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TransForm
TransForm is a project conceived to help those relationships where the Cis-Female in the relationship is somewhat uncomfortable with their partner expressing a Female persona either in private or in public but nevertheless has recognised that their partner has a need to Dress as a Female from time to time and/or socialise with others in the TG community.
The motivation for this project is twofold ,Firstly a post in forums made over 2 years ago on the topic of Helping our Partners. It drew several responses and clearly indicated a latent need for some attention.
Secondly , the results of surveys initiated in 2011 and again in 2017 by Adrian our webmistress indicated that there are many members who have unsupportive partners and if no attention is given to the situation, it might also cause these relationships to become strained to varying degrees and potentially damaging.It is my fervent view that this is probably avoidable in the majority of cases ,if an opportunity arises to help the TG persons partner with answers to many of the questions they no doubt have.
TGR conducted surveys of its members in 2011 and again in 2017 and the question of acceptance by partners was naturally an important question to pose.
In 2017 there were 43% of members responding they had supportive partners ,down a little from 2011.
In 2017 32% reported tolerant but not supportive partners, an improvement vs 2011.In both years, 2017 and 2011 a small number , around 6% responded saying their partners were hostile or strongly dissapproving of their activities.
In 2017 the number of respondents where the partner did not know about the TG/CD activity was fewer than in 2011 10% approx vs 14%
Conclusions ?
1. There are some relationships that will continue to struggle perhaps for a long time as a result of one person being TG.
2.There are many others where the relationship can be improved with just a little empathy and knowledge being shared.
3. Sadly , there are others where circumstances, at least at present , may not enable the TG person to reveal themselves to their partnerTransForm is aiming to help those in 2. where logically theres some better possibilties of outcomes
So,… on Sunday 2nd February at 1pm for a couple of hours or so we are aiming to have a few couples attend an Inaugural gathering to share some experiences in the company of some professional counsellors and see if we can all come away with some new insights to help us all.
The location is ACON headquarteres 414 Elizabeth st Surry Hills … a about a 5 min walk from Cental Station.
At this stage I have 4 couples who have confirmed interest so please let me know in due course if you would like to attend with your partner
Best Wishes to All
Caroline -
29 Replies
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Caroline,
Thanks so much for your hard work on this important issue.
My partner and I are very keen to attend.
Thanks again,
Paula -
Sadly, my wife would never attend such an event. She would flatly refuse, however logically I suggest it to her or cajole. On the other hand, happily, she is generally very supportive of me despite the bumpy road we sometimes travel. I do feel I have something constructive I could give to this discussion but it would have to be solo. And I am not going to transition although Tina is a real person, just part time. Anyway, I leave it to you. It may not be appropriate to invite a single girl, but perhaps there is something I can contribute outside that particular forum.
Thank you for taking on this very important subject. It’s one of the critical issues we all face.
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Tina
Thanks for your post
Although I’d like this meeting to be focused on partners attending, I would be happy to have you come along as a single and offer your own views with the objective of helping others.
Ill send you a message via the TGR website with my phone number text me if you have a few mins to talk tomorrow and what time perhaps?it is indeed a complex matter so Im happy to get ideas from anyone that may help the outcome of improved relationships
Cheers
Caroline -
Hello Caroline, I also am impressed with the work you are doing on this important project but like Tina I am pretty sure my wife would not attend. Have you an introduction that could be discussed with hesitating partners that may encourage their attendance?
I think such an overview or invitation would define what outcome is hoped for, ie is it to convince partners that they should accept their partner crossdressing ( may be seen as manipulative and self serving) or is it to analyse the risks to both partners in crossdressing so that reasoned boundaries can be discussed?
I have recently seen examples of the very different conclusions that are reached by people with very different Meyers Briggs scores. This did not have to do with crossdressing or gender but it made me realise that the response of one person can be so very different to another based purely on their personality type. Is that an area the sessions you propose might deal with so that partners can begin to respect that diametrically diffent views can be quite logical to another person? This might be a way of helping both partners to adjust their world views or respect the very different views of partners and families,with the aim of some form of accommodation, as reasonable people accommodate those they interact with in business, socially or elsewhere.
