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What is Passing about?
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Reading earlier posts it is obvious everyone has their own definition of passing. I’m just a beginner at walking down a busy street or through a mall and my definition involves not drawing attention to myself and avoiding resulting unpleasantness from rude people. However resplendent in 2″ heels a red blouse and green overcoat last Friday walking down Broadway in Sydney I caught the eye of a man on his knees fixing a sign on a shop window. He did a double take looking up at me from a low angle. totally instinctively I winked at him. He rewarded me with the nicest beaming smile and I waltzed on to my hotel with a grin just as big. No I didn’t pass but it was still fun.
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The second look doesn’t have to mean that the jig is up it can mean that the observer sees someone worth a second look. If you manage to make yourself gorgeous people are going to have a look and in truth that’s the point.
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Passing is when you can go out, feel comfortable in who you are and then blend in with others. Because other people give you a glance doesn’t mean you have been read, it normally means you are well presented and look like you belong and are at one with yourself and environment.
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I totally agree with Helen’s comment above. I think I can pass all but a close inspection and when I go out I aim to be as passable as possible as it is important to me
I have been closely observed on two occasions that I am aware of. In both cases it was older women and I was carefully examined from head to foot. I am sure from the looks on their faces I was not taken for anything other than what I presented as.
1st case was in a supermarket. I needed a few staples and called into an IGA. I was neatly dressed in long sleave top and skirt with black heels. Not quiet how the other shoppers were dressed but not totally out of place either. An old girl looked and then looked again, not at me but at my clothes then, with a disapproving scowl, at my shoes. She moved on and I am sure I was promptly forgotten. She was looking at the clothes not the person
2nd case, I had boarded the train for the city (Perth) and a similar thing happened. I was neatly dressed in a winter dress, bright red cardigan and black heels. I stood in the doorway and once again an old girl sitting on the reserved seats gave me the once over from top to bottom. I could see her reflection in the window and she took no further notice. (The red cardigan did say ‘look at me’). She was looking at the clothes not the person
People look at people and women look at women all the time. If you are going to present as a woman, out in public, you just have to get used to it.
If you are recognised ‘so what’! They will get over it and so will you…
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I have had to look at a number of women 2 or 3 times while out shopping, not because of who they are but because they were dressed in what I felt was a bizarre manner to be walking around the shops in.
Outrageous modes of dress will get anyone looked at, critically, whether the looker disapproves or approves is irrelevant, the mode of dress is what will attract many second and third glances.
I think that as long as you dress fitting to the occasion and in reasonably neutral clothing you will pass as just another member of the group you are tying to fit in with. By neutral clothing, I don’t mean boring colours or styles but clothing that would be considered normal for the activity you are engaged in. Wearing 4 inch heels and a latex mini skirt in Woolworths will get you more than just a cursory glance. Although I’ve seen some pictures of Wal-Mart customers that left me totally speechless.
So I guess I think passing means blending in with your surroundings, but in a good way.
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My taste in female attire (my “style”) has evolved since I reemerged as Chantelle. In establishing a new wardrobe I’ve been fortunate in having had the financial resources and the support of my partner, so I’ve had pretty much free rein over what I’ve bought. Consequently I have (to my mind) some beautiful and fashionable outfits: I’ve had a few instances of strangers (women) complimenting me on my clothes.
The downside is that I probably attract more attention (if the compliments are any guide) than otherwise might be. Which raises the question, am I more concerned with passing as a female or with feeling feminine? In going publicly initially I was concerned not to stand out, which I thought translated to being as passable as possible. However, time and time again, as I shopped for clothes, I’ve been seduced by items that I found very feminine – even though they did nothing to reduce my height or ameliorate my maleness.
So, I now wear what I really feel like wearing (i.e. whatever on the day gives me that gooey feminine feeling) irrespective of whether it improves or detracts from my passibility.
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Just be yourself that’s how I do it I’ve never had issues. I’ve only ever had issues in employment as my past employers won’t give me a reference as they said they don’t agree with my life oh well what ever I can do anything go anywhere and make friends easily and pass never once been looked at or anything only ever men starring at my boobs hey but that’s what men do.
Unless someone knows my personal business they won’t and will never know nor have they ever asked anything
Personally I have more conferdance as female finally people stop saying look is that a girl wearing men’s close years and years ago I got a security guard ask me that I was doing in the men’s toilet and that’s when I was wearing a pair of trackies and a jumper thought it was kinda funny feels like passing as male was a mission as female its normal
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For me I guess passing is all about not attracting any undue attention. Namely from the types of people who do not understand anything outside of their own bubble.
And that is where the fear comes in. What happens if I am ousted. Not too bad if I am in my car as I can always drive away. But what if I am out on the street walking somewhere and someone with violent inclinations spots me. I can’t run very fast in heals and so I guess the fetal position would be my best option.
That for me is why I feel the need to pass. In a pair of flats probably not as important, I actually won my last fight by three fences and a pool so I would be in with a chance. Wearing flats however takes a lot of the fun out of dressing up to the nines. Sort of like only dressing up to the 7 point 5’s.
That’s just me!! -
Hi. Danni.
I know where you are coming from. It can be a bit scary some times walking around in broad daylight, but I have found that by maintaining a nice posture, head held high, and above all, smile, you can disarm most people who would normally have a go at you.
I have been living as a woman full time for quite a while now, and had no problems. Even while playing tennis, I found that most people tend to keep to themselves , and unless you come up against a particially aggressive type, you should be O.K.
In extreme cases, simply walk away. If they follow you, there is usually someone around who will back you. Nobody wants to see a fight, especially with a pretty woman.
