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You won’t meet a great friend sitting at home watching Midsomer Murders and taking selfies…trust me
Adelaide is not a big place…and I make a LOT of noise both in male and female mode. In male mode I’m heavily involved in sporting circles, I run an old scholars group for both my primary and high schools, I come from a very large family (I have 4 children, 6 sisters and 3 brothers, plus their attendant spouses and nieces/nephews), and I have a few other pastimes that bring me into contact with a load of other people.
Emma has a LOT of friends also. Many of these, like dear Amanda our wonderful moderator, go back many years. My BFF Susan and I have been going out on the town in the real world here for more years than we care to remember together with lots of other local ladies who have oscillated through our lives at various points. We go out to mainstream hotels, nightclubs, restaurants, and other such places and very rarely go to so-called “tg friendly” places despite the fact that our hemlines are not age appropriate, we are show-off’s, and we are tall and very noisy. Once upon a time we used to run shows with 100+ girls from all over the place. Emma’s twin sister, Bubbles O’Tool (heiress to the K-Tel Record Selector fortune), also occasionally ventures out and about and she is very popular also with the punters. What’s this all got to do with anything you ask? Well I shall tell you…..:
I took just over 7 years off from our lifestyle for various reasons and returned last year. I mean, once a girl always a girl right? Right. I initially made some tentative enquiries around the place to just see if anyone even remembered me and, god bless, they all did. One of the first people I contacted was our Amanda as I was looking to re-activate my account on TrannyRadio which I have always viewed as being “the last word” on what to do/wear/go with anything related to our lifestyle. After we had chatted for a while Amanda made a comment which stuck in my head and still does…she said that “a lot had changed”. A seemingly innocuous comment in a very broad conversation but a very true one for lots of different reasons.
I come from the days of what I now like to call “horse-drawn crossdressing”. I was no different to anyone else back in the 1920’s (it seems that long ago…almost like someone else’s life now) and conducted my little hobby strictly behind closed doors and completely oblivious to the fact there may be others like me. I would somehow scrounge together some outfits, make some boobs out of stockings and bird seed, buy a wig from a costume shop on the pre-text of going to a fancy dress party, squeezed my feet into heels that were way too small, taught myself the rudiments of makeup application via trial and error and lounged around home when I could. Somehow along the line, it’s that long ago I don’t remember, I heard there was a “special club” for people like me and after 20 or so aborted attempts I made contact with these other “women” and got invited to a meeting. Then I got invited to a house party. Then a tennis day. Then I got invited to something else and so on. Eventually I’d outgrown the “supportive” environment, found a group of people to catch up with on a regular basis that I got on well with, and I’ve never looked back. I would think my experience has similar elements to many.
Now in my dotage I find myself in the 21st century amidst the world of social media. Facebook, for example, was just in its infancy when I took my gap years and at first glance it has been a boon for women of our persuasion. You can chit chat and make friends with cd’s from next door and across the world. You can join likeminded Groups and explore whatever you want to. You can order anything you like anonymously and have it delivered directly to your door. You can flirt with men, trade pics, have a general rant about how life is unfair, try and convince people that cancer can be fixed by sharing a post and “you know who will share this and who won’t”, post cute cat videos and a whole lot of other things but what I don’t see is much evidence of people just getting together. If anything, I think the easy accessibility of just having an online crossdressing life in the majority of cases has excused people from taking the plunge and stepping out into the big wide world. You can instead stay home on a Saturday night and doll yourself up and practice and practice until you get the perfect selfie which you can then post on your Facebook profile and wait for the adulation.
For some, and experience has shown me over the years that it is a very small group, there is no other choice but to stick it out however tenuously in the online world – I get that. For most there is no real excuse other than the old chestnuts of “oh I could never pass” or “oh no what if I am recognised??”Both excuses are for the most part crap. 90% of us do not pass close scrutiny and in all the years I have been going out all over the place at all hours I have never, not once, been tumbled. I even lit my nephew’s cigarette one night at a club and he did not recognise me because he wasn’t looking for me.Thankfully though, Facebook and places like TrannyRadio do publicise places you can go with other cd’s. Places that are welcoming and that will not look down their noses at you and value the fact you’ve chosen them as a place to patronise. There are regular Groups in just about every state and territory having regular catchups in fun environments where no one will judge you and everyone has been where you are now. There are night spots where you can go by yourself and know that it will be full of girls just like you and you won’t be alone or stared at. Give it a go…you will wonder why you hadn’t done it years ago I guarantee it. You DON’T have to be loud and brassy – you can suit yourself as long as you are sincere.
