Are you happy being a man or seriously wanting to be a woman

[Anonymous]

Kiki

I know I look a lot like a trucker in a dress…. No offence to truckers out there lol. But it isn’t what I look like it is how I feel when I am dressed. Different people like dressing for different reasons. Some don’t even know the reason.

I am one of those that doesn’t know the reason, and quite frankly I don’t want to either. I spent my whole teenage life wishing for a Freaky Friday moment in which I was magically transformed into a girl. I spent the whole of my 20’s suppressing it and marrying and having affairs with the dullest and blandest women I could find in an effort to make myself “normal”. But I’ll be buggered if I am going to waste my 30’s in the same way. As yet I have not been out in public, but this step is one that I wish to take and I want to do it very soon.

It depends on how far you want to take it. Don’t let anyone tell you what you “have to do” and if you are happy with your situation then more power to you. Just remember that everyone has their own reason (whether they know what it is or not) and everyone’s reason and “destination” is different.

[Anonymous]

Kiki I think you’re quite fine, and you’ve probably been where we all have at some point. There is real difference between gender, sexuality and sexual identity. Lots of very different combinations, which means we’re all very diverse. I am also sure it’s a growing process on a continuum if you like and we progress at our own personal rate. Once upon a time going out in public was too scary for me, now every day is an adventer. Like you I’m not interested in SRS, but I now spend a lot of time enfemme. But I came to the point when I was ready and it was small steps over a very long time.

I thik you could take a view that as long as it is right for you, and you’re not causing pain to those who are close to you, which is the hard part, then there is nothing wrong with following your own path at your own pace.

[Anonymous]

Hi Kiki

You have asked an interesting question. Maybe its an old tv V ts question asked in a unique way. First I think the wording of the question doesn’t leave room for any middle ground – not that I necessarily see myself as falling there.

I guess for much of my life I seriously wanted to be a woman – and I suppose I still do in a some incomplete way.

I have never been content with crossdressing in private. Even when I was 15 and wearing my mum’s clothes I would sneak out for a walk to the cigarette machine at the shops. I cringe at the thought of what I must have looked like back then. All the way through my life I have needed to present as a female in public. A couple of times I’ve started the transitioning process but there is a vast gap in courage between being a part time woman and living full time. But I’m not suggesting I’m a confident ‘girl about town’ tranny – I’m not – right now when I go out I do very basic day to day stuff and I usually only stay out for about an hour maybe two.

I do get a buzz from presenting as [and hopefully passing] as a woman in public. I get a great kick walking unrecognised passed someone I know. I don’t think I pass 100% the time – I’m sure I don’t but I’m quite happy with my appearance. I prefer to dress up when I go out – like a business woman – so I rarely wear jeans or very casual clothes. So the clothes are very important to me.

I stopped dressing for over 10 years and what brought me back to it was not the clothes [though I do love the clothes] – but the thought of being able to live at least part of life as a woman – and that I was missing out.

I used to classify myself a transexual but now I prefer to label myself as transgendered – as transexual seems to be the preserve of those transitioning or who have transitioned.

‘middle ground’?- I don;t think CDs TVs – TGs necessarily fall into the two camps you nominate. There is quite a diversity of lifestyle – and also many change and develop through interaction with others and with growing confidence. Quite regularly I read posts and life stories of trannies who have gone from the closet to ful time in a short period.

I guess all dress for a combination of different reasons – self image, sexual, gender identity, deep seated urges, fun, excitement….

love Fiona xx

[Anonymous]

Hi everybody, thanks for the comments.

The whole topic was just meant to be a discussion on where people stand. I was not looking for advice at all,. The fact is , as Fiona points out, there is lots of shades of grey when it comes to dressing in a womans clothes. I was just interested to hear other peoples thoughts and ideas on where they were at.

I get back to my original comment that I am perfectly happy just dressing as a woman occasionally, and not even the full way (knickers, bra and dress usually). I would like to learn more about makeup and perhaps even have a wig but thats not necessary to my experience. Its the fact that I feel relaxed in the clothing and not because I want to be a woman like some of you do (and I am not knocking you at all for that, please dont take what I write the wrong way)

I trust that wherever we are our dressing that we can all respect each others rights to be a little different in terms of what we are looking for.

Thanks again for your contributions I hpe we get more over tiime.

