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What have you done for your Community today?
Thank you Amanda for making this a new thread, it feels like it will be an important one.
So what did I mean by what do you do for your community?
Doing for your community begins at a grass roots level. For me it starts when I walk out the door into my neighbourhood, showing them, by my words and actions that I am just another person, like them, to staying abreast of community news and views , both in the trans commmunity and the greater community at large, and much more. It means standing up to be counted at election times. It involves letters and emails and phonecalls to our politicians when something needs to be said about what is going on.
Lets make this perfectly clear, from the outset, that this is NOT a scorecard for how involved you are, nor is it a contest in any way. It is a summation of what different people do for themselves and our community, that will hopefully give others ideas about what they too can do, and spur them on towards doing it and helping acheive something positive for us all. No act too small is unimportant. Everything counts. Even if all you can do is find the courage to leave your home en-femme to go to a local store for cigarettes, it counts.
So come on people, let us know what you all do for our community.
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29 Replies
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What do we do in our local community, for the transgender community?
We live in the outer western suburbs of Sydney, in a largely red-neck area, at least tempered by the presence of a rather large educational precinct close by.
We go out into our community with the expectation of fair treatment from those we encounter, along with the underlying return of respect from ourselves in our interactions with neighbours and people who live and work around us.
We send our children to schools in the greater community, some at Parramatta, others in the Penrith area, and we are known and generally welcomed into these places with smiles, open arms, and quite often group hugs from a multitude of our childrens schoolfriends. We interact with their teachers with a candour they do not often experience from most other parents.
We shop often in our smaller local community stores and make an effort to be friendly and open to them and other customers, treating them equitably and expecting same, becoming known and welcomed to return.
These efforts may be small, but their effects spread as people discuss their interactions with us with others. Some of these often become supporters, most especially when they witness our easy interaction with our children, and their friends, who are our greatest supporters and will often try to tear shreds off anyone who dares try to belittle us and our life choices infront of them.
These little things are indeed little things, but they are important in the way they hopefully change the stereotypical veiws that many have of transgender people.
To those around us, who may not be close friends, but still know us or see us in our daily lives, we are ‘characters’, freely and admittedly a little ‘weird’ or ‘eccentric’ but we are known to them, a part of their world, and hopefully we change the way they see people like us, hopefully too, the way they are willing to interact with us, and help them see that we are people who are deserving of the rights they already enjoy.
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Well said Amanda
With doing something for your community it does not have to be huge, it is usually lots of little things that count towards the greater goal. This is what I have done for the community this week I got involved with the Human Rights Act for Australia bill campaign, why? because of this part of the proposed bill…
22 Recognition and equality before the law
(1) Everyone has the right to recognition as a person before the law.
(2) Everyone is equal before the law and is entitled to the equal protection of the law without discrimination. In particular, everyone has the right to equal and effective protection against discrimination on any ground such as sex, race, colour, ethnic or social origin, genetic characteristics, language, religion or belief, political or other opinion, property, birth, disability, age, sexual orientation or gender identity.
(3) Everyone has the right to enjoy their human rights without distinction or discrimination of any kind including distinction or discrimination on the grounds specified in sub-section (2).
(4) Measures taken for the purposes of assisting or advancing persons or groups of persons disadvantaged because of discrimination do not constitute discrimination.Lending help and support to a bill such as this can close the gap and actually give us some rights because unless you have a piece of paper from some state run gender board we really are in no mans land.
cheers
Rhi
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Given the need for relative anonymity, it is hard for us to mount a well supported pressure group.
My approach is to be out-an-about in mainstream society. By those with whom we interact having contact with a pleasant and appropriately dressed CDer, myths and stereotyping can be debunked. I ask for no special favours and expect no special treatment.
A number of shops, restaurants and hotels I frequent will welcome and understand CDers who visit in part because of my frequenting those places but also because they are decent people. The community will be treated with courtesy and respect. For all those CDers who venture out in public and who do not pass, this is a great contribution for the community.
The public is generally very accepting and by mixing and talking openly are willing to understand and accept us.
Michelle
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I’m organising a Family TG Big Day Out!
I keep coming across TG people who have kids and partners and kinda limited in their experience without others. It’s always so “TG goes to seedy club to flirt with admirers” so I thought I’d do something different.
I’m also TRYING to organise WORLD GENDER DAY so people can wear what they want to work and raise money for Children or Trans support.
We also on the weekend got told we had won a BEST FILM award in Hollywood for our film: Trans Inc: In The Closet
you can see it here
and one of the newspapers is coming out to see me to do photos and talk about being Intersexed and all kinds of cool things!
Hows that for a few days
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Quote:What do you think you could provide?? Any idea is a great one as long as it’s not negative or devisive.
