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What exactly does it mean to feel like a woman?
We all know how hard it is to talk about our gender identity to others.
Often the words we have to express our feelings are inadequate, ambiguous, or misinterpreted.
So we can talk but others don’t get the same message.In our quest for acceptance we strive to be understood.
But how often do we question if what we are saying has any shared meaning?When we talk about gender we aren’t talking about sex, physical external genitalia, or appearance.
We are talking about something intangible, a feeling.
And feelings are notoriously difficult to communicate.Let’s look at what is a very common example of this non-communication.
I know that many members will have tried to describe their gender
by a reference to it being “that of a woman“.Over the years I have asked many people what it means to have the gender of a woman, what it means to feel as a woman.
And what I hear is that there isn’t a single, commonly held view.
What is more surprising is that genetic females show the greatest divergance of meaning. I’ve yet to hear the same interpretation twice!People in society don’t in general ask – what does it feel like to be a man, or what does it feel like to be a woman.
And so we haven’t established any shared understanding.So when we say to someone we feel like a woman, what the listener interprets that to mean can be widely different to what we meant.
Being aware of the differences is probably a good start to improving our communications.
So this thread is for those who might tell others that
Quote:I feel essentially like a woman
I am a woman
I have always inside, identified as a woman.
This post is in my public blog if you want to share it outside TgR
http://adrian.tgr.net.au/blog/archives/16-I-feel-like-a-woman.html -
27 Replies
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please note these relate to my journey, there were differences with how i felt before and after going on meds…
love, care and concern for the well-being of loved ones, family and friends. gentleness. joy. calmness. serenity. passion and curiosity for interests not material. unleashing of emotions. harmony. sense of beauty.
more sensitive touch, wanting to feel different textures, tree, wall, car, leaf, marble bench. shiny. colourful. sight which loved to absorb light and colour as well as darker shades. loving the smell of fresh air, nature, flowers, mild scents.
heightened organisational skills and planning for future goals and scenarios – more focus and less distraction. no longer living day by day.
i felt i was no longer adrift in the sea with no sail. i was no longer a weak pushover. i was no longer a nobody. i felt i had a purpose and that the universe has a place for me after all!
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I don’t know what it “feels like” to be a woman. I only know what it feels like to be myself and to try to locate this “self” or at least its current representation, somewhere among the roles and behaviour displayed by others around me.
I have found the work of Carl Jung a great help in providing the language and concepts needed to imagine my own psychology. His concept of the anima, the female archetype, has relevance. However, a note of caution, Jung was a man of his time and saw men and women with traditional roles – men rational and women emotional etc. The modern revolution in “queer thinking” has deconstructed gender role, sexuality, body shape and clothes so that they no longer line up in the pattern of former times. Jung’s taken for granted concept of psychological wholeness seems to me to now be a balancing act whereby there may be a preponderance of some archetypal female psychic energy that is right for that person and any idea of a traditional “norm” is no longer relevant. -
This always was going to be a difficult thread to reply to – and Maya and Linda have made a great attempt.
Perhaps it would be easier if I refined what I hope to hear from others.Imagine you are having a conversation with someone, and you want to communicate to them that you have a gender identity inside that you associate with being “that of a woman”.
You say to them something like:
Quote:I feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body
its not that I want to be a woman, its just that I have accepted I am a woman
I will never be female, but I am a woman
I also have a special mantra, ‘I am a woman’.
I consider myself to be a woman, knowing full well that I will never be a female
When I am dressed I have a woman’s feelings.
If you’re a woman, you are a woman no matter what you’re wearing or how you are presentingI could go on – these are all quotes from our forums..
Imagine they look at you and say
Quote:I hear what you are saying – but what do you mean when you say you feel like a womanWhat would you say that would clarify and clearly communicate to them what you feel.
Obviously it isn’t going to be easy. And the train will arrive in 3 minutes so you haven’t got long.In a nut shell – what is the feeling that many attribute to “being a woman”.
(Of course if you don’t feel that way – you won’t be able to answer my challenge!)
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In a nut shell – what is the feeling that many attribute to “being a woman”.
(Of course if you don’t feel that way – you won’t be able to answer my challenge!)
…………………………………The history of the past 2000 years demonstrates that there is unlikely to be any “nut shell”, encapsulating essentially womanly feelings, any time soon.
It should perhaps be seen as a desire to communicate “difference” either within the self and/or social relations in society.
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Linda wrote:The history of the past 2000 years demonstrates that there is unlikely to be any “nut shell”, encapsulating essentially womanly feelings, any time soon.
I totally agree – the premise of my post was that no consensus seems to exist. Which is why I think it is useful to explore the diversity of what we as a group see as our individual “nutshells”.