Kiki

[Anonymous]

To be or not to be……and the following is not directed at anyone in particular…….
The question is are you happy……if you are then who cares at what stage you consider yourself in this community of ours……..
Are you happy slipping on a dress at the end of a hard day and relaxing……do you get a thrill sneaking on some lingerie while youre SO is out of the house……Do you get that buzz walking down the street to your favourite club and spending the night enfemme……???????????
I can say this because I have been there,done it…..And as you find that little bit of happiness and satisfaction isnt life worth it…..???
Now as whether you choose to do any of the above steps it is up to you…….life is about being happy…….
Now the crunch………..I am 45,pre op and planning my operation this year. Do I get a thrill going to work and performing duties required of me as a female. No,I dont……I go to work and do my duties as any other person in whatever gender. The thrill isnt there and hasnt been there. I am comfortable in the knowledge that I have found my niche in life and I am treated as any other female in my department. That niche in life took over 25 years to find and now its here,well,its past me now and I am in the groove so too speak.Go to work,do my job,go shopping,meet new people and sometimes party……
I see so few comments from TS in this forum.So many disappear from the scene and move on. There choice. Me, I have never forgotten my roots so too speak. I remember all the incidents I described earlier. I started at the basics and worked forward. Some of us take those steps until the day it hits you in the face and you realise I cant live in two genders anymore. The old gender is unhappy and unfulfilled.The new gender has so much hope going for it. Hope and happiness……Following the proper procedures and seeking guidance from the professionals I am on the edge of a major change in my life. The day I wake up from my operation and realise I have finally found my true self will be the most wonderful and emotional day of my life…..
There isnt a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,just a feeling of peace , serenity and happiness………….

keep your chins up girls…….

hugz
Monique

[Anonymous]

hi everyone
i agree with many of the comments made- as long as we are comfortable with who we are (whether we feel the need for just dressing and emulating ggs or relaxing in femme mode or taking that courageous step of becoming becoming the person you feel you really are) is all that matters, for me i am becoming more comfortable with being a cd and trying to emulate ggs as well as being a male at the same time.
After all it is not what we are on the outside, it is what and who we are on the inside that counts
lots of hugz and encouragement to all
brodie

[Anonymous]

Wow! I am feeling so good after reading the comments here. Truly we are all unique individuals and the way each of us feels about dressing as a woman/ being a woman is unique.

I love to dress totally as a woman because I feel alive and sexy and it allows the woman in me to just be. I struggled with my desires as a woman since I was a teeneager and worked so hard to deny them. As I got older it got more difficult. Now I have met a wonderful partner who accepts me as both male and female and I can at last dress as I choose (at home, I haven’t quite got to the point of going out yet, but would love to in the right circumstances).

My body is just too male for me to consider physically changing my gender, besides which I am just as comfortable in my male aspect. So I will continue to dress and be the woman who lives within as well as being the male. We are one and accept that we share a body and, with the support of a wonderful lady, can now live comfortably together.

My latest step has been to update my photos in my profile, a big step! He wasn’t too sure, but I want to be seen as me, I have a right to be. We are one spirit, the yin and the yang, it just happens that the body is yin.

Be who you are, live your truth and I wish love, joy, peace and fulfillment for you all. Thankyou Melody

[Anonymous]

Hi Kiki , gurls .
Yes . . interesting topic .
Like they say , ” it takes all kinds . . ” and there are definitely all kinds of crossdressers .
As a guy I`m not in the least effeminate and I`m only a part-time gurl , but definitely feel totally femme when I`m dressed and I find that all those femme feelings and manerisms just come quite naturally once the makeup and heels go on . . . Yes , I just love being a gurl .

Even though I wouldn`t even consider going for surgical reassignment , I would love to know some magic word which would transform me into a genetic female and back again whenever I felt like it , I`d probably spend half my life as a female .
I don`t consider myself passable . . and by passable I mean being able to pass as a genuine female , so up untill now I`ve never been out in public .
I do however socialise in private with other gurls and would love to go to some cd friendly venue providing it wasn`t too far from the car to the door .

I know no one likes or wants pity , but I do feel sorry for those gurls for whom wishing they were genetically female is almost an obsession and living as a male a constant source of depression and confusion . I don`t go along with the , ” born in the wrong body ” , fantasy , { and I don`t say that lighly as it`s a subject I`ve long had a deep interest in } but I have sufficiently intense feelings of femininity when I`m dressed , to have some understanding of what they must go through and I know from the experiences of one or two other gurls I`ve been aquainted with , that going with hormones and/or the “big chop” dosen`t always solve the problem but can often lead to even worse ones , both physical and psychological .
So for any gurl who thinks it could be the answer maybe you should think again . .and think REAL HARD !!!!

