Experiences of those transitioning full-time without surgery

[Anonymous]

hey sarah_2 i cant speak as a non op ts as i plan doing so but……….. hada friend who told me her girlfriend wass a transexual girl who decided she wanted to keep the danlgy bits however shelives fulltime fem on hormones tc… and is happy… so she has fem name on licence and treated as female she just does not tell people hey under my skirt is i have……. so i hope this gives you food for thought and hope whatever you do your happy:))
love jess

[Anonymous]

I know a number of girls who’ve had the surgery and a number who’ve chosen to live full-time without the surgery. Both groups seem happy. I don’t think that genitalia defines gender so if you can be happy without such iinvasive surgery then choose that path. SRS as everyone points out is ‘final’. So if you are wondering if it is ‘for you’ then it would be best to wait. The unhappiest post op people I’ve met are those who’ve rushed into it.

This link:
http://www.mtftransition.com/t-girl.htm

has a very good view of the path you’re heading down and genital surgery should be the very last thing you consider.

Some girls are happy to stop at hormones, others at orchiedectomy, whilst others follow the SRS route. I know one girl who changed her mind about SRS and ten years later decided that, yes, it was for her. I know another person, who decided after almost 15 years that her decision was wrong and she reverted to living as a man, but her SRS choice causes a range of difficulties.

Considering that some girls are in their seventies when they have the final surgery, you have years to finally decide.

You might find some more opinions and views and discussion of the issues involved at the forums at:

http://www.hungdevils.com/index.php?act=SF&s=&f=24

Genital surgery is not a pre-requisite to living as a woman and waiting until you are 100 percent sure before heading down that path is good sense.

Personally I think that the medical establishment causes way too much misery by not providing facial feminisation surgeries, body sculpting surgeries and voice training before srs is even discussed, so I’d suggest that any potential srs candidate consider those before any genital adjustment surgery.
my two cents
Amanda

[Anonymous]

thanks for the replies
yes, helpful… after a fashion… (I don’t mean to be ungrateful) especially the stuff here

Quote:

http://www.mtftransition.com/t-girl.htm

She doesn’t hold back! Which is good but, at least in her oppinion, there’s no such thing as a “non-op TS”; at least by the definition I had in my head (I confess I havent finished reading it all yet).

So what is in my head?

The vision I have of myself in my fantasies is someone who presents to the world as female, indistinguishable from a GG and full time; working, parenting, cooking, gardening, paying the bills and all the other normal stuff (with an occassional FABULOUS outing). A girl in every way, except I have a penis. I manage this without anything too drastic… like “a lot” of hormones, or “a lot” of surgery. I’m not sure what that means exactly except both surgery and hormones come with risks and costs that baulk me (ok, scare me shitless!) and just don’t feel like they’re right for me. I also have no idea how I achieve my vision without the hormones and surgery… Additionally, I like my functional penis because I like it and becuase my wife likes it
[this brings up a whole range of domestic complications transitioning involves which many on TR are only too familiar with; more than I am].

I guess the outcome feels right but the road to get there doesn’t, if that makes sense?

So, obviously, the vision and the realilty are poles apart with no clear path from one to the other. Where does this leave me?

Feeling a little angry and down actually. How do I fulfill the real me? Where is the place where I feel whole. Not some fairy tale, but just a way of being that feels right? What is the compromise I can live with that meets my needs and the needs of those that I love and depend on and love me?

Again, I don’t expect “the answer” but I am very interested in other people’s journeys

thanks

peace
S

[Anonymous]

Hi Sarah,

I realise that this is an old post, but the questions you ask are pretty much exactly where I am at now. I like the term Non-Op TS.

I’m with you. Surgery scares me too, not because it is not reversible (I can accept that), but because any surgery carries risks, and I prefer to avoid major surgery unless it is absolutely essential. Also, on my current income, surgery is out of my reach.

I live full time as a woman and I consider myself TS, and I haven’t had SRS. I believe that you don’t need surgery to define your gender. Your gender is how you feel and what you live.

Cheers,

Julie

[Anonymous]

Sarah, I totally agree with Julie. I don’t know if I’ll ever afford SRS but to me, seeing myself in the mirror is not an issue so at the moment I am more than happy to work towards my house ownership dream. I do admit, I won’t have a female birth certificate but at the moment that will be the only thing in my life that doesn’t say female however.

