How welcoming are we?

[Anonymous]

I am not going to defend or denigrate the “very senior members” but hopefully point out that things happen.

I used to frequent the chat room, but I haven’t been there for ages. It’s not because I was ignored, or anyone was rude to me, or for any reason other than it just doesn’t hold much interest for me.

The chat room has many people who know each other, there are little side areas where other conversations can be had. Heck, in this age of the Internet, we can be chatting on several websites all at one time.

Our attention will be maintained by the people we know, the conversations in which we have a vested interest, the ones which involve us.

I cannot specifically suggest “why” it appeared that this new person was ignored. I myself know that it is sometimes difficult to maintain a conversation with someone who is just discovering all of this. You don’t want to be the trigger for them to do something they may regret. Sometimes it is too much a reminder of where we once were. Kids in High School don’t have much time for Pre-Schoolers. I know it may seem cruel, but as we grow, our conversations do mature. It is so much easier to get involved in a conversation with someone you know, or at least have had previous conversations with. You have a set of common points that you share.

I would suggest that maybe the “snubbing” of this new girl may not have been intentional. Those of us who have been around a while are wary of the “new kids on the block” because there are some strange people who even get through the screening process. Maybe the “new kid” just never said anything which was a trigger to continue a conversation – or maybe even triggered the opposite response and get herself shut out of the conversation.

Personally, I get tired of people who claim they are TG or CD just to try to get into the pants of another. You get hypersensitive to any conversations that may be a prelude to suspicious activity.

[bee]

As members will know the TR chat room runs on software costing $5 that Amanda has worked hard on and fine tuned for our use.

I am in the chat room a fair bit and usually welcome new members with the infamous ‘welcome drink’. However it is sometimes easy to not see a member enter especially if they don’t make a post, and the chat room is busy and the text scrolls up. Also it takes time to look at the profile of a new member to find out something about them to chat about. I find while I am doing this, often the member will leave, before I can return to the chat page and make a post to them.

The chat room is not real time, and as I understand it, and it updates the posts at a regular interval. So members see posts sometimes at a different time and order from each other.

As regular members of the chat room will know, often a new member joins the room, and says nothing and leaves. It does get a bit tiresome after the 100th time of greeting someone and then they just leave, I am sure members can understand this.

May I suggest to Lisa_W that anyone can greet anyone. Rather than complaining that others did not greet a new member, perhaps taking the step and doing it herself might have been one outcome.

The chat room is not divided onto ‘senior or junior” members. The only difference is the amount of logins a member has had. The more logins allow a member to Private Message a member one on one. This is stated in the welcome text when a member joins the chat.

[Anonymous]

I joined about 5 years ago and am a resaonably frequent member of the chat room. I have found that the greater majority of members are more than willing to chat and help newcomers out. However its a two edged sword, people have to look at the room, join and say hello… We are all here for the same purpose, so there’s no need to be scared (nervous yes, scared no) just say hello and see where things lead.

Helen

[Adrian]

As a “senior” (what’s that?) member who was in the chat room at the time I think the comments made by Lisa were completely unfounded.

There are many new members who, on entering the chat room for the first time, prefer just to stay a while and listen. Often what is discussed and the way it is discussed is unfamiliar.

To have a group of people offering copious amounts of virtual help as soon as you poke your head in the door the first time would be I imagine particularly daunting. Generally if someone is seeing immediate help (virtual or real) then they generally make the request.

So yes Lisa – I do think you “have the protocols all wrong”.

And so do you have the protocol for the forums wrong too – the post has nothing to do with “Serious Stuff – Gender & Sexuality” where it was posted – so I’ve moved it.

