Are you happy being a man or seriously wanting to be a woman

[Anonymous]

It surprises me that I haven’t posted on this one before but here goes.

I harboured thoughts of wanting to be a female/girl/woman since very young.

I did not consider myself to be in the wrong body (the classic view) just that my bits weren’t right. I didn’t see myself living the “female” lifestyle as I did like many of the things that being a male allowed me to do.

I did consider myself a Crossdresser for many years. I was interested in women and married one, had another couple of defacto relationships along the way. CD’ing was a pressure release for me.

Now I am nearly a year into living as a woman full time. I guess that makes me transgender? LOL. I don’t feel any different, but, obviously, my life now is very different. Sorry, I do “feel” different – I feel more in harmony with myself – like everything is either correct or in the process of being corrected.

My sexual preference went from females to males along with the other changes treatment and lifestyle have brought. I guess that makes me still “straight” LOL.

[Anonymous]

Hi all
I lived my whole life wanting to be a woman and not really knowing if it would be the answer or what I thought it would be. The day my therapist told me it was time to be true to myself was a defining point in my life.

I have been living as a woman for 7 weeks now and it is totally different to what I ever imagined. All of my friends just can’t get over the change in me, so much more relaxed and open than before. It doesn’t matter if I am just sitting around home in shorts and a top, down the beach in my bikini or dressed up and going out, it all feels so right. I am finally at a place where I can relax and wait for the final step in my transition – although it can’t come soon enough.

As I have heard hundres of times, everyone’s journey is different and I would just like to lend my support to all of you wonderful ladies out there no matter where yours takes you.

Hugs Bobbie

[Anonymous]

I have lived throughout my life knowing one truth – I AM FEMALE. The concept that “I want to be” is just alien to who I know I am. I AM

[Anonymous]

Hi,

There was never a dought about wether i was or not a female & no dought about wether i was male & so when you have both joined together that is what who i am , interesex, so i did not need a wont to be a woman /= female because i was , because we are all different ,

do we all have to be to be the same . no of cause not. as to the term of was i a dresser , well no was or am i a transsexual . same again no,

& that too may seem to be different for some because some with in the greater trans community think you must be transsexual to be a trans woman.

I used the transfemale wording for a while because i knew i was different & would not be accepted in to the fold if you like as a woman in my own right because i did not think the same or go through the bit’s & peaces like the T S.

So for me i’v allways been a female woman yet different . in my make up thinking & seeing things both as male & female to gether. not seperate because i can not think as male or female differently or seperated .

So i use the word intersex as best i can to explain who i am in terms people understand.

Tho for all intents & porpses im just a woman. & accepted as one pretty much where ever i go.

…noeleena…

[Anonymous]

I’m late coming into this thread, noticed it and another one just now, and posted here because it was the most recently updated.
So….
I’m really content living the majority of my life as male, I’m actively involved in various things, and for the most part I have no real yearning to delve into the female side – at the moment.
I actually told my new girlfriend the other day that I was into cross-dressing. She took it really well, almost as though it was a “ok, and what’s the issue” moment. Big relief for me, obviously.
My interest stems from my childhood, I had the old dress up bag, kept me and my sister occupied. I found that it was just a bit more than the norm though, I loved the feel of satin on my skin etc, and was more than happy to play dress ups with the boy over the back fence. I think he enjoyed it too.

So that feeling has carried through, and now I still get the same sexual enjoyment out of it, however I’m finding I also have a passion for the drag shows that tour every so often – fortunately the afore-mentioned girlfriend also enjoys them, but probably not to the same extent that I do!

My point to post in this thread (albeit late – I should log on and post more often!) is that it’s nice to have that balance in here. I’ve felt for a long time that, yes it’s wonderful to have girls living their lives and finding how comfortable they feel transitioning. But it was almost to the point where I was living a lie because of the fact that I didn’t want to transition, I’m very happy living as a guy. I currently have some really good friends in both theatre and fetish circles, who don’t necessarily know, but are more open to the concept, which makes it easier.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m totally supportive of everyone who decides to take that step, it’s wonderful. I’m just not planning on doing it myself. So I suppose it’s heartening to see people like Misty-Waterflower, or Fiona_4 whom I think have both said they’re in the same mindset as myself. Apologies if that’s not the case, and more to the point, welcome to everyone else who also feels that way. This is part of the reason I’m still a member of the site, because you can find everyone here, not just those who identify one way only.

If there was a friend feature on here, I’d be adding quite a few people – strange for me, because I don’t tend to want to associate based on this generally. That isn’t because I don’t enjoy being with people, I think it’s because I have noticed a lot of members are probably a bit older than I am, and I’ve never really felt the urge to socialise with people outside my agegroup that much. Please don’t take that personally if anyone is offended. Anyway, like I said, it’s a comfort to see that others get the same enjoyment as what I do – but that that’s because we’re not going further!

[Adrian]

Well – this feature thread has been going for over 6 years… so I decided to give it a bit of prune and remove some past ramblings away from the topic.
And then I realised that I’ve thought many times about saying something on this thread… and not got round to it….to here goes.

Kiki asked over 6 years ago

Quote:

“Are you crossdressing or seriously wanting to be a woman?”

and certainly my views towards answering the question have changed in that time.

Now I know, like Shakespeare, you can read too much into the words used on forums…
but my first thoughts were that this was another case of mistaking something we do “crossdress” with something that reflects our inner gender (wanting to be a woman).

Crossdressing is defined by Wikkipedia as

Quote:

is the wearing of clothing and other accoutrement commonly associated with a gender within a particular society that is seen as different than the one usually presented by the dresser.

