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I stuffed up big time, what was i thinking
Well I finally stuffed up in a big way on Friday night, big time!!
I get so comfortable when I am Jenny, that I forget that I am dressed.
I was at the Marble bar in the city with some girlfriends, dressed to the nines as Jenny and they were closing, so there was me and Anthea and two girls with us.We got into the lift to go upstairs and I walked straight into an ex girlfriend, face to face, eye to eye contact, who knew me as a male only, she knew nothing about Jenny.
Yes, and I forgot I was Jenny, and I was face to face with her and said hey babe what are you doing, she made me straight away and she froze, and then I panicked, as she knows all my family and work colleagues, and boy mode friends.
I ran out of there as fast as I could and left Anthea with them, I just wanted to die, the ex girlfriend then left and walked down the road and then crossed over and then cam back on the other side to check us out before she took off.
She rang me an hour later and said what the hell was I doing out dressed as a girl, was I gay or a transvestite, I said that I was a transgender and that I lived most weekends as Jenny and would she please not tell anyone, I used to work with her sister for twenty years and she knows nothing of Jenny, and I know they are very close, I think she will tell her.
I can’t believe that I did that, I can’t blame the drink as I only had a couple, I just cried when I got back to my hotel.
I am just waiting for the bomb to go off, how stupid was I, I am always so careful
So girls you never know when you are going to be outed
Love Jenny
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55 Replies
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Hi Jenny,
Possibly one of the best things you could do at the moment is to let off the bomb yourself and come out to significant others. If you are identifying yourself is transgender then by being out you reclaim your right to be who you want to be when you want to be. And by outing yourself you control how people are told and you are able to tell your story. They won’t get the half truth, half baked story that less symathetic oeople will tell.
I know the fear you are feeling and it is a fear mixed with shame. All I can tell you is that are much better off no matter what happens without both of these.
The alternative is to continuously worry as to when the blade will fall. Best to blunt that blade first or remove it totally.
Take care and whatever happens hold your head high.
Gwen -
Hi Jenny,
Just be honest and upfront with whomever may ask you about it. Don’t get angry with them – just try to make the see why you need and want to be a girl.
Not everyone is a heartless b@stard about these sort of things – I’m sure some will be curious, rather than shocked, and some will try to understand. Long term there might be benefits – no more secrets and hiding.
Best wishes
Karen -
Hi Jenny
Stuff up no way, just a natural reaction.
If anyone says anything be upfront and open, you have nothing to hide. It will be very upsetting for you but you will find that it gets easier each time you tell someone. I suggest advising people who you trust and have know a while to gain practice before telling family. Have a dry run with someone or by yourself and think of the question and answers. You may wish to go visit the ex and sit down and have a chat.
You may find you will have a friend leave there and there but overall people are more curious and just want to ensure you are not hurting yourself.
Yes it will scare the pants off you but in the long run you will feel better.Get some written information to hand out to back up what your say. People like to be able read and have a think. Also remember to say any questions back to me and ask; leave the door open to help them find out more.
See:
http://www.gendercentre.org.au/index1.htm various things there. If you need advise on how to handle the issue give them a call. There at 7 Bent Street Petersham NSW 2049 Phone: (02) 9569 2366http://www.transgendervictoria.com/ go to GLHV resources look for the PDF file titled Gender Questioning way at the bottom of the page. Direct link http://www.glhv.org.au/node/242
Be safe and have fun
Daniel -
Hey Jenny
Don’t know what I can add to the good posts already here.Guess there might not be much you can do to turn things back. What ever happens now look after yourself, reward the behaviour you want from others and lean on your friends
take care
x
Sarah -
Oh boy. What a situation.
Firstly gay guys don’t dress as girl, they want to attract guys as guys, not guys to a girl. So they won’t dress as girls.
Secondly, she’s obviously jealous. She obviously still has a thing for you, so much so that she was prepared to express herself to you by telephoning you – so either she’s not a very long time Ex, or you’ve been in contact with her since you become ex’s – either way, you had the power and control over her to make her notice.
Telling her sister and so on – well you dot work with her sister any more and it seems you’re not dating the sister as a guy – so what! Who cares!
Is there some kind of secret about being a Transgendered person that must be covered up and hidden?
90% of people don’t really care less. Honest. I’ve had people who have discovered my transition tell people to tell people in order to harm my credibility.
Kinda hard when I came out in the NSW Supreme Court in a public court room and hoped that my father died when he choked. (Click for story)
Hold your head up, smile and – well now you’re out – be out!
Fortunately in Australia there is no law prohibiting a person wearing socially categoriesed clothing – unlike in say Iran where you’d be toned to death.
So now you can be girl or boy or just girl, as much as you like.
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Oh boy. What a situation.
Why should ANYONE be getting upset? Least of all why do people keep saying to coming out TG’s “Oh you will be upset for a bit” WHY? Are you ashamed of yourself? What is there t be afraid of?
