how do you get out of the house – are you recognised?

[Alice]

Quote:

What is it that gives you the confidence to go out

Simple. There is so much difference between my male and female appearances that people simply don’t recognise me as the same person.

Part of it is the simple fact of presenting as the opposite gender. Most people have a mental block that divides people by gender. They don’t or cannot equate a male and female as being the same person, even if the difference in appearance is not that big.

Another interesting effect is that of stereotyping. If someone reads you as a CD, they’re likely to remember that they saw a CD but they won’t remember details of the person’s appearance. This effect is quite common in all sorts of situations. For example,seeing a person in uniform will remember the uniform more clearly than the person in it.

Once you accept that the difference in appearance really is so great that people won’t recognise you, going out dressed becomes easier than shopping for female stuff as a boy.

Alice.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Other girls get over this fear and live their lives, an I the only one who thinks like this.

No Penny you are not but for every girl who does come out there are many more who don’t. It is good to look to other girls for inspiration but don’t compare yourself to them, only you can make the decision when the time is right. I am far from ready to come out to my family and dressing in my local area is not an option at this stage. I was terrified of my first outing and it is without a doubt the hardest one, but it gets easier.
If you want to get out why not try one of the regular events like the restaurant nights. They are really safe and the girls are very welcoming. There is no end of support on TgR so take advantage of it but in the end its up to you.

Good luck
Chrissy

[Anonymous]

I have started my transition and yet I am not out in my local town. Although a lot of people know, its not something I have been “rubbing into there face.”

I do get mistaken as a female from people I dont know when in boy mode, infact this morning I had a customer comming over to look at plants and she ask me if my boyfriend was in.

I am a fan to started your outings in a different suburb or even town/city. I started by driving 4-5 hours south and spending 2-3 day first time and then 5 days at a time. People there only know my female side and they dont look twice. Now I am telling more people that I know nd can trust in my local area, knowing that I am starting to show so it will be hard to hide soon.

So for me I can understand the fear of the hown area, although I am caring less all the time, its still a big step to come out to people who already know you, but are not close to you.

I can only say that when you are out , nerves show. People can “smell” fear, so if you are trying to hide or while walking around you get noticed more. If you walk in bold knowing you have a right to be there, no one notices you and if they do they can see your boldness and dare not make it a problem.

Good luck, its great to be a girl.

xxxx

Kelly Jones

[Anonymous]

Hi Penny
You have obviously posted because you are dying to get out. You need to take a leap of faith sometime and just do it. That thirst can’t be quenched at home.
Don’t scare yourself though, you will never go back out if you do.
For me before i was out, i got in the car and went far from home where at last noone knew the male me.
I bet there are plenty of places you could head off to where you live and just be you.
I know that hunger to get out that door we all do. Plenty of the girls can never do that, its too scary. We all understand that.
I agree in what i have read before this post that for most of us our own mothers would walk past and never see us ( especially me i look exactly like paris hiltons granny at 100 metres at midnight in a blinding hailstorm)
Just make a plan on how it can work, you can do it, as you know from your previous home, the world is fab, awesome, brilliant once you get through that door
You go girl

[Anonymous]

well for me it was the most scarist thing i had to face, but with help from the girls on TR i overcome my fears, and i have not looked back

I have made so many friends both t girls and Gg girls, some lesbians and some straight girls

I agree with what the other girls are saying, you must be proud to be a girl, when you are dressed you are a girl and behave as other girls do, be positive and bold, hold your head high and have fun.

For when people see you haveing fun they don’t care who you are, you are just another face in the crowd, enjoying themselves.

i am so glad that we can be who we want to be, enjoy and unwind with the real you.

Love Jenny

[Anonymous]

I have been dying to get out for a while. I have been for several walks at night and have been around to a friends place dressed. I still baulk at the idea of going out to a restaurant or cafe. That is one of the min reasons I am spending a few days in Sydney next weekend. The ball plus associated activites will be my debut as it were. I am nervous and yet I think this will give me the impetus to become a little more outgoing and confident to go out with others.

