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Playing and sexuality
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I find this thread very interesting and as usual varied in opinions.
My feelings are that us males were raised in a homophobic way and it runs, (and ruins?) our lives.But it is amazing how us Gals can dress and be attracted to another Gal and have a good time and where penetration is not really part of it all.
Yet I and most of us could not imagine being attrated to Men or being in a Gay relationship.
The worst aspect of all this is that many of us HATE our male appendage and rush off down the road to have it cut off, mainly in the belief that this will make them accepted.
Sadly it has been proven that MOST people who have a M/F sex change become asexual! Meaning they have no sex life.
Whereas a male sex life can be better and of higher heights as we mature, and we can enjoy dressing as part of it. And our Wifes can also enjoy a more sensous love life with their dressed partner, IF they drop the ‘you are a MAN’ barrier.
Life is to be enjoyed, and we are only here once.
Jennett
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Hmm, interesting topic. Let me try to express one of those many individual and personal views that probably has no, little, or much bearing on any other reader!
I’ve been married for 10 years and we’re still married and going forward, even with a lot of hurdles and trauma, my TG being is not one of those – well ok there is one hurdle there – the fights over clothing are getting a bit frustrating. (Thank god we wear a different shoe size!)
Sexuality and Love are two different things for me. There are times when my sweetie and I have no sex at all, and it has no affect on our relationship. There are times when we have lots (quick, really quick, micro, and sometimes a little longer) but that doesn’t reflect on our relationship.
Several years ago we both agreed to allow each other to explore sexually with others. I was quite encouraging on this because she had only had one other sexual partner, besides me. Unfortunately for her, and now I understand why, the few partners she’s explored with have been less than “pretty bad in bed.” I’ve discovered the same in men too, although I haven’t bedded any random ones yet, I’m yet to meet one that I want to – because I have seen what many are like without needing to experience it myself. I’ve also had experiences with lesbian (when I was outwardly male actually) and straight women and am constantly told I must be a female in disguise. Probably explains my lack of one night stands, but repeat partners – which clearly ensures safe sex too.
Which brings me to the tangent of “Tranny Community Perception”. I find most women are accepting, some aren’t. however men just seem to think that a Transgendered M2F is only interesting is taking their noodle and sticking it in our mouths.
This is furthest from the truth for me. I have no desire at all. The mere fact that a man would expect me to do such and then press me into agreeing is enough for me to shoo them away – and I do. I get MANY offers at the Taxi Club in a night and they all get sent packing.
Back to main thread
As much as I like other woman, I do like what a man can give me as a woman. I like to be caressed, pampered, touched, flirted with, and whatever else comes as part of that. I’m a sensual woman, who enjoys being sensual.
I guess this makes me a “more lesbian than straight” TG, a tad bi, but not a lot.
I find a lot of CD/TG types are pure lesbian which is curious when I hear them say they want to mingle with other CD/TG types. Sexuality wise, this isn’t going to work out unless the TG is post op.
I like sexual contact as much now as I did before. Sexuality to me is in my mind. I don’t have to be turned on to desire sex, I can think it. I can be really turned on and think myself out of sex too.
Food for thought for those who think hat sexuality and gender and love and sex are all directly connected at the same point. They aren’t.
I will admit, I love being physically flirted with. I’ll let the majority of men feel my legs, thighs, and let their hands wander a little. But I always make it clear that just because we have a level of body contact, that doesn’t mean they’ll get a blow job!
What I do find frustrating is the taboo put so heavily on the topic of or the offering of sex. You go out to club looking for a one night stand (and why not? Sex doesn’t mean you love the person, and want to marry them the next morning – unless you’re Britney Spears) and spend from 9 PM till 4 AM flirting, but no on is game to say “Hey, it’s OK I’d like to have sex” cause if a guy says it to a girl he’s liable to be hit in the head with a tiletto, and if a girl says it to a guy, the queue from his SMS circulation list gets very long to service!
I haven’t worked out yet how to approach the topic of sex in the club atmosphere. So I’m just as much to blame upholding the taboo.
Putting something direct in your profile is a good way let people know. Admittedly many people on these internet dating sites are there for the pictures and the mental titillation, not the real life meet. I have, and we have, been stood up many times and of course there are the guys under girl profiles that just want you to go to their favorite meeting place and look up your skirt as you pace around looking for the cute girl you are going to meet. (I’ve been around long enough to know the guys from the girls! Girls will ALWAYS make a telephone voice call, guys will use SMS and try and keep the “girl” talk up – but it’s inevitable pretty bad.