[Anonymous]

I am not a frequent user of the chat room but have enjoyed my visits with the exception of one factor. When I have entered, people tend to stop their conversations and welcome me. I do not want this as it stops the flow of their interaction and I feel like an interloper.
Asking them to carry on ” as you were” is no solution as it interrupts even more ( it also sounds a bit creepy) and I have seen previous participants go silent and leave the room soon after, leaving me feeling even more guilty. Therefore I seldom enter.
Perhaps the “newby” mentioned feels the same way and chose to remain silent and observe for a while? I think that being able to just ” listen” to a conversation for a while and enter when you have something to add, may be a good thing?

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I am not a frequent user of the chat room but have enjoyed my visits with the exception of one factor. When I have entered, people tend to stop their conversations and welcome me. I do not want this as it stops the flow of their interaction and I feel like an interloper.
Asking them to carry on ” as you were” is no solution as it interrupts even more ( it also sounds a bit creepy) and I have seen previous participants go silent and leave the room soon after, leaving me feeling even more guilty. Therefore I seldom enter.
Perhaps the “newby” mentioned feels the same way and chose to remain silent and observe for a while? I think that being able to just ” listen” to a conversation for a while and enter when you have something to add, may be a good thing?

I agree with you perhaps those that frequent the room and see them self’s as “senior ” members could understand that in instead of being ignorant to those that are new listening are getting use to the room and how it works or even waiting for some one else to enter the room

[Adrian]

Tania,
Moderator

Quote:

I am getting quite tired of dealing with your recent posts in these forums.

There are no senior members in the chat room, and no one who sees themselves as senior. This term was invented (inappropriately) by someone recently and is by its use actually quite offensive (certainly to me). I suggest that everyone drops using it before it is interpreted as an attack on another member under the rules.

I also find it offensive to find you preaching to these people (who ever they are) how they should behave, when you have no track record of ever using the chat room in a constructive way. In fact I’m surprised that anyone who has not seen the long term workings of the chat room would feel the need to comment on how people behave. I know the other side of the story and it isn’t the picture people are trying to paint as black here.

Tania, your past behaviour has already created work for the moderators and, as you know, you have already been banned from the chat room.
If you don’t rethink how you can be constructive member of our community than it will be better that you hit the delete profile button and take your style of community contribution to some other forum.

This is your final and very public warning.

[Adrian]

Quote:

I have seen previous participants go silent and leave the room soon after, leaving me feeling even more guilty. Therefore I seldom enter.
Perhaps the “newby” mentioned feels the same way and chose to remain silent and observe for a while? I think that being able to just ” listen” to a conversation for a while and enter when you have something to add, may be a good thing?

I have also observed the difficulty of “getting started” Christina, both when I have actually been in the chat room , and also when I review the chat log for any issues. In the past I watched new members joining the room quite closely as we did have some issues back then with predatory behaviour by a minority of users.

I note that frequently the regular users feel quite guilty about their failure to engage new entrants in conversation – they feel they have been rude, yet when one looks at the log you can see that they made significant attempts to draw the new member into the conversation. On the other hand, you can also see members being quite overwhelmed by this sudden attention (hardly surprising when many have never had any form of prior communication with someone in their community).

What I do know is that many of the regulars choose to greet the new member by private chat and assure them that they are welcome. Of course other newer members don’t realise this is happening (they can’t see the private chat) and on this partial information may incorrectly judge what is happening.

There was once (briefly) a warning on the chat room about just listening. It was to avoid a problem we had in the past (with members like Tania) who would enter the chat with the intention of only talking in private – without even saying “hi” in the main room. This understandably spooked a number of people.

There hasn’t been any warning like that for a long time so I guess anyone posting here who thinks we still have some ban on listening haven’t been in the chat room recently!!
But I still think it is required etiquette to say “Hi” when you enter the room. After that you can stay and listen for as long as you like (and frequently people do) – well at least until your chat connection times-out!

[Anonymous]

I drop into chat when I find the time, I always try to say Hello to anyone new and try to ask a few questions to make thme feel at ease, But some do not wish to talk and your jammed from there. I think most in chatroom do try to be warm and give welcome, its up to the new members to be more forward.

