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You won’t meet a great friend sitting at home watching Midsomer Murders and taking selfies…trust me
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It is lovely to hear our boys and girls in blue are so respectful. I haven’t had to deal with that particular hurdle myslef but it makes me feel at ease knowing the chance is I will be treated well
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Dear Emma
Emma_Thorne wrote:I think all of us at some point have in the back of our minds that we might be spotted but as I said it just doesn’t happen.I beg to differ. On two separate occasions. First was 300km south of my home suburb, I encountered my ex’s 1st cousin at an official function. The second was an extremely close relative of mine, in the streets of Sydney; none the less (*80km from home)
Irrespective of how well you “pass” there will always be some mannerism that people will identify as being you If you’re prepared to live within those means and always be prepared, then nothing should be a problem.
Best wishes
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Hi Emma; only just read this honey. Up until now had only read your Part 1 and 2 posts. This a really positive and useful piece m’dear. This part really resonated with me: “I was so starved of cd companionship when I was a younger woman I couldn’t wait to meet others in real life and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I did. Everyone I know has felt the same.” Yes indeed, the weight just disappears. Somehow, you breath a little easier.
Veronica
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Hi Catherine,
I’m so sorry you had those experiences….I was purely talking in broad terms, Given the amount of us out there, and how often we are out, it rarely happens. If I were to be sprung, as it were, it would be the second I opened my mouth.
Were there any repercussions from those unfortunate incidents hun? -
Bash away Emma, I’m not familiar with Inspector Lynley or his Mysteries.
With regards things changing, I would like to relate an experience from a or so year ago, on a visit to a friend in Melbourne. We had caught up at ‘Alphabet Soup’ the evening before and she invited me round to brunch with a few other friends. Upon my arrival she took me out shopping for rolls, ham etc. I was a tad reluctant as I hadn’t mixed with the madding crowd for a long time.
But I persevered and we both roamed among the vegies and bakery section of Coles and no one paid any attention to either of us. I was the taller so felt I would draw some sort of notice, my radar was on high alert. We were ignored! My friend informed me that these days we are just part of the background, ‘No one cares anymore’.
Later, on my way back to my motel, I needed petrol and not being familiar with the area to consider getting changed at the motel then going out again I bit the bullet and pulled into a busy depot. I was relieved and overjoyed to find the same situation. A lot of people about but I was ignored. The young lady just said, ‘Have a nice afternoon luv’ as I left.
I also should add here that, for some reason, one of my shoes decided to start falling off my foot. The stitching might have given up the ghost. In any case I was walking along with a heavy ‘clunk, slide, click’! Much to my companions amusement. She dubbed me Quasimodo as I almost adopted a semi-lurch as I tried to hang on to the shoe with clenched toes. She enjoyed that.,
An interesting experience. -
What a great story Claire! Thank you for sharing it xx
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Emma,
Welcome back to our world! And thanks for all the great posts!Emma_Thorne wrote:After we had chatted for a while Amanda made a comment which stuck in my head and still does…she said that “a lot had changed”. A seemingly innocuous comment in a very broad conversation but a very true one for lots of different reasons.I remember the comment well, because I felt someone needed to warn you that a lot had changed from the society of secrecy into which we both came out in those horse-drawn crossdressing days. I could perhaps have added that I have changed over those years too, in more ways than reverting from Amanda back to my natal Adrian. One had to change it seems just to stay where one was, in a community that increasingly enjoyed both greater awareness of itself, and acceptance from others.
In warning you about the changed rules of engagement I had in mind two particular developments, neither of which I recall as being particularly prevalent in the days before Emma’s sabbatical.
The first was, as you observed, the rise of the virtual transgender community. There always were those sad photographs taken in hotel rooms, and those lonely souls waiting at home by the post box for their monthly Seahorse magazine to be delivered. But social media and internet shopping seem to have made virtual existence too easy, the numbers have grown, and so have the creativity of the excuses as to why they can’t possibly tell the wife, be seen in public, or live without Photoshop. And that is another change; the ease of access to ways to doctor photographs to make them look better – even my camera will touch up my lippy if I ask it to.
So Emma, well done for noticing the rise of the Facebook community who no longer need to go out in public to meet up with other girls. And as you say there were other reasons behind my comment.
In particular I also had in mind another, possibly more significant, change. And that is the number of us who find that they can enjoy a social life in public without seeking out the company of other T-girls and LGBTI friendly venues. There used to be safety in numbers, and those who went it alone tended to have the label “transsexual’ etched on their foreheads. Now there is a sickening over-use of the term ‘main-stream’ to describe the fact that we can just present as we want, doing what we want, in society and the general reaction of others is increasingly “so what”.
