I’m both [..Male and Female..]

[Anonymous]

Hey Kiera ,
I think you are not in any way weird for the tranny community !
god know how many Ive met /talked to feel caught between the 2 genders and dont know which gender they would really like to live as !
To me being male has its advantages and I wouldnt like to give those up whilst at the same time it would be so nice to be female .So I feel caught between the two as well, but Ive decided to live as a male , but I have total empathy for those who want to live more on the female side of things.
Society doesnt, as far as I see tolerate much a person who is a male dressing and behaving as a female – well not as far as day to day living but I hope im wrong here. I also feel a female acting male is much more tolerated by society
Look, in short , I dont think your alone by a very long way and feel that you will have a immeasurable amount of support from TR and other groups
Hugs
Suzz

[Anonymous]

Kiera it’s Peta here. I think that I’ve got the basic idea of what you’re saying and maybe this thought could possibly help. I’ve been on and off as a crossdresser for roughly 15 years now and basically closeted at that. I went out in public on my own in the middle of March 08 for the first time really full on, shopping centers, daylight and so on, no hiding any more! The thing that I came to realise is that I much prefer a feminine appearance over the guy thing. However, I realise that some parts of my life[at the moment anyway] will still be as a guy. As a result, I haven’t turned my back on my heritage you might say. Some things I still like as a guy but they aren’t everything, if I could change that in the short term I would but in the meantime, I’ll work with it. I would prefer the feminine approach to the entire rest of my life but I just can’t do it yet. Maybe this helps you with your thoughts, maybe not, Peta.

[Anonymous]

thanks 4 replies, I’m at a point where i want to live in the real world with clear parts of both binary genders (Male/female) I don’t care what people will say or think but I don’t think I could handle any violence,and I do want/Need a loving relationship but who will ever love a weirdo like me. I’ve not had any relationship in my 30 years as a man. I’m scared that as my true self it would be even harder

[Anonymous]

Hi Kiera.
I don’t often post replies but I feel I need to add my opinion.
I am so in agreeable with you, I live in both worlds quite happly sometimes full fem others full male, but I also go out day & night androgynous.

Everyone should be able to express themselves as the feel most comfortable without discrimmination or harressment.
You are definitely NOT alone in how you feel.
Nobody should pretend to be someone their not, if your happy to blur the lines then so be it.

Most people I know understand the way I am with acceptance.
I’d be happy to talk to you face to face pls email me.

The world is no longer black & white we can choose a shade of grey if we prefer. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!!!

Hugs: Monique

[Anonymous]

Hi Kiera
I am getting ready to sit down and watch the state of origin with my son and it will be a boys night. Notwithstanding that I am wearing lingerie under my male clothes I am doing it with enjoyment and relishing the time to bond with my son, in other words no false front or gritting of teeth to get through it. I also take my daughter shopping and enjoy that experience just as much. Neither of them know about my gender balance but if they found out it would not be the end of the world due to the bond I have established with them.
The upshot is do what makes you happy and be yourself. Use discretion if you need to for self protection and that of your loved ones, remember we live in the first world so you need to consider that.
We are individuals so let your chosen lifestyle bring you happiness.

Hugz
Chrissy

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I know I’m weird even for the tranny community I’m living a lie in my male body but to live as a female would not be right 4 me either, my true self would be mix of both breasts and beard I know society probably wouldn’t accept me. Which is scary because I don’t think I could handle what society might throw @ me
My question is are there other people going through this if so I’d love to meet up. I’ve found some forums where I’m not alone but online is totally different to face 2 face… on those forums I’m androgyne

It’s called “Queer” or if you want the more in your face term “queer fucked”

People who are Queer usually do it to make a statement – social, political or personal.

I know a few queer people in Sydney who happily wear a beard, male short and a skirt with long socks and male shoes. I saw one once in a dress. No biggy, all about your confidence and you shiny and bright personality to educate people and gain acceptance./

Gosh for a few months in the afternoon, I’ve been wearing male pants and female tops and make. Reluctantly of course, but that’s all over now I just wear a nice skirt and heels and get mobbed by kids and parents

Be you – some people will be a bit taken back at first, but give them time, they are either stupid and will never grow, or ignorant and will eventually change from heckling to talking to you and voila!

Yesterday a family that has heckled me for weeks finaly changed. The mother called me over asked why I wear dresses and for the next half hour their kids were raising their hands to ask me questions and we all go on well. Now they greet me in the morning and afternoon, the kids smile and are friendly towards me and all is well.

Sometimes it takes people time to get their head into gear, sometimes you have to help them, other times, well, there are better things to put energy into.

