More feminine than the girls?

[Jane]

I always dress as well as I can, that is part of the fun. I usually plan ahead for a few days and then can’t wait to dress with full make up and wig.

A dress/skirt most often; although leggings or skinny jeans with a lovely top is often selected. It does disappoint me to see good looking girls and women out and about in ‘daggy’ clothes. I think to myself that they are so lucky to be female in the first place why don’t they take more pride in what they wear. Jane.

[Adrian]

Martina wrote:

I wish women would dress more femininely like they used to when I was a child (and that was a long time ago

Though in many cases I seem to find myself agreeing with Martina’s posts, in this instance I’m going to break the pattern.

If you take a broad perspective and look at women throughout the world you find that femininity is socially constructed and differs greatly. There are aspects of femininity that a society defines through dress and others that are reflected in the behaviour and personality of women. I don’t want to re-open the bottomless discussion on “what is a woman” – so I will restrict my observations to feminitity expressed through dress.

When I started exploring my gender ( that also was a long time ago!) I had a very narrow view of what femininity looked like. It was a view cultivated by observations from the other side of the river – where I had been trapped all my life. At that distance the characteristics of womanhood that could be easily spotted were high heels, skirts, stockings and makeup. These physical characteristics were re-enforced by my early exploration within a support group – a group that had only recently relaxed a rule that members must wear skirts or dresses to meetings.

Putting on a skirt and heels developed into a feminisation ritual, a periodic purging of maleness and an invitation into a new more feminine world. My dress rules were derived from examples of extreme feminitity in the media; so the heels got higher, the skirts got shorter, and you could say that over-dressing became the norm. I knew I was more feminine because I was wearing clothing that men don’t wear. And everyone I met in public knew I was transgender because to be honest I would often have looked like a groom dressed as the bride’s mother.

All rituals have their place, but this “dressing” one just became inconvenient with time. I found that the preparation to become feminine with its ever increasing list of associated tasks made it difficult to go out in public. 2 hours to get ready and 10 minutes to buy the milk! So I drifted with time to a broader understanding what it meant to be feminine. The new feminine was modeled more on everyday women in our society and it didn’t require a ritual. In came the slacks and casual tops, out went the stockings, heavy makeup, and all those painful heels. And because I wasn’t defining two different lives by the clothes I wore, I started feeling far more engaged with my femininity, for more of the time.

Now, I don’t want to pretend that all I have in my wardrobe are slacks. I still enjoy the opportunity to celebrate my femininity by “glamming up” for a lunch with friends, or an evening out. But I don’t feel any the less feminine when I’m not in celebration dress.

You might expect that seeing me heading out to the shops in a T, slacks and flats with hardly any makeup would be a recipe for being ‘read’ and abused. But you will have to take my word for it, the opposite is true. Perhaps that has something to do with the way I feel inside now. A feeling that broadcasts my feminity other than through dress and appearance… but that would take us off topic for this forum!

[Martina]

Adrian gives us some interesting insights into how she expresses her femininity through dress.

We are all different and what drives us to dress in a certain way is influenced by several factors such as the environment we are in and the time available to us to do it. In my own case, I only have a limited time to dress and that is usually in the evening;so I tend to glam up even though I am usually not going anywhere (and if I was I would tend to dress down rather than up). If I am overdoing it, I don’t care as that is my way of embracing my feminine side, even if I have to put up with my wife complaining that I look better than her! If I wanted to go down to the corner shop to buy a bottle of milk, I would rather go as a boy; it’s so much easier (which of course makes me understand why the real girls don’t bother over-dressing either).

If I dressed as a girl 24/7 then I would probably try to dress more casually, wear flat shoes and less make-up; but I don’t, so I try to exploit the time available to embrace my feminine side to the utmost in the way that I enjoy most.

I am sure that everyone has a different story to tell here. As the famous anthropologist Margaret Mead is reputed to have remarked: “ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY UNIQUE. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.”

[Elizabeth]

Interesting subject.

like most subjects I can only speak (write) from my own perspective and experiences.
When I was a youngster, when I can no longer remember, to be looked on as being feminine required one to present in all things pertaining to the fairer gender. Now that was a mindset of my own and invalid perceptions of what it was to be a bit of crumpet; I was wrong. The opposite may have been the perceptions of what it was to be male. Males were big and hairy, often aggressive with less concern for others. Think about it; we all know that is just not right, males are mostly caring, sensitive, compassionate, qualities seen in women, bigger and hairier, yes. In other words we are seeing qualities instilled in humanity, irrespective of gender. Both genders are quite capable of the less desirable qualities, but then we are all human. The human psych is in two halves, the good, the lesser good, the black, the white, the light and then there is the dark side.
I don’t think I am any more feminine than any female; I’m human, I am what I am, I have been endowed with something I cannot explain, nor, can anyone else even though they try.
I express the femininity within me by the clothing I prefer to wear. The older I am the less I am prepared to waste hours tarting myself up. Like Adrian a pair of pants and a top, I’m ready for Coles. (I haven’t dropped to wearing PJ’s for shopping at Walmart syndrome)
If I had to crossdress in male clothing, I would still be transgender, I would still retain my strong femininity; I would still be me. I am not trying to anyone else, I am not trying to emulate the female persona, I am what I am.

