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Telling your partner about the secret life
it’s time, to tell my wife about my cross dressing it’s funny how you do something so long then one day you realize, not that you are living a lie but you want your partner to understand.
So now at Easter and I can see no better time to reinvent myself and tell my wife my secret life. I have tried in the past, we would be talking I’d try to steer the conversation towards female clothing and how I like the texture of the fabric but I couldn’t go through and tell her.I had mentioned in an another forum that she had found one of my dresses, which caught me by surprise, but which I was able to talk my way out of!
But yesterday as we were walking in Paddington I mentioned that I like the feel of stockings on my legs and that I looked good in a dress, which I thought this would let me move the conversation to my cross dressing but to my surprise if not stunned I found the conversation change to a new subject. I have a feeling that my wife may already know, but does not want to hear it. I just don’t want to blurt out that I am a cross dresser, I don’t want to look to foolish.
I have found in the last few months been part of TR has really opened my eyes, going out meeting people like Amanda, Jan, Caroline, Amy and many more has made me feel normal the first time. And make me want more than just staying at home in dealing with people in cyberspace.
my wife is on holidays now I have two weeks to tell her my story and hope that she understands, that’s all I can really ask.
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50 Replies
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It’s a big and important step and good luck Penny!
No-one can tell what the reaction can be…you may not get all you want straightaway…your wife may need a bit of time before coming to terms with it and some compromises made in the short-term. Suspecting and knowing are two different things.
I was lucky…my wife was very understanding after thinking about things for a little while and after asking the usual questions…am I gay, do I want to do it all the time etc. She realised I was still the same person whether I was wearing a dress or not.
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Penny, she already knows – or at least strongly suspects!!!!!!!
Quote:I had mentioned in an another forum that she had found one of my dresses, which caught me by surprise, but which I was able to talk my way out of!yesterday as we were walking in Paddington I mentioned that I like the feel of stockings on my legs and that I looked good in a dress.
Women are very perceptive. I assure you that none of the above has been missed by your wife.
Quote:to my surprise if not stunned I found the conversation change to a new subject.Of course it was. The subject may very well be foreign and a tad threatening to her. She will probably avoid it at all costs until you force the issue by fessing up, then asking her a few questions about her thoughts etc.
Quote:I just don’t want to blurt out that I am a cross dresser, I don’t want to look to foolish.Sometimes that’s just the way it happens……..well, that’s the way I fessup up to my wife anyway. I didn’t feel foolish, just exposed…..as in my secret I kept for decades was out.
Please pick your time carefully and allow her the opportunity to ask questions both then, and when she has had time to digest the situation. I realise that this may just be reiterating advice from other similar threads, but it is very important that your wife has a say in setting any boundaries to your dressing. She may be OK with you round the house, but dinner with her parents or going out in public may overstep her mark.
Good luck in your mission, and well done (in advance) for telling her. Give yourself credit for that, lots of us girls still live in the closet.
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One other thing…my wife seemed angrier about the fact that I had kept it secret for so long…as if I didn’t trust her. I don’t know if this helps…just another possible reaction to combat I guess.
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Hi Penny
Good luck hon, I really hope it works out for the best. There are so many people on here that have gone through this with their partners, so there is help and support.
All I can say is perhaps research it a little bit before you do it, ask some advice, that way, you’ll be prepared with all possible outcomes – what I mean is, what’s your ‘best case scenario’ and then think of the ‘worst case scenario’
Wish you all the best
Amy
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I know we have spoken about this in chat and we have had a bit of a laugh over the consequences but I suppose it is time to be serious.
It is hard and it is difficult to know what your wife’s reaction will be, but if you want to keep dressing and take it further, she has to know. I found that I needed to be honest as the stress from keeping it hidden and bottled up was too much.
Probabilities are that she will accept it even if she is not that happy about it. The difficulties will arise if she sees you dressing more and more and finds after a while it becomes too much.
I seriously hope all goes well and am looking forward to hearing about the positive response you receive.
Hugs
June
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I hope that it works well for you Penny. It’s a big step and yes, as some other people think as well, I think that she is guessing too. Whatever happens, getting this out into the open will be a load off your mind.
Congratulations on your decision, good luck, Peta A.
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My heart goes out to you and I hope it goes well for you. My wife found my clothing very recently by accident and to say she was unhappy about it would be a vast understatement. We have separated (finding my clothing was not the reason for the breakdown, but it certainly didn’t help either!). The only advice I now have for any girl keeping this secret is that not if, but when you are found out it takes an exceptional GG to be very cool with the situation.
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Hi Penny,
I wish you all the best and hope that this is the best Easter ever for you!
I have been married twice, the first time I told my wife towards the end of our relationship, the second marriage I told her before we married.
So from this experience I can say that it is so important to share our feeling with our partners.
My second marriage ended, but not because of my dressing. It is such a big part of our lives that, if we are in a relationship, there should be no secrets between you.
Good luck,
Kelly -
Aren’t we underestimating the ability of our wives and girlfriends to cope with this sort of news? While there’s plenty of bad stories about coming out to them there’s also plenty of good ones too.
I certainly didn’t expect my wife to be overjoyed with the news…just her acceptance that my femme side was part of who I am was all I was really asking for.
I think quite a few relationships fail because coming out as a CD is just one more problem to be added to the list – not coming out can affect a relationship negatively and then damage it fatally when you do. Chances are a good relationship is hard to ruin solely by saying you are a CD.
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Thank you everyone for your kind words, it’s Monday morning and last night in conversation I told my wife.
We had just been to my parents place to wish them a happy Easter, you know how you sit round chatting about this that. I made a comment to my mother that “if you want a daughter, dressing me up as one when I was younger wasn’t going to work” (I made this comment is a joke) my mum reply was very fast, she told me when I was little I was so much a boy but my brothers could have been dressed up as girls they all look so pretty. We all laughed and moved on with a conversation.
But that night at home I turned my life and repeated the story she laughed I said that it is so funny because I grew up to be a cross dressing. My wife stop laughing and looked at me and told her that I was not joking, I can say she was shocked she hadn’t guessed my secret.
We talked about this new part of our lives, I told her I was not gay or looking for someone else to the my life. It was just some that I like to do, she hugged me she told me that she loved me and this was something we had to work through.
After several hours of talking about this she is happy to support me but may not wish to meet in person other girls from the club at this time.
She told me that this does not change who I am, I feel that at this moment in life I have won Lotto. It is possibly something that I should have told her years ago.
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Congratulations Penny, you’ve taken a big step in telling her. Please remember, she is part of your life and she WILL have a lot of thoughts and predispositions with this so take it easy with her and things may well work in your favour as well as hers. Don’t push her too hard ok Penny?
Congratulations once again, Peta A.
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Hi Penny
Congrats!!
I’m so happy for you and from what you’ve said it seems the first step has gone really wellIt takes guts what you just did, you’re a brave girl, make sure you give yourself credit and feel proud
Congratulations again
Amy
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Congratulations – so pleased it went well for you Penny. Not having to keep it secret adds a whole new and wonderful dimension to dressing and an adventure for both of you too. It’s a big step for your wife too…asking her opinion on things helps too.
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Penny. Well done, it had to come. I told my wife years ago.She is OK with it . I told my 29yr old daughter yesterday and she also is Ok. We mostly just need to have confidance and all will be OK .
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That’s great news Penny! You must be over the moon…
As many others have made clear, you are very fortunate to have such an understanding and accepting partner…welcome to the club!