I’m getting along to the Newcastle cafe nights fairly consistently now, plus I get out shopping from time to time en femme. I also shop for femme stuff openly in boy mode, but I’m not sure whether that helps or not.
For the past couple of years, I’ve also been active on wikipedia, helping to improve coverage of TG subjects and maintain neutrality in the face of some systematic attempts to bias articles against us. If anyone is interested, there is a LGBT project on wikipedia, which always welcomes new members. Even things like fixing vandalism, fixing typos, etc helps.
In spite of being very busy with my work, I will make time to help others.
I should go and find that sticker thread. I have a few ideas on that.
Alice
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I think Jade hit upon a very good point when she mentioned that we are not like drag queens we dress to look feminine and to do that we do not go over the top with makeup etc. Drag Queens parody women whereas we are continually refining our looks and persona to be womanly.
We need to show the public that we are not painted peacocks trying to dazzle but we are people who are across the genders. We are not a threat to them in fact the only threat we pose is to ourselves with bitter jealousies and bitchiness.
Anthing that shows the public we are a minority group, but one that is not to be feared or ridiculed is worthwhile. Lots of Little steps get you to the same place as fewer big steps. They are also seen as being a gradual change rather than a large one which may shock or alienate.
We can all help just by not by acting as drag queens, but by acting as another smaller, different part of the community.
Helen
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There is one problem that needs to be addressed and I think that many of us are neglecting. It’s the difficulty the many of us face just to show a public face.
The biggest hurdle that we face is the closet door. Until the GP see us as a part of society we will continue to face discrimination on all levels. We have to be seen in everyday life doing everyday things. The world will not collapse if you go to Woolies in a skirt. The only way that I can see to overcome discrimination is to prove that we really do have a big enough voice to do political damage. To do that we cannot hide and shout from a closet we have to be up close and personal.
Not all of us have the talents or drive to be really active in this. but we all can be active in this just by being seen.
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Well said Malla, if we wait around for a lucky break like women had with the 2nd world war and the acceptance of trousers for them or the fashion guru’s to change the way people dress then we will never see a change. It has to come from grass roots and in steps, like wearing a sarong to the beech or a surf kilt or wear a kilt to the shops, something basic but showing people what a guy looks like in a skirt. Having done this on many occasions it really brings home the fact that 99% of the population really could not give a dam and the other 1% just smile or look at you quizzically. I thought about starting a new thread something along the lines of the adventures of a guy in a skirt but then it would be pretty boring as nothing ever happens! But of course people could post there experiences in the about me section just a thought? We are also not the only group of people to want to have the right to wear what we want, these groups are worth a look up and you will see they are not to dissimilar from our goals except of course they are not TG. So what are we waiting for ladies time to skirt up and get visible!
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I couldn’t agree more with whats been said and the need for a cohesive and credible front for all corners of the transgender community. I think we would grow exponentially if we were able to build a public profile of ourselves as real, relevant, large in number and not some bunch of crazy perverts.
Part of the problem for so many of us is simple. We just want to pass as women and drift quietly into the night. I don’t want to be thought of as man proudly in a dress. I don’t want to be thought of at all. I get out a lot but the pub club scene is not me. I like to wander the pretty streets of the old suburb i live in and blend seemlessly into the numbers of bland middle 40s housewives. I know that is the question amongst so many of us “do I pass”. It makes it hard to wear your “I’m transgender an Im proud t shirt” when all you want to do is live and not have anyone harass you and embarass you. My friend who was yelled at from a car waiting for a cab a few months ago is still affected (they yelled – THATS A MAN).
The problem is unlike the gay community. tell me any of you you dont put your make up on, look at yourself in the mirror and say _ do I look like a woman – do i pass. Will people chase me down the street and beat me up, or laugh at me, or abuse me. The gay community wanted to be seen. Most of the transgender community want to be seen as women and have no questions asked.
I don’t think we can do enough to support each other, to be strong and to tell our own circles who we are so the word gets through the world that we exist, and that we are proud and a real part of the human race.
As far as standing up for ourselves, thats a necessary but difficult step. We need a lobby group and we need more medical and psychiatric evidence that we are as real as any other group in society. i am big on participating and supporting my sisters. But if i transition will i just keep quiet. I don’t know. I think im a sell if i do but in other ways i think a normal life is all most of us want.
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Sarah_1 said…
Quote:Part of the problem for so many of us is simple. We just want to pass as women and drift quietly into the night. I don’t want to be thought of as man proudly in a dress. I don’t want to be thought of at all.Something about this idea doesnt sit right with me, even while I respect Sarahs right to feel the way she does.
Why, I’m not quite sure.
Why do so many feel the need to follow this path?