Of course, I don’t mind teasing the guys who think they are tricking me
I’m playing with one right now! He has become so unsure as to whether I know who he actually is, however we had so much fun with him at the Taxi Club last night! He left VERY disappointed and sent me an SMS expressing such. So it’s Check now – next weekend – maybe check mate Do I only want to play with tg girls? No, not really. I find some attractive, and some not. Just like I find some women attractive and some not.
but ttraction to me is a step from a far more deep relationship, so sometimes it’s better to have a sexual relationship with someone you aren’t actually physically drawn to, but enjoy the conversation and intellect. (It can be VERY hard finding a man who has intellect yet alone able to hold a conversation that goes beyond “You are very beautiful, I want to take you home for the night.”)
I note a lot of people talk about “adopting a fem persona when dressed.” I find this really weird. My personality hasn’t changed. Just the clothing I wear. (Ok I no longer hide my face behind 3 inches of fur and I have, finally, a nice silky body.)
Everyone I know, especially the woman I’ve known and worked with over many years, all say I’m still the same person, just look different. Most say they find it easier to accept me as in girl mode than boy mode.
I’ve always been the “honorary” woman as a male. I’ve been dragged into girls toilets and buzzed at about the boy at the end of the bar or the likes. I’ve been dragged into the Girls Morning Tea discussions about the weekend gone, the weekend coming and how to survive a period at the beach in a white bikini. So my fen side has been outward no matter how I look.
I find that really flattering.
So dressing doesn’t do anything for my sexually, it never has – I thought once “cross dressing” was a sexual fantasy play thing and did with a previous girlfriend a few times, and with my wife a fe times – but it really didn’t change the sex, the perception of sex or the attitudes towards sex in the relationships.
Going from boy to girl full time literally over night this year after no one knowing, not even my wife, has been very rewarding. I’m happy with my transition thus far.
I know too a lot of TS girls have a disliking for CD girls. Something to do with “men in drag.” But I see this, in most cases, as nothing more than a freedom of expression.
I met a girl last night who I’ve been chatting with online for some months. She’s awesome! A great dancer too – I’m a bumble!
She admitted that she’s purely a CD. A Boy by day and girl by night. I have no problem with that. She’s happy, she’s alive and she’s very talkative, knowledgeable and has a great personality.
However I find some CDs a bit of a problem. They are purely men in lingerie for sexual reasons and they can’t see beyond this concept when it comes to relating to others on the broad spectrum.
I admit to, that I find CDers all too often only doing the CD thing to score.
I also find large men in red lingerie with hairy legs and arms and backs and chests a little – errr – offputting.
But then I find a woman who’s negligently over weight, with no personality who hawks and gawks at me in public very undesirable too.
Don’t get me wrong, I like larger women too! They just have to have personality and spark!
So tossing the spectrum aside, and the sex verse gender debate and the I like Men I like Woman and the Lesbian or Gay tangents aside, how does one openly and awkwardly express an openness to sexual intimacy with another person?
And how does one approach other TG and women about such opportunities that night arise.
Maybe we can start a fashion. We could wear LED broaches with a coloured glow. If it glows pink you want a woman, if it glows blue, you want a man, if it glows green, you’re open to other and if it’s red you want everyone in the room!
Maybe it could take off! I’ll sell them for $10 each
Mind you I find MSN on my mobile phone a great assett, sometimes it’s hard to talk to a person in an environment, but you can send a direct or flirty message
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Quote:As for unwanted attention from men , well gurl just get used to it and stop whining . . . it goes with the territory . . ask any GG . LOL And if you’re half the woman you like to think you are , you’ll easily put them in their place
Oh I had to comment!
I get LOTS of unwanted attention from men. Usually short or old or not looking after themselves, types, or drunk (yuck!), or heavy smokers, or sleazy wankers, or … well the list goes on.
I find smiling, chatting to them for a minute and then talking about something really complex and boring usually gets rid of them fast! Favorite topics are:
– Physics. Only had one guy actually a physics major and so he didn’t go away!
– Small niche political parties and their views. Most people are Lib or Lab. You start talking Green or Shooters or whatever and stay totally ONE TRACK and don’t budge and argue back, the guys very quickly get disinterested. You don’t even have to know any of the policies or backgrounds, just make it up!
– Cosmetics, Nail Polish, Lipstick. These always work. Keep talking about colours, what work and doesn’t what your fav brand is and how you came across it. They excuse themselves t the toilet quite fast! Only fails on gay guys
– Talk wholly and totally about your wife! (If you don’t have one, talk about your wife anyway!) this works a treat! This is one I tend to put into my “getting desperate when all others fail” I’ve only used it once as a push topic. Usually if you have an intelligent guy and you talk this topic, it’s quite nice
Don’t forget to mention that you tell her EVERYTHING and if necessary gab the mobile phone and read an SMS from her Remember these men have wives (in most cases) and are trying to escape the endless nagging phone calls and messages. If you start “getting” them, they can relate and will depart Other topics: Interior decorating, Manchester, Handbags, Shoes – always a good one! Clothing stores, the new dress you bought but didn’t wear tonight and so on.