An invitation and mud map of the areas to be considered might reduce the anxiety a partner might have that they were going to be taken out of their depth or made to feel hijacked. -
Thanks Geraldine
I am very much aware of the sensitive approach that is needed in this project.I can understand that some partners may think that this is perhaps some conspiracy to attempt to brainwash them into full acceptance of their TG partners activities .
That is not part of the agenda at all. This initial meeting will basically revolve around information sharing about what it means to be TG and allowing people to feel comfortable about asking questions and most importantly receive responses that will assist their relationships to prosper
I do intend to publish an outline of what I think we should address and Im intending to discuss that further with our professional counsellor who will be an integral part of the group on the day.
At the moment though, I have a view that I wont publish the Agenda for this meeting in open forums but will offer it only to those requesting it via email as some way of deciding whether to attend. Im also aware that a partner being ” supportive doesnt necessarily mean they would be comfortable attending Transform. Thats understandable and maybe things may change for some in future.
And…. due to a range of circumstances arising in the last few weeks Ive shifted the event to Sunday 23rd February and is now Firm for that date.
I also hope that this will result in perhaps a biennial or at least annual event to continue a focus on this important aspect of TG / Partner Relationships.
Caroline
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Caroline,
Can I first also thank you for the effort you are putting into this initiative. I am sure that all would agree that any approach which may ease the tension suffered by many couples where one partner is transgender would be very beneficial.Ann and I would love to attend the session on Feb 2nd however I have
another, more attractive, appointment that day – it is my 80th birthday!However we hope we get the opportunity to meet many of you at a later meeting.
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Thanks Stephanie
But note its NOW scheduled for 23rd Feb
I hope to offer you congratulations personally .C
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It’s great to see something like this happening – well done Caroline for pushing the barrow on what is probably the most constant issue confronting many of our sisters.
I am forever single but have been married in the past luckily with a supportive partner – not actively I should add, and often through gritted teeth, but supportive nonetheless and I would have encouraged her to get involved in a program like this. Like we all at one time felt,our partners often think I believe that they are the only ones on earth with this situation on their hands…which, of course, is a nonsense.
It may not resolve everything with your partners ladies but it will perhaps take the edge off things and assist with understanding on both sides.Well done Caroline – you’re a good soul dear friend and I wish you every success x
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Theresa and I would like to be there if there are still spaces Caroline
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Hi Carolyn, Kaz and I would be Intrrested in attending as well if there is still space .
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TRANSFORM Update
I now have a Professional Counsellor confirmed to attend and assist in the discussions
and the date/time for the event is still 1pm Sunday 23rd Feb at ACON headquarteres 414 Elizabeth St Surry Hills. 5 min walk from Central StationAt this point I have 5 couples attending and am sending those an outline of what is proposed for discussion
We can accommodate 2 more couples if there is interest so let me know soon please.
If anyone would like to talk about the event or ask questions my mobile is 0408 419 725
looking forward to the 23rd February
Caroline
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Looking forward to seeing couples who have made a brave step forward in deciding to attend this event.
It is all about saving the good ship
HMAS Relationship from heading into troubled waters.Caroline
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All power to you dear Caroline – you are a credit to The Sisterhood xx
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Final Instructions for tomorrow.
1. The event starts at 1pm so please try to be on time. If you are running late or have had a change of mind about attending, that’s OK but please message me on
0408419725 .2.The location is ACON Headquarters 414 Elizabeth st
5mins walk up hill from CENTRAL
I will have a doorkeeper on duty to ID you and allow you access .3. I’m bringing some light refreshments for a tea coffee break !!! but there wont be a lunch break as such so have something beforehand if you are likely to be hungry!!
4. Bring an open mind and a willingness to share and I hope you enjoy the day.
Caroline
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Thank you lovely couples who attended today.
I’m delighted with the feedback so will definitely stage this type of event in future maybe with some changes.
I hope by then some other partners may be ready to come along.Much Love
Caroline
xxx