I don’t know about anyone else here but I know that I can make it work.

Peta A.

[Anonymous]

My opinion is that ” transition” is primarily a social transaction rather than a medical one and that transfolk ought to get as far along that road as they can before a final step to SRS. This includes working on their own mental and emotional ” balance” first up . I think that having a detestation of a part of your body for instance or acting out of some fantasy( sexual or otherwise) is a sad and unhealthy state of being and is a poor reason to begin such a serious and far reaching change of life.
Grayson Perry , in his doco ” Why do men wear frocks?” asks a pre op TS girl if she thinks that the removal of her penis is not a very male way to deal with the problem. I was very affected by this question and thought about it a great deal. I have no answer but I do think that in GENERAL GW’s do seem able to live with ambiguities to a greater extent than males, we being more result driven and focussed on the steps to achieve our goals. As a friend of mine once said, women tend to “chew” through their problems and men tend to jump through theirs .Few women I know would spend the money it costs for SRS if it meant depriving their children of the benefits the money could bring to them, for example.
I do like the idea of a non op lifestyle for those who have the courage for it.
Please note that I am not being critical of anyones decisions but am just wondering out loud.

[Anonymous]

This is such a personal choice. I did not have the money, but I knew that I had to have SRS. I was always a girl and the final step of SRS was always on the cards.

I did not want to be stuck in the middle of a transition, I wanted to be complete and then I would be able to get on with my life. The thing is when you want something hard enough the money seems to appear. I did work hard and sold a lot of stuff, but it all did happen.

I think that in life we should go for what we want, and not worry about what others think, this is your life. If paying off your mortage is more important to you than SRS, then that is what you want and stuff what others think.

Just dont sit there telling your self that this is what you want, put up excuses like money, when deep down it is not what you want. Be truthful within your self and go for it.

We are all different, and our thoughts will also change over time, dont be afraid to question what was right last year, is this year. Do what you need to do to be happy.

So OP or Non OP either way go for it.

xxx

Kelly Jones

[Anonymous]

Hi and thanks for you comments and thoughts

For me now, I have decided to start HRT and transition. Never been happier than I am now I’ve made this informed choice and I feel empowered and positive about it (notwithstanding the difficulties entailed in dealing with the world, people etc…)

As for my penis, well I’m not really worried either way. I’ve never hated it, but, no doubt, it wont work in the same way anyway. I am currently leaning towards surgery simply becuase that feels like it will be “right” (what ever that means) for me, but I wont really know, I think, until I get to a point where it’s a realistic option (spent time on HRT, gone full time etc)

One day at a time

thanks again
Cheers
Sarah

[Anonymous]

The place where you will feel whole Sarah is between your ears. That’s where its most important to be.

[Anonymous]

hi, i was married 18 yrs and have two sons 18 and 21 ..My ex supported my trans but also had a strict set of rules on how far i could go ! It became apparent too her that i was changing and nothing she could doo would stop the inevitable .. I continued too deny that i wanted too transition all the way but i just wanted too save my marriage as i really did love her ! My ex left me for a police women and left me with my boys 8 an 11 ..after 5 years in court i got legal custody of my boys and the two dogs ! lol .I waited for my boys too leave home but now imm going for srs as i know this is what i need to doo !! this is a little insight too my Journey that has taken my female self thru 60s 70s 80s and 90s .

[Anonymous]

Hi Girls

My position on surgery has been far too fluid for me to make a final choice. And, besides, the medical fraternity has given me time to make my mind up because I am still early in transition, so, even if I wanted to go full steam ahead – I can’t.

I have been trying to get on hormones for months now, but even with that, I have had one delay after another. One bonus was that I have been on Spiro for about 3 months and have had some experience of feminisation, even without hormones.

As stated above, the experience of being female does not depend on what you have in your pants. I have been living full time for 2 months now and it has just been one fantastic day after another.

I never thought I would contemplate surgery. It is so invasive and expensive. But, I know it would make me feel just that little bit more complete. Especially as now I realise how complicated an intimate relationship can be during the inbetween stages.

Do I feel the need for surgery to be a complete woman? No. Do I feel the need for surgery to be accepted as a woman on the most intimate of levels? Yes.

