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stealth … to be or not to be, that is the question.
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I’v read all of these posts with great interest. Thanks for starting it Virginia. I think you are right that coming out is an individual thing. And how we have got to that point is very individual and personal.
I know myself that I have suffered depression for many years. Indeed ever since as an adult I first craved the feelings and sensations of fabrics and the women themselves and was unable to separate the two I have had confusion at my core. I felt a lot of shame around sexuality and was’nt even able to be consciously aware of my gender issues. Rather I projected it onto my girlfriends. Later I worked hard to be a man and to do the hard tasks that men often do. But the guilt and shame continued and pretty much gained a strangle hold on me. This led to further depression and substance abuse and suicidal thoughts. They were very hard times.
I got to the end of my own line and fearing for my son more than anything reached out of my isolation. I went into detox and then rehab. During this time, after stopping smoking the weed and drinking I was clear headed enough to finally admit to myself that I want to be a woman. It was an epiphany of sorts and like a blinding light flooding my brain.
Ever since then I have felt free and a feeling of being light and having moved into the light. And I feel I can do anything now (in safety of course). I’v fortunately come out with ease to my family and friends. And I find it easy to shop for my clothes. But I have a long way to go and I acknowledge that being believable is an issue. Wanting to blend in and be accepted as female is a dream that may or may not be realised.
The hardest thing will be one day (when he’s old enough) telling my son.
But regardless (and I repeat that we are all different in every respect except wanting to be women perhaps) I am so happy that I overcame my mental block and conditioning and broke free to be Roisin. The labels are just that labels and feeling comfortable with my self is the main thing for me.
The other girls are right too that the more we venture out the more light is shone on us and others like us and the more it will be accepted. I’m going out for the first time (in public) tomorrow night. I have some butterflies but I’m also excited to get out in the world as Roisin.
Go well Girls
Roisin x -
Probably better under a new thread, but for the moment I’ll add here..
Quote:The hardest thing will be one day (when he’s old enough) telling my son.I told my 14yo son 2-3 years ago and the initial reaction was, “F**k OFF! You’re my dad, why do you have to do this to me now? You know I’m having problems in life as it is! You’re a ‘C***’!” and I didn’t speak to him for a while. Charming language he has adopted now, must have come from his mum as she freely uses the C word. Anyhow I explained to him at the time that it was not my choice to tell him then and over the phone (I had just been outed to people in his town in the UK by my ex-wife, and I lived in Canberra.)
Several weeks past and I got a phone call to say sorry, that he over reacted and it’s a hard thing to hear etc.. We now speak freely and often, in fact he wants to come to Malta to live with me for a while.
So in short – teenagers – expect a bad reaction, but give them time and they’ll come around of their own. My experiences seem to have been echoed with a lot of others as well. There are of course those that say ‘so?’ as my 11 yo niece said, and those who will never speak to you again (like my older brother.) Mileage will vary, time is the only healer.
Quote:I’m going out for the first time (in public) tomorrow night. I have some butterflies but I’m also excited to get out in the world as Roisin.Congratulations, go, be yourself and enjoy yourself. Ignore the idiots (if you meet any – I did), and have fun. Its very liberating.
Shells
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Hi Shell & Roisin.
Nice posts, my story is a very similar, but I have never had to detox because I never really had a drinking problem or serious substance abuse problem. I too had battled a lot with depression over the years and did a lot of things just like Roisin dod in trying to be the man. including getting tattoos so I would be seen & accepted better as ‘one of the boys’. But anyone who has suffered gender dysphoria will tell you that never works anyway.
I use to smoke a fair bit of pot, but nowadays I like the occasional smoke to take the anxiety off me, but I don’t have anywhere near as much anxiety as I did before starting to transition. I am finding that HRT is having a very calming affect on me, but I am well prepared for the ride to get a little bumpy from time to time.
I havent told my son yet & Im not going to until he is ready to come back to me because of other shit that has been going on – he has been in & out of trouble with the police for the 6 years that his mother has kept him & his sister away from me, now aged almost 20, he thinks he knows best, so I have no choice right now, but to stand back & let him go. I took him back under my wing last year, but he couldnt even be honest with me, he got me into lots of debt borrowing money from me he promised to pay back, as a result I had to give up the house I rented for the past 3 years.
As for his sister, I havent told her because she only contacts me when she wants something she cant get from her mother & I am well & truly over it. As far as Im concerned, I come first now and not them. Selfish I know, but traditionally I have always been a giver & not a taker and look where it has got me? Well no more, I must live my life for me and not for my kids or anyone else. But I do have faith that kids do eventually come around as they get older. I had to forget about them for a awhile before things got the better of me & would have eventually killed me.
My current housemate is giving me lots of shit, very homophobic/transphobic but I have this ‘fuck him’ type attitude because I do know he is a closet bisexual because he admitted it to me. He still hasnt got over his male ego and is more worried about what his mates will think & therefore that is his problem & not mine. I am prepared to stand up for myself if need be and this is the only reason he hasnt tried to get violent with me, although he uses some abusive language, like call me a c**t as well.
Going in public I have really have no issues, occasionally I might get a funny look, but I just respond with a smile, holding my head high & keep walking & don’t ever look back for a second glance. I am very fast & quick witted & I move with confidence & carry myself well, well so I’ve been told. So now I really am confident & strong and I believe this come about by just part of staying true to yourself. So I feel like I am protected by a suit of armour now, so now I believe that those people realise very fast that if they do try & take me on they are going to end up on the short end of the stick real fast & I assure you they will.
An aboriginal guy said something the other night to someone else as he was about to walk out of a shop, and I looked at him while I was at the checkout, the girl there had no issues with me and just smiled. I laughed. Funny thing though was when I walked out, I noticed that his car was parked right next to mine, so it must have appeared to him as though I was walking up to confront him. I have never seen anyone get in a car and take off so quickly. It really was funny. LOL
