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Growing old gracefully as a CD.
Hello all,
As I grow into my “mid 60’s” and continue to enjoy a happy retirement and a very much “part time Caty” life, I look ahead to the “older years” when we “gender diverse” people will end up in a retirement village or even later perhaps a nursing home. (Preferably with our independence intact).
Right now I can stash Caty’s stuff in my own “Secret space”, but a/. having seen my parents both end up in a two bedroom unit in a retirement village and b/. hopefully still having my wonderful BUT “Unknowing about Caty” partner with me and c/. given the close “village” atmosphere of such establishments, I forsee where there will be little or no opportunity
for me to “indulge” in being Caty.They all seem very conservative places,so I dare say they would not look favorably on a resident who “came out” and paraded up and down the corridors in a dress.
IF I still can drive and have a car, I suppose there’s the old “motel room for an afternoon” trick, but both my Mum and other “older citizens” I know of all gave up their cars long before they “left us”.
So I thought I’d pose this question to all on TGR and see what anyone else thinks on this subject.
Anyhtoughts anyone??
Happy dressing
Caty
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24 Replies
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Caty,
Damn whiper snapper, you’re a mere girl.Assuming you have reasonable health why are you worrying about retirement/aged care facilities? That may well surface later on, much later on, but you are currently in your mid sixties, a youngster. Enjoy life right now as best you can. Forget what’s down the track, you probably can’t do much about it anyway.
Live in the moment, in the here and now, bugger tomorrow, you may be dead, then what, all that worrying for nothing.
By the way; Caty prancing down an aged care facility corridor wearing a flamboyant dress may be an absolute hoot. Give something for the oldies to talk about for years.Hugs from one wrinkley to another wrinkley.
Liz
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Hi Caty,
I work in one of those ‘conservative’ places now, as a Registered Nurse. I’m aware of other Nursing Homes which employ full-time living girls. Times are a changing.
If there’s to be any ‘difficulties’, I believe it is highly unlikely it would come from managers & employees. You have a right to respect for your privacy & also respect for you as an individual & your personal needs.
Possibly you should make some discrete enquiries.
Many blessings
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Thanks ladies for your responses,
I think I should explain that one of my “faults”, (depending who you talk to that knows me well enough) is all my life I have been very much a forward thinker. (Happy to confess l used to book my SEAT as well as my flights many moons in advance, in my business travelling days. There was a lot of competition for those exit rows!!!!!)
I think I take after my lovely Mum, she always had a very clear forward vision of where she wanted her life to take her
I’m also prone to moods of “filisoppphhhyy”and after all those years of not worrying about Caty and having her starting to come back into my life, I started to “ponder”.
So if you “stir well and combine” this little lot, you come up with the type of post I put up.
In the meantime, as was stated, I’m going to live the “whipper snapper” life and given it is the start of snapper season down here, I hope between now and Christmas to have my share of these wonderful fighting and eating fish on the floor of my boat.
My partner and I have only been in our “dream retirement home” down here for a relatively short time. I’m hoping its at least ten years before I have to worry about my “advance plans”.
Thanks again.
happy dressing
Caty
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Caty, my opinion is that being open and honest about ourselves is the best insurance against a life lived in fear, denial and pain. You have “awfulized ” your future to some degree and this will not help you come to terms with any graceful old age.
I too am older TG person but being out to those who are important to me has freed me from the shackles of other peoples mindsets. It has been a rocky time occasionally but well worth any skin ( off my nose) that I have encountered.I assume that if you are “stashing your stuff” then your partner is ignorant about Caty. This makes it harder I know but we create our own world to some extent and your future can be of your making if you choose.
Good luck . -
Bloody hell Caty,
What are you scared of? Just let yourself do what you know you need to do.
Imagine how you will feel if you stuff around for another ten years, staying petrified of offending all the people in your life, makingyy yourself a victim and putting all the world ahead of your greatest needs and desires.Find some courage deep in your heart, do what your real self needs to do!
Call me, come and let’s go strutting along Sydney Road, being women and having fun for the first time in your life!
Love Clare
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Goodness me Clare, “can you be more specific????”
I wrote this post when life was getting a bit “confusing” for me. I’ve since had time to reflect on what are my priorities in life and the nett result of that is that despite all my “research” with those two shops in Dandenong that I told you about, the lifestyle I lead down here with my lovely partner and our devoted to each other relationship, means Caty stays firmly in the closet. (Or to be precise, her tin trunk).
Let’s not forget that “er indoors” knows not so much as a clip on earring about Caty and given she has exhibited negative tendencies to anything CD or TG, its best it stays that way.
So whilst swanning down Sydney Road with you, especially past all those lovely formal wear boutiques has a certain appeal, the idea will just have to stay just that.
Until 3 years ago we lived very close to all those “achingly cool” Lygon Street and Sydney Road coffee shops, eg Small Block, so I’ll leave you to
go have a “skinny double overhead camshaft soy latte” for me….I do appreciate the advice everyone has given on this subject, but again, please remember I was in a very “reflective” mood at the time.
In the meantime, I’m told the sanpper are on the bite, (sadly not for me), but I’m having heaps of fun trying to rectify this situation.
