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my most recent column on GNN
I thought I would share this here for those who don’t frequent Gay News Network.
I am now a regular columnist there! Woohoo!PASSING AS “NORMAL”.
Gender is firmly fixed for the majority whatever the sexual orientation, the notion that it is not grates with what the majority accept as reality. We grow up ruled by this social construct to be boys or to be girls. As children we are groomed to accept this is our life , when you have difference you learn to conceal it.
If you fail you are shunned , pressure to conform grips your thoughts. You unwittingly damage your future with your fears , they will haunt you for ever more. As a transgender person it is almost impossible to avoid the societal bullying to be the sort of “normal” expected by others. It is often a subtle pressure but it truly is crushing none the less. We see the rest satisfied with who they are while we struggle to be who we are expected to be and not who we are.
When we transition we mostly continue to support this “normal” gender division . We endeavor to pass as the other gender and slide anonymous into the masses. It’s a game of Russian roulette for those carrying the heaviest burden. If called out often enough or aggressively it can cause deep, dangerous depression . The large number of suicides and attempts confirm the fragility. In aiming to fit the gender measures we fail ourselves, we become open to the judgment of others.
In fitting into the gender roles society dictates we leave our transgender experience in the past. We perpetuate the myth of happiness in conformity and loose our whole selves again in that process. Cut off from our entire self we are more vulnerable to the critical comments and become overly sensitive some say. Passing is more about others than yourself. It is confirming the gender stereo types, confirmation of the division. I don’t know if I “pass” and I am not particularly interested. It’s affirming when people see me as I see myself but not critical.
We want acceptance as who we are but what we do is conform to the reality of others. We seek to pass unnoticed in the world , to hide from who we truly are. Obviously it’s hard to stand up for difference, even people who have no gender issues are still pressured to stick to the rules of gender display. It is a cultural norm that needs to be cut out for it is cancerous. Our society is still to discover it’s true self and discover the reality and value of the difference within.
We know a reality that reveals a truth that most will never consider and it is only us that can distribute that truth. Gender is a construct to divide humanity and it’s not set in stone. We must find strength , to step from the shadows and share our reality if we are to be accepted, for hidden no one need know or care. Instead of “PASSING” societies gender test we should simply be ourselves. Get over “normal” and get on with difference that is what will lead to acceptance of all minority groups.
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