Cross Dressing. when is “enough already”?

[Anonymous]

Caty,

I can see exactly where you are coming from. The mere thought of the neighbours finding out and starting to set the tongues wagging was foremost in my mind when I was married. Worse than that the idea of leaving a piece of clothing lying around or having make-up stains on the mirror in the bath room only added to the paranoia…That was then, now I live on my own and I can dress whenever the mood takes me. I
find that on most days when I dress I normally wear casual skirt/trousers with tank top , wig and low shoes. When I really want to dress properly I will then go all out. This sort of replicates how women normally dress, so just dressing is just that whilst I still get the real rush when I dress for an occasion.

Yes, there are a few times when it’s shorts and tee-shirt too.

[Elizabeth]

I feel for you Caty having experienced what you do for more years than I care to remember. Hiding everything in secret spaces hoping never to be found out and when I retrieve them to wear they usually crushed and unwearable. Is makeup spots in the wash basin? clean it just in case. A horrid life which increases guilt, shame and a secretivness which only increases with time. Guess what that does to the self esteem? There’s a movie from about 1994 call ‘Just like a woman’ The protagonist leaves his frillies lying around the home and make up in the bathroom and goes to work. His wife and two children return unexpectedly from overseas. You guessed it, she finds the offending ‘smalls lying around before our heroine returns home. Convinced there’s another woman (which there is, in a way) the smalls are thrown out onto the street, and so ends the marriage.

To prevent the nerves from decaying into whatever, it may be a little folly, but wise to open up about Caty and consequently breathe fresh air in a relaxed environment. Let me assure you it’s good to have my own make up draw in the bathroom, a closet (excuse the pun) purely for Liz’s clothes. I now never get caught, because the cat is out of the bag so to speak. No, initially the news wasn’t welcomed but in the long run it was worth it.

[Anonymous]

Oh God ! Do I feel the same ? – Yes yes yes !
Except living alone I dont have to hide everything ( a double edged swiord ) .I have to say that being able to dress at any time has a drawback in that the thrill of doing it largely goes for me … Its a case of Nirvana has arrived but the gloss is taken off it
Hugs
Suzz

[Anonymous]

We all go through these times, the box at the bottom of the wardrobe, the crumpled clothes stashed make up, and of course the occasional feelings of guilt and the resultant purge. Fortunately for me the hiding part is over. As for the neighbours, well, now I don’t give a hoot, they can look out the window any time they like and see me in the back yard, dressed or even naked in the pool(yuk). I can wash my clothes and hang them on the line too now, no I’m not showing off I’m just illustrating the difference between having a wife who knows (she still doesn’t like it mind) and one who doesn’t.

I don’t know about the thrill of dressing either, I think early on when I was young there may have been some excitement, but more from the risk of my mother catching me than anything. I think dressing has always been my comfort zone rather than a thrilling exercise.

Perhaps Caty needs to test the water as it were and suggest Trans-oriented movie one night and see what the reaction to it is. Perhaps Trans America or if that is too confronting maybe To Wong Foo I always get a laugh with that one even from the wife.

[Anonymous]

I am new to TgR but relate so much to being in closet. I just a couple of days as Ellie – Home alone. getting to remain enfemme for 2 days was wonderful. Get to do it again this week. The checking to make sure tracks are covered wow. So right, check sink, make sure no tell tale signs of makeup removal, nail polish all off, clothes away, no wig hairs on white tiles )red wig) etc. It is strange though I am not hiding my goodies as securely as I once did. Think it would be a relief to be caught out. Have been caught in past and that was never a good scene. Have been removing hair from waist up for a while …this does not get mentioned to often now. Intend on doing legs this week, wait for reaction.

Huggers
Ellie

[Anonymous]

Caty I can sooooo relate to your comments.

I can relate so much to the “good adrenaline” of being Jennifer but at the same time there is a peacefulness (is that a word) of feeling this is so RIGHT.

I would only put a target time in place if I was fully dressing and a minimum of 5 hours for me.

I too have the feelings of have I left everything in order. I have always been so methodical when putting everything away but as I get older I find myself asking questions over and over….Have I missed anything?…

I do envy girls who don’t have to worry about these issues either through living alone or have an understanding SO. But for those of us who find it necessary to keep this side of our lives private, I think only we can judge what is best for us. Only we know our SO’s and how life is likely to be should all the facts be known. I had better stop here because this is starting to drift off topic.