This is significant because it has resulted in the dramatic drop in the number of organised balls, restaurant nights, theatre outings etc which seemed to be the mainstay of our public life 10 years ago. I have bemoaned the dearth of organisers elsewhere in this forum, but as I increasingly just do what I want as ‘me’, I am probably just as much part of the problem myself.
So with the community expanding and at the same time moving apart in diametrically opposite directions life in the middle has certainly changed a lot! At times like this, it helps to be a Pisces (two fish swimming in opposite directions), but all of us can enjoy the exciting new opportunities that are open to us.
Welcome back to the new world Emma!
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I gave your observations a LOT of thought over the weekend Amanda and I think I’m a big part of the problem also because I embraced this new (to me) virtual world unthinkingly…and it prompted me to fossick about in some old posts I made on the old Adelaide Xdress Goddess yahoo group years and years ago just about the time that horse drawn crossdressing was coming to an abrupt end with the explosion of the internet and we were all feeling around in the dark to a degree. I have mellowed a little in the intervening years but my principal gripe was the same as it is now – why don’t more girls get out in the real world?
Back then I thought the old Field Of Dreams adage was what was needed: “Build it and they will come”. We put on safe shows and they definitely turned up, no doubt about that, but as soon as the show was over most scurried back into the closet slamming the door shut again as fast as their glittery heels could carry them not to be seen again until the next hermetically sealed/iron clad/lifetime guaranteed safe show was put on a year later. Negotiating with a lot of our sisters just to get them to that point was like doing a drug deal and there were endless emails back and forth reassuring them that they weren’t going to bump into their boss/neighbour/Mrs Jones from down the street if they did decide to come along. I slept soundly in the belief that I had at least got a lot of them out once a year so that was pretty good! I’m not one to often quote fascist dictators, but I think it was Mussolini who said that it is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a lamb, a quote I often used in that process.
So, taking on board your wise words dear friend, what has really changed and what has been improved in an age when it has never been easier to find and communicate with others of our ilk? Nothing really and in fact when I thought about it with more perspective they have actually gone significantly backwards as you suggest.
I agree with you entirely regarding our social opportunities now. When Susan, Burnside Betty, Roxxy, and the rest of us travelled out back then it was always to t-friendly venues – now we very rarely go to them and to be honest I find them a bit dull if we do. We have a group of friends who we catch up with most nights at various mainstream pubs and clubs and they are predominantly genetic women who like us for us – it’s no big deal and we have sensational conversations. We catch up with these people at other social things too like bbq’s and we are just part of the group. We are treated very well by everyone we come across from bar owners to bouncers to waiters to barristas and we have an odd sort of celebrity where groups or individuals will bail us up with photo requests and invitations to come to this cafe or that pub. As a notable show-off I haven’t batted a false eyelash at any of this but none of that ever happened at the gay bars where prejudice and jealousy often run unabated amongst those in our so-called “community”. A trip to these places back then was often like Europe in the Middle Ages with warring tribes at every turn.
I thought, naively, that because I am in contact with a lot more girls now than I could ever have hoped for back then that I could easily encourage more to go out but instead all I have are Messenger chats instead of email exchanges where I get “oh no I couldn’t possibly” or “my wife doesn’t understand” or “what if…” or any one of the dozen or so standard responses – followed of course by a request for intimate pictures.
None of this behaviour, I should also hastily point out, is unique to my feminine persona. In male mode I am also quite noisy and a bit of an organiser of people. One of my activities in summer is that I am a dedicated nudist and I’ve been going to our local nudey beach, Maslins, for about 35 years. A lot of people who know me know I go there. When I’ve invited them along I get more often than not “oh no I couldn’t possibly” or “my wife/husband doesn’t understand” or “what if…”. Suddenly that is sounding familiar however it didn’t occur to me until just now. In all that time I’ve been skinny dipping I’ve been caught out by someone I know once – a girl I went to school with who recognised me and came over immediately with her towel and beach brolly, made herself comfortable, and we’ve been going there together ever since as friends. At school she was president of the chess club, quiet, studious. Once I realised there was another side to her our friendship has blossomed even more and, yes, she knows all about Emma and is getting some inappropriate clothes together so she can head out on the town with us. I have been spectacularly successful in getting GG’s out-on-the-town regularly and spectacularly unsuccessful in getting TG girls out and I think I always will be. That is my sum achievement when you break it down. I’ve wasted a lot of time chatting aimlessly to people who will never step out of the shadows with anything. What is that saying about if you do what you’ve always done you’ll get what you’ve always got? Silly me.I will continue however to live in hope. If someone asks me a legitimate question about anything I am more than happy to answer it if I can help and I will still pop up posts on the lifestyle from time-to-time as they come to me. I have made an excellent new friend in Veronica from these posts and I look forward very much to sharing more with her in the future as we chit chat on email. I also have a nice little friendship in its embryonic stage with Claire on the same lines. Both are very interesting women who have an opinion and something to say which is great and both are a reflection of the high quality of person to be found here on TR – a standard which has not dropped over the years I am glad to say.
