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Sexual preferences and gender roles
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Quote:Quote:When I finally woke up to the fact that I was transgendered and I began to dress I, to a certain extent, began to assume that I must be gay. I had a couple of close encounters which quickly made me realise that I’m not, and they helped me understand the difference between gender and sexuality.
TS or CD? (I don’t want to know, just it’s a lead in question to ask yourself)…. I’m a M2F TS and after dabbling with a man realised I was totally and utterly gay myself, I love women, I have always loved women, and I think I will always love women, and I certainly won’t go near a man (TG or not) again.
Shells
Sounds to me like maybe you have a double standard?
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I’v read all the posts and they are great: Thanks for your reply Peta. I guess one can never know for sure where one will end up. But my gut feeling is that I will always want to be with a woman. Even if I did become transexual I think I would still be so. But then theres a lot of hormones and surgery between here and there.
I know that I’m happy where I am right now. Mainly because it took me so long to get here and I absolutely love being Roisin, even when I’m too tired to do anything else I have the energy to get dressed.
I love women and if I did have the change I’d be happy to be a lesbian
Mind you I know an awful lot about how to make a man cum!! š
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Quote:Thanks Shells, I had toyed with the idea of adding this point to my first post but yours has given me a perfect segue into it. If I consider myself a woman who says she only has desire to sleep with women, what happens when I meet another TG who considers herself a woman? Surely I must acknowledge her as I wish to be acknowledged, and therefore she is potentially a lover in the same way as any GG. Would that make me a gay or a lesbian?
Male gay (male on male relationship) = gay
Lesbian (female on female relationship) = gayFrom what you have said if you are a TS, you are a woman inside and therefore you are both gay and lesbian (both mean the same) if you date/love women.
If you are a TS (woman inside etc) and you love men you are straight.
If you are a CD (man dressing as a woman – sorry if that offends some, but I don’t mean it to) and you love women you are straight.
If you are a CD (man dressing as a woman – again, sorry) and you love men you are gay.
If you are either CD or TS and love both men and women you are bisexual.
If you are a CD taking hormones, even had the op (there are a few, though the psychs weed most of them out) (depreciated term for TR, a TV) and your birth gender was male, then you are still male and the same rules apply. Now isn’t that confusing… A man in a gay relationship having straight (or lesbian) sex!
Then the final point, consider yourself, or are a woman? Consider yourself on the outside, know on the inside. I consider myself female in society, but I know I am a woman on the inside. If you consider yourself female, call yourself what ever you want in the rules above, the same applies to a partner. However it gets way more complicated when you meet someone that considers themselves female, have self prescribed hormones, have been to doctors and psychs who have refused to deal with them as they do not find that they are female at all… Are they female or male? They can say what they want but the medical and psychiatric community sees them as male (I know of a case of this in Brisbane.) Another senario a TV that learns the right answers to the questions of the psychs and the doctors and fools them into believing they are female.. what then? So many ifs and buts, the point is when it comes to a TG, unless they are clearly defined all or no rules can apply, getting to the bottom of issue is not something you want to look at, it will only cause pain. I can tell you this though, from personal experience, all is not what it seems in a TS-TG relationship, and I will never date one again (and i know that has broken 3 hearts on TR already, sorry! *)
That should also answer Miss-Lina’s dig about double standards.
Shells
* No Luis, nothing about you or Mark.
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Well that about sums it up shells. It can be a bit more complex. My partner (we are married….she is my pretransition partner) is a straight woman. We would be percieved as lesbians, we relate as lesbians but she does not identify as lesbian.
I met another girl once, self identified as total non treatment ts but does not live full time as female. She was given a really difficult time by a certain Monash psych (Victorian girls will know who) and walked away. We were intimate and there was no doubt that I was in bed with a lesbian. So you can’t actually rely on the psychs either. Or appearances
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Having read all the posts I can say that it helps me hearing what other more experienced girls have to say on the subject. Sexuality/Gender divide issues can get confusing and yet to some extent it really doesnt matter. What will be will be. I dont have a partner at present and I guess that has made coming ouit easier.
But I have noticed that from the moment I came out I have been retreating from my maleness. Its not a conscious thing, it has just happened. And I imagine that over time with hormone treatment my sexual preferences will sort themselves out in that way too.
I fantasise about having a vulva and breasts too. I have no doubts about wanting to be female. But who will I be attracted to. At the moment its women but its not as sexual as it was before i came out. So who knows maybe one day I might want to be with a man. And i want to be open to that.