I enjoy going out even if its only for a walk, but the thought of gonig out for dinner etc is too tempting not to.

Helen

[Anonymous]

thank you all very much for your replies, and you all very right to in your statements. I know it’s only fear that holds me back but it’s a little bit like flipping a coin, I am both halves but I can only show at one side of the time. If people I know see the female half will I lose their friendship and respect not all people understand.
The girls I’ve met on TR have been fabulous their willingness to help to understand to show how to transition in to what I want to be is without measure.
but not to be hard, I would say at this moment would be more than 30% to of the girls in the club go out in their female form. we all want to make contact with other people within the group, so we can be understood and that’s one of the greatest things about tranny radio.
Yes it is my problem and I’m the only one who can break through the fear but like the coin that is flicked which side will win.

Penny

[Anonymous]

I know it sounds a silly title, but as I live in a small suburb I get on very well my neighbours and my partner doesn’t know.

I can get all dressed up ready to go, but it’s the walk out to the car that causes me all the trouble. Late at night around midnight that is, not so hard jump into my car and drive around the town.
But if I was to go out to one of the dinners in Concord or Newtown it would still be daylight outside. I guess I could get all dressed up no makeup, then put male cloths over the top and do a change in the car.
Is there a better way of doing this?

Penny

[Anonymous]

Penny, before I ever stepped out the door, I wondered the same. The best thing to do in my case was to simply say “what the heck?” and just do it! The first time that I did it on my own, I just kept going and got into the car and went up to Collaroy from the western subs. The second time I ended up all over Sydney. Confidence is the issue here girl, that is all that there is to it. I now have no problem being me because I didn’t step back that first time. Good luck and go for it!

Peta A.

[Anonymous]

Hi Penny,

This is an issue I’ve dealt with a few times in my T-life – the last time 5 or 6 years ago now.

My situation is a little different inasmuch as my wife does know – nevertheless she isn’t exactly keen on the neighbours knowing I’m TG. I am also a bit fortunate because of the location of my home which is beside a public car park and I can exit and re-enter my property via the car park. I sometimes park my car in the car park before going out dressed and walk to my car across the car park dressed. However, even with these advantages, over the years I have regularly crossed paths with neighbours and others that I know.

For the most part, people, at least initially, didn’t seem to recognize me and even if they twig I’m a tranny they didn’t necessarily put 2 and 2 together. I remember reading a post written by a Scottish girl who lived in a block of flats. She said that, when she was on her way out dressed, she once held the security door open for her own mother and wasn’t recognised. So I think if you are confident etc. you can get away with the deception for a while but ultimately you will be sprung. I pretty sure that a few of my neighbours are now aware that I’m a tranny but they have never discussed it with me or my wife.

Peta suggests that you take the ‘what the heck’ route and I think that is the best route. Otherwise you have to find another location to dress and leave from.

Fiona xx

[Anonymous]

Hi Penny
Feel your pain – we all have
I used to leave in a tracksuit with a big brimmed hat on and have to stop in some dodgy place and finish the job by interior light to get anywhere.
But i found the more i dispensed with the clandestine approach and just left in full woman mode the more noone seemed to have the foggiest
In fact it was easier, not harder (as long as it was dark)
It takes some steel i know and it took ages – but after a while all people thought was there is that attrocious looking woman with no taste going out again. At least that was the best i hoped they thought

One of the things that got my bravery up was finding a friend though. when i could go to her house and have fun getting ready. I know you have to out yourself as a man to one of your mates – perish the thought – but getting ready is half the fun and we all know that feeling of dread – how do i get out the door
i have a friend in the UK who has a plan i love. She loves a night out but wants to keep th neighbours in the dark. once a month she gets a cheap day rate at a motel and spends 3 hours getting fabbed up – bath, mask, the whole dream, Then she drops the key in the night box and heads for dinner. She always tells me they think she is there for a hooker, instead she is trying to look like one!
These days i have accepted the fact i am going the whole journey, and whilst the locals know who i am it still freaks me out sometimes.
Good luck finding an escape route, it makes the outing so much better when you don’t have to stress
Good luck