Firstly gay guys don’t dress as girl, they want to attract guys as guys, not guys to a girl. So they won’t dress as girls.
Secondly, she’s obviously jealous. She obviously still has a thing for you, so much so that she was prepared to express herself to you by telephoning you – so either she’s not a very long time Ex, or you’ve been in contact with her since you become ex’s – either way, you had the power and control over her to make her notice.
Telling her sister and so on – well you dot work with her sister any more and it seems you’re not dating the sister as a guy – so what! Who cares!
Is there some kind of secret about being a Transgendered person that must be covered up and hidden?
90% of people don’t really care less. Honest. I’ve had people who have discovered my transition tell people to tell people in order to harm my credibility.
Kinda hard when I came out in the NSW Supreme Court in a public court room and hoped that my father died when he choked. (Click for story)
Hold your head up, smile and – well now you’re out – be out!
Fortunately in Australia there is no law prohibiting a person wearing socially categoriesed clothing – unlike in say Iran where you’d be toned to death.
So now you can be girl or boy or just girl, as much as you like.
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Hey Girls
Thanks to all of you, very good advice and comforting words and support, they have given me some hope
As for the ex girlfriend, she has been in contact with me again and said that she has only told her sister, and as they have known me so long, both have agreed to keep it to them selves, so the fallout is sort of contained at the moment.
I am glad that they have taken this action as i am really not ready to come out to all my friends and family just yet, the prospect really scares the hell out of me.
again thank you all for being so sympathetic
Love Jenny
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Quote:Hey Girls
I am glad that they have taken this action as i am really not ready to come out to all my friends and family just yet, the prospect really scares the hell out of me.
Love JennySounds like they might even be supportive – maybe some more talk there.
In any event, what cares you is only the fear of fear itself, coming out is nothing – once you start, it’s much easier and a lot safer, and a hell of a lot more relaxing.
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Hi Jenny,
Hope this helps,
“Speak your truth, but soothe your words with peace.â€
“Tell the truth, to everyone about everything, then live your truth, in every moment and in every way, and you will be happy forever in your heart, for truth makes the spirit soar, truth sets the mind free, truth opens the heart, and truth ignites the passion and releases the love of the soul.â€
Love Karen.
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Jenny,
I know how fear of ‘discovery’ haunts us all but thats only because we let it control our behaviour …
People generally dont care what other people wear, (for a laugh try and take homeboy clothes seriously! ) but most folks really notice insecurity. Somehow weakness (insecurity, guilty behaviour) often brings out the worst in people.
We are who we are honey, and we only get one chance at life. Jenny, all of you who read this, please look inside yourselves and find who you are happy to be then be it and say proudly “screw you all if you cant handle it but this is me and I am happy being who I am”.
Bless you all,
xxx
Jenni Green -
Jenni,
I know the instnt feeling of horror and not knowing what to do etc.
I managed to get sprung via a photograph last year. My wife ( soon to be ex) saw it and I had to come clean. A very difficult thing to do. I figured that there was no point in lying and that the damage had been done. It ended up wrecking the marriage. It also led to me telling my son, sister and mother that I cross dress. I am lucky to have had their support and was shocked that they took the revelation in the positive way they did. If only my wife had have had the same reaction.
Fascinatingly enough, both my son and sister (who are health professionals) gave the same advice, that being manage the cross dressing rather than control it.
I do not regret telling the truth as its harder to live with a lie than actually coming clean.
Helen
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I agree Helen,
The best way to weaken a compulsion or compulsive behaviour is to be honest with yourself about it – be it booze, drugs or any other compulsion that makes you uncomfortable – then you can manage your behaviour instead of trying to suppress a need in your nature.
xxx
Jenni
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I found that coming out in stages worked for me and each stage was filled with fear. Afterwards the feeling of liberation was just simply stunning. I came out to my neighbours first. Some coped well others kept their distance but I am just so much happier now. progressively I came out to my neighbourhood and went full time locally, then eventually my family and then work. Each time the fear was paralysing but in the end I am as I am, I live as I am and I am extraordinarily happy.
The thing is it’s the fear, not the actual coming out that is the worst part. Many girls do lose their partner too but their partner was usually really asking them to live a false life to maintain the relationship.
I have experienced both the fear and the liberation and I can only recommend the second. If anyone does choose to come out though I recommend you get the support of a gender specialist to help manage the more sensative relationships.
Take Care
Gwen -
Hi all
Well the Ex Girlfriend has contacted me again and asked me to meet her and her sister tonight, they want tp go over some things with me, but she would not elaberate, i am so anxious about this meeting that i am thinking about takeing one of my GG grilfriends with me for support
either way i will let you all know how it goes, god i am so nervous, about this meeting.
Love Jenny
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Best of British Jenny. Remember you have nothing to fear but fear itself!
