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Hints for happy shopping
Hi Sarah,
I sometimes find it more uncomfortable shopping in male mode than female mode. Funnily I’m quite relaxed if I am shopping for my wife – but when I shop in male mode for myself I sometimes get quite nervous and uncomfortable. In female dress I don’t feel have to make excuses or explain anything.
But, in female mode, it depends on my level of confidence which, in turn, is related to how long the hiatus since my last outing and how long I’ve been out dressed in this outing. If I have been out dressed for a while, usually about 30 minutes or so, my confidence level increases, to the point, where I’m quite relaxed.
I don’t know that I say anything to myself – beyond ‘let’s do it’.
For me it’s been about doing things in easy steps rather than biting the bullet. So I get used to walking around the shopping centre or the shopping strip. Then I wander in and out of a few shops – and looking through the racks and getting used to just uttering the few words – ‘just looking’ or whatever. And then I target whatever I’ve come for. This way I end up with more enjoyable day.
I regularly shop for other non clothes stuff for my business, family or myself – and that is a real confidence builder.
Fiona xx
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17 Replies
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Quote:Ebay is fine but nothing like being there holding the dress up and knowing its you.
Absolutely. Much better to try stuff on and see how it looks. Otherwise, I’d probably end up with stuff that doesn’t fit right.
Quote:i have had the best times shopping, and the worst. I have chatted to sales assistants, spent half an hour making choices. Next shopping trip i have a meltdown and bolt. I shop as a man not a woman. One day soon i will shop as me, but how has everyone coped. I know everyone must have had to climb this little speedhump. Perth is a bit conservative. Shopping in Sydney was so much easier.Shopping as female is far, far easier than shopping as male for female stuff, whether it’s makeup, clothing, shoes or whatever. From my experience, I can go pretty much wherever I want and try whatever I want without feeling self conscious or worrying about how others will respond.
In stark contrast, in male mode I am still occasionally spooked by the behaviour of others. I wouldn’t say that I panic and bolt but that I’m concerned enough that there could be an issue that I quietly leave.
For me, the closest to panic is when I’ve either struggled to leave the house or I’ve driven somewhere then not been able to leave the car.
Alice
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Like others I am much more comfortable shopping en femme than in male mode. It avoids the unasked qustion as to who the clothes are for. Shop assistants are always polite to me if occasionally surprised. Shopping en femme has the added advantage of being able to try things on right there.
I do shop sometimes with my SO in male mode and I do get uncomfortable and find the experience a good deal less enjoyable.
Michelle
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Normally shop en homme. Make a decision after a look around, then buy. Have never had a really adverse reaction from the salesperson. Am confident and never really worry.
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Sarah and any others who may wonder about this, I find that confidence is the best solution. You do have to worry about where you are of course but if you see it in the window go in and have a look. It’s 2008 you know, not 1948, and most shop assistants are usually ok with it. I’ve been in lots of shops when asked “who’s it for?” and said me, no probs. at all. Just look at the assistant/s, if they seem a little conservative you can always say that you’re buying a present. Truth is, the present is just for yourself! Peta.
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Peta has hit the nail on thehead with her comment. When I first started shopping for Helen I just wondered round looking like the typical helpless male lost among feminine frippery, I even created an elaborate scenario and carried a piece of paper with a list on it in case anyone offered to assist. I waved the list at them and suggested some comment abouyt shopping for the wife. I’m sure they all were thinking, “Yeah! Right, for the wife!!!”.
Then I got more confident and just shopped, if they asked I said it was for me but you know what? Not many asked! After getting confident enough to go out shopping en femme it made things a heck of a lot easier but occasionally I still did it in drab mode, even asking if I could try a dress on i one instance, it was on special, it was an Anthea Crawford and I was sure it wouldn’t be there by the time I went home, changed and returned to the shop. I was with my girl friend at the time , she had encouraged me to go and try it but I thought I should make sure the shop assistant wouldn’t panic or something.
Ultimately, if you can do it go for it, no one really cares for more than five minutes.