[Juliette]

Yes we are all unique. I also like to over compensate femininely and there is some truth in that “never take it for granted thing” for me. I also would wear heels higher than most girls would but hey this is the point of the feminine side of me is that the only rules are my rules. Getting milk in 5 inch heels is making a statement but hey who knows where you are on the way to anyway? I try not to be judgmental as this is exactly what I don’t want people to do to me. Yes I am a man on the outside and yes I have boots on and a skirt and so what. Equally if GGs want to go out with drabby less femme clothes on again so what. That is what unique is – I just wish cross dressing would just be “dressing” and I could be more equally unique

[Anonymous]

I am pretty sure that there is a part of me that loves to glam it up and be absolutely fabulous garnering all of the attention that duly attracts. It’s a girls right to look like a fashionista. I have had plenty of attention tarted up and in my experience dressing down definitely is not the same world.
As Adrian could vouch I have definitely a slack casual side and truth is that life requires it. . I love dolling up and that’s really no different than other women and heels are always accompanied with practical flats just in case these days.

As I have traveled this road irrespective of my presentation, I am indeed seen as a woman and it is less of a concern to prove I am. I have some dignity though and will never wear the kind of dags some women wear as every day.
There’s a fine line between casual and tragic in my view.

[bee]

In Bangkok, Thailand I talked with a Thai national Gender Diverse person (not a ladyboy and not working in the sex industry) whose appearance was total feminine and who had FFS & SRS. She chose to wear clothing that made her stand out – I would call it fantasy type clothing- short semi see through skirts etc.

I asked her why did she wear such clothing as it distinguished her from other woman. Her reply was ” Oh the reason is that I feel am more beautiful than born females and I want to show that”.

So as you can see there are many varied thoughts in the Gender Diverse community.

[Deleted User]

bee- wrote:

I asked her why did she wear such clothing as it distinguished her from other woman. Her reply was ” Oh the reason is that I feel am more beautiful than born females and I want to show that”.
So as you can see there are many varied thoughts in the Gender Diverse community.

I certainly would agree with that, we all have our different ideal as to what we need to feel comfortable in a feminine role is obviously very subjective but it does boil down to what ‘we want’ to do, how we want to present. Wishing women dressed as femininely as they used to isn’t denying how things have changed just expressing how much we enjoyed what was in the past. Once it was common to wear a very tightly strung corset to create a desirable figure but being honest, wearing one over a period of an evening isn’t that desirable, you might look great but it can be very uncomfortable. Speaking from painful experience. ‘Carmen’, the opera, will never be the same for me!
Whatever we wear, skirts or pants, the end effect is the aim, we wish to portray a feminine image. If we wear feminine pants and flat shoes with little or no make-up are we portraying a female image or an androgynous one that no longer stands out as it once did, but also has anyone actually noticed? Whereas wearing a dress or skirt, make-up etc, definitely says female’ no matter how androgynous the person wishes to appear. Remember the David Bowie album cover where he is fully made up and wearing a great dress which has a plunging cleavage, he makes no bones about it being, as far as he is concerned, an androgynous image.

[Anonymous]

I would just like to say that as a humble CD. I love and subscribe to everything feminine. The feel of my corset puling me in and together with my lovely lace bra and forms,seeing a little of the feminine form appear. I love the feel of slipping my gorgeous stockings over freshly waxed legs. Then a lovely satin, silk or chiffon Blouse and the same for a skirt or a dress. Then there is the scent and feel of my makeup then my crowning glory a wig almost always medium to long and Red or Blonde the feel of it swishing the back of my neck and shoulders. Add my 4 – 5″ heels and Bree appears. This to me is the essence of femininity. I know it isn’t probably the right way to think and would probably bring the cries of stereotyping and such but I get so little Bree time I probably way over compensate but hell it feels good. I am however trying to work on what I would call a day look more try and blend in but when I look at myself in the mirror I don’t ever see passable. Such is life and we live on.
Apologies for the ramble.
Hugz
Bree

[Anonymous]

Love the ramble and it’s true

[Rachael_5]