Kisses

Lena

*

[Anonymous]

Hi Everybody,

Thanks to all those who were brave enough to make a statement, and hi to all those who just read the posts!

AS I thought there is a whole range of issues associated with just that simple original question. It’s good to see that most of you are happy with where you are at.

I am still very much a man and 90% of the time thats the way I feel. There is that 10% who likes to dress as a woman and I dont try to intellectualise that side of me (think I might go mad if I did). When I dress up I feel comfortable and relaxed, but I soon go back to being a man and feel thats what I was meant to be. So the talk of changing my sex or anything like that is not an issue for me, happy to be a man that dresses occasionally.

Thanks again everyone I have enjoyed the posts, and keep it going, I have read them alll

Kiki

[Anonymous]

I have never held a great belief in the fact I was born in the wrong body. For many years I believed my TG lifestyle was because of a sociological reason. I hadnt considered the thought that I may have been born this way. After many sessions with my pysch,prior to being diagnosed “gender dysphoric” and then being placed on HRT,we discussed the root of my desire(for want of a better word). We never did come to the actiual starting point of my lifestyle. My curisoity was sated tho some time ago when some medical research into the subject brought forward the notion that this all starts in the womb.
After the foetus’s gentalia is formed the mother has a situation occur when she dumps a massive dose of female hormones into the foetus. This maybe due to shock,stress,an accident or similar trauma.This starts the clock running. Now that clock(with its alarm set) can go off at an early age(say or during our own personal hormonal period(puberty). For some the clock doesnt ring until you are much older. Now for some we put the clock on snooze and let our lifestyle linger. For others like myself we toss the clock out the window and start that journey to correcting an error during manufacturing. Simplistic,one could say,but makes sense to me and I have run with that since I found out…….
Mistakes are made(as Lena pointed out),sadly they do in any walk of life. Can we delve too deeply into our lifestyle that causes us to beleive we are TS and damn the torpedos….yes……Reading too much into other girls stories can make some think that”oh thats me” and then of we go to the medical people for HRT.
My transition has been a hell of a rollercoaster run. It has though been a truly wonderful experience……
Emotional,pyschological and physical turmoil at times. Never once have I doubted my intentions. Not once have I said,i am doing the wrong thing here. The crap I put up with at work,in parliament,the media,radio and television(see my work website) hasnt deterred me.It has strengthened me.
Next month I go to hospital for stage one of my transition. Removal of two pieces of useless anatomy that are not an hindarance but a hiccup in my transition. But with there removal comes the releif of not having to take one of my medications. One that is a nasty medication and long term is not kind to you. So be advised those of you teetering on the edge of making that decision……..think carefully,examine your life and do it properly. Otherwise you become a statistic……..

hugz
Monique

[Anonymous]

Hello girls. I just hope that everyone accepts TV and TS for who we are. I am a TV, who wears woman’s clothes on a regular basis. I wear hosiery everyday, even in public. They just feel so nice and I am not ashamed of that. However, I don’t feel the need to do the surgery, as there is the cost issue and time, as well. I will continue to be a TV, but hopefully society will accept it more and only then, will I venture out into the real world.
Hugs and kisses
Joan

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman, always have been. I didn’t always know it.

At 15, I looked in the mirror, muttered a few unladylike phrases, had a good long cry, then started being as good a male as I could be. Even fooled myself, most of the time. Never, ever cross-dressed. I thought of myself as a male who was screwed up psychologically, but who could never have looked remotely female under any circumstances. No matter how she – no .he – felt.

Then at 47, with no warning, it all fell apart. All the things I value most in my life, my wonderful, loving marriage of 25 years, my little son, now 4…all in danger or being lost.

I’ll never have that Father-Son relationship that I always thought was the one big consolation of the whole Male schtick. He still calls me Daddy, but Daddy is now a 47 year old woman named Zoe. She’s still pretty plain, rather than pretty, but then again, I’ve only been on HRT for 3 weeks. And she passes, just another middle aged woman who’s been somewhat menopaused. Some Facial Feminisation Surgery and she might not look too bad for a gal pushing 50. Only 3 months from GD-day, and I’m Fulltime, name changed, and heading for SRS as soon as I have the finances and have let the hormones do their work.