As for shorts, T shirt and thongs….I think I can settle for the feel of a cool sun dress and thongs.

[Sheryl]

Hi Everyone.

I can certainly relate to some of the points you have raised Caty, but having a spouse who knows and is very understanding does make things so much less complicated.

Being a shiftworker means our drapes are heavy for sleeping during the day and mesh curtains too, means that we have privacy when the drapes are open.

That doesn’t mean I am totally careless tho, Sheryl is not out to all the neighbours yet and on warm summer days when the front door is open with only the security door to hide behind, I am cautious of being seen by those ‘not in the know’ especially the young children next door.

I do check the basin for splashes of make-up and powder and for hair on the floor before the SO is due to arrive home, not to hide the fact that Sheryl has been here (she may still, be here), but to avoid being labled a dirty girl who leaves a mess.

As for too much of being Sheryl, it has never happened, not in the last 50 years and I don’t expect it to happen any time soon. Life wasn’t meant to be easy, life as a non cis girl is definitely not easy but it feels so ‘right’ that I cannot imagine reverting to male mode for no other reason than “because it is easier”.

Happy Dressing (whenever you can)

Sheryl

[Anonymous]

Afternoon Tgr’er’s

My sincere thanks to all who have commented on this posting. Some of the responses have come from some good TGR “e.mail friends” whom would know about my big shed in the backyard. (AKA when I’m having Caty time, as the “Sheduior”). And yes Jenny, I do agree that when I’m all dressed and made up, it certainly does feel “right”. Heels clicking on the concrete floor only add to this feeling

When my better ‘arf is away, I lock the Sheduior and the house up as tight as a drum, so it looks like no one is home. Tho a couple of weeks back the wind blew the door open just after I’d got into Caty mode in a long evening dress. This is on the side of the “neighbour from hell”, so I was most grateful, when the wind blew it shut again. If they ever find out about Caty, we’d just about have to move out….Small country towns and hypersonic gossip machines are a bad mix.

Another advantage of the Sheduior is that it is normally a “man’s space” and I have so much “good man’s junk” in there that its very easy to hide Caty’s stuff amongst the above. Also means that ‘er indoors is almost too scared to venture in there on her own. So leaving the make up sponges laying around, meant I saw them first and would more than likely always so so.

Liz raised the prospect of me “owning up” to ‘er indoors and like some of the other respondents, my situation just does not allow for this.

Far too much at stake in terms of the lifestyle we live here and what has been invested in time, $$ and brain power to establish it all.

And that’s not even counting the mental anguish it would cause…

I know the film “Just Like a Woman” well. Had the video for years, heavily disguised as an old VFL footy final on the label

Having a break from Caty time to enjoy other hobbies such as fishing and guitar playing do not lend themselves well to blending with Cross Dressing. Fishing is too messy and guitar playing with the Shediour locked up is a bit of a giveaway!!!!

So as stated, I’m just as well pleased to revert to the “male me” to enjoy the latter and be Caty when next the opportunity arises.

Regards to all

Caty

[JaneS]

I too have been through that range of experiences from total, shame-encrusted secrecy to the freedom of openness that has come from telling my wife. Her reaction was mostly positive (leaving aside early difficulties understanding ‘why’) so the story is a good one at this point.

I do, however, recall those days of terror when I suddenly realised that I couldn’t recall if I’d put something away, or if I’d wiped marks off the mirror, or on one terrifying occasion when I realised that I’d left a couple of photos on the card in the camera I loaned to my daughter. (That was after I’d told my wife but we’d not told our daughters. She ended up not using the camera so I was safe.) I refer to those times as the ‘bad old days’ but I also keep in mind that for some girls those days are ‘today’.

From my earliest memories I dressed in my mother’s clothes for the sense of emotional comfort it gave me; for the feeling that doing so made me her equal and thus she couldn’t hurt me. From that time cross dressing became a way to ‘sooth my soul’, to help me cope with difficult times in my life. As Caty says though, there were always those times when I had to come down from the level of peace and comfort I was enjoying to return to the real world. At those times the feelings of shame and guilt often returned with vengeance.

Quote:

I have to say that being able to dress at any time has a drawback in that the thrill of doing it largely goes for me … Its a case of Nirvana has arrived but the gloss is taken off it

I find I am now somewhat in the same position. I am able to dress whenever I feel like it, within reason, and so the ‘need’ is not as strong. Sometimes I like to partially cross dress by wearing minor items, or sometimes just underwear, but at those times I’d never venture outside for fear of ridicule. I still have my Jane-days when I have whole days to myself or when we travel away so I am able to satisfy both sides of my self.

Quote:

Liz raised the prospect of me “owning up” to ‘er indoors and like some of the other respondents, my situation just does not allow for this.

Far too much at stake in terms of the lifestyle we live here and what has been invested in time, $$ and brain power to establish it all.

And that’s not even counting the mental anguish it would cause…

To tell, or not to tell, that is the question. (Sorry William). I am loathe to provide ‘advice’ on that issue for only the individual knows her own situation. I was fortunate that, after 27 years of marriage, my wife took the news positively. I have no illusions though that what we’d been through up to that point, as terrible as it was, made the revelation less harmful than it could have been. I also remind myself that she told me that had I come out to her fifteen or twenty years ago things might have been very different – at that time I may have lost everything. It gives me perspective on the question.

For those who enjoy being out, embrace it and be thankful. For those who are not out keep in mind that we never know if and when things might change for the better. It’s always possible.

[Anonymous]

Hi Ellie back again. Another two days to myself and being Ellie. always that fear oif leaving something undone or out of place. My dear wife has noticed that i am hairless from waist up and i get a ribbing about all the trouble I go to. Was just back and front kept clear of hair. Recently arms and hands have been included My finger nails are often commented on as being in better shape than my SO. Trying to get a better definitiion (shape) to eyebrows as well. Found I am embracing my feminine side more of late. While going down this path still try and cover being discovered. Wonder if any one really takes much notice and will it be a great shock when I eventually break news to wife. So many indicators to pick up on , moisturising, hand lotion, looking after cuticlles,face cream day and night. May be these things are normal, just my upbringing that wasn,t what boys did.
Don’t think it will ever be enough. Keep pushing the boundaries

Huggers

[Anonymous]

Hiya all.

I wasn’t going to contribute here but a couple of comments have regenerated a few fargone memories.

I used to live for the times when I could be “Portia”. Sneaking the odd moment here and there. If I was able to get a prolonged period of time to be me, I used to find I would eventually get “bored” with all the hassle that went along with “being feminine”, especially after the “adrenalin rush” had worn off. That, and the fear that I would be caught out would come to a head.

The thing was, after having time to be how I wanted to be, after getting “bored” with all of the hassle, after stashing away all the feminine acoutrements, I would be depressed and longing to be “me” again. I would be paranoid about checking to make sure no-one would find out what I had been up to. Even if I didn’t get “me” time, I would still live in constant fear that I may give the game away.

The solution eventually was to be “me” fulltime. To be honest with those around me. To be at peace with myself. The price I paid was high, but worth it to me. Now, it doesn’t matter if someone finds my “stuff”, apart from appearing to be a messy woman. I can shop for whatever I want. If anyone has any issues about my gender, I really don’t care what they think so long as they are nice about it.

Yes. Happy dressing everyone. I really am so glad it’s behind me.

[Anonymous]

Really it all breaks down to the old adage” What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive” Of course one feels guilt when we decide to lie about who we really are. There is only one way to end this state and that is not an easy road to follow . The choice though is ours to make.

[Anonymous]

Dear Caty and all other contributers.All of you make valid points and we seem to have a consensus.When I first started dressing I was too young to realise the sexual side or the thrill factor.Dressing just felt natural and right.And yes, I did get caught as a 9 year old pilfering frilly underwear from a female relly.Around puberty the thrill factor kicked in.
Later in life this has become an emotional need,being dressed is part of the person I am.

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone I can relate totally so glad I’m not the only one nuff said.
Scylla

[Anonymous]

I used to feel the same way until I came out and explained Bridgette to my partner. Luckily for me she gives me the time and space I need and then I can always take a days off from time to time. My issue lately is out teenage daughter, who is now old enough to wonder whats really going on. I guess thats the hardest part of a journey. I dont really know how she feels or knows about Bridgette. Yes I went through the same issues as you, but the more you venture towards your freedom the less they become issues