Hi I think it a pity that the modern woman has adopted a more male version of dress, jeans, slacks, flats shoes etc.
The idea of spending 2 hour to dress to go to the shop, although time consuming is something I now enjoy. (to do the weekly supermarket shop.) My ambition is to be more feminine and present prettier that the genuine females doing the same task.(stylish day wear) many is the time I get blisters from my heels but getting smarter. Being a CD the preparation to go out is part of the life. To achieve the goal is brilliant. Comments earlier all appear to highlight that a non genuine Female wish to present as the most attractive female in that location at the time. An old saying, “if you’ve got it flaunt it” Males tend to be more courteous to a woman in a dress with nice hair and heels, rather than a girl in jeans, sneakers and a slapped up hair. I have experienced this whilst shopping

[Anonymous]

Hi,
well im a female and wear skirts most of the time ,unless im working and ill wear overalls with shorts underneath,

You may need to come over here then many of our women do wear skirts ,

remember not all of us look feminine no matter what we wear , clothes dont make us feminine some of us are feminine if that term needs to be used because we are female , and some are tomboys any way iv not heard women say we should be wearing skirts or dress,s all the time its allways men,

and from what i see and know many men dress like and if the clothes came out of a rubbish tip ,,do you ask women why they dont wear skirts and dress.s, different time different women what happened 40 years agoand longer is not now , and we dont have to bend to men and what they wont ,we do have a mind of our own so maybe we have that right to our on idears of what we need ,

any way just a thought

…noeleena…

[Deleted User]

I think some of this leads to a very closed view of what it means to be a gender or another.
Surely we as a trans community can understand that every person has a right to dress and present themselves as they see fit regardless whether they are male or female.

As for glamming it up I think for a lot of us it’s more of an event than for our GG counterparts. If I had to spend 40 min a day doing my makeup to look presentable in a world that expects that of me I think I’d get pretty tired of it eventually.

If that’s you’re thing then go for it but please don’t judge other women just because they can’t be bothered or it’s not their thing. They have just as much right to femininity as I do.

[Deleted User]

jordan wrote:

I think some of this leads to a very closed view of what it means to be a gender or another.

Exactly right, the entire community is as diverse as you can imagine and if some wish to dress in the way they like without being judged good luck to them. I guess we try harder because we are insecure, self conscious and wish to present as feminine as possible. As has been mentioned some dress as if they found their clothes in a tip, they possibly did as it isn’t the easiest thing to go into a shop and select nice clothing, never mind the support garments and lingerie necessary. Not everyone has the financial resources to support two life styles and wardrobes, thank goodness for recycled and pre-loved clothes shops but again, not everyone is brave enough to go in and make purchases.

jordan wrote:

As for glamming it up I think for a lot of us it’s more of an event than for our GG counterparts. If I had to spend 40 min a day doing my makeup to look presentable in a world that expects that of me I think I’d get pretty tired of it eventually.

Again right, most girls experiment while growing up and eventually learn their own style, what works for them, whereas we have to do this clandestinely, when we can, with horrible mistakes at times. Also we are terribly self conscious about how we look and try and compensate for absolutely everything we perceive as non feminine and there is no point in pointing out tall models and the glamorous ladies, style icons, with large feet, Audrey Hepburn had 10 1/2. Uma Thurman – Size 11. Yes, I googled, here’s a surprise, Jackie Onassis size 12.5. You young things will have to Google her.
Same with clothing, girls can select what to wear, pants, skirts, dresses. Generally males can’t. Please, don’t point out kilts. We grew up with no choice so if we wear dresses and skirts more often there is probably a deep rooted psychological reason for it, we want to!
Claire

[Martina]

I would like to thank everyone for their contributions to this thread. The responses have indicated (predictably perhaps) the wide range of views on how
we present ourselves in public (or not).

In the original post, I also made a somewhat whimsical comment that I wished that the gender girls of today would be more feminine in their presentation like the women of yesteryear. I can still remember my mother getting fully kitted out complete with make-up and jewelry to drive to the corner shops. (There were no supermarkets or malls then!) Although I make no apology for the way I feel, I have absolutely no expectation that history will go into reverse nor would I expect my wife to exchange her slacks for a skirt or wear make-up (which she never has firstly because she looks better without it and secondly because she has skin which is sensitive to the great swag of chemicals contained in all those cosmetic products). I accept that the likelihood of that ever happening has a probability close to zero and perhaps it makes me far more appreciative of the effort a gender girl makes when she does “glam up”.

“We are all feminists now. Western culture’s default point of view has become increasingly unisex” is an interesting quote from Steven Pinker, a Harvard Professor of psychology. Of course, he is referring to all mannner of male attitudes to women, and not specifically the way in which men or women dress, but
I wonder whether we can one day just choose to go out dressed as either gender (or both) and no one will turn a hair. But there I go: wishing again.