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Does your mother know?
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Well as a lot of you girls probably have I too have sent out plenty of hints to her such as, shaved legs and chest and have done my eyebrows a few times. I really do want to tell her and even decided to write a letter to her explaining the way I feel and the way I am. After some consideration was not able to send it to her as she means the world to me and if it hurt her I would never forgive myself. I would love nothing more to get the call saying darling I have read your letter and I want to tell you it does not mater at all to me how you dress or act you are still special to me, but I have a feeling it would not be that way as I have always saw myself as a let down in my parents eyes and no longer want to cause them any grief.
Anyway thats it just wanted to add my piece and say good luck to you girls that do decide it is for you
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My sister was the first person to know about me dressing as she caught me one day wearing one of mums bras, she didn’t take it to well, she was 12 and i was 15. It wasn’t long after that my small stash of clothes was discovered, 40 years ago people didn’t really understand the need to cross dress, my family and also myself, at that stage i didn’t know why only that it felt right but it did cause a great deal of embarassment especially to me at the time as anything to do with sex did back then so i was bundled off to a psychiatrist. I’ve blocked most of this out of my memory as i was accutely embarassed about this but in hind sight if i had know now what i do i should have explored this more and maybe i could have lived my life the way i should have instead of all the hiding and guilty feelings that have been associated with it but at the time i just wanted it all to go away.
As you are aware no matter how hard you try these feelings are a part of you and never go away no matter how much you try to hide or suppress them, i thought marriage would control my feelings but i was wrong, i came out to my wife and credit where its due she did try very hard to understand and support me but in the end it was to much for her to accept. We remain friends still and when we broke up i know she told her best friend about me and to my surprise she told me no matter what choices i made she would always remain my friend which stunned me as i’ve never had acceptance like that, and i’m pretty sure her sister and brother in law know although they have never said anything have always treated me with respect and friendship.
I think my sister still suspects i dress, i’m unsure about mum, she has just turned 83 and still calls me her baby boy but i think deep down i don’t think she would be surprised and i’m sure she would accept me regardless, my father delt with it the best he could..he was very conventional and straight laced and coped by making lighthearted jokes about it but he passed away a few years ago so thats no longer an issue.
My biggest concern now is my 2 sons and their families, that will be my biggest hurdle.
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A wonderful counsellor enlightened me a few years ago. One of his gems of wisdom was .” Dallas , being an only child the odds were two against one and being two adults against one child , what chance did you have” ?
It wasn’t until my parents had passed away that I became aware I could do something about the real me and with some wonderful support here I am. Thank heavens for friends.
It just doesn’t get any better. -
I’m sure that the pressures we put on ourselves are 100 fold to what the expectations of our parents are. Perhaps its because we adopt an attitude where as we don’t want to offend them or cause undue distress when we have serious issues to discuss. I wouldn’t just limit this to our need to be ouselves. For example, have you ever been financially short and in need of a helping hand? The last person we ever go to in our adult life is our parents; for fear they think we might be a disapointment. Notably, if we did go and ask for help, the majority of times we would get it. I think the same can be said for announcing who we are and who we need to be. The issue isn’t how we will be received but moreso our own short commings and lack of understanding on how much our parents are accepting of who we are. After all, when we were born, I’m sure our parents didn’t place any caveats on our lives or what they wanted from us.
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I think my mother always knew, but never asked. There were moments,the odd off hand comment, and probing “silly”question-that kind of thing.Sadly, I never had opportunity to confirm what I know she always suspected. She avoided asking directly to spare me the dilemma of responding. Her only caveat I think was a happy and fulfilling life.
