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who do you love?
found this interesting article on transgender people and sexuality. what? sexuality? that’s not an important aspect of our lives is it? read on …
Gay men like men and lesbian women like women. But what happens when those boundaries aren’t so clear?
Transgender, genderqueer, agender, and other gender-variant individuals can challenge traditional lines of sexual orientation and cause people to bring their sexuality into question.
Most people understand their sexual orientation around the assumption that sex matches with gender. In other words, people say they’re attracted either to men with male bodies or women with female bodies. But the truth of the matter is that not everyone falls under those categories, yet they are still attractive to many.
As LGBT people, a lot goes into forming our sexual identity. We have to come out of the closet and then deal with friends and family members who think it’s immoral to love who we love. But this added connection to our sexual orientation does not mean it’s OK to immediately discount gender-variant people.
Change.org writer Daniel wrote about biphobia and how the fluidity and flexibility of sexuality can be threatening to gay people. Similarly, many people are threatened by the notion of dating a transgender person, because that blurs the lines of who we can find attractive. There are many possible hurdles one could face when dating a transgender person, including rejection from the community or lack of visibility as a queer person. But when lesbians and gays are choosing a partner, they should stand by the same principles that brought them out of the closet. It is important to live your life honestly and openly regardless of prejudices from those around you. It’s not right to avoid dating a transgender person just because the relationship may be less socially accepted.
No one I know is attracted to every single woman or every single man, so why do we identify ourselves as someone who is “attracted to men” or “attracted to women?” It’s the easiest way to label your attractions when everyone you’ve been attracted to has been a woman or a man. But all people, regardless of sexual orientation, are attracted to individuals, not to a gender or sex. We flirt with a person, date a person, fall in love with a person, and perhaps marry a person. Categorizing our sexuality makes things simpler but it is not necessarily accurate. Loving someone outside these categories is not a threat to anything; it only shows that we’re all human.
There’s nothing wrong with identifying as gay or lesbian, but the LGBT community should practice the acceptance they preach. The queer community needs to stop judging transgender people and their partners, and accept that sexual orientation doesn’t need to be so rigid.
url: http://gayrights.change.org/blog/view/resistance_to_loving_transgender_people_is_bogus
so what/who *turns you on*? and one thing not mentioned … inter-transgender love. how many of you are *turned on* by t-girls?
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23 Replies
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Fascinating intruiging and more complex than Astro-Physics for sure.
Personally I am attracted to “people” Male Female TS whatever.
I consider myself normal for my template of “Normal” is all i can rely on, what another persons concept of “Normal” is may differ greatly.
I married did the usual M things and never found males attractive when i was finding myself when young.
As I grew and the ME today grew i became attracted to men.Today like afore mentioned I am attracted to people and I am happy and consider myself lucky in that regard.
However being attracted to another person does not always mean that having a sexual relationship within the confines of that “attractiveness” is imminent.
Example for me is now that I am slowly crossing the water to transition what do I want for the long term?
I find that many TS are attractive many women i find attractive. I question myself when i find a female attractive if it is because I wish to be her? or maybe emulate her in some way.
Long term i know I would prefer a male partner.
Again is this purely a part of the transition? Answer is NO it is a part of me that now accepts my role my gender(female) my wants desires and cold and calculating needs and all.Again the influence of my culture in the stereotype partnerships of social acceptance may be influencing this outcome, i simply do not know.
I stop short of psychoanalysing myself in preference to simply being who i am and accepting that.
The conclusion being at anyone time i think any one of us straight bi ts martian or whatever could find themselves attracted to anyone, sexually or otherwise. The factor that stops most people from allowing themselves these feelings is again social acceptance, and their own cultural and moral stance that they regard as right..Just my opinion
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It is amazing how Gay, Lesbian, Bi and Transgender are all lumped together. Like we are all so similar. I can see how Gay and Lesbian can share similarities, Bi is kinda the same in that it is a sexual orientation yet with it being a fluid spectrum one could say that some Bi people are closer to heterosexual people, and personally I would say this is more true. To lump bisexual people in with homosexual people on that level seems wrong to me.