BTW have you considered you might be intersexed? Have you had any Karyotype tests done? Might be worth while. Most people have no idea they are intersexed unless their genitals are clearly ambiguous. There are over 270 types of Intersexed classifications and variations recorded. Again, there are many people who don’t even know they have girl bits inside (if they present normally as male) or even have XX chromosomes and sill look male.

I’m starting to think, with depression being at high incidents these days, that most people might have a degree of gender complexity that is so suppressed by social indoctrination and lack of knowledge about gender.

We already know kids suicide cause they feel wrong and can’t get support. Adults do too. Yo don’t have to be TS and have surgery to feel or e complete. You can just mix and match and feel comfortable.

Go get tested, what have you got to loose!

[Anonymous]

hi …. well i am as most know i am both m & f . so its no big deal . i live as a women now i love it. as i am more women than man well the body was male not now . so if you are accepted its neat i am so. its all on for me now.just took a lomg time like 50 years to be what i should have been . a women yea its good. yes. its how you are in side that counts.
see how you go youll get there …… …noeleena….

[Breana]

As a rule I try not to post my comments because I am struggling with my sexuality and I feel its best dealt with within myself and then I will seek out the appropriate support…

I am very much a man, I have played pro level rugby and I have all of the male musles to show for it but I wish I wasnt. I think deep down inside I am a woman but have for one reason or another been made male.

I guess I am like everyone else who has to struggle with their sexuality and for that reason I believe we are all both… it just takes a trigger to bring the man or woman out…

I guess my trigger was seeing my Aunty’s Knee high boots… ever since I was 4 I have wanted them… best thing is I now have 4 pairs

Anyway… if there are any QLD’s local to the 4208 post code who might be able to lend an ear and advise I would appreciate your time…

As for being wierd Kiera… your not in my opinion..

xx

Bree

[Anonymous]

HI Kiera,
YOU ARE NOT WEARD:)
You are part of our community and beeign involved in trnnyradio is in my view a good thing for all of us.
Knowing how you feel wh you are accepting it and embracing it is what matters most:)) in my view.
I spent years denying my inner self feelign weard a freak so many thngs i felt about self why?? society fear of losing family because im different . I now believe WE are not weard but rather and maybe its for self here say WE are blessed for we have a greater undertandign of both genders . In your case you know how you feel etc as I HAVE REALSIED FOR ME I to be happy must in this journey called life fully transition. I BELIEVE YOU ARE JUST YOU AND ONE OF US . iTS GREAT TO HAVE YOU AS A MEMBER.
I think as happens here what matters is we al look out for each other and not judge as the so called normal soiety judge us. Who by th way hid there own kinks fetishes etc while judging us:))
What is weard to ne is not to others in my view as long as what you do who you are is not hurtign others isnt hat what matters and you beeign you do not hurt anyone you are blessed with feminine and male trait so i say all power to you just embrace it enjy it be you as you want to be

[Anonymous]

Quote:

As a rule I try not to post my comments because I am struggling with my sexuality and I feel its best dealt with within myself and then I will seek out the appropriate support…

Bree, sorry for being blunt, but you say you struggle with your sexuality.

Are you referring to being Gay, Lesbian, Bi or Straight?

Because gender and sexuality are two VERY VERY unrelated things.

The last week I’ve had to deal with – well slightly – idiot women who attack me in front of little children saying I’m disgusting cause I appear as a woman. One even went so far as to say “And how do you kids feel about this” whilst they were climbing all over me and introducing me to more of their little friends – when that failed she tried the “and what about your wife, or the mother of your children, she must be horrified” to which my wife standing next to me stepped in and said “why, she looks nice, no different o me or anyone else”

I think this woman was confused with cross dressing fetish and thought it was sexual – might explain her “it’s fine for you to do in private, but not in the street” line.

Needless to say, a dozen other mothers made short work of her and the increasing volume of children wanting to talk to me and ask questions sent her back home.

She only “came up to see what all the talk the last week was about” anyway. One woman said it was best she went back home and didn’t bother coming up again, even if it was to see something that was being talked about.

So if you are struggling with your sexuality, then perhaps Gender is not of issue and you need to look in a different direction.

Now I’ve said my piece, let me clarify for the sensitive people out there that will want to bitch or abuse me over “attacking” Bree.

Bree was simply the vocalised of a thought. I have vocalised something around that thought. I haven’t attacked her, I don’t even know her (although the pic is a bit cute!) What I have said applies to EVERYONE, and especially to people trying to find their way on the Gender or the Sexuality pathways. Sure they can intersect, but you can be a woman and not have sex, and you can be Lesbian and not be a woman.

Being GAY does not make a Me Transgender, and being Lesbian doesn’t make a Woman a Man. Being Bi doesn’t make you Androgynous, and being Straight doesn’t make you a Man or a Woman.

