What is the ‘ middle path?”

[Adrian]

Christina wrote:

I believe that politically, SRS is an act that is conforming to gender stereotypes and does not further the cause of freedom of expression for general society but rather confirms the binary view.
In the days when I had a shaved head, never wore women’s clothes in public and kept myself a secret from my peers, I was not a middle- pather but was on one end of the spectrum. To SRS would put me on another end so the middle (somewhere) is where I am today.

Christina,

I identify with everything you have said.

When I first started to explore my gender identity the middle path didn’t seem exist. You were either a crossdresser (go to Seahorse) or a transexual (go to the NSW Gender Center). As you observe, the choices were very much the ends of the gender spectrum.

There wasn’t much love lost between the two ends of the spectrum either. As I strayed over the years into ‘the middle’ I became a target for abuse from transexuals (you are just pretending if your journey doesn’t go to SRS), and rejection from many crossdressers (punishment perhaps for breaking down the barrier that kept them in secrecy). The binary was alive and well within our own Trans community.

To seek support I started to be far more open about my gender identity, here on TgR, and ultimately with all my close family and friends. What surprised me was that I found I wasn’t alone in rejecting the ends of the spectrum. Not just alone, I was perhaps in the majority!

Maybe my openness initially empowered others to share with me their home in ‘the middle’ – but after that things just seemed to snowball. Now we seem to be rapidly heading for a new societal norm for transgender expression where secretive crossdressing and sexual re-assignment are the exceptions.

What a fun world we live in!

[Martina]

Thank you Christina and Adrian for those well-expressed views on the “middle path”. I was once called a “mere crossdresser” rather sanctimoniously by someone who planned to transition as if I was just “playing at it”.

As Christina said I would still be the same person after waking up from an SRS operation; so why do it? The ultimate objective is that we become and remain happy with whom we are. Having said that, I certainly know one person who felt she could only become herself after undergoing major SRS and as a result is one of the happiest people I know. A close friend of mine underwent partial SRS (breasts but not vagina) and was happy to stop there; she now lives 24/7 as a woman and is also as happy as Larry or perhaps Larissa (ha ha!).

Two interesting cases in point are that of Norrie and Cate McGregor, both high profile transitioners. Norrie went through the whole SRS procedure to become “female” but soon realised she was still “transgender” and challenged the Australian High Court successfully to have her gender changed to “non-specific”. In her ABC interview with Jane Hutcheon, Cate said to Jane: “I can never be a woman in the same way that you can.” (The quote may be slightly inaccurate but conveys the intent of the statement.)

The fact is that whether or not one decides to go ahead with surgery of any kind, we will still be the same person. The surgery is only beneficial if it makes us more happy to be ourselves. I confess to having some nose surgery which improved my confidence to appear as a female substantially, not to mention, the vastly less important fact that I can now breathe more easily.

For myself, I am happy to be who I am and have no intention of any more surgery …. although some botox around the eyes might help a smidgin ….. (LOL)

[Anonymous]

I am constantly reminded about how much peace and contentment one gains from embracing this middle path as opposed to the poles. I do not have to worry about passing, being clocked, being restricted by gender roles. etc No longer do I fear discovery as a secreted crossdresser,I can wear what I want, look how I want and the possibilities keep ” appearing ” to me. I never dreamed of such freedom.

I am 62 in 12 minutes time and I kick myself that I have wasted so much time fearing and wondering what other people thought of me, it was always right in front of me, be both a man and a woman…simple really!!

[Anonymous]

Oh, while we are at it, it may be relevant to state yet again my thoughts that ” female”is a genetic state whereas ” woman” is a social construct and therefore I or anyone else can construct themselves as a woman and be legitimate about it.

[Anonymous]

hi i hear this all the time its the why question just in a different format
I have found that a lot of girls over think there lives instead of just getting on with it middle path is more like ballance the female side and the males side you just have to remember the female side will always win

So in the big picture you just have to accept the way you are it will never change as you can not change the public minds as I call them the (normals) now theres a lable for them

So just try and not over think it and go with the flow and just be yourself as we are here for a good time not a long time

[Anonymous]

I am the ” over thinking” type I guess. I can no more change that than my TG nature I am afraid but thanks for the advice anyway.

[Elizabeth]

What is the middle path?

A very broad question indeed and I guess there are as many answers as there are individuals. For me the simple answer is that I’ve always been too terrified to do anything about what I am, transgender. So, I’m stuck in the middle ground, being transgender without undergoing the changing bits, like hormones and surgery. Mind you, it’s not that simple, nothing ever is.

