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Why do people crossdress?
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Not sure this is where to post the following article from SMH.com by Elizabeth Farrelly and it is a bit tongue in cheek but………do you think we are: TURNING BOYS INTO GIRLS
The article:
Call me crazy, but the school building program is turning boys into girls September 30, 2010
Comments 1
.There was a small flurry of aghastness recently when primary school canteens were exposed as serial breachers of government healthy-food nazism. By ”healthy”, here, we mean essentially non-fattening, worried as we are that before they hit 30 the roly-poly little dears will blow the nation’s entire health budget on diabetes, heart disease, joint replacement and fully funded lap-banding. Quite right, too. The danger is real.But from the child’s-eye view, as I recall it, the whole point of the school lunch-order is to eat forbidden trash. Pie and chips, one-and-six, yum, yum, yum. I also recall the daily after-school pig-out on inch-slabs of fresh white bread, peanut butter and honey, all the while staying heedlessly skinny. This was bog standard, then. Not any more. So what else might be going on here?
On the basis that paranoia is just knowledge that precedes evidence, I offer the following hypotheses. The schools themselves are fattening our kiddies because, just as cricketers fix matches, governments now ”fix” entire populations and bet among themselves, selling futures in lap-banding consultancies. Or this: a Gillardist fem-coup to make the Rudd assassination pale in comparison. Or, more sinister yet: a Third World plot to effeminate the West.
Sounds crazy. But look at the facts.
Schools across the country, force-fed by Julia Gillard’s ”education revolution” funding, are eating their own playgrounds. Two-and-a-half thousand in NSW alone, yet we’re all happy about this, since it plumps the economy and could, we tell ourselves, drag our education system out of the toilet.
In construction are thousands of brick-veneer multipurpose halls and aluminium-windowed air-conditioned computer rooms with not a single string attached. No requirement to be carbon-neutral (kick-starting a new industry), or to be as gracious as their 19th-century counterparts, so steadfast in presenting education as a dignified pursuit. And no consideration at all, apparently, of what this rampant playground-guzzling might mean to the kiddies.
Perhaps, in Quirindi or Euchareena Heights where land is still (seen as) limitless, it’s fine. But here in mid-metropolis – where play space is already scarce and school rolls are still swelling after decades of naked government profit-taking neglected the inevitable city-centre revival as habitat for breeding pairs of young professionals – here it’s a problem.
Already, schools have lunchtime ”no running” rules. This is true. No big balls (I’m refusing the obvious joke here, but have you ever tried to play soccer with a tennis ball?) and no chasey, barring the tamest possible version. Now that almost every school has a major chunk of its ”open” space fenced and scaffolded, what will give?
Boys, and boy-ness, for a start. As even boisterousness becomes frowned-upon and the fighting that is bound to erupt in such pent conditions becomes punishable by that boys’ own worst-possible penalty, endless hours of raking-it-over talk, just being a boy becomes a problem.
The incentive is to stay static, watch the screen, make like a girl, gossip, get fat. Which is where the double whammy kicks in. Estrogen.
Double whammy, double mammy. For not only does estrogen generate fat; fat also generates estrogen. Add this feedback loop to the xenoestrogens already ubiquitous in the environment and you have a very interesting development in endocrine politics.
Xenestrogens are industrially synthesised compounds – chemicals, in a word – that are not estrogen but have estrogen-like effects. They are in almost everything, from petrol fumes to food additives to sunscreens to plastics (especially food packaging) to drinking water (which may also contain actual estrogen, which so many women ingest daily either as the pill or hormone replacement). It’s like feminism’s revenge; our whole environment is becoming estrogen-soaked.
A 2008 study published in the Chemical Research in Toxicology journal found that two chemicals in particular – propyl gallate and 4-hexylresorcinol – were estrogen-mimickers, likely to be acting as endocrine disrupters in the food chain. It concluded that “some caution should be issued for [their use] as food additives”.
Far from using caution, however, we gaily add these chemicals to cosmetics, hair products, food packaging and food itself. They’re in edible fats, oils, mayonnaise, shortening, baked goods, candy, dried meat, fresh pork sausage, dried milk and throat lozenges.
And these are just the ones that were tested. There are dozens of other suspects. BPA, or bisphenol A, is known to leach from food-packaging polycarbonates (including most drink bottles) and has been suspected for 20 years of links to cancer, developmental disorders and reproductive damage.