My feelings may change as time goes by. They seem to change every day at the moment. The only thing constant is that I am happy to get up every morning, defluff everything, chuck on some makeup, do my hair, dress as feminine as I feel and face the day with pride.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure why I haven’t responded to this thread before, perhaps I feel I have enough experience now to believe I have something worthwhile to say. To me surgery has little to do with who we are, if I grabbed some guy off the street. knocked him unconscious and smuggled him off to a dodgy plastic surgeon so that a couple of days later he wakes up in a hospital somewhere with his family jewels re-crafted into a full set of female genitalia, he’s not going to say, “Bless my soul! I’m a woman”. He’s gonna say, “Where the f*%$ are my bloke bits and who did this to me?” My point being that surgery is only necessary for those who feel it is necessary. A five year post op friend of mine said to me, “If you don’t hate your penis, why cut it off?”

That said, if they come up with a pill (and I know I’ve used this line before) that you could take each day for a week, and on the 8th day you’d have a pussy; I’d start on it tomorrow. Surgery won’t make me feel more female and may only threaten my physical well being.

And at the risk of sounding pretentious I feel I’m saying more to the world about my belief in my femaleness by living as a woman in a man’s body.

[Anonymous]

being non-op is all well and good, and as everyone seems to be saying in recent tranny radio posts, it’s just a matter of how you are and feel within yourself that counts (gender, sexuality, label, whatever), right?

unfortunately, we don’t live on isolated rocks, and have to deal with those around us. and even more unfortunately, the many laws affecting us have been put together by people who have less than complete understanding of the transgender condition (not that achieving such an understanding is easily achievable). so, many laws discriminate against non-op trans-people, and require full srs before recognition as transgender status for many other things.

in new south wales (for example):

Quote:

Who is counted as a recognised transgender person?

Under NSW anti-discrimination law you can only be a recognised transgender person if:

* you have a new birth certificate issued by the NSW Births, Deaths and Marriages Registry that states the gender you identify with; or

* you have an amended birth certificate or an equivalent document known as an ‘interstate recognition certificate’ issued by another Australian State or other jurisdiction.

You can only get a new NSW birth certificate issued if ALL of the following are the case:

* your birth was originally registered in NSW;

* you are over 18 (or, if you are under 18, your parent or guardian agrees to you doing this);

* you have had sex reassignment (gender affirmation) surgery – this includes any surgical alteration to your reproductive organs, for example, to your womb or genital area); and

* you are not currently married.

http://www.lawlink.nsw.gov.au/lawlink/adb/ll_adb.nsf/vwFiles/transgenderdisc0108.pdf/$file/transgenderdisc0108.pdf

note the emphasis on “all” for a birth certificate.

so if we do choose to be non-op (and in some cases, trans-peoeple may not even have a choice, like a person who cannot undergo srs for other medical reasons), there will be hurdles to integrating into mainstream society as a full time female. but that is something that non-op people may choose and be happy with.

whatever the choice, my view is that the law is too strict in making those criteria mandatory, particularly the srs requirement, and so precluding those many among us who may choose or may not be able to have srs, from the so called protections offered to what is a narrow class of transgender people.

[Anonymous]

Virginia, you make a good point, the law takes a firm literal view on gender rights but there was a time when there was no recognition of transgender people. This shows how the law can be changed through lobbying and therefore gives some hope that more agitation may change the current law to broaden the categories to cover more of us.
It seems a shame to me that people are denied access to their chosen gender not only those who can’t have SRS on medical or financial grounds but also those who are outside the present guidelines and may feel pressured to follow the proven path to SRS and may in fact not be emotionally or psychologically prepared for this life change.
If the only alternative is to have SRS and it is done for the” wrong” reason, there will be those who recant and complain that they were pressured into the wrong decision. This does noone any good.

[Anonymous]

For myself when considering transistioning I thought why do something permanent before I know if this is right for me. Instead of seeking counselling or talking about hormones I decided it was time and just went full time living as a female. I felt great in myself living as a non op TS but after 18 months I knew this was the right choice for me. The first thing I did was change my name to by deed poll then started looking into hormones. I have now been on hormones for 3 months and I believe SRS will be right for me but why worry about that now when I have so long before I could act on what ever decision I make.

Stop looking at the destination and enjoy the journey. You might find a place to stop that suits you before the end of the journey.