Hope I’ve added some thought.

[Anonymous]

Thanks again for the responses
as for me being weird. I know i’m different even if it wasn’t for my gender issues but i’m sick of being called politically correct versions of weird like “unique” or “special” by doctors, I much prefer to keep it real with the term “weird” – please don’t deny me the freedom to choose my own language

being both genders is something that is something that I accept and i’m fairly happy about, the confusing part is working out how to express both sides of me and what it means for me in other related issues eg. sexuality -am i straight guy or lesbian?
I’m more fem than most girls I know but still have male side.

[Anonymous]

Kiera tags are just that what matters is your safe happy and know who you are and acccept it
Ella_1 I fnd your coments always straight from the heart thought provocking and I admire much about way you go about your life:))
I didnt read anythign negative in your expressions:)
Love to all
Jess

[Anonymous]

I find it very frustrating that the loud minority always seem to tag others who do not fit in with their template. We are minority, we are not a danger to others, yet Ella’s example of one person’s lack of tolerance and self righteousness had the attention of evereybody. Luckily common sense came in and the intransigent woman left.

We are a mixed gender group and unlike other groups we don’t enjoy a high profile. In the same vein we are not chic to others and cannot influence any political party. I’m proud to be a CD and the more I Dress the more I dicover myself. I am now of the opinion that I don’t really care hat others think, I am happy, so why the concern about me dressing as a woman?

Oh for tolerance!

[Anonymous]

Quote:

as for me being weird. I know i’m different even if it wasn’t for my gender issues but i’m sick of being called politically correct versions of weird like “unique” or “special” by doctors, I much prefer to keep it real with the term “weird” – please don’t deny me the freedom to choose my own language

OOOOO!! You mean WEIRD in that sense! God yes! I’m Weird I got a week of highlights around town to prove that! Yes I agree totally.

I don’t want to be called special, except by my wife and kids – and they did before I started transition.

No one has a right to call me Unique, except me, cause EVERYTHING on this planet is unique – even mass manufactured plastics!

Quote:

being both genders is something that is something that I accept and i’m fairly happy about,

When you say both genders – do you mean Intersexed? If not, I’d love to know how you define yourself as both genders.

I’m intersexed, I’m both genders and both sexes. I have always been far weighted on the female gender, but the mail sex – until my immune system gave in a couple of years ago and the XX and XY bits started fighting for survival – now I’ve tamed them – kinda (Not sure that the XXY,47 bits are doing, but apparently they aren’t so important to my health)

Quote:

the confusing part is working out how to express both sides of me and what it means for me in other related issues eg. sexuality -am i straight guy or lesbian?

Interesting. My wife only said less than an hour ago, that she doesn’t liek calling me SHE or HER with other people because I’m ‘both’ and that I am allowed to express my male side as well.

I replied that I’ve uncomfortably and depresingly expressed the smaller male side most of my life, it’s time for the girl to have some puberty (which is in fact actually taking place in my body for real – without HRT) and to let me grow to reach my full potential.

Shame the genital parts aren’t as they were suppose to be. Parents yet again to blame for that.

Quote:

I’m more fem than most girls I know but still have male side.

I think my male side is very suppressed. I don’t like ‘him’ and I find him rather oppressive. There don’t even appear to be advantages because when I present more male than female I am usually ignored or treated like crap – but when female I’m respected. People even apologize if they accidentally call me Mr or Sir or Him.

If they are nice people, I brush it off, if they aren’t nice I let them know.

Guess I’m more Hermaphrodite than I thought. Will have to go back to researching that one again.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Kiera tags are just that what matters is your safe happy and know who you are and acccept it

Yup labels and categories are for dumb people, really. I keep being asked how I feel about black people or Asian, or Chinese, or Muslum, … and I usually go “huh?” cause I really don’t notice.

what I do notice are people who are rude, abusive and stupid. But they come in all shapes, sizes and colours too. I just lablel them as sub-human, it’s easier

jessicadeannen

Quote:

Ella_1 I fnd your coments always straight from the heart thought provocking and I admire much about way you go about your life:))[/qupte]

Thanks Jessica. I have, to pro and con, a lot of worldly experience in life and pain. Sometimes it’s helpful to others, sometimes it’s not.

As I recently wrote to someone on another forum, I can’t offer answers. I can offer experiences, usually my own, or relayed from others. I can offer questions. I can offer argument and debate, but you have to find the answers yourself for you. They will be different.

The only answer I can give you is that one day, you will die, at least until immortality becomes a reality.

I find forums are a great way to share experiences. I hat eit when someone posts something – good or bad – and people reply with “Oh that’s wonderful” or “I’m crying for you” cause that’s nonsense.