I’m married, and wish to stay that way which means there are massive brakes on transitioning anywhere. Being married is a comfort zone and difficult to escape from.

I’m timid which means I’m terrified of entering into some course of action that is liable to change the course of my history and direct me from my comfort zone.

I’m from a different era in history where admitting to being transgender, or at the time, horrors, a crossdresser. One would be admitted to the fruit farm and the key thrown away. We kept very quiet and bottled everything up, tending to become depressed in a big way, often suicidal. Our freedom was restricted, at least it felt that way. Not everyone is outgoing in the expressing of their femininity.

Life tended to pass us by, we just got on with life as was on a daily basis.
We worried as to what others would think of us; unnecessary as the others can get stuffed. Lead your own life, it’s more important.

Terrible health challenges negate any chance of transitioning.
So in the end we, (me) do the best we can with what we have, travelling down the middle road. Hang on, I have transitioned, I don’t need a surgeons scalpel or chemicals to be who I am. I am who I am and always have been.

[Anonymous]

O hun we all are afraid it’s just our nature in away we all are alone and lost just a little
We carnt change the way we are we all have tryed I found just go with the flow and don’t over think the way you are and let your mind settle
Remember if your on the So called journey it has to end at some time in away that’s the middle
The end is what you are looking for acceptance not by the normals you have to accept how you are then you can be a more happier person
Ps don’t over think it

[Ali_C]

Hi Christina,
I have to agree with everything you have said. As far as I can see the idea of this “journey” is to make us feel happy to be the person we are. For myself, I spent years believing I was a cross dresser and never felt happy with myself. It all changed after I started to take hormones. I always had dreams right through from early childhood of being female, I now have no need for SRS as I feel complete. SRS was always something I thought about, but I was always too caught up trying to be someone who I wasn’t (ie male) to ever check into it. I have never felt so comfortable with who I am. I think the “journey” should end when people reaxh this point. In some cases this may be a case of cross dressing and in others it will include SRS. The stereotypes of “female” and “male” really don’t apply to people who are transgendered and we shouldn’t try to comform with them. Everyone has their own path and should not allow themselves to fall or be coaxed into anything else.
It is a “wonderful world” we live in as Adrian said. Where would we all be without the acceptance that we are now getting. We still have a long way to go in this regard but it is a big improvement.

[Catherine]

From existing posts, and my own experience, I believe “middle ground” spells self compromise; mediocrity. A “journey” as described by Paulo Coelho in his book, The Alchemist, has no destination; even when the Shepard boy returned to the sycamore tree to find his treasure, simply continued the “journey.” for him.

As far as I’m concerned, my journey has only just begun. Having reached the so called “epitome” some 2 years ago, what has transpired since can only be considered the opening titles. Living truly in the unimaginable reality leaves one in a constant state of awe, as new events and unimaginable horizons appear; solely dependent on my ability and attitude to accept them.

Be it known: You; each and everyone here, can achieve the unimaginable reality; the so called impossible. You just have to believe you can; and it’s done so. Accept mediocrity and your fate is sealed. Trust me; you can make the impossible happen. Miracles take about an hour longer.

Think about it, then surprise yourself and do it. Or just exist and struggle in mediocrity

Catherine

[Adrian]

Catherine wrote:

From existing posts, and my own experience, I believe “middle ground” spells self compromise; mediocrity. ….. Or just exist and struggle in mediocrity

Catherine appears to be proposing a view that any gender expression that does not conform with the societal norms of total femininity she has chosen is mediocre and a compromise. If true, this shows both a disappointing grasp of the richness of gender diversity, and a surprising lack of understanding of what it means to be truly oneself. It is also potentially insulting to many of us.

It is sad to hear these views being held within our community. It is a fact of nature that many do not associate with a simplistic binary choice of gender. And the repeated assertion that they are second rate is something that has divided the community for years. Holding oneself above others is a comforting position for those who believe their journey is the only true path, a delusion that is re-enforced if one can cajole others into following behind you. But encouraging others to follow a particular path to gender expression is not only divisive, it is also dangerous. Adopting a gender expression that doesn’t match your inner feelings is a recipe for a continuing unfulfilled life.

Miracles can happen for all of us along our journey of discovery. They aren’t just the property of those who choose to conform to a narrow view of binary gender expression.

To find oneself in a middle path out of choice and not out of circumstance can be an equally rewarding journey to take. Particularly as the views of society about gender expression are becoming more informed and liberal by the day!