Many countries, including France and Canada, are in the process of banning it, at least from babies’ bottles. Food Standards Australia New Zealand, however, is blithe, saying “no one is eating unsafe levels”.
What is safe? We don’t know. Longitudinal studies don’t exist. We do know that these chemicals mimic estrogen in mice, that estrogens accumulate and that excessive estrogen in boys causes gynecomastia (man boobs), premature growth spurts, lack of muscle and facial hair, decreased adult height and quite probably (though this is poorly understood) sub-fertility. We also know that these characteristics are increasing – in the West.
This makes it a brave experiment we’re engaged in – turning our boys into girls while, elsewhere, they turn to AK-47s.
You could see this as offering the other cheek. Or you could see it as what goes around, comes around.
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Great topic and great responses. I like a lot of what I have read and especially those like Noeleena re: we always seem to have to define oursleves in the terms of our society and to understand why. When nobody really knows not even the psychologists. Only each individual may know or have some idea.
Why would someone ask for this? Even in a world that is more accepting than it was 20-30 years ago there is still a stigma attached to being TG and it isnt an easy path. Thats why we need to all stick together and why those that have gone before can assist so much.
For myself I think that thinking about it too much can bring confusion.
I am so happy as myself (Roisin) and I dont need anything else other than some understanding and support. I dont need to work out why. All I need is for my friends and family to be happy for me. Even if they dont understand and dont agree with what I’m doing. I need their support on this weird and wonderful journey.
Any human being deserves respect and to not be discrimminated against. And that I believe is our human right.
But like others have said it can take a long time for friends and family to get their head around our TG status. Some get very upset about it. But then they perhaps have their own issues. And we have to give them time. That doesnt mean abuse or lack of respect though. Discussion yes, but in a respectful way. It doesnt always happen I know as many have found to their cost. But its right to expect it.
I’m a woman inside and out. But I have a male body. I want to be the woman I am. Why am I like this? I dont know. But I’m comfortable and happy with it and that in the end is all that matters.
Go well girls
Love
Roisin x. -
I can remember the first time I put on a dress, at the ripe old age of 8. It was definately not a sexual experience, but rather an overwhelming feeling of completeness. As soon as I put on the dress I knew that this was the real me, I have never felt happiness such as this since but then I had already had the revelation. All of my experiences crossdressing since then have been as a continuence of the expression of my true self.
So I guess what I am saying Fran is be yourself, don’t cloud the issue with a search for an explanation you may never find, but just be true to your inner feelings and enjoy the complexity that is you!
Hugs Pamela!
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This is one of those significant threads which gets in your mind – I found myself laying in bed & turning it over & over – the concept, peoples replies, what it means to me
A statement that struck me as summing everything up ” we always seem to have to define oursleves in the terms of our society”
I think people have more opportunities these days & thank God for the internet.
when I was young it seemed that what I felt myself to be could be defined as
“female impersonators, drag queens, homosexuals” all these labels & what they implied filled me with horror fear & disgust. Living in country towns where everybodies business was known, without anybody I could really talk to, I blanked out Louise for decades – yet a part of me always was aware of Louise, the name, the nature – truely it made me a difficult person to be with. I did not realise that there were people exactly like me till I read the web page of a person – it could have been me who wrote it everything was there. Other than for the fact that he had the spirit to actually make some attempt to go out as his true self.Even now, while I recognise my nature – whatever it is, I still havent really thought it through because I exist in isolation (I visit here & sort of sadly peer through the windows) – maybe I could have given it a go – of course the cost would have been my marriage, my life as I know it. So I guess I never will. Its all about making choices & mine is to try to not be Louise, because its more than crossdressing – it would be all or nothing (not actually sexual reassignment but everything else)
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Louise, I totally empathise. It wasn’t until I had the gumption to bring Julie to life with my wife that I managed to live with this. Up until then, I was “closet Julie”. During my early life, I tried to discourage my feelings, (grew a beard, played contact sports, etc), but my feelings never went away. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones as my wife now accepts who, (or “what” as she puts it), I am. I hope you are in a position where you can share with your partner as I have done but if not, believe me, the “feelings” will not go away; I know because I tried so hard and failed! Good luck and I hope you stay in contact… this is the friendliest site for all girls to share.