Best of luck, and above all, have fun.Hugs,
Connie. -
Just reviewing some of the older posts and it got me thinking about the double take. I do it all the time. Hey don’t I know him/her. Wow she is worth another sly look. Everyone does it. Its just that we set out to look for it.
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Hi.
Ill use my wording as passing it does not appy to myself never has & never will.
I am looked at a lot more seen as different, dont look any thing like a female let alone a woman, so i have quite a few disadvantages plus others,so what is it that makes a female more so for one that is subject to an outer beauty that is not there, is this only in the eyes of men as males see a female or woman, what test does one need to pass to be seen as beautyfull , what is it that sets her apart from others, is it the shape of her body or face how she is when dressed,
or is it in the eye of the painter, painting a beautyfull pic of her for those to admire or is it a sexual detail in the minds of men. many men will say yes it is,
so the female that does not have thet beauty is not looked at in the same way is she yet is looked at as being different maybe non discript no beauty .and of no importance to any one more so men.
so is there a beauty about this woman that is not seen, or is it seen just not with your eyes her beauty is felt if you look beyond her outer look , or passablity, you will find a beauty that can surpass what is taken as do you pass do you look like a woman can that female who is different have an unquensionable beauty . oh heck iv painted myself in to the corner.
…noeleena…
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Passing is different in everyone’s eyes, I like to wear the clothes that a fashionable woman of around my age would wear. In my 7 years of working in Hospitality (in reputable venues) I have never seen a woman over 40 wearing crotch flashing mini skirts and hooker heels. If you go out wearing this type of clothing you will always attract attention because anyone of any age would do also.
So for me it is natural to low key make-up (not Drag Queen) and appropriate clothes and shoes for the occasion. My mum gave me some good advise when she discovered Karly earlier this year:
Stand straight, don’t hunch your shoulders, with your arms to your side and fingers pointing down. Now note where your longest finger ends and that is where your shortest skirt or dress should be if you are over forty.
I have taken this on board and now believe I look smarter and more naturally feminine when I am out, I also have a lot more confidence as I know that what I am wearing is appropriate for my age and surroundings.
In following a few simple guide lines from my female friends I now shop with confidence and have even had a woman ask me where I bought a lovely knitted hoodie that I was wearing (her face was sad when I told her Katoomba, 13 hundred kilometres away).
So to pass as a woman my best advice is to wear the make-up, clothing and shoes of a fashionable woman of around your age and make sure that it is appropriate for where you are going.
Cheers…Karly
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Passing could be place into separate caterigries if your transitioning or done you would probably want to be seen as just another women in the crowed as people staring n pointing at one everyday it could be irrating for ones self worth…..
Passing as a crossdresser is good if you can but its only a sometimes thing living a life fully as female passing will help with employment friends being able to go most places without fear
But if you transitioned or are and your passing and you are fully confident you can have some fun with different styles but keeping in mind age again I’ve already worked it out I’m very scene (which is colourful emo style) at the moment when I’m older I will probably be a hippy with a touch of style always with style
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I haven’t posted for a while but believe my view on passing is as relevant as the next Tg person.
Intentionally presenting as one would expect of a woman is something I do on a daily basis. It is however, obvious by the second looks that I get, that if nothing else, I cause uncertainty for some viewers.
In the context of ‘passing’ the way it is meant in this thread & generally amongst Tg people, I obviously don’t pass on all occasions. I admit that at times I would just like to be ‘anonymous’ when in public i.e: the shopping centre.The personal experience I have had over the last 12 months indicates to me that passing ‘absolutely’ is not a requirement for acceptance by people who do not know me, to at the very least treat me with respect, courtesy & commonly in a friendly manner.
My consistent personal view on passing is that, to talk of passing as a necessity for one to express their gender publicly, causes one to fall short of what all human beings need to function in an emotionally healthy manner.
Being an avid reader of forums, I am aware that we each have differing gender understandings, expectations & needs. Our personal assumptions however, may not correctly reflect the reality of how others in society will actually respond to us if we don’t pass as a polar opposite sex/gender.
With regard to the ‘big’ picture, if it is to be argued that sex & gender are not the same, then it may not be helpful to try to pass oneself off as an opposite sex. Yes that’s the word I meant. (That’s a nod to Ts people who may see this differently)I am not arguing that at a purely personal level, that passing is not important but the concept itself undermines the expectation that gender variance should be accepted as normal. It is not reasonable to expect people to understand that which they cannot see.
Lack of tolerance is frequently due to a lack knowledge & a lack of knowledge, due to a lack of exposure.One’s emotional wellbeing is as much dependant upon self actualisation & self acceptance, as it is upon acceptance by others.
No, it’s not enjoyable when others doubt our legitimacy – but passing (to the point of invisibility) is not going to change the legitimacy of Gender variance.My daily experiences in the last twelve months have me believing that wholesale passing is not essential for either acceptance by others or happiness on my part.
I urge anyone who can, to pass as yourself & not what you assume others expect of you.
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As I can’t edit my previous post I will add here that; I don’t frequent locations or venues that the average (?) woman would not feel comfortable in by herself. I realise that others may live a different lifestyle to me & so may find ‘not passing’ more of a safety concern. This may be a relevant issue – especially for younger people who socialise in public settings late at night & also for those who use public transport in those same circumstances.
Additionally, I neglected to mention that, it’s my personal belief that if the viewer perceives & understands my intention to not be understood as my birth gender, that in the vast majority of cases, that is sufficient for them to accept my presentation at face value.
