Relationships – to stay or to go?

[Anonymous]

Hi All

Well I still would not change for the world, becoming a girl is the best thing I ever did, but I can see that I will not feel compete until my journey is at its end. (Just when you think you have all the answers lol)

Sarah commented that if your GF wanted to grow a penis and a beard then would you still stay with them sort of rings true in a different way. For my transittion to be complete for me is to have SRS.

So if a partner fell in love with me now as a Pre-Op then it is sort of the same thing. I had a girl that wanted to a relationship but she wanted the pre-op version of me, If I went and had SRS then it would make it hard for her to be with me. I did not want to be in the position to have to comromise what I really wanted and have to give up that dream for her. So eventhought I am happy, I can not expect someone as a partner to stuck through the changes yet to come for me.

So the transition can be where you are stuck too, it depends on what you want out of life and what you expect from your journey and where you can see the end been.

So John (ex-Michelle) all I can say is good luck. Some of us are happy just where we are, other are not, but I do agree once this is in your blood it will always be there and it can not be turned off. It still comes down to balance in your life.

xxxx

Kelly Jones

[Anonymous]

john /michelle i hope thignas work for you………. i moved to perth from vic to bewith a woman.. she new i crossdressed in end we split she decided she wanted her man to be a man and liked me in the male suits i wore for real estate along way we argued she said yoru very fem in ways even when dressed male you deep down are in deniaol and wont be happy unless you becoem female // i pt my clothes away for 2 monthns she said you wont throw them out i said there tow nice but ill not wear them one night shesaid pu a dress on do ya make up i jumoped and did it… my point wecant change who we are in my viewthere as this thread is about telling partnersetc fortunaetly i was long divorced and 6 months after terri kicked me out accepted reakl me i have friends who crossdress and are married but are not happy but does not mean itssame for all each of us is our own person and can not be judged on otheres experiences etc
love to all
jess

[Anonymous]

I love my wife and I don’t think I could leave her to become a woman, even though its something I would dearly like to do. We have a family and a history together and I think it would destroy both of us as people to separate at this stage of our lives. So for me my transgendered side will have to stay part time but at least I can dress to a certain extent at home for now.
I could not live with myself if I hurt my wife that deeply, each day things are different with us and I hope that one day we will go out together to a Seahorse function or somewhere with you girls from Tranny Radio.
Hugs Pamela!

[Anonymous]

Dear Sarah. I think to stay or to go depends pretty much on both you and your partner. If both of you are willing to stay and work through the relationship, then it’s may be worthwhile. But if one party is unwilling, then parting would probably be the best option (as painful as it may be initially). Afterall, it really takes two to make things work.

One thing that will always be certain irrespective of whether you stay or not: the transgendered feeling won’t go away, instead it will only continue escalate and get stronger.

I got married to my wife two years ago, thinking the marriage would eliminate my life-long desire to be a woman. But the opposite happened. My desire to want to be Kirsty became so consuming that I eventually had to come out to my wife. Unfortunately in my wife’s case, she can’t bear the thought of staying with me as Kirsty (it’s not her fault at all). So at the moment we are looking at seperation sometime in the near future.

I don’t know how things will pan out on your side. But best of luck. I wish you true happiness irrespective of the outcome:-)

Take care
Kirsty x

[Anonymous]

Hi Girls,
I am now one year post op and still married to my pretransition partner. We were soulmates then and are still soulmates now. Even with that the transition phase is VERY difficult to come through with your relationship intact. We got through it with the help of a psychologist when things weren’t going well.
The things we had going for us? She has a low sex drive so it’s not a major issue for her. The fact that I was honest with her about my feelings every step of the way. It was more of a gradual change over time than a sudden shock revelation. And being soulmates really helps.
Now?
Everything is settling down and we are happier than we have been in a long time. She misses her male partner sometimes but doesn’t miss the sexual side. We occasionally “get it on” but it is infrequent.
I can’t express how stressful the transition itself is to the relationship. The intensity of the feelings as you change and the almost obsessive concentration on what is happening to “you” can leave your partner simply feeling “well, what about me? Don’t I have a say? I have feelings too you know!” As I say, a very difficult time.
The good news is once your over that things settle down and at least you have a chance at life together. I think it will last. It seems we are getting the full loving affection thing going again and it feels stronger than ever. We are enjoying life again.
Time will tell

Take care
Gwen

[Anonymous]

Hi Girls,

An interesting subject, as it affects most of us. I have enjoyed reading every item posted on this subject, it seems that in most cases the two girl option does not have longevity.
I am going through the same process of deciding what to do, my wife is prepared to share with Jenny provided she does not see her.
I love my wife, our relationship is no longer the same as it was when we first were married, the passion is no longer there we live as a husband and wife in two separate bedrooms.

I have wondered about our Love and what it had meant to us, Sometimes I think, if I stayed a husband and lost a leg, would our relationship be the same as it is now, would she be ashamed of me and expect me to hide my disability.
I think those are the times when we start to value the true meaning of love.

As for myself, I am retired now, have spend most of my time in closet, Seahorse made me start to think that I am not a pervert, at the same time I have no idea if I would like to be a 24/7 girl, therefore I have started living as Jenny away from home a few weeks at the time, next step will be to settle away in a city far away from Sydney and live as Jenny and maybe visit the family and friends once a year.