[Anonymous]

Hi Penny, like a few here I’ve been there done that. I lived for years in a smallish coastal town where my house was open on three sides to neighbours all of whom I was at least on nodding terms with. In the end I went through one of those revelations of needing to get out or go stir crazy. So I parked the car on the front lawn, got ready and dove out the front door, into the car and away, with a ‘Hi Ho Silver’.
It wasn’t very satisfactory from a confidence point of view cos as much as I enjoyed the outing I knew that I was going to have to get back on to the lawn and into the house. For some reason it always seemed to take longer getting out of the car then it did getting in!!!
When I moved to the smoke, Melbourne, I was in a block of flats with a security gate, so I parked the car out the front and just got dressed and walked out, my flat was closest to the gate. Again I was very cautious about neighbours but eventually I got comfortable enough to say “sod ’em” One or two definitely knew about me, I assumed that it would be a topic of conversation among the rest so I lost interest and just carried on.
Perseverence my dear, either hide or do your thing and to heck with them.
And it isn’t a silly title.
Helen

Quote:

I know it sounds a silly title, but as I live in a small suburb I get on very well my neighbours and my partner doesn’t know.
I can get all dressed up ready to go, but it’s the walk out to the car that causes me all the trouble. Late at night around midnight that is, not so hard jump into my car and drive around the town.
But if I was to go out to one of the dinners in Concord or Newtown it would still be daylight outside. I guess I could get all dressed up no makeup, then put male cloths over the top and do a change in the car.
Is there a better way of doing this?

Penny

[Alice]

Quote:

I know it sounds a silly title, but as I live in a small suburb I get on very well my neighbours and my partner doesn’t know.

Seriously, if you are keeping the fact that you’re a CD from your partner and you’re actually going out dressed, then your relationship is either in big trouble or on borrowed time. At some point, you will have to come clean about your CDing to your partner, or abandon the relationship and look for a new one where you can be honest about it up front. The longer you hide it, the worse it will be when your partner finally finds out.

Neighbours are easy by comparison. Either they will not even notice, they’ll notice but refuse to say anything about it, or they’ll notice and tell you so. Doesn’t make much difference any way.

I was so convinced that one of my next-door neighbours had seen me coming and going (every Tuesday night for several months and the occasional day at weekends) that I invited her as a friend on Yahoo360. She was genuinely shocked as she had absolutely no idea. The next door neighbours on the other side turn off one of their lights when I turn into the driveway so that they can watch me while I put the car away and walk into the house but haven’t said a word about it to me. In both cases, it doesn’t matter. The neighbours still talk to me, regardless.

Quote:

I can get all dressed up ready to go, but it’s the walk out to the car that causes me all the trouble. Late at night around midnight that is, not so hard jump into my car and drive around the town.
But if I was to go out to one of the dinners in Concord or Newtown it would still be daylight outside. I guess I could get all dressed up no makeup, then put male cloths over the top and do a change in the car.

The simplest solution is to get yourself completely ready, walk out to your car, get in and leave. These days, that’s the easiest way. I work from home and have the risk that customers may show up any time during the day, any day of the week but even that doesn’t stop me.

Alice

[Anonymous]

The easiest way I found to get out was to go out with a friend that knows and accepts you. They will make life so much easier for you and give you so much more confidence. I struggled for years until I confided in a really close friend and she took me everywhere and I just built up the confidence that I have now. I actually work in a metal recycling yard full of 60 odd males and they all have accepted me for who I am. So take the plunge once done it gets easier and easier

Lots of love and luck

Bye for now

Olivia

[Anonymous]

Hi Girls.

Interesting ideas on how to get out there. I was worried too at first. I’ve been able to get out to the car and go out but that is when I chicken out. I can get to the carpark but haven’t been really able to go into the shops. Not confident I can pass. Do you think most people would think “so what” if they thought anything was out of the ordinary? Perhaps going CD is more common than I realise? I’m still looking forward to the day when I can just go out and be me. Hope you all have fun and success too.

Bye,

Wendy