And in doing so, they may disappear and hopefully live their lives in a manner of their choosing, but when their cover is suddenly blown by someone from their past, or by mistake or by sheer bad luck, and they are assaulted, and they yell and scream about it, for example, the Brigitte Fell case, which then becomes front page, media and tabloid news, the fallout from this was a magazine article ‘How to tell if your girlfriend is a guy’ amongst other things, including an increase in exposure of transgenders generally to ridicule in the community.
All because a transgender woman didnt feel the need to be honest with her then partner about her past, which may not have been the case if she had believed that having pride in who she was and is, and while she may have been post-op and legally a woman, SHE IS STILL TRANSGENDERED along with the history of who she was, which deception and denial wont erase.
What is wrong with being proud of who you are? Even if you are presenting as a female, you are still a man in a dress, because until you can have your chromosomes altered and have the Y removed, you are always gonna be male in some fashion. In reality though, it doesnt matter whether you are XX or XY or some other permutation, if you stepped away from your assigned gender in thought or deed, you are fundamentally transgender and most likely have been since you were in the womb. Why not be proud of who you are?
When it comes down to it, isnt it easier to stand up for the truth rather than continually prop up a tower of deceit, deception and denial that is undoubtably going to topple over eventually anyway?
Own yourself and your community, showing pride in them and as a community we then present a cohesive front to the rest of the world which then cant afford to turn from us and snicker about who and what we are.
The gays and lesbians did it, why shouldnt we?
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Mari – I’m not sure i share your sentiment that if you try to live your life invisibly as a woman (whether or not there has been any medical transition) this will be a tower of deceit, deception and denial. I think that is quite extreme and unfair to many who are living life happily and invisisibly as the women they wanted to become.
Chromosomes/schmomosomes – the transgender community proves the body is just the vehicle for the psyche, and that psyche dictates your gender
No one agrees more than me that to get representation and be recognised and accepted and to do that we have to be ‘out’ and show unity. We all know this, its not a screaming surprise.
But I can’t live my life on a soap box and like most of us I just want to go out and do my shopping and live my life unnoticed. I think its unfair to have a crack at those who arent ready to stand and be counted. Many of the community have never even left their houses dressed as themselves.
Representation for us like many other groups in society will be by the strongest and most outspoken and self confident. For the rest a tower of deceit, deception and denial is not what they are living. Trying not to be deserted by loved ones, ridiculed, fired, abused and so on and so on – thiis the fuel of secrecy. Lets not have a go at our own little society for its own fears.
If we are getting a lobby group together put me on the list as member for WA. But remember the first group to have empathy with us should be ourselves
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Quote:Sarah_1 said…Quote:Part of the problem for so many of us is simple. We just want to pass as women and drift quietly into the night. I don’t want to be thought of as man proudly in a dress. I don’t want to be thought of at all.
Something about this idea doesnt sit right with me, even while I respect Sarahs right to feel the way she does.
I’m not sure whether Sarah meant it the way that you’ve read it or not, but I read what she said is that normal social interactions would all be as female. I don’t see it as being the same as “living in stealth”, which is how I would interpret what you said further down:
Quote:And in doing so, they may disappear and hopefully live their lives in a manner of their choosing, but when their cover is suddenly blown by someone from their past, or by mistake or by sheer bad luck, and they are assaulted, and they yell and scream about it, for example, the Brigitte Fell case, which then becomes front page, media and tabloid news, the fallout from this was a magazine article ‘How to tell if your girlfriend is a guy’ amongst other things, including an increase in exposure of transgenders generally to ridicule in the community.All because a transgender woman didnt feel the need to be honest with her then partner about her past, which may not have been the case if she had believed that having pride in who she was and is, and while she may have been post-op and legally a woman, SHE IS STILL TRANSGENDERED along with the history of who she was, which deception and denial wont erase.
Like you, I disagree with the idea of a TS deceiving a partner or close friend. On the other hand, I see nothing wrong with being sufficiently passable that you are able to live life as if you are the female that you present yourself as, in all aspects of your daily life.
Alice
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Hi,
I dont beleive that I was having a crack at anyone. What I was questioning was the behaviour of some who do live their lives what I could call TOO stealthily. Those who go out there and try to live totally as a woman without ANYONE knowing who they are, to the point of marrying a man, who is most likely expecting her to fulfill ALL the roles of a genetic woman, INCLUDING bearing children? These are the ones living in the towers, who destroy lives with their sins of omission.
You speak of the fears faced by so many. You think that I dont understand this? I have faced them all. Some battles I won, many I lost, but I can tell you that I wouldnt go back to pre-transition for love or money. Facing the fears liberated me from a lifetime trapped in a role that was slowly killing me, literally. The price of BEING, living open and honest is high, I know, but to live in the shadows of others judgements and unfulfillable expectations is higher and soul destroying. Some are lucky to be able to face the fears and not lose everything. Lets face it, only you can give someone else the power to hurt you. Take back control of your life and LIVE.