If you think you might be a TS woman, please seek councilling and diagnosis. Or you may have to do things in a hurry, like I’ve had to. I didn’t light the fuse, but explosives kept too long are unstable, and may go off with no warning.

Zoe

[Anonymous]

I read these posts in the forum and don’t know if I can add anything usefulll, but at 54 yrs old, I have been questioning this transvestite/ cross-dressing thing for over 40 years.
Being a man who wears womans clothes is never going to be easy, but the desire to dress-up is NOT an indication that you are a woman.
In the past 40 years I have met too many who feel they have to pursue this to surgery and hormone treatments, or whatever.
As a Transvestite/cross-dresser, you have the opportunity to experience both female and male feeelings and desires, why would you willingly seek more.
When you hand this over to some surgeon, you are looking for someone else to sort out your shit, sort it out yourself would be better to do.
You, and me too, we need to learn to love ourselves as we are and if that means you are a man wearing womens clothes, then so be it, you [ and I ] have to see yourself as different, unique, and beautiful. Please don’t just jump into gender re-assignment surgery, or some other procedure, just let yourself be the woman you desire.
If you become a ‘ Woman’ through surgery, you will never be a ‘real ‘ woman, you will spend the resty of your life trying to ‘mimic’ women, trying to perfect being a woman, and what happpened to the ‘FUN ‘
At 20 I almost chose surgery, but backed out, and I still believe that it was the right choice, and I believe there is a pressure we put upon ourselves to resolve this stuff, ” I am a man/ woman, and have to decide which ‘
I would offer that you can enjoy both, be a man, and dresss up and be a woman, don’t choose one in a hurry.
LOTSA LOVE LAURA

I can be contacted at ; nozxart@optusnet.com.au[/url]

[Anonymous]

Excellent post Laura.
The thought of having surgery has never entered my thinking at any stage. I guess I’m just greedy and want it all…I love my life as Emma, she has her own friends/interests/hobbies/tastes, but I love my life as ‘the guy’ as well with his very different activities. Neither detracts or impacts on the other. I have no issues, no hand-wringing soul searching, nor do I need to justify anything to anyone to make peace with myself.
But that’s just my little world. Many girls do have a lot of things to deal with..we are all different (thank god) and for those who feel themselves trapped in a shell not of their choice I say go for it! Why die not knowing? It’s not a spur of the moment decision as we all know and as long as you have the belief in yourself that you can do what you need to do then I envy your courage.
Like our religion, sporting team allegiences, or sexuality we all have choices to make in life. We’re not drug dealers or granny-bashers..we are men who choose to live part or all of our lives as women.
Viva la difference! as our french friends would say.

[Anonymous]

Kiki’s Original post . .

Quote:

I have no desire to be a woman and do not necessarily equate cross dressing with making myself more womanly…. I love the feel, I don’t think I look like a woman, however. I would never go out in public in womans clothes for instance….
I know there are lots of others that want to be women in some sense, to me its just being a man dressed in womans clothes, if that makes sense???

There are always so many different angles on any CD/TV topic and all interesting . . . .
From my point of view , when dressed I’m not a man in womans clothes , I feel and act totally female and this is a natural transition that takes place as I dress and make up , so yes I’d love to be a woman {half the time} . . . and when I dress I definitely attempt to make myself look as womanly as I feel .
With regard going out dressed . . . I’d never go out completely in public but only because I don’t consider that I come close to passing as a gg and find no attraction in being stared at like some kind of freak . However I consider myself sufficiently “passable” for going to CD / TV friendly pubs or clubs where I would be among sympathizers, empathizers and {hopefully} admirers .
I socialise in private with other gurls and I do have a gentleman friend {bi-sexual} who I visit from time to time and he relates to me totally as a girl . Being girly with other girls is one thing but I find being treated as female by a guy incredibly satisfying . . and I’m not just referring to the sex but to that whole male female interaction .
But I do have a strong male alter ego with his own very seperate life who is perfectly happy being just as he is , a heterosexual male , albeit one with a secret indentity . . Moi !
So of course in “our” situation any form of transgenderizing whether chemical or surgical is out of the question and anyway “we” are perfectly happy with the way “we” are . I’ve known 3 gurls who have taken the path to transexuality and one {no-op} still healthy and happy and busty after 10 years of pills and the other two poor gurls , one no-op the other post-op , both died from heart attacks within 2 years of beginning “chemical enhancement” . So it does seem to be a matter of luck so I guess you have to ask yourself . . . . ” Do you feel lucky ? Well do ya , gurl ?”