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Are You Happy Being Trans-gender?
I have asked myself the very same question, ‘are you happy being trans-gender? The short answer for me is absolutely. Had you asked the same question several years ago, you may well have received a very different answer. In those days I was in the throes of a major depressive illness and everything everything else that accompanies such episodes, suicidal thoughts. I may well have said that I was full of self loathing at being trans-gender. I was all suits and ties, dull as dishwater. I much prefer floral summer dresses, nay, any dress instead of a male inspired suit. Horrors upon horrors there would be no Transformal to attend, except to stand at Champagne Charlie’s bar and ogle the crumpet.
I consider myself more than fortunate in being transgender; oh! yes, it has had it’s downside, nasty aspects and downright horrors. But all in all the sheer pleasure experienced being truly oneself. That’s me, out and proud. It is at a certain age we begin to reflect on what is, what has been and what will be. This reflection is taking stock of one’s own life. Is this reflection necessary or something that happens to us all and is a normal part of life?
Life is a learning curve, a constant series of lessons. We can and do learn from others, we learn what to accept and what to reject. Life is a long course, the university of life. There are no failures, there are no passes.Life is a journey of varied emotions, happiness inter spaced with unhappiness. There may be depressive time, anxieties and elation especially if you attend a Transformal in Katooma. We are the sum of the total, ourselves, our parents and our grandparents, peripheral relatives, teachers, husbands, wives and friends.
We are changing daily, we are not the same person we were yesterday. We are moving forward to what we become and what we are.
I have been fortunate to have met a good many people that are transgender, and I consider to be born transgender is a privilege. -
38 Replies
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Great words Liz – That is what I think – I am fortunate to be trans.
I would rather be supporting people like you Liz than the lowlifes that make our life not easy. We need to support each other on this forum and any way we can for each other in publicJuliette
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Hi all those participants in this thread. I would like to add another layer to this question about being “happy being Trans-gendered”. I certainly enjoy the state of being trans-gendered, but I also really enjoy standing up for the truth; the truth that human sexuality and gender are far more nuanced and complex than both the mainstream media, and culture, recognise (or more accurately, care to admit).
all the best for the season
Veronica
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This is a curly one really as I would bet that given a choice and knowing the difficulties that we can face, few of us would choose to be Trans. However, given that we are so , it is only sensible for us to try and be as happy as we can within that state. Everyone else is trying to do the same it occurs to me.
I am happy I think. I enjoy the processes that being Trans entails, the shopping, hair removal, makeup and hair care have always been fun for me and I continue to enjoy the ” upkeep” process. I am used to the aloneness that it necessarily brings . I am not lonely though, I enjoy my own company and no longer feel the need for others to understand nor even like me.
What I don’t enjoy is the self doubt and self consciousness that my appearance and public gaze can trigger but this is a price I pay for my honesty I guess and it is a work in progress.The feeling of freedom I feel when I unleash the SHE inside is intoxicating even at my age and I feel only that it is intensifying the more I allow my inside and outside to exist together.
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What if, there was no label to cling onto? How would that change the dynamic?
Catherine
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I was discussing something similar with a friend many years ago. What if we had the red or blue pills. Thanks Morpheus. The red one would make everything go away, the desire, the need. The blue maintained the status quo albeit making it easier? Altering the physique, removing the hair in the ‘wrong places’ etc.
I was surprised to hear my friend say she would take the red. She totalled up the stress the strain all the downsides of the existence and would rather never have had it.
Is it actually a pleasure or is the need so overpowering that when we can do it we get such a relief which feels like pleasure?
