What separates a “transsexual” a crossdresser? va

[Anonymous]

Yes Hexa if I were alone on a desert island I would still transition. Without doubt.
I don’t think its a superficial thing at all. People judge others superficially for sure… if it looks like a man its a man , if it looks like a woman its a woman. But with that superficial judgement comes nivarna. If people look at me and see a woman, they treat me as a woman and by that simple fact alone they validate my own, deepest sense of identity and place in the world. They are saying to me, for the first time ever, that my outer self matches my inner. Suddenly, I am not mad..or perverted .. or sick..I am simply a woman. For me it isnt superficial, its freedom.
Karen x

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Yes Hexa if I were alone on a desert island I would still transition. Without doubt.

I understand – look babe, sorry – I was in a dark mood when I wrote that post. I do understand the importance of the whole transition thing – just trying to understand myself.

It’s a selfish thing, again sorry to be a downer I’m unhappy if my “dysphoria” is all about acceptance by society or about my external features because I’d like to think I don’t care what people think, don’t need them to validate me. So if what you are describing is the root cause of why we do it then I am wrong – I do care, very much so.

Luv
Hx

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Hex…
Overall ya just gotta do what makes you happy and well if you dont understand why others do the things they do well then the ball is in your court to either try to understand or don’t. We as T people are often so worried about what others think of us that those concerns hold us back from living our full potential. At the end of the day ya gotta do what makes you happiest and hell if I don’t agree well I wont hang around…

Thanks Jade,

I’m not sure how to take this – but it appears to be negative.

As I said before – it is not about trying to understand others, or judge others. It is self examination. I apologise for making it appear that way.

Luv
Hex

p.s. China is damn cold!

[Anonymous]

I am confused,
my rational mind does not understand why…

My guess is that many of us want to quantify why we are the way we are. I myself am wary of the vauge psychological explanations that currently exist. It feels good, yes – I accept this and by asking the tough questions can we perhaps begin to grasp the real, genuine reasons why we feel so at odds with our physicality. So the question stands – Why do you really do it? I need to know – and am hoping to learn from my friends by listening to their experiences.

The feeling of community, warmth, and friendship from this bunch of happy bananas (TR especially) has been the most important thing in my life over the last year or so. I’d like to think we strive to be accepting of each other’s flaws, faults, and opinions.

People come and people go – it has always caused me grief that friendships and loves are so transient when the people have brought such joy to my life. I want to grow with the people that I meet – watch how their lives change, for their whole lives – not lose them when we seemingly have nothing more in common. I’d like to think that everbody is unique – worth knowing.

And this brings me to the T world and my attempt at understanding my motivations. If I decide (personally) that my particular brand of TGism is superficial and decide to put less emphasis on it in my life – will I lose my pals? I am not saying I will do this but it does worry me. The people from this community are people that I would hope to grow old with as I value our opinions, music (especially the music ), life experiences, and friendship.

This is why I worry – I’d like to think the friendships I’ve made are more than skin deep and that we can talk, I mean really talk deeply and frankly about why we are who we are.

hehe – so serious! The next post will be less heavy.

Luv
Hex

[Anonymous]

Hexa, it sounds to me that you are in an existential quandry, one that most of us have eventually. Who am I REALLY? What is the nature of the SELF? I have been pondering this for some years , since my marriage broke up in the late eighties, and found many of the answers I needed in the teachings of Zen Buddhism, especially the books of Alan Watts, a now dead English writer, priest and translater of Zen and Taoist thought into Western culture.
The good news according to the Zennists , is that there is no SELF!. It is all an illusion created in our own mind!
Great, but how do we live with this in the real world [ samsara] where everyone else[ mostly] is living and operating in the illusionary world. THAT, I think is where the problem arises and we have to work this out for ourselves. We can use the experience of others to help us along the way but, like a menu, it isn’t the same as the meal! Our own life experiences, nature and desires will determine how the journey is for every ‘ traveller’. Also remember that we are humans, flawed, complex and confused, as my friend says , Humans are perverse![ no judgement intended.]
Now, if there is no solid, unchanging entity called ME, it seems to me that we are free to create the ” self” that we wish to be! We all do it anyway,
we all create our own reality, we just call it an opinion, values or MY WAY! We all see the world in different ways and in the end , other peoples opinions are interesting enough but are only Opinions.
I am rambling now but my advice is to be who you think you are, use others to REFLECT that self off [so as not to become a complete LOONEY! } , and get into the ZEN!!!

[/i]

[Anonymous]

I just like to wear pretty clothes and makeup!

Quote:

If I decide (personally) that my particular brand of TGism is superficial and decide to put less emphasis on it in my life – will I lose my pals?

Hell no…well, not this pal at least…

😉

[Anonymous]

I am with you Lina….I just love the pretty clothes and the way they make me feel. As I have probably said somewhere before…when I do get the chance to dress (not often enough)…It just feels so RIGHT. The why’s and wherefores are just toooooooo deep for me.

And Hexa….you won’t lose this TR web friend if you want one.

[Anonymous]

Gosh, What a topic! I think sometimes I’m just me, and i’ve been exploring this lately with my therepist, trying to learn how I feel about this. I do know that many of my girlfriends really do think of me as Emma, and its hard for them when they get thrust into a situation where they have to call me my old name, in fact some slip up! this tells me that these girls really do think of me as female, and just part of their lives. So I guess I like to think that the hormone thing hasnt changed me so much, just brought out the things inside me that are really me, or even probably just me free to relax my guard and let those things out.

I dont think vanity has much to do with it, although all feminine creatures have a measure or two, and i know I’m no exception. this usually causes more hurt than pleasure though, as with genetic girls, I think. God, I’m not pretty enough, I hate my body, I hate my wardrobe, I hate my eyebrows, etc etc etc.

and I dont do intimacy,(see last paragraph)cant remember the last time
I felt any arousal with anyone really, not related to being a girl anyway, and my libido is kinda dropping, too. so maybe for me it isnt the sex thing.
its more just a peace thing I think. there is peace in being mistaken for my mother, or in just being accepted. the price I pay is all the time and money it takes to transition, but I know I would do this if I was the only person in the world. I’m doing this for me, not for anyone else, that would be the wrong reason entirely.

I love my girlfirends, and That is the single best thing I have out of this whole thing, is friends to share wardrobes with, and stories about boys, and secrets, and and go shopping with, thats where i fit in, thats where I belong.

just wote this to clear up my thoughts, guess everyone is different, but I’m thinking a lot of my TS friends are very similar, so maybe thats what TS girls are about, ie. much the same as genetic girls..

😉
*EMMA*

[Anonymous]

Hi Hexa,

Vanity is a funny word and it has often popped up when asking ‘why’. I’m not sure if this relates to your feelings but I don’t feel my dressing is vanity related because all I’m really doing is trying to look like a women. I’m sure most people would agree that their styles have evolved or matured over time to reflect the image they are comfortable with. Anyway. I reckon alittle bit of vanity doesn’t hurt. After all you have to check in the mirror every now and then to make sure everything is in the right place 😉 . Just not every 5mins.

The sexual side of crossdressing I thought is an important question to ask because ‘again’ I think many started out that way being aroused by some item of female clothing. For me it certainly did causing the usual confusion and doubt about moving towards transistioning, and still does among other things. My dressing related to masturbation and then my crossdressing to be a women became 2 separate paths with the masturbation element dropping away. It was almost a conscious effort to get way from the dressing for masturbation….I matured you might say.

Lately I’ve been thinking the emotional connection to dressing is the one and only reason. For me dressing started out as a curiosity connected to sexual arousal ( a huge feel good emotion). This association was constantly reinforced through dressing and imagining myself as a girl. You get constant daily reminders because you associate with,see girls everyday, visually bombarded by the female images, clothing etc. Anyway I wont go on because I’m starting to feel like I’m talking out my arse.

Its true though Hex. Gotta give yourself permission and not make up excuses ie what other people think. It is hard though!

Take care.

Rachael

[Anonymous]

This is a subject that we all must muse over some time in our journeys, the “BIG W” –why?
At times I have adopted differing reasons for my ways, parental influence, genetics, predisposition, foetal hormone disturbance, societal pressures , vanity etc. all in an attempt to JUSTIFY my nature to a world that, by and large does not fully accept my choices.
I now believe that all of these and the millions of random happenings that took place in order for my “self” to come into being are the WHY,I just AM. The reality is, in the washup, SO WHAT! We are how we are. I feel less need to justify myself to others.
I have many gay friends who are at home in their skins, the lesbians seem more at ease, they are less visible I guess, but they have a COMMUNITY that has fought long and hard to be acknowledged and has suffered many deaths, beatings and jailings on that journey. What we have lacked through history is that community. We are just starting out to become visible in the world and have many struggles ahead. Our burden is that to express ourselves entirely is to be visible, our difference is worn on the outside whereas a gay man can “appear normal’ in his everyday life.
Though I understand fully why we do it, every time we deny our true self” It is a gift for the wife, yes she is EXACTLY my size in petticoats” we keep ourselves in the position of the outsider. This is no criticism of the “Closet”, god knows I don’t run about advertizing to the mob, however, to those I care about, IT is no secret. “No need to frighten the horses” as one of my friends puts it.
In this vein though, it worries me when I get the vibe that some TG folk seem to think that their particular way, be it TS or CD is more valid than the other, this does not bring about community, only division. We can’t afford to do this and I like the fact that so many TR girls , do not go down this path. we are all the same in the end { no pun intended,perhaps we aren’t ALL the same } trying to express the SHE inside in the best way we know how.
So vanity or not, we must support the right to keep doing so and stick together.

[Deleted User]

I just love meeting and forming friendships with people that I would otherwise never meet if not for the fact that I am a “CD”. And you girls have some amazing talents and experiences, I am frequently in awe of many of you.

Life on Earth has many different forms and I like to contemplate and enjoy the fact that there are many people in our “community” who are at many different points along the spectrum of being a “TG” person

An old slogan but true “celebrate diversity”

[Anonymous]

Thanks gals for the show of support.

I agree with you Caroline – this bunch is top notch. Diverse in thought, appearance, demeanor, wealth, and all manner of stuff – but all very accepting. This makes us all special I think – more empathic than your average bunch of people.

Jade –

Quote:

We as T people are often so worried about what others think of us that those concerns hold us back from living our full potential.

This is interesting – you are saying here that to realise our full potential we should indeed not give a stuff what others think. I like this – this is the kind of thing I’d like to expand on. This implies that the external shell does not matter.

Christina – Zen is great. The concept of self is a tough subject to tackle – are we real? Are we just a series of “moments”, constantly living in the present? Sentience, consciousness, and all that certainly have a part to play in a discussion of the reasons why we do the chick thing. Good advice.
Yes – and the TS vs CD thing does worry me – it causes me some grief actually. I now understand why labels are crap.

Lina – Be prepared for a long friendship. I intend to transfer my consciousness to a bio-chemical machine that will allow me to live for 10s of thousands of years. For example: in the year 3412 we may decide to go out for a curry, some drinks, and perhaps see a band?

Jennifer – ditto, but I think I’m booked for part of the year 3412. Should be free at least on of the fridays between now and then.

Emma – My libido has vanished too, over the last year I’ve felt very little in the way of sexual arousal and felt even less of actual people! Does this happen to many TS/TR/CDs who put more into their female sides? I feel like my testosterone has naturally dropped substantially.

Rachael – An emotional connection to dressing/TSing/etc. YES! I’d like to explore this angle some more. Who here has become more girl after a crisis? Me for one. Why is that? Is it common?

Karen – I’ve been thinking about your comment. Maybe it IS as simple as “this is who I am” and we need not look deeper?

There may be nothing deep about it but I think I’ll continue to look/search for an answer anyway.

Luv
Hx

[Anonymous]

To add to this…

I just saw the 2 part Southpark episode about atheism. For those that don’t know the episode it stars Richard Dawkins and features Mrs. Garriosn as his “Trans lover” (very graphically).

The guys that write Southpark are notoriously right wing and although they have a good grasp of popular culture and shock humour techniques their opinions are unsophisticated and their moral messages puerile. I.e. they are funny but also genuinely juvenile, bigoted, and cruel.

Further research revealed that Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the Southpark guys) have explored this issue of TG Vanity directly.

Quote:

The trans community also took note of “South Park”‘s season premiere on March 9th. Mr. Garrison, long depicted as a deeply closeted gay man, wants to be made “well” and undergoes an extremely graphic (even for “South Park”) “vaginoplasty” to make him a woman. The new Mrs. Garrison, still has the trademark bald head and glasses, but now flamboyantly minces around in Capri pants, anxiously awaiting her first period.

Mr. Garrison’s transformation opens the floodgates for Kyle to have surgery to become a tall African American so he can play basketball, and Kyle’s father surgically becomes the dolphin he’s always wanted to be. Seriously. By the end of the episode, each is made to look foolish for their decisions. Mrs. Garrison even confronts her surgeon with the line, “You made me into a freakÃ… and I want you to change me back!” The doctor says later, “I should have told you that the surgery was cosmetic only.”

Underneath the humor is a facetious parallel comparing gender identity with nonsensical issues of “trans-racial” and “trans-species”. And then there’s the reinforced misconception that sex-reassignment surgery doesn’t actually change one’s gender. Topping it off, Mr. Garrison’s out-of-the-blue sex change promotes the stereotype that all gay men really want to be women. After all, Mrs. Garrison’s final words at the end of the episode are, “Even though I’m not truly a womanÃ… I’d rather be a woman who can’t have periods than a fag.” Ouch! It’s just not funny. To use TV lingo, perhaps “South Park” has jumped the shark -er, dolphin.

http://www.ifge.org/Article37.phtml

Ok – so new question: The author mentions a facetious parallel and a misconception about SRS without explaining why these are so (e.g. why is it a misconception?). Parker and Stone are Jerks (funny Jerks – but never forger what they stand for) – I know they are wrong, but why exactly?

Luv
Hex

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Emma – My libido has vanished too, over the last year I’ve felt very little in the way of sexual arousal and felt even less of actual people! Does this happen to many TS/TR/CDs who put more into their female sides? I feel like my testosterone has naturally dropped substantially.

Hi Hexa, This is VERY common for TS even before hormones. After hormones it happens naturally. For me the “removal of my male sexual side was such a relief. I didn’t realise how much actual angst I was suffering from being ruled from the testicles. The quote below is a bit simplistic. As I have transitioned I have agonised over who I am, female, misguided male, bigendered, whatever. And just as you think you have a handle on it you change a bit more. Eventually I came to accept that I am ts. At the moment I would call myself mostly female…the male part is slowly slipping away thankfully but there is still a bit left at the moment.
I think you need to look deeply but as you find yourself you have the opportunity to find acceptance and peace as well.

Quote:

Karen – I’ve been thinking about your comment. Maybe it IS as simple as “this is who I am” and we need not look deeper?

[Anonymous]

Ah, the wiff of controversy… just to throw a spanner in, while I am firmly of the opinion that we have the ” right” to SRS if it is deemed appropriate, I was confused and challenged when I saw a Doco early this year about people who had a strong conviction that they should only have 3 limbs { I kid you not} and were in emotional turmoil, dare I say Disphoria , about the fact that they had 4. One man eventually managed to deliberately mangle his leg so severely that it had to be amputated and expressed great relief that he now felt ” whole”.
This , as I say, challenged my opinion as it has close elements to the TS situation. I still am not sure what I think about the whole thing even though I have often pondered it . What do others think?