure you that there is no misunderstanding that I am Tg, as every customer baulks when I tell them my name. I have to spell it every time because they think they have misheard. It usually takes about 3 goes until they accept that my name is Chloe, at which time I usually then explain that ‘I am not what you are imagining, I am a transgendered person’. Overwhelmingly the response is either ‘it makes no difference to me’ or ‘wow’ etc. I literally got a “fantastic!” yesterday & yes I did make a substantial sale.

When the shoe is on the other foot, when I’m the customer, I have never had an experience that I could honestly say was terrible. I’ve certainly had a couple of occassions where people were uncomfortable but as I said earlier that doesn’t mean I have to be.

I really don’t have legitimately bad experiences other than being looked at for too long when walking around the shopping centre etc.

I’ve written of my positive experiences before. I am not boasting nor am I advocating that those who are closeted should ‘come out’, I know nothing of others’ circumstances. All I hope to do is report back about my experiences so that if anybody is wondering about what might happen, at least they can base a decision on someones actual experience rather than speculation.
The facts maam, just the facts.

[Elizabeth]

I’ll go along with Pamela on this thread, I most certainly wouldn’t tell the stranger bloke in the pub I’m transgendered, I wouldn’t want to examine the floor from floor level, but I have told sales staff in Myers womens department. The latter would have already guessed anyway. I remember a family friend and employee of Myers saying thay sell more pantyhose to males than they do to females. I raised my eyebrows in suprise.
In the main I have never had too many problems, (see my recent blog). Some years ago many people wouldn’t have even heard the term transgendered, especially in the quieter towns and communities. Mostly people associate transgendered with being gay, ‘you’ve got to be’ Mainly I think folk would prefer to be associated with transgendered people than gays, but then that’s something I have assumed and taken on board. As I’ve said previously, people we would consider as accepting are, in reality tolerant. If it doesn’t directly affect them then they couldn’t care less, they may even be interested to learn a little more.
Last year at the U3A (University of the 3rd Age) for those who haven’t reached that phase in life, a fellow participant guessed I was Transgendered and, it turned out her son was also. Boy, was she upset that her son had turned out differently, blaming herslf because when son was in the womb, she desperatly wanted a girl. That was, in her eyes the cause of son going off the mainstream track. No way, could I convince her differentlly.

If everyone walked around stark naked in their everyday lives, eventually no one would take the slightest notice because it would be the norm; it would be accepted.