When I transitioned, it wasnt a ‘lone’ thing. I took my children, family and friends with me, educating them in the what and why of me and the decisions I was compelled to make. If they were to reject me, at least their rejection was hopefully an educated one. Some walked away, one or 2 tried violence in an effort to try to raise the dead from within this new creature they had little hope of understanding. I love them but had to say goodbye, for their sake as well as my own safety and sanity.
Why shouldnt you be accepted for who you are, including all your facets?
Its your life, and no-one elses.
Yes it would be nice to slip into anonymity, but what about the ones who follow us? Do they have to do it all as hard as we had to? Is it wrong to try to make it a bit easier for them, smoothe some of the bumps in the road? I am against making the path ‘cheaper’ to travel. I believe that there needs to be a price paid for this most life changing experience, else it wont be valued for what it is. I have seen what happens when the price wasnt high enough, and it wasnt pretty. And yes, sometimes the price can be too high and we lose people to tragedy, which is why I write as I do. Im sorry if you disagree with me, but while I respect your right to differ, I will defend this position to the end.
This is why I am here, writing as I do, sometimes annoying you, sometimes making you angry or sad, but I believe in what I am doing, for me, for you, and everyone else who may walk our path.
I am one of the ones who doesnt pass beyond a cursory glance. I am 6 feet tall and solidly built. I was a biker, wrestler, built and raced cars, trying to live up to the expectations of everyone around me. I had several heart attacks and am now psychologically scarred by the experiences of trying to fulfill a role I had no hope of being.
I am still a father, my children still call me Da, Dad or Mari openly and that choice is their own. They know who and what I am and love me for the honesty I give them.
I speak up for people like me.
Why?
Because someone has to.
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I wasnt having a crack at you Mari, I agree with , most of what you say. But i bet you were intimidated once. have you not had days where you didnt think It would be good if noone noticed me at all.
Maybe everyone doesn’t have your strength to be out. I was pointing out that. Our community has many who just want to feel normal. We all know its hard enough to realise your biology and psychology are so at odds.
I think those of us who are outspoken and unperturbed should start to create our political/sociological place in this world. Lets have some unity.
But i do think its tough to be critical of those who want to slide into the night unseen and just on that one day – be seen as a woman – or a noone who noone see. no judgement, no rejection, no hostility. You cant critisise that. I do that in most of my life. Im a transexual an I’m proud but i don’t need a sandwich board to go and get the paper some days.
You are right in many ways but i wouldn’t like to see anyone intimidate the greater community into believing that they can’t just be a woman and be happy in themselves before they start having to be ‘out’. one day there will be 1000 of us with placards Right now lets let everyone find their level of confidence.
When you are ready to march on parliament, I’ll come too
The early steps to unity will, be secrecy for most. How many groups in society built huge strength from starting underground.
One day at a time. Lets not call each other liars
Be patient not critical
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Over ten years ago now I put a post on an australian based trans email list.
I was a cyclist who was looking for someone else to go cycling with who wouldn’t be judgmental if i had turned up for cycling with facial hair growth between electrolysis sessions.
I got sseveral responses and over time and one of the people who regularly came cycling with me suggested we start a trans cycling group, and to advertise it everywhere.
We used to get anywhere between 5 and 15 girls turning up.
It was great.
On one occassion I met someone who sat in her car afterwards crying.
I didn’t realise she was crying until i approached her car.
She told me that no one had been nice to her in ten years.
Her kids wouldn’t talk to her.
Other t girls wouldn’t talk to her.
I gave her my telephone number.
A few weeks later, during a ride she confessed to me that she was going to go home and suicide that day had it not been for that cycling group’s existence and the fact that I’d giver her my numbger.
The rides, for me, became less important than the social outlet that we all got from gtting together and just having fun.
We’d have BBQ’s at the end of a ride, which meant organising someone to turn up at rides end with chops, snags and drinks, etc.
It used to cost us money to organise, but we never charged anyone for attending or participating.
A couple of us even bought bicycles and helmets for anyone else who wanted to come along and didn’t have a bike to ride.
It was sydney based but we would travel to newcastle and ride around visiting the hunter valley wineries, and then write a post about it so as to make it appealing to other girls.
The funniest things would happen on those rides.
Hillarious stories.
We were a cohesive, fun group.
We were a support network for people who really seriously were at the end of their tethers and I know that we helped people.Being cohesive doesn’t have to be about being political.
It can be about just being there for each other, and making people feel good, and making people laugh, and having a laugh yourself.We did that for 9 months.
What about a trans theatre group?
Or some kind of other activity where other t girls and or partners or significant others can actively participate?
And have fun.cheers,
Claire