Hugs,
Julie
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Thanks Julie for your friendly supportive post
. For certain the feelings don’t go away – its not like we do all this for fun & enjoyment – I think everyone here can relate to pain & anguish.
In short, I did tell my wife her very first question was “are you gay” I did seek counselling – I told her I was going to & I think that is what saved our marriage ( well it gave her thought that things were serious & I was not going off on some strange thoughtless journey) In some ways our relationship has got a lot better. Re Louise no. Two things she did say – that she loves me greatly but if she knew about Louise before we got married – she would not have married me.
another was “what if I suddenly started wanting to dress & act as a man- what would you think”. Well I would be a hypocrite to say I would not hate it. So there we are – I do know that if I pushed & insisted – she would put up with it, with gritted teeth. I would want a supportive & encouraging wife – otherwise its not worth the blood sweat & tears
Fran, I am sorry I did not intend to hijack your thread. Your post worries me in that – how did your family find out? Did your sister in law tell you to your face or was that relayed to you? You do realise that everybody knows about you & you can be sure that you are a hot topic of family discussions behind your back.
What I could suggest – follow Kerry Paackers advice & never apologise, never explain. As Moses said to God “I am what I am”. If your family loves you, sooner or later they will accept you. I hope your marriage can continue – maybe what is concerning your wife, is not so much Fran, but what Fran gets up to?
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I feel for everyone who seeks the proverbial answer as to why we dress.
There are, in my opinion no easy and straightforward answers. I’m not sure there are currently any answers. Trying to answer a loved one’s question as why we dress is heart wrenching, knowing that crossdressing may be tearing them apart. Most people are positive that we are all gay. Answering that assumption, the percentage of crossdressers who are gay is the same percentage as for the rest of the population, probably between 10 and 15 %.
All my family know of Elizabeth, both wives and adult children. My ex wife made an assumption that crossdressing was a lifestyle choice. I had to knock that the head instantly, it’s not. Despite that she acknowledged that it took a lot of courage to open up to her. My dear, long time wife is not condeming and both she any my adult son and daughter see the good side in me as well, despite not necessarily condoning the crossdressing.
I’ve meditated, journaled on the issue, I’ve consulted psychologists, psychiatrists and gurus on the matter. Only one, the Director of the Monash Gender Clinic, and in my opinion, an expert, strongly denied it was the result of nurturing and external influences. I can only speak for myself when he said it was inate, that is, the secondary transsexualism, or whatever label one likes to attach or the box others would put you in. I think crossdressing is a choice as a result of transsexualism or transgenderism. In other words it’s not the crossdressing that’s the challenge, it’s the deep seated femminine side in us that is the problem. I’ve done all the usual, purged the wardrobe several times. Then decided that was waste of time and money. It definately doesn’t go away and we have to accept that crossdressing is permanently with us.
As you can tell I’ve been ‘out’ for a long time and no longer hide behind closed doors. And I still have all the usual challenges, fear, anxiety etc.
Perhaps Louise, you really need to accept yourself as is, then perhaps your SO and others may well also accept (even to a degree). I wish you well in your journey of seeking answers and possible solutions. -
I think that the process of asking ” why” we are like we are is an important part of our growth as transgender people and ought not to be avoided or passed off as fruitless. In the process we can look at ourselves realistically, try all the usual avenues for a “cure” and argue our case to be ourselves , against the usual views of others as they grapple with our differences. It is as much a struggle for our SO’s to wrestle with their World views on gender as it is for us. In that regard we share a journey with them and they can learn and grow just as we can.
The results of this asking process can go either way and I think the only mistake is to expect the outcome to be as we want it to be viz. “good”. In my experience it was not good AT THE TIME, but in hindsight I have grown and am a stronger and more empathetic person because of a “poor” outcome. To be oneself and to have no shame about that is the best you can get IMO.Being alone is no biggy once you are not needy of a partner to say you are a worthy person, I know that I am despite what others may say.
I congratulate and am envious of those who have maintained a partner or have found one who is accepting of them but I believe that being “tolerated ” or having conditions put on the need to express one’s self is not an acceptable outcome, at least for me. When I think about the time when a smoker had the gall to tell me I should try to give up my(self) crossdressing when they couldn’t stop a useless habit, it makes me angry.
I will no longer ask permission from anyone to be myself= result is I live alone. Alone but free!
