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Why “Passing” is wrong.
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Oh dear I seem to be disagreeing as I think, and believe, that passing does give you freedom. Freedom to go out safely in the community and go about ones business without all the hassles and bullshit from the public.
Are we all not ambassadors for the TG community and therefor isn’t it important that we give a good impression. I know every time I go out someone will spot me, I expect it, that’s life but if I almost look passable in their eyes then their thoughts, actions, can only be positive.
There’s been a tremendous change of attitude by the public in the last year and we need that trend to continue so that one day every TG will be able to go out safely.
As we are seeing from the various postings there are quite a few reasons why passing isn’t wrong. -
Paris Lees writes
Quote:When I first transitioned, sometimes people would pick up on the fact that I was transgender and shout abuse at me. It was horrible. I don’t get that much anymore. That’s a privilege. The privilege to walk down the goddamn street without people being assholes, or at least not be assholes about that particular point. Passing privilege is …. conditional.My first thought to this was it proves why passing is important. But then I disagreed with the observation it being a privilege, no it isn’t. It is a human right to go about your daily lives without being abused.
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Claire. you are right about it being a right to go about without abuse. I was being somewhat provocative with the choice of the word ” wrong” but I stand by the assertion that passing requires a handing over of approval to an outside observer. It is , as I stated earlier, more the setting of passing as some sort of standard that I am objecting to.
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Christina wrote:Claire. you are right about it being a right to go about without abuse. I was being somewhat provocative with the choice of the word ” wrong” but I stand by the assertion that passing requires a handing over of approval to an outside observer. It is , as I stated earlier, more the setting of passing as some sort of standard that I am objecting to.
Yep, Christina, within those parameters you are right, we do want approval. But this is life in general really. We need to be wanted, to be welcomed etc. ‘Life wasn’t meant to be easy’ as some idiot said. It is definitely harder for those who are a step outside the, ‘perceived’ norm of the common herd.
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I love Nike’s slogan “Just do it”. “It” – passing, blending? Frankly who cares.
What is most important is that doing “it” pleases you the doer and you achieve the goals you set for yourself, be they passing, blending, safety, stress relief, fulfilment, interaction.
I work with the genetic cards I’ve been dealt but I will always be recognised as a male dressed as a female. I still like what I see in the mirror. I don’t dress to blend (unless I chose for a specific reason) but it is empowering to be comfortable being noticed.
With only one incident in more than a thousand outings over the past few years, I fully echo the views of those above that we are out among much more accepting or polite people. The tag, transgender, is no doubt very elpful.
As for representing ‘our’ community, yep – but that doesn’t require us to be highly passable dressers or to dress in any particular way. If I can make people happy about themselves, to be uplifted by a friendly caring chat, then I feel better about life and they respond positively to me a transgender person.
Depth of engagement and a caring attitude is far more important than appearance. Viva la difference.
Gotta run. I have a flight to catch and coincidently the choice of dress is per the photo. Love Qantas!!!!!
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Listening to this discussion it appears “passing” has two sides to it with both sides linked to acceptance. Acceptance of ourselves and being accepted by others/society.
Thought this journey of “Dressing” may offer some insight.
“I still think my younger self was right – you shouldn’t be judged on your appearance. But the reality is that we are. So you have two options. You can shrink into the shrubbery of life, camouflaging yourself in the hope of avoiding the worst of the stares. Or you can accept that the harshest critic you’ll ever encounter is yourself, and go for it.”
In tweeds I think she looks like Barry Humphries! Was that politically correct of me?
PS I forgot to say there are some great comments written in response to the Susan Calman article.
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Passing is definitely about acceptance. But passing is a necessary evil, when I go out I want to be able to do those things that I choose to do without having to deal with those that aren’t tolerant or bigoted that might want to spoil my evening at the movies or choosing something nice to wear from a department store. For that reason it is necessary to pass as a female and I choose to pass not because I care what anyone thinks but because it makes my life more enjoyable.
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Here is an interesting point of view I think.
http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2016/5/26/facing-truth-about-deep-stealth
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Christina wrote:Here is an interesting point of view I think.Great to see others are speaking out … just loved the way Amanda summarised why a focus on passing is a mistake.
Quote:There’s more to being trans than passing, and our obsession with it shows a huge problem with not just trans culture but our larger culture. The first thing we do as trans people is start buying clothes we think we’re supposed to wear. I rushed out to get a nice flowy dress first thing before I realized that I live in one of the windiest damn states in the nation; pants are simply practical in Oklahoma. There’s the obsession with makeup and wearing long-haired wigs; worries about how to sit and hold your hands. It’s all modeled after an ideal of femininity. I get learning to sit right wearing a skirt — even Scottish guys in kilts know to keep the knees together — but come on. Women wear jeans and T-shirts all the time, and a closet full of dresses and skirts and a medicine cabinet full of MAC doesn’t really build the foundation for being a woman.Quote:It’s an interesting thing because trans people are always talking about how gender norms and behavior are culturally taught and imposed on us from birth, but we seem to jump right into buying into them ourselves.Quote:This obsession with “passing” is a curse on our community. It’s a problem with our culture. And with trans women becoming more visible in our society (don’t worry, trans men, we’ll come back for ya), it will continue to be a major sore spot. How do we get around the idea that ..embracing the feminine ideal is necessary to truly be seen as a “real woman”? -
Great point of view. This is what I have been on about all along. Rather than having to be this idealised type of women that few ever get to anyway, I want to be able to wear anything at any time. Like wearing a pair of stiletto boots with jeans and tshirt or big earrings or a little black dress if the mood takes me. In summer I find wearing a wig and full makeup too hot so why must I wear a wig to “pass”.
Juliette
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I too find this topic interesting as to what other people consider “Passing”. When I started searching for my inner self (Sammie), passing was important. More recently I am happy with myself and what I look like regardless of how people perceive me. I shop for Sammie as either male mode or female mode and no longer care. I try to conduct myself with female mannerisms and etiquette but probably fail miserably, but it really doesn’t matter.
Christina wrote:I wonder how a person who has a facial abnormality or extensive birthmark views ‘passing’? Who do they wish to emulate from the ” normal’ world?My childhood was not so pleasant. I was born with a large birthmark on my cheek and above my lip. Whilst you wouldn’t know these days thanks to the miracles of plastic surgery in my 20s, I found adolescent difficult. Back then blending in was always an aim as a child and my face did not help me achieve it. In many ways my childhood had all the same fears as not passing when out as Sammie. I am thankful for many of my friends on TgR and close cis female friends how have helped me overcome my need for external validation to appear female.
Sammie
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Sammie, as I have seen in my work with the disabled, any difference is noticed straight away and we all want to fit in and be part of the group. Those with disabilities are often viewed with pity, we are more likely to be ignored or criticized. More the former I am discovering.
AA , in a post said that maybe what we see as passing may more likely be being ignored. I agree.
If one is lucky enough to be blessed with the looks to pass then I am envious, it is more the placing of passing on some sort of pedestal, that I think is wrong.