Distance is always a problem. I live in Adelaide and Amanda, and Veronica, and Claire don’t but I have met Amanda face to face on a number of occasions and we have history and credibility together. I will go to Transformal next year (I would have gone this year but I have to be home in Hobart that weekend for a family bunfight) and meet a lot of you that I don’t know personally yet and we will have lots of laughs together and friendships will be made…that I promise you.
Oh, and when I’m in Sydney next I will have to ask Amanda and/or Adrian to the local nudey beach. What could possibly go wrong?
…..and it is great to be back honey xx
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Great exchange of views here ladies. All technology cuts both ways, some stuff gets better, and easier but there is always a “but”, and the “but” with the internet is becoming clearer every day. Back in the ’70s I was part of a group looking at Australia’s futures, and the target date was 2000. I was responsible for the social futures chapter of our final report and there is one quote I used that I reckon is one of the most prescient I have ever encountered:
“Alone in a centrally heated air-conditioned capsule, drugged and fed with music and erotic imagery, the parts of his consciousness separated into components that reach everywhere and nowhere, the private citizen of the future will have become one with end of effort and the triumph of sensation divorced from action”. It’s from a book entitled “The Private Future” written by Desmond Pawley in, wait for it, 1973.All the best, and right on to both of you
Veronica
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Hi Emma and Claire , I live in the west of Queensland and though there must be other Ladies out here somewhere I have not met them yet. I have been trapped on the farm for ever. Three years ago Roberta just had to get out and being due to give a blood donation at the nearest Red Cross Blood Bank (300kms away) she got brave and went . They do not care. They were ever so nice. They just want blood. I go every three months. Monday was my 35th donation but not all as Roberta. Now it is only Roberta who goes to Woollies to do the shopping. They do not care. I have only ever had nice comments from everyone. The ever so nice Lady who runs the local Millars store has go to know me well. Our greatest stress in life is worrying what the other person will think. Regards Roberta
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Hi Roberta, what a great story! Keep at it girl you are doing wonderfully and have no fear there will be other girls out there somewhere I assure you xx
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Hi Emma, I forgot to add that though Wife and I have never been to a nuddey beach (probably because neither of us can swim) we have visited many nude resorts and clubs from Proserpine south to Narrabri when we can get away from the farm. Regards Roberta
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Hi Roberta,
Your observation, “Our greatest stress in life is worrying what the other person will think” is one that can dominate so readily as some of us were brought up with the ‘What will the neighbours think?’ mantra. ‘No noise’, ‘behave, look decent’. All items of behaviour I managed to avoid at one time or another but I have since recognised that excessive noise is a curse at two in the morning when trying to get some beauty sleep.
What other people think is less important if they don’t react, we won’t care. A friend in the UK has related to me how on a couple of occasions either accidentally saying ‘sir’, a shop assistant wasn’t looking up, or made a point of saying ‘sir’ aggressively, when she was patently not in ‘sir’ mode. Another event happened in her doctors surgery where she was addressed as such by a rather slow receptionist. Also in a chemists, as she collected her HRT scrip, she noticed two assistants giving a ‘nudge nudge’ to one another.
She was upset but had the presence to point out their rude behaviour to senior staff. The manager at the medical clinic made a point of speaking to her and apologising, the receptionist was counselled, so all was well.
But we shall still worry about the neighbours…
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Good on you and the wife hun….I love the nudey places xx
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Stuff the neighbours Claire….there is probably all sorts of weird stuff going on over there anyway.
No one I know has ever been yelled at across the street with something like “Hey! That’s Fred Farquarson our neighbour and local wearer of women’s clothes! Everybody start laughing”. It doesn’t happen.
