What is the message you want to tell society?

[Adrian]

As Chloe has requested here are the aspirations that were expressed by TgR members in the 2011 TgR survey. They may be a help in determining what message you want to tell society.

The top ten themes in the responses were:
• Acceptance by others
• Changing physical appearance
• Opportunities to express gender
• Partners and Relationships
• Social opportunities
• Money
• Passing and appearance
• To be a woman (i.e. change birth sex)
• Work
• To go out in public

The full responses are represented in the word cloud below:

[Anonymous]

Hmmm a commitment to an opinion ?

Well society in general my wife included have yet to grasp that transgender is not something you choose to be it is who you are . So getting the message across that it is who we are and not who we choose to be would be a fair point to start.

[Anonymous]

To get the acceptance of the community of course is uppermost in most of our minds, but as Kristyana has said, convincing people that we are not just a bunch of people who dress up because we want to. We need to get the message out there that we are born (TG or whatever) and that it is a state of our being not just a choice or an illness or a mental problem that can be cured with treatment.

I think once the community as a whole realises that we are not sick or silly they may come a few steps closer to accepting us for what we are.

[Anonymous]

I firmly believe that we are becoming more accepted as a genuine part of the community and whereas as once we were looked upon with distaste and disdain we are now another group encompassed within society. Is this a result of a more forgiving, less structured society or is because we are not seen as a threat to the norm? Or i it because situation is now identified not as a strange pastime but as a genuine psychological condition?

Although we are a minority, and one which has been very quiet for ages our validity and credibility is growing as we are no longer seen as an off shoot of drag queens and such events as Transformal and those held by Seahorse and other TG organisations are growing larger and are attracting more participants, thus creating a wider and stronger ‘fellowship’ between the TG/CD community.

Perhaps the next step would be to invite an MP or two to attend one or more of the community’s events?

Helen

Moderator

Quote:

And……..

what is the message you want to tell society?

… that is what the thread is titled and the question Chloe asked.

Or did you intend to publish this in the current “Politics and us – have we a voice ?” thread perhaps????

[Anonymous]

My abject apologies, I said what I felt and unfortunately due to my wanting to make a particular point didn’t actually get to the the point.

The point being (and this is why I included the suggestion of inviting MPs or other more public figures of the community to TG social event) is that we need to show and demonstrate that the TG community is wide and varied and consists of member from all walks of life ranging from tradespeople to professionals. Like other communities, it is not confined to a particular area or type of person. Its members are representative of the wider community and although we share a particular need we are in every aspect human beings.

[Anonymous]

Hi,

In very simple terms what i have done ,

To allow others into my life, to be a part of our community. where i live, those I know & those who know me,

And where ever i go that others will be happy being around myself & get to know me as a person who is really no different than any one else, & if there is a difference it’s soon over looked, its about acceptance,

It works i know it does, because iv proved it time & time again,

…noeleena…

[Anonymous]

Ok it would be a good thing if we could gain some support for a help resource service of some kind. The idea being to generate an online list of physical and mental health professionals who have experience in or who are interested in helping people in our community and their direct family. There is I fear a lack developed resources that help people when they are starting on this journey.

So that is another thing we could possibly aim for. I don’t think it is understood by the rest of society how difficult the starting of the journey is with such a resource it would ease some of the initial pressures.

[Elizabeth]

For me it is what I would want to tell my nearest and dearest, that way it is what society as a whole should know. Having been through the whole gambit of emotions during my long and eventful lifetime, I want to let them know just what I feel, deep inside, and maybe, just maybe folk may begin to understand. Much of my stuff has indeed been covered by other contributions, but I’d like to add my own bits.

Transgenderism is something inherent, as I told my ex wife, I was born transgendered and I will die transgendered; it is who I am, not who I aspire to be. I would not wish transgenderism on anyone, because of the tremendous roller coaster ride that such a life offers. I have lived my life up until recent years immersed in enormous guilt, shame and a feeling of worthlessness. Why was I burdened with this awful gender dysphoria, what have I done to deserve such a thing? Why was I rejected by people that I love, not my current wife of almost 40 years. Transgenderism taught me to be secretive, to hide much of my life, and the impact thereof. Transgenderism was the base cause of numerous bouts of acute depressive illnesses, of suicide attempts, and a lifetime of suicidal thoughts. I’m not religous, but why does God hate me so much? Am I a product of the Devil?
I’ve worked extremely hard over my lifetime to accept myself, hoping others will accept me as a result. Unfortunately, I believe the segments of society that appear to accept us, actually tolerate us, family included. Currently, I believe total acceptance is something that may be achieved in the future, but not in my lifetime.
That is what I want society to know. The impact that gender dysphoria has on us, how it rules our lives from birth to death. We are told gender dysphoria is not a mental illness, I want society told of this in no uncertain terms, not by some north American psychiatric manual (DSM V) influenced by American lifestyle and thinking.
I want people to know that even after a lifetime I’m still confused, emotionally buggered and hoping for a resolution.

[Anonymous]

I tell people who want to know about me, the following; I am me. I am Transgendered. I am transistioning to live the life I should be living. I am not a freak. I am happy where I am in this big wide world. Treat me like you treat others and I will be a good friend. Umm… and it works if you are comfortable with and proud of yourself. I go where I want, I dine, shop, mix with all people…
If someone doesn’t want to know me, their loss not mine..

our community… their comunity…
I am part of the Greater Community…

[Sinndy]

To begin with I only get to be who I want to be on a part time basis some weekends some social events and shopping outings… therefore I am… my ‘male’ self 90% of the time.
I think no less transgender than someone who lives it most or full time.

What I would like to pervey to the general public, friends, relatives and work colleagues is
‘Sinndy’ is that same person that you enjoy having a drink and chat with at the coffee shop, hotel or restaurant
‘She’ is the same person that has a good laugh and plays golf with you in the Saturday competition
The same respected team leader who chairs the weekly engineering meeting and teaches the young
The same loving relative who is so welcomed after travelling and visiting far away family on the holidays
‘She’ should also be, the admired and often praised person for raising her children alone after a family loss

Society should never have an issue with…. what ‘she’ may wear on the outside, how ‘she’ does her hair or how ‘she’ applies that make-up
They should understand and accept though who ‘she’ is…. what ‘she’ stands for and how ‘she’ is already a solid part of the community for there is no difference between her and that person ‘she’ has to be 90% of the time…. or anyone else for that matter

My thoughts…….

[Adrian]

Ok – I’ll breathe life back into this thread by adding my thoughts…. as I do complain too much sometimes about the messages I hear

I don’t want to talk to society about men wanting to become women, or about men who like to wear skirts.
I don’t want to campaign for changes to the law nor do I want to create conflict with those who hold genuine religious views.
These are all messages that may tell society about others – but they don’t help people understand me.

So what benefits do think we could all gain from the right message?

a) I think we would all benefit if the public understands what it means to be gender diverse
– because everyone in our community is gender diverse.
b) I think we would all benefit from the public being more aware of how they are forcing us to live secret lives
– because most of our community has to keep secrets from someone.
c) I think all those who are not retired would benefit from workplaces being tolerant of gender diversity
– because many in our community are either unemployed or hide their diversity from their employer.
d) I think we would all benefit from being able to have meaningful conversations about our gender diversity with GPs and other medical staff
– because so many of our community do not currently seek or do not receive appropriate advice.
e) Finally the big one… I think we would all benefit if society was more accepting of gender diversity
– because so many of our lives are affected by the rejection of loved ones, family and friends.

That leads me to the message I want to tell the world.
I want to tell society about all of us:
I hope this is a message that would deliver benefit to a large number of gender diverse people.

a) We are gender diverse. [ul]A person’s physical sex is a biological fact, but our sex does not dictate how masculine or feminine we are. People exhibit a wide range of characteristics and behaviours from feminine to masculine irrespective of their physical sex. For us, such diversity of gender is both natural and normal.[/ul]
b) We are a largely hidden part of society;[ul] because society is generally intolerant of femininity in men or masculinity in women. Many of us have to keep our true nature secret and consequently experience emotional discomfort and unnecessary unhappiness. We want to be free to be who we are, not what others want us to be.[/ul]
c) We experience unacceptably high levels of unemployment [ul]although we are no less capable or skilled than others. There is discrimination of employees who appear to fall outside the narrow stereotypes of masculine man and feminine woman. Those in employment often have to hide their diversity from their employer and colleagues to avoid discrimination. We have a right to be treated equitably and our diversity should not prejudice our employment.
[/ul]
d) We lack confidence with our doctors and health care professionals. [ul]Medical practice and research has traditionally been based on simplistic concepts of male and female. As a result there is widespread confusion and ignorance of how manage the health needs of those who fall outside this stereotype. We look to improve outcomes through better education and support for our doctors. Quality health care is a right for everyone including us. [/ul]
e) We seek acceptance in society. [ul]Our partners, families and friends frequently reject us because they don’t understand who we are and they fear what we are not. We look for the opportunity to explain our diversity, reassure the reticent, and build relationships. Through greater understanding will come the acceptance we all seek and deserve.[/ul]

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t agree more with you Amanda.

I would like the public to educated in the knowledge that Transgender is not a mental disorder.
I would like children to be educated in school about Transgender so as to help those who may need support and understanding from future communities.
I would like the Government to finally remove the Mental Disorder tag from HRT medication to be in conjunction with the other major countries in the UN.

These three points would make a good start for future generations.

Cheers…Karly

[Anonymous]

When I started this thread it was with the best of intentions & so far it seems to have gained some valuable input. I have nodded ‘yes’ to a great many of the comments made by others & I imagine as others have, read Amanda’s contribution as being very pertinent, a very well thought out response.

Now I guess I should contribute an opinion.
I don’t wish to vary anything that I said in the introductory post. However, I personally have no desire to tell ‘society’ anything specific about me as a transgendered person.
Everyday, I present myself to the general public as a person born & labelled male but presenting as a woman with a masculine face & a deep male voice. I am regularly called mate & don’t really like it but tough luck. I am often starred at but so what. I am very frequently treated as fairly & equitably as prior to changing my presentation. I am also quite often treated especially well because of my apparent difference.
I’m sorry if this disappoints people but I have no need particularly to tell society anything. As a rule they treat me just fine & those who don’t, don’t matter.

I realise I’ve probably just hijacked my own thread but that’s how I personally feel.

[Anonymous]

As my previous post is not really in the spirit of my initial question I wish to make another post to ammend that mistake.

Whilst walking around a shopping centre today it occurred to me that I really do have something to tell society.
I was dressed in a very smart skirt & jacket with my hair just done & presenting very well. I was off to pickup my new feminine glasses to compliment my smart business attire.
As is usual for me, I was treated with great respect by the people I dealt with one on one. A couple of ladies that I trust & respect assured me that I presented very well & from behind they could not have identified me as born male.

In contrast to the one on one experiences, I was directly observed by a large number of people who though they didn’t exactly stare, they never-the-less spent more time looking at me than most others would experience. Were they looking because it was obvious I was born male…or because I was so smartly dressed… or because my outfit was incongruent with my face? I don’t know the answer but it made me (once again) try to imagine how uncomfortable it must be for others who are less confident than me & who maybe have a higher level of difficulty in blending into a crowd.

I want to tell society that I am gender diverse. I want tell them what that means…to explain to them that the way I understand my gendered self is deeply personal…it is critical to my peace & happiness to feel comfortable in expressing myself no matter where I am & who I am with.
I want to tell them that I have friends just like me, who have similar thoughts & needs…that I correspond with people who understand how I feel but I need to correspond with these friends via electronic communication, not because they are located distantly from me but because they live with great fear. Fear to be exactly who they are. Fear of what society will say & do to them. Fear of losing the respect & companionship of their families & friends…people who already know them…but not the complete them…only the portion that they believe is safe to express.
I want to tell society that my friends are good people who care very much about each other & also for the people in the very society that they must hide from.
I want to tell society that my friends may stand beside them one day, they may even help them one day & they (society) won’t even know.
I want to tell society that we exist.

[Deleted User]

A very interesting topic , more facets to it than a Brilliant Cut Diamond.
Lots of lovely aspirations noted in previous posts

The most challenging problem and the one with the most serious repercussions IMO is the intolerance of many partners to the discovery of “that other person” who was probably unknown when the relationship began. it clearly leads to disaster in many relationships and it shouldnt be that way .

My greatest wish would be for some way of preventing that from happening. Perhaps our local GP’s need a better understanding of us so that some counselling can take place and hopefully alleviate the usual misunderstandings that arise. I’m happy to give my GP a briefing on the topic when I next have to visit.

With regard to the General Community I am quite indifferent as to how they feel about us when they see us . I feel in most cases its like wanting them to understand something that is of no real importance to them and therefore why should we try to launch a campaign of enlightenment.

I am quite happy being part of what I regard as very special group in society and Ihave noticed over the years an increasing acceptance by the general public. I can only see that improving as time goes on.

Shine On all you Crazy Diamonds out there !!

Caroline