It helps no one. Posting a constructive message with subjective views will help a person, be it a good experience or a bad one.

And yes, even if someone posts a “I had a great .,..” there is nothing wrong with someone coming back and saying “When I had my experience it was terrible, because …”

cause you can be assured, next week a third person will be going down that path and having been armed with the Good and the Bad, they can focus on the Ugly.

Quote:

I didnt read anythign negative in your expressions:)Jess

Thanks Some people don’t see my prose that way

Quote:

I find it very frustrating that the loud minority always seem to tag others who do not fit in with their template.

And you know what’s worse?

When that Loud Minority are within your own template. I get so sick of people in the TG categories bagging me out because their lives aren’t so easy or are easier, or they don’t agree with me simply because we have different experiences, values and ideals.

I have pulled myself off a number of TG site and forums now simply because people are not willing to be open to other peoples experiences.

What is the point of forums and chatrooms if people are just going to say “You are so pretty” or “congratulations on starting HRT” but no one ever shares their experiences.

Maybe we need a WEIRD category Keira – you and I can be the founders of ‘W’ so we ca have GLBTW

Now for a few vowels.

Quote:

We are minority, we are not a danger to others, yet Ella’s example of one person’s lack of tolerance and self righteousness had the attention of evereybody. Luckily common sense came in and the intransigent woman left.

Yes and no. I’m not a minority, unless you mean me on my own. I’m 1/6th of a family, I’m 1/xxxxxxxth of a community, I’m 1//yyyyyyyyy of a country …

But I’m one of the human species just like everyone else and expect to be treated the same way the person wants to be treated.

Sadly I beleive that stupid people want to be treated they way they treat us – they like the aggression, the attack, the fight, the defensive, the offensive. They thrive on it and need it. It makes them feel alive because if they don’t, they have nothing to gauge their happy moments upon.

I don’t watch sport so i don’t get a high when a goal is scored or whatever. I get a high seeing my family happy and laughing and smiling. Gender plays no role in that.

Quote:

We are a mixed gender group and unlike other groups we don’t enjoy a high profile.

Not sure about that any more. I think ‘T’ is getting a lot of profile. There are heaps of stories in the mainstream media in the USA and UK. I’ve recently made the newspapers in an incredibly positive light. Perhaps too positive

The community I’m in give me too much attention. But then, it is nice And I return as much as I get!

I think the issue is no one who is CD,TV or TS wishes to show themselves for fear.

To which end, I’m trying to organise a WORLD GENDER DAY. Where people live a day dressed in the gender they want to.

I’m hoping to get people to help me around the world to pull this off – then WEIRD can be far less so

Quote:

In the same vein we are not chic to others and cannot influence any political party.

For what means? Well Trans have had a big impact in Aus with Discrimination Laws that are, so far to my research, second to none. I know other countries are following, slowly – and I’m on their tails with a doco camera!

But there isn’t really much a TS person wants, other than to be treated like any other person. F2M’s just blend in and vanish, you don’t heard about them much – they are just blokes.

M2F’s cover a bigger spectrum because some are very masculine in look, others you’d never even know.

Like my girlfriend (not my wife.) We went out to dinner recently with some CD/TV people and they had no idea she was TS until the conversation got to the point she had to reveal.

Quote:

I’m proud to be a CD and the more I Dress the more I dicover myself. I am now of the opinion that I don’t really care hat others think, I am happy, so why the concern about me dressing as a woman?

I have never cared much what other people think about me As long as I achieve the result I set out for and people that are part of that smile.

Quote:

Oh for tolerance!

I think there is a lot more than many CD/TV/TG people are willing to give credit to.

Honestly, I get hassled by people today as much as I did ten years ago. and ten years before that. IN fact I got more hassled at school by 900 boys who all called me Poof, Gay and Girl, than in the last 12 months.

Even the last week has been more entertainment.

Maybe when CD/TV and new TG people get past the (maybe) false indoctrinated fear, and just be alive, people will ignore CDs as much as they ignore their own parents telling them to go to bed as a child!

I do pity wives (or husbands where relevant) that react negatively to words their spouses at the announcement of CD or Transition and then follow it up with years of abuse. That’s nonsense and to be honest only goes to prove that the person never really did love the Transperson for who they are anyway.

Anyway, my today wife said I should really look at hormone catalysts and see what happens. She’s against me having cosmetic surgery, as am I, but sometimes I can’t help by feel I should complete my body with SRS – but it’s a small want, not a need.

Good thing is, we both agreed the herbal route – and even better she can enjoy them for her own benefit as well – so that is o cool!

Weird – for sure!