Transgender is not a sexual orientation but because it’s lumped into LGBT, the conventional assumption is to think there is a huge connection and encourages those questions like “oh so does that mean you are gay?”. o_0
I don’t know it’s hard for me to put myself in an average persons head and know whether the understanding of the differences between sex, sexual orientation and gender are easy to differentiate.
Personally I don’t understand the connection between LGB & T, other than convenience or to hide under their half accepted wing of safety.I don’t identify as Gay, Lesbian or bisexual.. and I hesitate to consider myself as transgender, yes I am one of those that is ashamed of it, I don’t see it as a blessing in disguise but a defect much like being born with a lazy eye.
Like Michelle I don’t feel my sexuality is something to consider as binary or something to be defined by sex organs or characteristics.
It is the person on the inside that you fall in love with, if this wasn’t the case then there would be no such thing as gay, lesbian or ….whatever.Quote:Pansexuality is a sexual orientation, characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire towards people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.So yeah Pansexuality is I guess the official word for that out look. As far as being attracted to TG people, I struggle to find myself appealing let alone anyone else similar to me. So no, well a big no on that one. Why? If I’m pansexual then wouldn’t I be open to the idea? I guess it’s not because of gender or biological sex then.
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o wow what a topic ….. I think that Michelle and Muffin have covered my thoughts so well ….. I really belive that it is the person that I am attracted to, although I hate agression so I do stear away from angry type souls, which mostly seem to be the alpha style males.
I always say that I will not date someone with more problems than myself, as I am a bit selfish wanting to partner to be there more for me than all my past relationships where I was always there from them and left high and dry when it was my turn. I guess I view myself as damaged goods in that manner as Muffen pointed out that Trans is a medical condition I was born with and I am not proud of it anymore.
So I guess I class myself as les, but with an open mind to the right person. I dont tend to be attracted to trans as it reminds me too much of my own path.
xxx
Kelly Jones
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I like everyone as I like to say. meaning boys girls and inbetween. They call it being Pansexual….it is truly the person that counts…not the gender
Gwen
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This is my 1st post here but I feel I have to say something that has bugged me for a long time about gender. I also agree that we should not be thrown in with the G, L, B. These terms define sexual preference. Where as Trans is a medical condition that deals with our gender. I may well be L or Bi but that is me sexual orientation not my gender. I have been on HT for about 10 years now and I have noticed that my thinking on sexual attraction has changed heaps. I grew up attracted to women. Again did I want them or want to be them. A bit of both I think. However now I find myself attracted to a kind person who treats me as a woman. Definitely not the alpha type. The idea of a male partner does not repulse me at all now. It really is the person and not their sex. I don’t know if this is the hormones or the fact that it is now acceptable in my own head to have a male partner. I guess my thinking started to change when my gynecologist said to me “Men can be very reaffirming to us as woman.” This statement broke down the barrier and opened my mind from social conditioning. As for being ashamed of my condition. I’m definitely NOT. Ok it has been a draw back. No one would ever choose to be Trans but no one would ever choose to have a lazy eye either. But I am Trans and now that I have ACCEPTED it I can get on with my life and life is still a beautiful thing so be at peace with your-self and live life to the fullest
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Hi Barbera and welcome, like yourself I am new to this web site and your 1st post makes sense clearly.
Michelle (me) is no longer angry and awkward and all the negatives that blur and block the thoughts of sexuality/Gender/ Preference and most of all acceptance.
Sexuality and chosen preference…The word chosen is crucial and often forgotten in the myriad of preferences.
Myself being able to be attracted to another person is accepted now from within myself and I hold up no barrier or label or the need for it to be a part of being Transgendered. It is simply a part of me, and in all honesty i consider it to be a blessing.