Mental Blocking was mentioned a couple of times and I think that it is that conditioning that would be the biggest hurdle. It would be easier if the hormones just tripped the switch and made it easy
. I’d like to think that I’m open to whatever happens but only time will reveal all. -
Sexuality is a confusing topic for me also
being as my gender is in the middle (inter-gendered)
the labels don’t fit
I’ve never found myself wanting sex with anyone, Males have scared me enough times through socialisation that anyone who would have felt comfortable in the roles that were forced on me was not for me all of my fanticies involve me as a mix of Male and Female and my partner either Female or unclear if they are Male or female. (“down stairs” private bits were never part of any fantasy)
When I was first attracted to a M2F I was unsure of if there was some gayness to me or not but she looked female and I knew it was not her “bits” that I was attracted to but her personality likewise with the couple of F2M’s I’ve felt like I would like to pursue a romantic relationship (not sexual)
that spun me out. So I see myself as willing to be romantically involved with anyone I find attractive but I don’t have a need for sex and I don’t find cis-Males attractive I have Identified in many different ways with reguard to oriention currently the best Label would be “Panromantic Asexual” but even that seems like it isn’t quite right most of the time. -
If truth be known, I suspect that most men have contemplated what sex with another guy would be like ( I think the stats say 1 in 4 have tried it).
For me it is not so much”men” I have thought about but a particular guy ( or two!), for me it is relationship that is important and the particular guy would have kept it a secret and was more interested in sex than relationship. I think that this is the woman in me feeling and I just don’t find men physically attractive ( except for the odd very feminine man)and so I think that I am heterosexual whatever that means in a world that is ” man OR woman” only in the minds of Mankind.)
My Gay friends lust after a man’s body,the muscle, the hardness etc in the way straight men lust after the soft curves of a woman. I am in the the latter group ( but maybe without the lust so much these days!!!) -
Thank you to Mari for starting this thread. And to all the girls who have contributed. As ever I agree with most, especially Fiona and Kelly.
Labels are just that, labels, and I’m aware that research has shown that homosexuality amongst TG’s is at the same level as amongst the wider community.
Before I came out my dressing was sexual. But I was also projecting my need for being the gender I associate with now onto my girlfriends. Now it is much more honest and I believe more healthy. Since coming out the sexual side has disappeared. But my sexuality has not changed.
Having said that I feel very aware that I need to remain open to whatever changes take place. Especially with hormone treatment which for me is in the very early stages.
Mind you I’v never been completely straight sexually which may help me in the long term.
When I was asked to dance recently by a man I was taken by surprise. But I also felt flattered and thrilled that I had attracted a man. I didnt want to take it any further than that. I feel right now that if I had SRS I would be a lesbian. But my philosophy is never say never.
I have read many accounts like Kelly’s of how things can change with treatement and surgery. So remaining open is I think important.
Go well Girls. Its great to read your thoughts on this issue.
Love Roisin x.
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Great topic!
I don’t really like labels as I find them too restrictive sometimes, however we do need a descriptive something to define ourselves so I guess they are a necessary evil.
There are theories that most people aren’t 100% straight or 100% gay but fluctuate somewhere else on the sexual spectrum. If this is true then it makes sense that as we find our place on the gender spectrum we may also fine tune our spot on the sexual spectrum to suit as well.
Rachael
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My sexual preference isn’t based around gender, which took me some time to come to terms with.
So I guess I’m gay.. bi.. straight.. depending on the mood I’m in š
But I could settle down with a man or a woman, no preference.
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I hadn’t looked at this thread for quite a while. Since I last looked at it, I’ve learned the word that defines my sexual orientation.
Gynephilia – sexual attraction to women.
When I’m presenting myself as a male, I’m deemed “straight”, but when I’m presenting myself as female, I’m deemed “lesbian”. By saying that I’m gynephilic, I avoid involving my own gender in the description of who I’m attracted to.
Conversely, the term Androphilia means sexual attraction to men.
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Nice terminologies there Alice!
Appropriate wording if you want to take gender/sex out of a descriptive response to the obvious question.
Clare.
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Oh, and if you add mimto in the middle of those, they become the type of transgender person that a person is attracted to, hence
gynemimtophilia is the sexual attraction to, or fantasies about, a person who identifies as or presents as female, but was assigned as male at birth. It doesn’t distinguish between drag queen, CD, pre-op, post-op, etc.
andromimtophilia is the sexual attraction to, or fantasies about, a person who identifies as or presents as male, but was assigned as female at birth.
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I’m no expert in understanding the diverse differences of each tg but I personally think I couldn’t be with a man, but would enjoy the company of a person similar to myself a feminine male, I enjoy everything female make-up, lingerie and keeping my entire body hair-free, I suppose my gender preference would be a lesbian or shemale.
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It’s called being pansexual. Gender just doesn’t figure into it. I’ve noticed quite a few transwomen are pan. When in primary school, and all the girls and boys were getting into the boy germs girl germs thing all I could see were people. I just never got it (the germ thing) . I sort of do now but not very well lol. I’ve often wondered if that was a trans marker or a pansexual marker or some combination.
You’re so right about taking some time to get used to, For me it’s very fluid….sometimes I like girls, sometimes boys, sometimes both or even neither lol. I just go with the flow….how I’m feeling is how I am….until the next moment anyway.
*hugs*
GwenQuote:My sexual preference isn’t based around gender, which took me some time to come to terms with.So I guess I’m gay.. bi.. straight.. depending on the mood I’m in š
But I could settle down with a man or a woman, no preference.