[Anonymous]

Well said AA. I don’t think that a judgmental view of other people’s realities is helpful. In any case , what is wrong with mediocrity if it is not used as a form of abuse?? To me it means less stress in trying to conform to a standard that I do not choose nor achieve( read;passing), a comfortable place where I can be flexible and wear what I want, choose a style that interests me at the time, experiment, have fun and be myself! Mediocre? Maybe but I don’t believe in miracles. I am a realist and am well aware of my limitations and strengths. I see no advantage in feeling marginalized and debased any more than a Trans self can elicit from the Community at times.
If our friend wishes to live life on the edges of achievement then more power to her but she has no right to judge others who choose to live otherwise. “Comfort zone” is often used as a derogatory term but only a nutcase chooses to live in a ‘ Discomfort zone ” IMO ( except maybe in the throws of an erotic episode!!)

[Anonymous]

I think that there are at least two factors at play in how we present as gender variant: our brain morphology and our appetite for discomfort or, more accurately, our appetite for risk of discomfort.

My reading of the science of gender variance is that our gender identity derives from our brain morphology, which is a result of genetic and hormonal influences during development. We are each unique, but exist somewhere on a continuum from (to put it simply) “a bit femme” to “ultra femme”. In this sense, “middle ground” doesn’t apply: we are uniquely who we are and where we are on the continuum. Thus, there aren’t two groups – cross-dressers and transsexuals. Any grouping is just arbitrary, albeit that the biological mechanism for MTF gender variance creates a frequency distribution of decreasing numbers with increasing internal feminine identity.

I think the challenge arises when we identify internally as more femme than we’re willing to risk expressing (presenting) externally. That, to me, is where the middle ground question arises: do I pull back from where I feel I am, to somewhere more acceptable, and hence reduce this risk? Personally, I’ve been taking the “middle ground” of not fully expressing my identity in order to reduce the chance of hurting and losing people I love. By the same token, I cannot and will not reduce my expression to the point where I feel incongruent again. So, for me, the middle ground is a comfort position, not an expression of the gender identity I feel.

Regards,

Chantelle

[Adrian]

Chantelle wrote:

when we identify internally as more femme than we’re willing to risk expressing (presenting) externally. That, to me, is where the middle ground question arises:

Chantelle,
What you seem to be describing is a conscious decision not to fully express your gender identity all of the time.

For many who are aware of their gender diversity, reaching a position where gender expression always matches internal feelings can be elusive. It is perhaps a situation which Catherine was thinking of when she described the situation as being a compromise. But it is this journey to reconcile internal feelings and external expression that shapes a transition to one’s true self.

This thread started with Christina identifying the middle ground as being a situation where someone expresses a gender identity that is not male but is not totally consistent with societal notions of being female. The specific behaviour that she described was being comfortable presenting externally her “TG nature” but not seeing is necessary to undergo SRS. In Christina’s words

Quote:

.I identify more with women but do not want to abandon my man’s world either.

I think this is a true middle ground. One that isn’t a compromise, and one that isn’t constrained by a lack of appetite for risk or discomfort.

Although others may care to redefine a potentially challenging concept out of existance, I personally associate with and am completely comfortable with Christina’s middle path.

[Catherine]

You strike a very interesting nail on the head, Chantelle,

Chantelle wrote:

I’ve been taking the “middle ground” of not fully expressing my identity in order to reduce the chance of hurting and losing people I love.

As does Adrian

Adrian wrote:

I think this is a true middle ground. One that isn’t a compromise, and one that isn’t constrained by a lack of appetite for risk or discomfort

I tend to believe the middle ground you have defined, it too, lives in a continuum, if our uniqueness is to be upheld.

Having completed a part of this endless journey, I can definitely say; my delusion of thinking that hiding my expressions would somehow mitergate the hurt and loss of those I love was so far from the truth. It was my dishonesty in hiding my true self that created the biggest hurt and loss. This fact has been expressed by most people in my “Inner Sanctum” ; and I’ve heard it expressed in other circles, by other people. The lack of total truth and honesty is by far the single biggest factor in relationship breakdowns. The lack of it, hurts exponentially more, than the use of it.

The amazing part is, the fears and doubts that held me back for so many years, never realised themselves. Fear, the acronym for false evidence appearing real is so true. My Armageddon never came. Driven by an ever increasing appertite to live in a supposed state of discomfort has lead me to a life of richness that is mine today. Living an expression of total truth, honesty and authenticity is second to none.

Certainly, I lost a lot during that part of the journey, but what I gained, and continue to gain is expotential. What I “lost” I didn’t really deserve in the first place.

It all gets back to how each and everyone of us are prepared to either negotiate “middle ground” or go for broke and live a life that is waiting for us. It’s up to our individual uniqueness.

Catherine