Sincerely to one and all,
Caty
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I find myself thinking, with these questions being asked, oh why did blessed PIP have to leave us so soon?
She had to be probably the only one I knew that could answer 99.99% of our questions, and answer with a caring face -
Quote:She had to be probably the only one I knew that could answer 99.99% of our questions, and answer with a caring faceMe, I’m less into hero/heroine/oracle worship.
Why?
Because not only do you need to answer 99.99% of the questions, and have a caring face…but you have to give the correct answer.
And on that last criteria I think most candidates have a tough time.But we digress I think
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Contemplating a future like that Caty is a bucket full of worries. There’s the worry of whether the staff will let you be as you please and whether the other residents would accept ‘this sort’ of activity.
I think for questions like these Eleanor Roosevelt’s words are more apt:
Quote:Do what you feel in your heart to be right — for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.”When it comes to outting ourselves to others, especially those in close quarters, then we must understand their reaction will be their own. This is no real guage as to how a particular person will react. One of the few questions one can ask themselves is “How honest can I be?” And as for understanding the reaction of others, we must not try to overly understand it. They are no doubt more confused by it than we are ourselves. Imparting to them the knowledge of our ‘other’ existence will always have consequences. It is these consequences that keep many of us scared half to death on the inside. Add to it the fact that the fear of discovery is as great as the fear of rejection.
So the question when contemplating a future like the above is not “how much do I trust my others to accept me?” Instead it is really “what would life be like if they dont, and can I live with that?” I am not saying that you should come out or go the other way and purge, but if you are happy the way you are, then enjoy the moment. Each day after that is still in your hands to do with whatever you please when it arrives.
That being said, from a practical point of view coming out before going in would be a big help.
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I have been retired for some years now and a big and positive plus for retirement is, ‘what the hell?’ One thing about being old and transgendered, it no longer matters. I no longer care who knows I’m transgendered, except when it reflects and impacts on my precious family. On a personal level, who cares? Being old allows me to be myself, after being terrified and hiding in a cupboard most of my life. No one can harm me anymore, at least not in the workplace; its irrelavent. I’m out and proud, nor am I going to grow even older gracefully. I’m naturally reticent, although I would love to be more naturally flamboyant. I’m in this life to enjoy myself to the full. Growing old gracefully? how dull!
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All through my 25 years of marriage I thought my darling wife would in no way accept me as I wanted to be through things she said about TG issues. Shortly after finding out and becoming acclimatised to the new me she said that she wished I had told her 25 years ago. Go figure…
The last 12 months have been the best of my life, so if you feel that you would be much happier being your true self then you need to find out some way of finding out your wife’s true feelings. In my situation our love was way more important to Denise than anything else.
As for the nursing home……hopefully that is well down the track for me, but if and when I get there they will just have to put up with me getting down the hallway with my walker all frocked up. -
Wonderful thread to read, yes we are all different, Yes in my view we should till the soil of the future just a little for it will be with us soon enough!
The subject of retirement villages and nursing homes is very relevant, in Australia as in many parts of the world we are facing an “avalanche” of aged baby boomers for which the Government and the industry is not well prepared or resourced for! We should be pro active in this political space if we are in the age profile! Speaking of age profile maybee we should have a “mature Girls” section in TgR. Keep smiling all -
Goodness me (again!!). I never thought this broken down old CD’s musings would generate so much comment!!!. Thanks to all whom expressed their views.
With the aid of some very good professional help, I have happily gone back into my “comfort zone” with it all. That is, despite my earlier desires to get more up to date “gear” and to get my wigs back into a shape not resembling a birds nest, the status quo of being happy with what I’ve got both in terms of femme gear and not worrying too much about sprinting down the hallway of the nursing home in my nightie behind my wheeler. not to mention not stressing about whether or not to tell the “boss”, its back to “business as usual”.
Such wonderful “new age” internet tools such as Fliker and You Tube are a big help in this sitaution.
As always,
Happy Dressing,
Caty
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Regarding aged care for the TG community (I am in my mid 60s), the Australian government has been seeking advcie on legislation that will clarify the needs of older people from gender and sexually diverse groups. I attended an information group in Newcastle last September in which we had an opportunity to provide feedback on a draft paper on LGBTI aged care. There was even the CEO of a local retirement village in attendance, which is reason for optimism. A concern I raised at the meeting is whether church groups that run the majority of aged care facilities in Australia (I think I am right about this) may be able to wiggle out of such legislation based on their “religious beliefs”.
After having absorbed the contents of a book on Mindfulness, I now realise that it is best to live in the moment and not worry too much about the future or the past. However, in the present, one can still check the following webpage for an update on TG ageing in Oz.
I hope this helps.
Love Rachel -
There is a lot of advice and all very positive in pointing out that your future is what you make of it.
Questions of retirement homes, units and motel rooms are probably pressing you at the moment. I wonder if its because your basing some of your conclusions of your future life on those decisions made by your immediate family. I have no doubt it worries you; however, in the final conclusion, it will depend on how much you want the things you want and to live a life with your decisions.