[Deleted User]

I’d be willing to acknowledge that we dont have a PERFECT procedure in welcoming new girls to the TR chat room. Is such a thing possible ??

However I’m saddened to hear that a member is ashamed at our lack of response and that is ” disgraceful”

Try harder i guess .. is that the message ? but I know that some regulars do make a genuine effort at welcoming newcomers but it does get a little difficult at times when the text is scrolling quickly and you miss a new entry while you were chatting to someone with whom you wanted to have a PM chat for a while.

Many exmaples when you say Hi to a newcomer and they dissapear soon after.

Its also difficult (impossible) to understand the desires of a 1st time TR chat room visitor … ie do they want to just sit and listen or be engaged in chat immediately

As one of the regulars I’m happy to do anything I can to make TR a more Welcoming Place.. I thought it was pretty good but maybe thats a matter of insider perspective.

lets review the issue in future !

Caroline

[Petra]

Lisa , hi , also im new to TR and as yet have no complaints about the site or any of the girls .
I do admit i have not used the chat room yet , it is new to me as well , but i hope to get on there when i can and hope im accepted like everyone else .
This is all new to me as ive never used any sites or social media before …i know ..you cant believe it but its true .
Anyway thought i would say hi and hope to see you at Katoomba and have a chat
Petra

[Deleted User]

Petra I’m sure we will give you a warm welcome when you do appear in the Chat room

Its a great way to engae with others and make friends.. then even better you get to meet people for social events in the real world

hope you enjoy

Caroline

[Elizabeth]

For the first time the other day I entered the chat room. This was mainly to ask Amanda something around Katooma in May. My wife is attending, but not the dinner etc. She will be there for other activities on the Saturday and Sunday, hopefully, full on. I apologise to the other girls for not being too chatty as I was focussing on Amanda and had her undivided attention. Nevertheless it was a wecoming start.
It just shows how attitudes change. Not too many years ago my wife was very anti and can still get her knickers in twist sometimes. Those who have similar challenges, give it time and persistance. I’m not allowed to drive to Katoomba myself due to health problems so it was a two edged sword.

[Anonymous]

Having experienced the chat room as a complete newbie and then developed relationships I find comments of merit on both sides of this discussion.

I was welcomed in to the chat room with a cocktail by Bambi. Others welcomed me too although some members took a little while to do so. But whereas its good to watch and “listen” I also think its a responsibility of each member to get involved and not be too easily put off.

There were obvious friendships going on when I entered. Discussions sometimes were outside or beyond my experience. But whenever I could I got involved and that seems to have allowed me to form on-line friendships. And then I made a point of attending national functions where I might meet some of the girls. And not once have I been given the cold shoulder or not welcomed by TR members.

My message is that it does take time. Like any new relationships you have to spend some time there first. I’v been a bit absent lately but I know that when I enter the chat room I’ll get hello’s etc and that feels like welcome to me. Then its up to me to get involved.

So Lisa, dont be put off. Get back in there and get involved.

Having said all that theres always room for more girls joining the welcome voice. But in any relationship there are those that hang back and those that are more up-front and trusting (perhaps). You cant make people change how they are.

But TR is a welcoming place to me. At least I havnt been told off yet! TR welcomed me in and is a kind of home to me. And there so many great women on here that also need support even if they are “old hands” (yes I know less of the old ) But I have a great liking for them and for TR and for all the hard work that goes into maintaining the site which come on girls costs us $10 a year!!!!

So go well, get involved, make friends.

May the Force be with you

Best wishes
Roisin x.

[Adrian]

Quote:

But I have a great liking for them and for TR and for all the hard work that goes into maintaining the site which come on girls costs us $10 a year!!!!

Collective blushes from the moderators….
…but actually just $10 for life (if you don’t let your membership lapse).
But if you feel like making donations later on..there is always a button to press..but there is no obligation or requirement to do so!