[/quote=”Rhonda”]As a P.S I would add that I find this comment made by one gurl a little sad .
Quote:My female persona is sexually disinterested. Not that my male persona is much more interested…[/quote]
Maybe she’s on hormones! Once that testosterone is gone, the sexual desire tends to follow fast. It takes a lot longer for the alternative hormones to kick in.
Remember too, GG’s have periods. A few days before a GG ovulates, they get really horny, which continues for about a week. When the period kicks in – it’s over!
TG/TS’s don’t have that chemical benefit.
BTW did you know that woman walk differently when ovulating than any other time of the month.
During ovulation a womans walk will subdue and become mono. This helps prevent men from seeing the usually sensual walk of the woman from a distance and being drawn to her, allowing the woman to control whom she will approach with her ready to seed egg.
About 2 or three days after ovulation the walk will start to sex up again.
So if you don’t want attention from the men, walk more tight and thumpy, if you wan attention, sashy and sway those hips!
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Well, I agree with Wendy and Cathii – the primary function of TR is not a pick up joint and I too object to unsolicated propositions – as do many on here. There are plenty of sites that you can join to patch into that aspect if you want.
What goes on behind the scenes and behind closed doors is the business of private, concenting individuals – but through contact on TR, link-ups will inevitably occur – as they do for everyone in society.
I think Wendy is right – most on here dont want TR to be used as a pick up joint…..
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Quote:Quote:As a P.S I would add that I find this comment made by one gurl a little sad .Quote:My female persona is sexually disinterested. Not that my male persona is much more interested…
Maybe she’s on hormones! Once that testosterone is gone, the sexual desire tends to follow fast. It takes a lot longer for the alternative hormones to kick in.
As the person being quoted and apparently pitied here, I’d like to point out that I am not on hormones and I’m not TS. I’m not lacking in testosterone.
I have found, as with many others before me, that being married for several years and having a child pretty much guarantees sexual disinterest on the part of both partners. Quite simply, sex falls into the category of can’t be bothered. Any form of online virtual sex falls into the category of “Eww. Gross. Why would you?”
Alice
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Pity? Pfft! I wasn’t pitying!
Cybersex is so 1995 – ahh but that’s when people started to learn about the Internet in Aus.
As to one child – we have four and my sexual drive is the same as it ever was! Hers is, well twice a month of recent months (since getting her cycle back.)
Oh we’ve had a few other stressors as well, but sex has always been my means of grounding or relaxing.
She was very horny within an hour of baby #1 being born, #2 was a little slower, #3 was months, #4 I guess I’m kinda still waiting
Not that it matters, our relationship isn’t built on sex
I just like the foreplay -
Looks like this issue of sexuality and trangender is one that is never going to be far below the surface. And when it crops up it is good to talk the issues through.
Many of you will be aware that it raised its head in a fairly ugly way recently when some members in WA felt that TR was not living up to their standards of sexual abstinence. The attacks against TR and me continue, though thankfully no longer in these forums.
Whilst it is a fact that HRT is potentially a big dampener on libido I find it hard to accept that a lack of interest is an essential attribute of being transgender. My guess is that it is more an unfortunate and possibly unwanted side-effect of transitioning. However we do have to respect that girls in differing circumstances have varying needs for relationships and seek different types of support and friendship.
I think it is fair to warn those of a more liberal disposition that there are some in the community that hold fairly extreme views.
This is an extract form some of the ‘hate’ mail I have received:You are part of the reason that the HBS and WBT crowds exist, and honestly right now I can’t blame them. I mean who would really want to associate with a bunch of sex obsessed male wankers (and I mean that in
the most literal of terms) It is a shame that you and your ilk chose to perpetuate the myth that ALL trans* people are obsessed with sex when in actual fact most genuinely gender variant people are less interested in sex than the general populous. You and your site, and many others like it contribute greatly to the reason that ALL trans* people are consistently refused basic human rights right across the board. If you don’t believe that this is the case, I will gladly email you plenty of links that even with your comprehension skills will prove beyond a doubt that the general perception of ALL trans* people within the general community is based upon the male sexual fetishists that you so willingly support.
Pheeeew :!:….who wants to be a site admin!
So please make sure your profile reflects what you are actually seeking through being member of TR….and respect the expressed wishes of other members.