[Anonymous]

Hi Jenny

You have to make sure you are happy. No one around you can be happy if you are not. They may think they are but as you become more restless the more unhappy you will become

If you need to do this then do it, other around you may not understand, but they will get use to or move on. You will meet new friends and you still will have the memories of your old ones.

Sometimes to leave is the best for all, they will have a better chance of having a better life too. You will go throught the “What the heck have I done” stage, but remain strong on where you want to go and why you did it.

xxx

Kelly Jones

[Anonymous]

Kelly,

Thanks for your reply, I do appreciate your view as you are making the important journy most of us girls want to take but need the courage to do so.
Yes you are right if I am not happy, anyone around me is affected.

Thanks again
Jenny

[Anonymous]

In the middle of 2008 I had “everything” that I wanted…..well, perhaps not everything but life was certainly good. I had a beautiful young girlfriend ….the love of my life ….and we had been together for almost four years.
I was involved in Medieval re-enactment which is huge in Brisbane and I kept busy making all sorts of projects for the re-enactors in wood and metal.
I also had my beautiful 8 year old son finally come up from Victoria to live with me and he now goes to my old primary school.

In the middle of all this I found myself getting more and more depressed and finally didnt have the energy to get out of bed ! I spent two months, virtually bed – ridden and without even a trace of motivation.
I knew underneath that it was my gender issues. I had to care for my son and Mother ( I am her carer) …so I finally got the help than I needed.
It has come at a terrible price for I finally lost my love in November 2008.
I miss her very much but what use was I to her or anyone with debilitating depression ?
In myself I am delighted to finally be ‘Monique’. It wasnt really a choice for me ….I just got literally “sick” from fighting what was inside me. I had fought against my female side for over 40years and at last the battle was over.
I saw a new psychiatrist last week….she is lovely (I sacked the last one) and I proudly told her that I now have “Gender Euphoria” ! lol !
I am so very very happy now…. over the moon……but it has come at a price which will continue to grieve me probablly untill I find “someone” to be with!
Meanwhile I am making lots of new friends and I now work in the school tuckshop.

Monique

[Anonymous]

Hi Monique,

How nicely said, listening to most of the girls and their journey, makes the decision making so much easier.
I hope that your wishes will come through and you will find a nice partner to continue the journey you have chosen.
Your notes has encouraged me to go ahead with my plans, thank you.

LOL
Jenny

[Anonymous]

I was looking for somewhere to post the following saying which comes from my desk top calendar today. I trust you will see why I put it here once you have read it.

“Loneliness is to endure the presence of one who does not understand”.

This resonates with me big time. I noted that I made a post here about 18 months ago, in it I say I’m not looking at transitioning. At he risk of sounding twee; “From loneliness came introspection, from introspection came self understanding, from self understanding came the courage to be me.”

[Anonymous]

For me it is sadly to “go”.
When things have ironed out i do not know how long the piece of string is.

When one gets to a point in life quite frankly when death is the alternative then the answer becomes clear easy and obvious.
I cannot function trying to be male when i am clearly not, I am entitled to live to breathe and to be and i hope have a wonderful life.
There is for me a price, my wife and possibly one son.

To sit in front of a mirror and ask yourself questions from the soul, and then answer yourself truly brings me down to my knees.
What will they think of me and how will i deal with this possible loss, amazingly is easier than the other option.
I love life, i have a lot to give, i am kind caring and aching to just be me.
I will not stop believing i have something to offer this world and myself and i pray in the future some family members who are going to hurt for a while will come to me once again.

I have to be selfish and i have to stand tall because if i did not i would be living a lie and never will i truly experience the amazing and wonderful ME. The caring kind considerate polite well mannered and loving ME.
Attributes i think are worthy of life.
I love life and I am happy inside being me, i can never be somebody else and certainly not a male ..yuk.

Mich x

[Anonymous]

I’m fortunate to have a partner that knows about my needs and desires. Of course we have boundaries but we manage them on a day by day basis. I can’t say that I will every transition fully . I just embrace the feminine side of life on a regular basis. That did mean making choices to work a different job that paid more and gave me more time at home to express myself.. I’m lucky though to have a partner that wants to share in the experience.. Maybe she loves me for the person and soul that I am rather than the look of me.. I agree that you have done the right thing trying to find your path.. I wish you well and congradulate you on your brave search.. I hope you find the happiness your longing for.

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[Anonymous]

My story is probably quite common amoungst cd’s. I came out to my partner officially late last year. Although she has known about my feminine side she told me she wishes i had never told her that i am a crossdresser. So after some heated debate she told me to NEVER appear in front of her dressed. I agreed and when i am with her i am the man for her. She tolerates my long shiny nails and earings in both ears. Like most cd’s i wish she would be more supportive but i can understand her feelings. She loves me because i am a man, so i play the part and i am happy to do so. My male side still works. Its fortunate that we don’t live together, so, when i come home from work or from seeing her i slip into my fem side. It works.
Not sure about the future though, since i want to be Bronwyn much more than i am now. Bronwyn

[Anonymous]

I am probably quite lucky to have been emotionally and interpersonally DEAD prior to finding, embracing and becoming myself. I never had any relations of any kind prior to me becoming me, and i never even desired any.

My partners since have all known from the get-go about me and have all embraced what i am, in most if not all cases they knew before even speaking to me the first time (i network online a lot and dont keep being trans a secret.)

I know none of my story actually helps anyone in this thread but i just wanted to tell it, and to say hello to all.