So I guess the point of this was to say that even though it has never been easier in any point in history to contact other people just like you, to me it seems a much lonelier place than it was for people like me and Amanda back in the day. I don’t want to put words in her mouth but for me I was so starved of cd companionship when I was a younger woman I couldn’t wait to meet others in real life and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I did. Everyone I know has felt the same.
There is one other thing that scares me more though in the modern world than 100’s of cd’s sitting at home on a Saturday night to be honest – have you noticed? There are NO young ones coming up to replace us when we depart to that big wardrobe in the sky………
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32 Replies
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Great post Emma. Food for thought. Your observations will be relevant to many: and certainly to me. Thanks for sharing.
Regards
Marian -
Here here Emma. So true. After I came out to my wife she said” why don’t u get into some group ,there must be some,, and go out together”
My reply. ” I don’t think that will be necessary ,, I can be happy enough at home, in the bedroom””. How wrong was I. In time solitary was not enough and I took a leap of faith and went to a seahorse cafe night. Very glad I did and now it’s just fabulous. As Emma said. Nobody judges, we have all been there,, and now new friends who know the greatness. The anguish. The joy. -
Hi Fiona,
What a wonderful person your wife sounds! I know that it is a lot of girls’ greatest fears that “coming out” to their partner would be akin to Donald Trump getting the nuclear launch codes – but, hey, what could possibly go wrong? Yours is a great tale Fiona of courage and taking a punt….you gathered up the courage to tell your wife about your interests because you wanted/needed to share it with her and now you are out-and-about with like minded folk. Good on you…and I loved the operatic analogy
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Great post Emma! Many of the things about FB are so true – even for the regular girls and guys out there. I too have progressed from “safe” social meetings to the big wide world. Life is too short to hide at home. Often the regular folks are interested in the whys and whats and spend ages asking me questions! The great thing about social media is the ease of contact. Find like minded people and meet up.
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VERY true Phillipa!
The thing that constantly amazes me when we are out and about is that we are constantly under siege from women! They want to know absolutely everything and have no shyness sharing their own experiences. One very attractive woman recently proclaimed herself to be a “one of us” , in all senses, as an avoiding tactic with some young gentlemen who were each pressing for her attention with the sum result being that they all moved over and tried their luck with the rest of us! (I think I cleaned that story up pretty well Amanda
I am nothing if not circumspect on your pages).
Usually, I find men are very respectful when they approach any of us and I’ve not had one spot of bother in all my years going out……well except for that groping judge….oh and that Lebanese lad with the lovely smile……oh and that guy who took me to his Bridge Club meeting and was wrestling me in the lift……oh and that groping judge again………etc etc -
I have to agree with what you are saying Emma. For me the internet has been a wonderful vehicle for meeting new people and a great facilitator in my own self-discovery. Martina has vastly more friends than her rather anti-social male counterpart and can boast of friends in Australia, UK, Canada, USA, Egypt, and Thailand. (By “friends” I do mean real friends and not the casual acquaintances one encounters on Facebook and Flickr). Several of them I have met, befriended and gone out with, and as you suggest that is really the most fun. I do go out on my own from time to time as my wife, who supports me in every other way, does not like to accompany me. Generally I find most people are unobservant and ignore me – I even walked around the block in our nearby village and it was as if i did not exist. One of the local hairdressers does my wigs and she is so nice to me: it’s wonderful.
I also have fond memories of a website called “Crossdresser Club” through which I met several wonderful people, so of whom are still close friends. Sadly the website disappeared from the scene after being taken over by some ill-spirited people who proved to be its downfall. But at least I am able to keep in touch with them through Facebook and other electronic means.
Lastly, I liked your mention of age-inappropriate hem lines as I have to admit to being a transgressor in that respect but only at night after a few drinks!
Thanks again for an excellent post and sharing your story with us.
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My pleasure Martina
Keep up the socialising hun I find a few drinkies is a requisite for any tg related activity. But that’s just me.. -
Hi Girls
Love this post and have to agree wholeheartedly with Emma that as much fun as it is to sit around taking selfies (something I just cannot get good at) the actual human contact of a night out fully dressed and amongst other girls like myself is what a pot hole is to the grand canyon. The Internet and Facebook and all the other sites do have the advantage of advertising where we can all meet up.
I have been a CD for many many years and am still in a position where only a few other girls know about it and are able to match Glenda with her male counterpart. Work and family preclude me ever going public so to speak and the other things in my life mean that trips to places such as DT’s etc are few and infrequent but this makes them all the more special.
Facebook allowed me to get to know some of the girls I meet at these nights so i wasn’t there alone and with no-one to talk to. I can only say that after planning it and arranging all my ducks the first night I went out was fantastic. An equal amount of terror and rapture. Because I am not full time it took a lot of work and timing but was well worth it
So I think Emma has started something that all you girls should try at least once in your lives. Build up to it, meet and get to know the people you will be with, then get your best party frock and get out and rock it. The picture is the most recent trip. Still takes a mountain of organizing
but still worthwhile -
Now your experience Glenda is exactly what I’m talking about….well done honey you’re doing great! xx
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Thanks Emma, the more times I go out the easier I feel when I am out there, although as I said it takes some organising. There are still a few worries about being read or spotted by someone I know but that seem less likely than I first thought. I am very cautious about not drinking and driving when I do go out as that would seem to be very risky in our situation the same as being cautious about speeding and how I am driving. While I don’t think it would make a great deal of difference if I was pulled over I would prefer to avoid having to explain to some 19 yo policeman just how the person in the license photo and the person behind the wheel are actually one and the same….
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I feel I have to point out one particular aspect of this thread that is of some concern, whilst I myself have no particular interest myself I am wondering what is this obsession with ‘Midsomer Murders’?
I have watched a episodes from time to time and found it to be quite harmless, a brain strain free way to relax occasionally. I myself prefer Broadchurch. although I have to confess having delved into ‘Vera’. Not literally, mind. . -
Great post Emma, I often go out visiting friends and I will go shopping or out for a coffee, see a movie etc. and as long as I have a friend with me, who becomes my security blanket, then I can cope with anything the world wants to throw at me but it’s not so easy when I’m on my own. Being an introvert I have great difficulty in meeting groups of people that I don’t know or going into large places that are new to me and it’s the same if I am in male or female mode.
The Seahorse cafe evening is a venue I would love to go to, but I never get there. I do have a problem driving at night and I do live some distance away in the South East, yes I know these are pathetic excuses, but I just don’t cope meeting groups of strangers or going into new places on my own for the first time. So I am home alone watching the TV more than I should.Glenda, I live in an area where we are always being pulled up by the police for licence checks and breath tests and I have always found them to be very polite and respectful towards me. When I have been asked for my licence a quick explanation has been accepted every time without any fuss. I haven’t even had a sarcastic smile or sarcastic comment made towards me by any police officer.
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I think all of us at some point have in the back of our minds that we might be spotted but as I said it just doesn’t happen. No one is looking out for “John” dressed for a night out as “Betty” are they
Drinking and driving is no more or less dangerous for us as anyone…just a touch more embarrassing potentially!
Keep on heading out there Glenda! -
Good point Claire…..I have no particular beef with Inspector Barnaby and the wacky and eccentric characters on Midsomer Murders I just picked it a typical example of the fare you could be enjoying at home on a Saturday night as opposed to tripping the light fantastic out-and-about with some gal pals.
I shall back off the Barnaby bashing, for now I might move on instead to The Inspector Lynley Mysteries?
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Hi Alison,
No, they are not pathetic excuses they are reasons which apply particularly to you so don’t beat yourself up about it. Plus, we are all individuals – there is no statutory requirement to be an extrovert and you can’t help how you are so celebrate your individuality.
Not everyone is a loud mouth like me which is probably a good thing sis