We need to communicate our diversity and finding the language to do so is, I hope, a possible outcome of a thread like this.In a past job I was tasked with writing an elevator speech to describe a particular project. You only have the time between Ground level and the 2nd floor – how do you communicate what you are doing to the CEO? What is your elevator speech to describe your gender?
Because we know everyone’s nutshell will be different – there should be no need to hold back worrying if your feelings are incorrect. Everyone’s nutshell is by definition valid!
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This subject has long been a hobby horse of mine and I have given it considerable thought and am well aware that in the “transphere” it is a hot topic . I, am however, at present of the mind that one cannot seriously use the phrase ” I feel like a woman ” , any more than one can say ” I feel like a dog”. One can say” I feel like I imaginebeing a woman may feel like” but as you say AA , a million genetic women will have a million answers to the same question.
Of course one can say what one likes but to communicate accurately and to be taken seriously one must be more considered and ” real” in one’s communication. Personally there are times when I imagine what a woman may feel and think that I may share that feeling to some degree but like my present thread, it must to be vague and conditional.
So many attempts to explain such ephemeral feelings end up in explanations of gender roles or stereotypes , all of which are transient and largely irrelevant nowadays. I have always tended to work in strongly female dominated industries. Hairdressing, disabilities, single parent etc and have evolved a sexual life which extends to ( near ) multiple orgasms but to extend these life experience to saying it was ” just like a woman ” is drawing too long a bow in my opinion.
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It occurs to me , in saying the above, one can ACT like woman may ( typically ) act and that in the end may be the most genuine expression of being Transgender for many folk.
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I agree with Christina’s reasoning, and I repeat my original point – the only thing that one can know and “feel like” is one’s self. The rest is an act of imagination, empathy and representation of behaviour.
If we imagine for a moment some “womanly feelings/behavour” such as:Compassionate
Eager to soothe hurt feelings
Sensitive to the needs of others
Tactful
Sympathetic
Tender
Understanding
Warm
YieldingWe can see that this list is selective, idealized, and part of the bandwidth of human emotions/feelings/behaviours shared to a greater or lesser degree by everyone. It’s marvellous to have these feelings but they are not the whole story and not confined only to genetic women.
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Yes, one only has to say ” I feel like you feel” to see the inadequacy and shallow nature of such statements.
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Perhaps the original question should be more closely defined as: “What exactly does it mean to have feelings that I feel are those of a woman – why do I have them, why now, and why do I perceive a gap/contradiction/pressure (for those who do) between how I feel and how I am able to express my feelings?”
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Linda wrote:Perhaps the original question should be more closely defined as: “What exactly does it mean to have feelings that I feel are those of a woman – why do I have them, why now, and why do I perceive a gap/contradiction/pressure (for those who do) between how I feel and how I am able to express my feelings?”
No Linda, that is called hijacking a thread.
I’ve been very clear, the reason for this thread is just to explore in a nutshell what we mean when we say we feel like a woman.
This thread is about communicating our gender.The fact remains, that although some can clearly rationalise that the expression is meaningless, it is used a lot.
If people use the expression (they do) then we must be trying to communicate something. Everyone I have asked this question is real life pauses for a long time and then comes up with a statement of what they think it means to them. That is the response I was hoping this thread would elicit.
Please stick to the original topic – or of course start another thread!
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I am not sure if I am adding to the discussion or clouding the water a bit more.
For me the question of, “What does it exactly feel like to feel like a woman” is easy to answer. I feel normal.
For years I felt uncomfortable and detached from my own body, Now I have been on HRT for about 4 years and had SRS about 3 months ago. About two weeks ago I had one of those Aha moments when I realised that I felt ” normal”. In other words, I felt comfortable in my own body.
This,of course, raises the question of what is normal? I have no easy answer for that, I can only say what I feel.
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Linda – spot on.
There are enough differences between each woman to make having a nutshell for genetic women let alone someone who has lived as a woman in a male body.
Stereotypical responses aside I guess for me it means how I feel which is definitely not relating to male things. I feel like me which is a mix of mostly “female” things with a few male things. Confused – join the club. But I like confused
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Well.. Ive pondered this question many times..mostly from the position of
“I wish I had been born female instead of male ” mainly because Ive disliked
the aggressive nature inherent in many males and the troubles they have caused in the world . But hey thats what evolution has decided what males must do. Dominate others !!Anyway in a nutshell.. I think what it means to feel like a woman is to have
sensitivity towards others and their opinions even if you may not agree with them.Caroline
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To me to feel like a woman means I am experiencing feelings which I imagine women feel when they are women. It is a purely subjective feeling and would be different for everyone. For me it involves feeling loved, attractive, and being able to complete my role as a woman wether that be as a nurturer or as a partner to man or woman. I feel like a woman when I am dressed as a woman and undertaking womanly roles which could be cleaning the house or any other role that I associate with womankind. Simply put feeling like a woman means you are role playing being a woman and experiencing what your experience tells you a woman would should or could be feeling
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