I agree that , in the end the answer is that you are what you are and it will not go away, you can resist it and not crossdress but the feelings will still be there. This point of view however cannot be told, it must be discovered and one needs to have the journey in order to reach the destination IMO.
It is easy to say “I don’t care what people think of me ” but usually one does care, it about HOW MUCH you care that matters. Is it enough to stop you being true to yourself, that is the point!
So go ahead and don’t be afraid to search yourself, it will be OK in the long run. -
beyond the dressing…
Thankyou Liz and Christina for your very thoughtful posts on this subject and I very much agree with you both. Both of you have focused on the transgendered side of the experience- an augmented sexuality if we could call it such. Accepting this as the ‘why we dress’ I think the difficulty here is that viewed from the outside ’cross dressing’ is so inadequate a term for those of whom experience such a profound sense of their femininity that the duality becomes very painful indeed. Certainly for those of us with the maturity in terms of age to remember all of the demeaning associations that ‘transvestite or cross-dresser’ used to invoke as the stamp of the miscreant, the mark of Cain- to be tolerated in those terms by a ‘significant other’ is to burn slowly in hell. To be with someone in a relationship or part of an interconnected string of relationships, extended family for instance where your femininity is pushed aside as an inconvenient truth is incredibly destructive- virtually amounting to character assassination. As Christina eloquently writes and Louise like the rest of us acknowledges the problem is that one cares too much… feels too deeply and emotionally that this sensitivity/ femininity is part of being human, of loving and exchanging with someone else; the otherness of a relationship. For many of us this situation is a crisis- how does one live in partial denial of who you are as you seek to create meaningful exchanges with someone you love? There can be no doubt that we all must make peace with the rest of the world and cannot reasonably expect them to be interested in our feelings but this can hardy be the frame of reference for the person you have chosen to share your life with.
Now we come to the hard part. I have recently become separated from my former partner- a two to three year process if one honestly tried to give it dimensions. But this is probably proportional to the 22 years of the marriage and the two wonderful sons it produced. My femininity was not directly a cause here and indeed I actually did the right thing and told her all those years ago. I mention this because part of the re-adaptation to a life alone (by choice) is the realisation that the guilt you always felt really undermined your ability to be yourself- to wholeheartedly respond to another person. While society is changing (but I wouldn’t hold my breath) most of us will always sense ourselves miss-shaped, wrongly proportioned (literally and figuratively) in our own eyes and very importantly in those of others. I think for many of us there is a long term debilitating consequence in this sense that we are unworthy because of our feelings of being different, a constellation of consequences that counsels us to accept and continue relationships that are more than just compromising…. that deny our experience and our sense of life… that ultimately diminish our humanity.
Personally, and surprisingly I found it is really more than okay to be by yourself, to have the opportunity to be and in many ways re-discover yourself after all those years. Yes, it was hard and no, it hasn’t meant that I turned on to the road of transition as an alternative but I do wake each morning knowing who I am…just a feminine person without the burden of guilt for my life to anyone….that’s what’s really important beyond ‘the dressing’.
Thanks to everyone for their soul searching within this topic
Sonya
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Thanks Fran for starting this thread and to Sonia and Christina for their thoughtful posts. I agree with your ideals and sentiments.
Prior to coming out I was deeply depressed and very lonely. I was very needy for someone. Probably my inner woman projected outwards that I needed to complete me.
I was probably fortunate not to have an SO in my life at the time. I didnt have the energy anyway!
When I came out a lot of things happened. My guilt and shame dropped away. I felt joy for the first time in my life. And significantly I was/am no longer lonely.
Being myself sustains me. And I love love love love love to dress and be my feminine self. And I hope and trust that I will never compromise on that but only be with someone who truly accepts me rather than merely tolerating me as I am. If there was a SO I would want them to see me as I am and love me this way. Of course the reciprocal is true for me too.
If it was’nt for my son I’d go full time tomorrow. But I need to go gently and let him get used to me first. He is a priority for me. Although eventually being completely free is also a priority. Well as free as I can be.
As Sonia said its nice to think we dont need people close to us to accept us but thats generally not the case.
As far as the rest of the world goes. They can take me or leave me. And work folk will adapt. So in some ways I’m free already. But I embace this life and I embrace myself and look forward with hope and trust that because its right for me it will all work out (god that was sooo profound 😆 )
Go well girls and enjoy!
Love
Roisin x.