That way we may be able to keep this issue in perspective and allow everyone to get on with their personal journeys.
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Having tried just reading and keeping my views aside I feel compelled to say the following no matter what your gender or sexual orientation if someone finds you attractive or is sexually interested it is at first to me a compliments it is only when no matter what your gender or sexual interest a person who is told thanks but no thanks keeps hassling you that it to me is an issue:))
That said I have never been hassled on this site sigh maybe i should have a bruised ego:(
I alos have long been aware and of the view that if I or any member were to be hassledd then well.. Amanda would act based on proof and evidence before her that aside im aware of my options to ignore emails block people etc etc:))
I HAVE MET ONE TRANY RADIO member at my house aka Vampi and she was nothing but friendly and respectful to em and has been a friend to me while i have been dealing with stress and depression bought about by financial issues. I also have met great people in chameleons who are proving good friends along way and if anyone at anytime shows interst in me other than friends well its a compliment and im old enough to handle things accordingly with a yes or no thanks buyt thats me:))
Sorry you have been attacked Amanda you have no idea how much this site has helped me in my journey:)) -
Amanda, rest assured that the vast majority of TgR support you against the negativity that you have recently encountered. Don’t let the bastards or in this case bitches get you down.
There’s a range of interests on TgR which is a strength not a weakness. It’s fairly obvious from most profiles what the person’s interests are. If an unwanted proposition is made it’s the easiest thing to delete it or say no thanks. And that applies as much to an invite to a dress-up BBQ as a frolic in the bedroom.
As for reduced libido for those on hormones it should be discussed as part of the upfront counselling for those embarking on that path. But they should not be angry at the rest of the world who normal sexual urges.
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Hi Amanda,I for one love this site, I have met some wonderful friends and I also have been Propositioned More than once, ( which i took as a compliment),It’s not as if a person doesn’t get people trying to pick them up anywhere else,Or do they
?Thank you for this great Site, Jo
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Thank you Amanda for a wonderful site. I think it is the most informative site I am aware of in Australia and it is perhaps unique in the world.
On the matter of hormones, sex and playing I have been on hormones for about 9 months and expected my libido to die completely as it has with others but found instead found a beautiful female sensuality and sexuality emerging replacing what I can only describe as a hated male sexuality. It really is liberating not to be controlled by your balls.
So my libido is significantly reduced but certainly not gone. I do play with occasional others if I am in the mood but I have never been propositioned in this forum. There are other forums for that anyway.
I sympathise with the girls that get unwanted attention and from what I have seen elsewhere the issue may also be with the crude nature of the attention as well as simply being approached.
Personally I don’t mind being propositioned. I don’t find it insuting unless the proposition itself is insulting. I ignore ones I don’t like and purr at ones I do. My ego is wondering why if so many do get propositioned here why haven’t I too but that’s not really what I here for either.
Take care and thank you for this wonderful forum.
Gwen -
As a girl who “socialised” herself on the gay nightlife, being propositioned was par for the course. While never an enthusiast for kissing men, it was a small courtesy to pay for the acceptrance and friendship which was offered. While I had lots of fellows wanting me to take them home, I always politely decined. However I must say that I was never distressed by the fact that they actually asked. As for drunks and bores I took the superior attitude of “I know you want me, but you can’t have me”.
It was an experience which gave me an insight into the attitude, “She’s dressed like that so she must be up for it”. Dressing to feel good about yourself is not an invitation for sexual assult. Too bad that most men just don’t get it.
On the general topic I read a comment [but can’t remember where] that , “Crossdressing without sex is like opera without music”. Whether or not you would agree, I think that it is refreshing to have a forum where there is honesty rather than cant and hyprocracy on the topic of sexuality. Keep up the great work Amanda. -
just a quicky
when woman go out dressed nice, sexy ,or watever , guys treat them the same way,
men are animals, and when filled with a few drinks, all women are fair game,
i find the gay community, are better behaved ,
but it is nice to know, that your desirable
when you dress and act like a woman, as like gen fems, you will be looked at as sex objects, by a minority of men, as fair game.
luckily most men, gay or straight, are very nice.
thats all
jess -
Quote:“Crossdressing without sex is like opera without music”.
Hi Sandra, I’d love to know where that comment came from but it’s such an over -implification. .
Admittedly in my early days and to a certain extent even nowadays it was certainly highly erotic and arousing.
But I did discover that the longer the period of time I spent ‘dressed’, the more content and at ease I became. I was also aware of another sensation a heightened sense of what I took to be femininity. It’s possible that I am naive in making that assumption but it’s the only way I can describe it.
