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Coming out in the city and regional areas
I read in many posts that some cannot come out due to family, work, friends or other reasons.
Everybody is different but I will give you my story in the hope that it may inspire others to be themselves.I work in a very male dominated industry civil construction. I am also the business owner or what is often considered “the boss”. My work is also in a regional area in a town that many consider to be super conservative mainly due to the large retiree population. At the moment I am lucky enough to work “down south” and then travel to the city to live and traverse through the many hours of electrology, voice therapy, endocrinology, and psychology did I miss one? Anyway glad when thats over!
I have been out in my metropolitan sphere for some time now living two seperate lives, quite distinct. One being my female self and the other as someone I was not, but for fear of the consequences of coming out stayed hidden. Well it gets to that point where enough is enough and as many of us find we conquer the inner battle in our mind. So my inner self won! I have now been out at work for some time. All I can say is the whole experience has been nothing short of totally uplifting. Not to mention the weight off!
To give you an idea of the sort of people in the industry I work. There are professional people with degrees, machinery operators, builders
labourers, some who compose complex prose purely with F & C words! Basically a wide cross section of people. I was very strategic in the way I came out out. With the whole experience with employees, clients and other work colleagues to this date I have not had one single situation I would call awkward! Many people are actually super supportive! The level of morale at work has now gone to an all time high, even in an economic climate where work hours are reduced due to dwindling work.All I can say is total honesty, total candidness and truth win the day! For those living in a regional area my experience is positive I hope yours is too.
Good luck with your journey
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22 Replies
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Excellent story Hollee and thank you for sharing your experiences. The world has come a long way in recognizing that people are simply that. “People” and that, in many cases, some of us were born in the wrong body and have experienced, mental and physical hardships along the way. Perhaps acceptance is a lot better now due to some excellent publicity for some professional transgender people and their life’s story. I quote the recent story on Savannah – a financial consultant in Sydney. I wish you all the best with you life’s journey and hope you have the life you have always yearned for.
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Hollee wrote:I
Thank you for that inspiring story, I have one question, please excuse my ignorance, what does
this mean as regards work colleagues? “some who compose complex prose purely with F & C’ works?
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Oh sorry. That would be a typo! Should read “F&C words”. I will leave the rest to you
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I have to admire your courage, I can’t comment with great expertise but I believe it is more difficult in rural areas, at least down this direction. I know some in various towns west of Geelong who tell me their day to day lives are very uncomfortable. Whereas I know of those in the city and have personal experience who go about with minimal fuss.
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Hi all, I live in Violet Town Vic where well over half of the population is retired, I have lived here for 10 years and been out for the last 2 and my experience has been fabulous, the entire town has been supportive and I have not received one negative comment. I can walk into the pub and be met with “G’Day Di” ever single time from the most roughest diamonds you would ever meet anywhere, to the point of these blokes “looking out” for me and I don’t pass. I am on two committees in town and even been asked to join the now renamed C.W.A branch.
In my opinion the biggest battle has always been inside my own head and it is all to do with confidence.
I love my little town. Cheers. -
With a recent poll giving One Nation 16% in Queensland, I suspect that there is still a way to go! – though, like Brexit and Trump voters, that includes a huge variety of misdirected disenchantment and assorted angers and frustrations, as well as still potent prejudices. There is still some truth in the old adage that ‘just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you’. Yet things have certainly improved in recent years in this neck of the woods and I also think that inner demons are the main challenge to trans peoples health in most cases. In fact, in some circumstances, as already suggested, rural folk may actually have the potential to be more supportive and community minded – a big city offers more support but much of what passes for acceptance can simply be indifference in an amorphous crowd, whereas regional and rural communities have the ability to be more personally connected as well as, sadly, still often personally rejecting and destructive. Things seem quite patchy to me here, depending a good deal on context, class, and workplaces – I hear great stories of acceptance in some Queensland schools for instance, but education and church settings are not always strongly affirming even though many of them have improved. I feel we should be greatly encouraged and encouraging but there is also need for caution and counsel.