By the way, I’d take the blue pill. -
I flip-flop in being happy/unhappy with my transgender status, but then I’m cyclical in my moods anyway. For the last 3 years I’ve been full-time en femme and I have no male clothes left at all. Recently I was able to finally formally change my name and now my IDs are all in my female name: credit card, medicare, pension card, driver licence. So, I’m quite firmly settled as transgendered and much of the time I’m happy, indeed proud. It’s just that every so often my British 1950s cultural history (i.e. “trans is bad, sick, evil”) pops out of nowhere and gives me a wallop! Mind you, I recently had a youngish in-law tell me repeatedly (just in case I didn’t get it) that I’m a “sick weirdo”, so I guess it’s not just 50s Britain.
Regards,
Chantelle
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Chantelle wrote:I recently had a youngish in-law tell me repeatedly (just in case I didn’t get it) that I’m a “sick weirdo”, so I guess it’s not just 50s Britain.
Regards,
ChantelleNo, nor 60’s Britain. We will always have them, anywhere.
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I had a derogatory remark from a family member in 2000; it’s still with us.
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Hi Liz,
It may still be with you, but you have the choice to empower it, or disempower it.
Everyone has the right of their own opinion, it’s up to those who that opinion is directed at to accept or decline ownership of the opinion.
Disempower it like water on a ducks back and disown it.
Happy New Year
Catherine
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We are all different, but like some others I am very glad to be transgender and even feel a sense of privilege to be so. The journey of self-discovery, the great friendships I have made and all that I have learnt along the way have made me. I believe, a better person, more accepting of myself and others. I am happy to be who I am and grateful that I was born transgender. I just wish I could change my birth certificate and passport to reflect that. One day that may come.
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This is something that doesn’t get mentioned enough.
Martina wrote:the great friendships I have made and all that I have learnt along the way have made me. I believe, a better personIn our angst we sometimes forget the positives.
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If I’m honest I’d say “Sometimes yes sometimes no”. When I’ve had uninterrupted time to be myself or when I’ve made a significant step forward in my transition for example, I overflow with positive happy thoughts. That’s my mood right now. At other times when I need to suppress my true self for the sake of others or when circumstances block progress, it’s all too easy to wonder why I bother and on really bad days to get quite depressed. On balance though I think if I took the magic pill to stop being transgender I’d always wonder why there was a big hole in my life and what used to fill it.
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I have thought about this question for some time now and I thank Liz for raising it. I am neither happy or sad, proud or ashamed of being Trans*, I just am. For years I lived with the shame and self doubt of being “different” without really knowing what I was experiencing. Today I am at a spot where I feel normal. I don’t identify as male or fully female but somewhere on the female side of the spectrum. I live full time as a female and have changed the relevant documentation to show that but do not try to pass as a woman. I am Jennifer, I feel normal and I am accepted by most people as such. I do feel happy living my life as Jennifer, to me being Jennifer is to be genuine and complete. The question of being happy being Trans-gendered is irrelevant, I see labels such as Trans-gendered tend to confuse and cloud the issue of who we are.
Be true to yourselves. We may all be travelling in the same general direction but our paths are unique to ourselves.
I hope this does not cloud the issue, but it has been something that I have been mulling over for a considerable time.
Cheers Jenn
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I often wonder whether the yardstick of acceptance is the an appropriate beacon to gauge the level of happiness one seeks.
Obviously self acceptance is an imperative. Without self acceptance, it’s like having a car without an engine. Pretty to look at, nice to sit in, but it’s not going anywhere.
However, I believe irrespective of who or what you are, it’s impossible to aspire, least of all attain acceptance, either consciously or subconsciously, by everyone in our circle of influence. And that circle of influence can be as wide as the general public we’ve never met that we encounter each and every day.
Happy New Year
Catherine
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Hi Catherine,
I agree with what you are saying. If I spend all my time worrying about whether or not everyone is going to accept me and trying to meet some mythical standard of what it is to be a woman then I will not be me, I will be trying to be some other person. I cannot be everything to everyone. So if somebody has a problem with who I am, then that is their problem not mine. So I will continue to be Jennifer the best way I can and be happy just being me. It’s worked for me so far.
Cheers Jenn