To be attracted to another like I mentioned in an earlier post does not in my minds eye equal a sexual motive on its own.Sex and attractiveness can be relatives with motive and intention and in the same breath can be far distant cousins who never meet.
On very much lighter note i absolutely love Black Forest Gateaux , but I don’t buy it because i know it is no good for (me)
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i guess i have to put my hand up and say that we (including moi) seemed to have got a bit off topic here (and didn’t even raise a moderator’s well manicured eyebrow).
i think the main thrust of the article was that transgendered people suffer from a bias amongst gay and lesbian people and they (gays and lesbians) tend to shun dating or even having an attraction towards transgendered people. some even show a bias against transgendered couples. i can relay a story about a transgendered person and their genetic female date meeting up with some lesbian friends and the first thing the lesbian friends asked was whether or not the transgendered person was post op, implying that it was not really ok for a genetic female to be dating a mtf if the mtf was not post op because that would make the genetic female a straight!
it sure is a complicated (and uninformed) world we live in, isn’t it?
the questions i posed at the end were more to understand the depth of any level of inter-transgendered attraction. the logic goes something like, ok, you’re mtf and you have an attraction for females (i suspect because you don’t have an attraction for males or not yet reached the levels of transition that the likes of barbara (no offence, barbara – i think transitioning to full time is a brave and admirable thing to do) have reached). mtfs present as females, so do you, as an ftm liking females, find yourself attracted to other ftms?
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This is a topic that it’s hard not to get side-tracked on. Everything that has been said is absolutely true. Why are we lumped in with LG&B? If I love a woman I feel I am a lesbian but a hard line lesbian sees no-op (or very pre-op) me as a bloke in a skirt.
While I haven’t changed physically I have made great advances emotionally. I have resolved that I am a woman and ultimately want to live as one. I am not concerned how I am labelled or compartmentalised, but I recognise that society (straight and gay) looks upon me in such a way as to make the chances of my finding a successful and meaningful relationship much smaller than they might have been had I lived the life of a recently divorced man in his 50s. I’m attracted to females so I could see myself having an affair with a GG or TG.
Back more on the original topic, I find myself critical at times of the LGB attitude towards Ts. Yet is the proportion of them who don’t or won’t understand any different from that in the straight community?
God this is a complex topic. I think I’ll go back to worrying about what to wear tomorrow night!!
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Lol Felicity complex for sure.
I agree and now i am wondering if i ought buy myself some new makeup or maybe a new top or dress, choices choices. Yea I will stick to my less complex riddles for now….
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Quote:This is a topic that it’s hard not to get side-tracked on.Too true.
TR has been around quite a long time – and over that time most of the ‘obvious’ topics have already been discussed.
Please don’t morph this thread onto the topic of does T belong in GLBT because that is the subject of another long thread here
http://forum.tgr.net.au/cms/forum/F319/1980-980
There are a number of very good posts in the original thread so please don’t recover the same ground here.If in doubt go back and read the original post in a thread and ask “is my post addressing the original topic”.
Which in this case was more focused (as i read it) on sexual attraction and being accepted regardless of what attracts you. But I could be wrong – have been before ! -
who do you love?
I love amanda and her whip cracking strict demands! 😆
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Help! Help! I’m being admonished! If the rest of the world were more tolerant this would never have happened.
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Quote:Help! Help! I’m being admonished! If the rest of the world were more tolerant this would never have happened.
Who? Why? Are you?
Sigh……..
Maybe you have a persecution complex…. Oooppss we are now way off thread….gets out topic padlock…. oils key !
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hhmmmmm…..
ah I see what’s happened here! 💡
* Hands out lifebuoys *
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Simple answer is I have always been attracted to girls, and even with being TS, hormones etc.. That hasn’t changed. I only fall in love with real women, though a bad experience had me fall for a Tranny, that will never happen again. Real girls only for me.
Michelle