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Hi all,
I too live in regional Victoria, but I fear this part of the world may not be as tolerant and accepting as Di’s Violet Town.
The gossip mill around here would fry its bearings if I “came out” to all and sundry. Having a “reputation” on several somewhat divisive community issues, plus living next door to the “neighbour from hell” are also distinct disadvantages to being able to do what Dianne has done.
The other major drawback of course is my darling partner has to live here as well and the gossip mill also would impact on her, as she does a lot of community work in her own right
And I just would not want her to be exposed to that in any way shape or form.
Regards
Caty
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It might seem contradictory but I totally agree with both Dianne and Caty. Let me explain. I too live in a small regional centre with a high proportion of retiree residents, in my case in NSW not far from Nowra. I regularly get out as Carol but never, so far, in my own area. I head off north to Sydney or Wollongong or further south to other small coastal centres. On these occasions I leave home and return as Carol and keep my fingers and toes crossed that nobody that knows me notices a strange woman driving my somewhat distinctive vehicle. I’ve had no hassles from anyone on these expeditions either in the big smoke or in other rural places. I should also say that I had a high profile in various organisations a couple of years back and can imagine the rumour mill going hyper if the word gets out.
Despite all this I am pretty sure that the local community will be very supportive when I come out. The perceived problems for my wife are a major reason I don’t. At times I just think I’m chicken and I’m using my wife as an excuse. I’ll have to come out soon though. My hair getting longer and my face getting smoother will see to that. Watch this space. -
Hi Carol,
To paraphrase the old song title. “Oh Carol I am,…… so jealous”….. I’m very close to my “three score and ten” and have almost no hair left, well on my head that is, heaps on my body and you say your skin is getting smoother, so no body hair as well as long natural hair!!!..
A complete body shave would be my last “bodily” CD mountain to climb. But ‘er indoors would almost certianly strongly object and given the “stresses I experienced in a past life” and how she saved me from the impact of same, I will not willingly do anything to offend her or case her discomfort.
The fact that in the New Year I intend to have a “nice long chat” with her to seek “permission”, (Aka understanding and tolerance) to attend TF and the Seahorse Ball next year is of course, an entirely different matter.
As for coming and going as Caty, unless I do that on a “dark and stormy night”, I’m odds on to be “clocked” by the “neighbour from hell” and then the” pussycat would be well out of the conveyencing device”.
Caty
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With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight and anecdotally from others. In general people are people, no matter being in the city or out in the country. Everyones journey is different, though if being your authentic self is important for your well being then coming out is inevitable. For me this is being my authentic self to everyone and sundry. It is not about being courageous or being brave, it is about being yourself. Otherwise you can literally be your own prisoner in your own mind. What I have found is if you give people total honesty, do not hide anything and speak from the heart you will not have an issue. Gossip and rumour will happen, no matter where you are, though if you “own it” what is the big deal? I have had a few people phone me up and say they heard a rumour about me or heard the “news”. OMG, I then go on to tell them the uncoloured version. It really is bit of a laugh.
People are generally more accepting than you think. One of these people just needs to be you.
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So true Hollee, so true.
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Always amusing Caty and good luck! So true Holly, sounds like things are heading in the right direction.
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Don’t be too jealous Caty. I too am approaching 70 (just 18 months to go). I have an obvious helicopter landing area on top which my hairdresser is working to disguise behind the perimeter growth but I often resort to a wig or hat when that isn’t working.
👿 Can we stick to the topic please – Coming out in the city and regional areas – or the moderator’s axe will be unsheathed!! 👿 Adrian -
Wow Hollee , You are a very strong lady , I also work in a male dominated industry , but I am not as brave as you, maybe one day.
Love
Zoe -
There comes a time when the need to be yourself outweighs everything and sundry. Like I said before, no bravery involved. I just got to the point where I don’t care about all the “fears”.
The only fear I have now, is my French manicure going to survive working out in the field! :ohmy:
