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Eating into the Psych
Life is usually a complicated affair, frequently made even more complicated by our own thoughts and actions. Actions are not necessarily what we do but sometimes what we are unwilling to do to save us facing a difficult decision, decisions which impact heavily on our daily lives. Transgender people generally fall into the above categories because of fear. Fear is a normal human reaction to a given set of circumstances. Courage is when we are able to surmount that fear and remain steadfastly in control of our emotions. The fear remains however it can be placed on the back burner; a little like the British stiff upper lip, hovering over the quivering lower lip. Now being transgender, who have you told about your minor yet consuming hobby? For those who have remained glum and the lips sealed, I firmly believe that your little secret is, internally tearing you apart, slowly and surely. Before we progress let me tell you I WAS the worlds worst offender at this secrecy bit. I would have been totally mortified should someone ever discover my inner terror. The result of all that secrecy grew into major depressive illness. I’m talking about my mid teens, so long ago the Queen had her coronation that year. I attempted suicide, serious suicide at a time when suicide was considered by law an offence, a stupid offence, but nevertheless an offence. Obviously it didn’t work, however the depression continued throughout life with strong suicidal thoughts, and close to attempts. It was a life like hell on Earth; I’ve seen hell and know it full well what its like. Much of it continues to hover in the dark recesses of my mind, but hopefully will stay there. It all ceased when I spilled the beans many years ago; I cannot remember who to and it doesn’t really matter. Even the workplace knew, but that confession was a different story. The only one who was never told was my mum who was a high end bigot and would have marched me by the ear to the closest asylum for a ‘cure’ Once the beans were out of the can it became work in progress and still is as such. The more people who know the easier it became for me. The vast majority are truly accepting, some even willing to spring to my defence, and I have experienced such a time. Her indoors tolerates ‘the hobby’ to a point, but there are boundaries to which I am expected to adhere, and I do, not idyllic but it beats the alternative. My views and story are not for everyone, but I feel it maybe a help for those who identify and struggle to be their authentic selves. The more difficult the challenge the more you grow.
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