Helen -
I usually shop in drab and usually only for undies, makeup and shoes. If I’m here in Hobart that’s a very covert operation, but if I’m in Melbourne I figure that the chances of meeting someone I know are next to nothing (famous last words?). What the shop assistant thinks I do not care, and every now and then you meet someone who sends you off with a sincere smile and a wish that you enjoy your new purchases.
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Living in a small town has its disadantages, you always risk being in the shop with somebody who may know you. When shopping I try to get down to Melbourne of one of the other towns nearby.
I try to be careful as well as confident, but the small town syndrome will always be there. If I shop in town, then its normally during a busy period when eveybody is too busy to notice who you are or what you are buying.
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I find it easier to buy underwear than skirts and dresses and last time I bought a bra etc, I told the sales assistant (the owner from discussion) it was for me. That was at a small lingerie shop in West Perth. The principle being that it is a sale and I think that the price I paid she was quite happy for me to buy them.
I bought a twin set from St Vinnies and the lady said that it would look nice implying she knew it was for me and when buying a skirt at Rivers outlet, the woman didn’t blink so all my worries were for nothing.
My only bad time was a young girl at Target some years ago.
I always shop in drab and at shops out of my area. I am always nervous, but you just have to get on with it.
I think that Perth is big enough that your chances of getting caught are minimal.
June
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Hah you think Perth is conservative, you should come to Adelaide!!! lol.
It is all about confidence and being courageous enough to go out and do it.
I have found small steps the best for me, like Fiona says, start by just looking around the shops and build up your confidence before you buy, and like the other girls say, don’t worry about the other people and they won’t bother you. I spent an hour the other day wandering around the supermarket the other day and only got stared at once (that I noticed)and I wasn’t sure wether it was because I was spotted as a cd or if the old guy had the hots for me lol!!!! But apart from that, nobody really gives a toss, they are just there for the same thing as you, to buy something they want. I feel much more comfortable browsing the shops dressed as I feel it doesn’t attract so much attention as it does in drab, even when I am with my partner.
Good luck -
I know the feeling of shopping in public is probably the scariest thing I have ever done. Even though I have been doing it for a few years now I still find it scary at times.
When you go out – make sure that you dress like the other girls out there. Which normally means dressing down a bit. And remember that if you act the part then most people won’t even look at you as they are too busy doing their own thing.
Though it is without a doubt the scariest thing I have ever done – I am glad that I did it and still do
Brenda
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I am confident in lingerie shops but not in dress shops if I am trying on clothes.
The exception for me is recycled clothing stores in country Victoria. The ladies who are shop assistants at such shops seem much more understanding of the TG person.
[off topic questions removed by moderator]
Love to all you pretty TG ladies out there, Julie
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Hi Sarah,
I now do all my shopping as a woman but I can remember the uneasiness of buying as a male. Two verbal techniques that helped me when buying as a male were as follows. The trick is to mention your girl name with affection.
A) “I’m buying for Sarah. She is size 12 and loves this style. I know she will like this item. Can I return it if she doesn’t like it?”
“That’s the present I’ve been looking for. I know Sarah’s style. Can’t think of anything else to get her.”C) Buy a birthday card for a woman Sarah’s age along with your purchase and the check out staff will see the picture.
D) Throw a few femme things in with your regular shopping haul when at a major store like Target and the staff will just process the sale as quickly as they can.
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When shopping in male mode I go to Big W. They have a self service checkout so you do do not have to face a checkout operator.
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For years I cringed, tried to hide my face knowing full well it would never work. It’s all about confidence. Hold the head high, think, my money is as good as anyone elses. If shop staff don’t like it, then it’s their loss. I’ll go somewhere else. Never had any problems. I find both Myers and DJ’s are fine. I usually go andro and tell staff, if I think it necessary, I’m transsexual. No problems with Maggie T’s either. They all want to make a sale. Providing you’re polite everything will be fine. And, by the way, it’s all right to try things on, it’s expected. Ionce asked a very helpful sales girl!
Liz
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people will notice you more if you are acting like you have something to hide,
I know it takes practice, but if you act normally and with confidence no one cares.
Beth.