So it is by definition “part time”.

As we know women crossdress freely, and many men like wearing female clothing just because of its fabric and style.
But many people’s gender journey starts with crossdressing, and at some stage, even if one yearns to be a woman, occasional crossdressing may be the only manifestation of it.
So it appears that crossdressing and a journey to be a woman, are far from being mutually exclusive and we

Quote:

“can be crossdressing AND seriously wanting to be a woman!!”

Then, as others have observed before in this thread, the original question doesn’t leave room for any middle ground.

I have become aware that there are many members of our community who don’t desire to be anything other than themselves. To those people applying a label like man or woman to who they are is meaningless, and often insulting.
Life just isn’t that simple!
Depending where they are on the gender spectrum, these people may not consider themselves to be crossdressing and their destination doesn’t have a simple label like “woman”.
So that means we

Quote:

“can also be NEITHER crossdressing nor seriously wanting to be a woman!”

As I said, 6 years is a long time in exploring your gender identity and developing, and I know I might answer this question differently in another 6 years time.
But, for now, I think I would find it is difficult to apply the label “crossdressing” to my presentation.
Why?
Because what I wear is consistent (virtually all my clothes carry a women’s size tag) and
Because the image I present 24/7 is not completely “male” or “female”.

So my clothes reflect correctly the fact in my gender I seek to be neither “man” nor “woman”…..just me.

That means my vote falls for “NEITHER crossdressing nor seriously wanting to be a woman” which sadly wasn’t one of the options given!

[Michelle_Alan]

Thank you Amanda you have articulated my thoughts exactly. I have struggled for sometime on a label and viewed the virtual firestorm if someone gets it wrong. I am me and I wish society was comfortable in letting me present as me. Is that male or female? Well all the tests I have done show I’m right in the middle and that coupled with a MyersBriggs personality of INFP means I have a very confused view of life. Though as I approach my 60th year I’m ceasing to worry about this.

I admire those here who have the clear view of where their life’s preferences have or are leading them. I am in complete awe of the decisions people have made to reverse the cards life has presented them and get their life into sync. Unfortunately for me being in the middle nothing is clear. I have presented publicly as male (Alan) and female (Alana) and been comfortable as both, yet I was always concerned there were two people here and in my mind I was and always will be Alan who presents or adopts some female attributes. This means lately I have not been out as much even strangely though there are more opportunities in my life at the moment. I am comfortable and happy wearing some jewellery, I dislike being hairy and removed body hair as much as I can. I also wear ballet flats when I can. I pluck my eyebrows a curl my eyelashes. There is so much of the female world I love.
Who knows things may ramp up again more towards the female than the male. And who knows I have had some lovely and great experiences. Regrettably though I am stuck in the middle and rather than bow to depression I have had to accept this as unfortunately this is the way it is for me. I’m Alan who in the male female continuum is more female than male but not enough to say I should be female rather than male. Makes a carbon tax real easy!
Alan(a)

[Anonymous]

Amanda, you have made an interesting point in clarifying the duality implicit in the thread topic . The desire of most people (TG and otherwise) to cement a clear gender position is very strong and most would consider there to be only two options. Though is is widely accepted in psychological circles that there is an ambiguity in peoples gender nature , one of both male and female aspects, this view is yet to percolate down to the general community.

You are right, women can freely crossdress and nothing is said but they have had to fight for that right. I remember women being denied access to RSL clubs in the 70’s while wearing a pants suit.

I , like Alana present a selection of ambiguous gender signals but unlike her ( I think) I am not so worried about being in the middle somewhere. The trick is to be OK with being where you think yourself to be ( at any given time in your life. Things can change!) I used to think of my self as a crossdresser and now, while technically that is what I DO, it is not what I AM. There is a difference.

I am fine with being a male and have no revulsion with my body or it’s parts and most people relate to me as a man . For most of my life I was uncomfortable with being open about my gender incongruity but as the years pass, I am more open and honest about my differences. I like myself for my differences and my friends comment that they also like the honesty and openness that I present to them . I think that this approach makes them feel more comfortable and they feel accepted with their own differences. It’s the ” I’m OK your’e OK” deal.

I believe that it is harder to be outside of the gender binary , in the middle , than it is to take up a more polar position. It is harder to explain and justify and more confusing to others but if that is where one sees oneself and one is honest about it, one has little choice but to make a home in the ambiguity of ” the middle ground”.

[Adrian]

Quote:

Amanda, you have made an interesting point in clarifying the duality implicit in the thread topic .

Strangely enough after making my post I picked up the DIETHYLSTROEBEL survey being run by WA Chameleons. There at the top is the same question.

Quote:

Q3. Do you consider yourself a cross-dresser or transsexual?

Which re-enforces the view that not only has the concept of non-binary gender yet to percolate down to the general community
it doesn’t even exist in organisations that cater to our community!

And yes – I did write to Claire Elise to let her know

I feel a new serious topic coming on !!!!!

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Hi all,

Just wondering what your thoughts are on this subject.

Personally I am a crossdresser, I enjoy wearing feminine things in private, I have no desire to be a woman and do not necessarily equate cross dressing with making myself more womanly…. I love the feel, I don’t think I look like a woman, however. I would never go out in public in womans clothes for instance….

I know there are lots of others that want to be women in some sense, to me its just being a man dressed in womans clothes, if that makes sense???

Anyway will be interested in everyones thoughts.

Regards,

Kiki

I am not sure if this is the way to reply, however…
I feel almost the same as Kiki. I only need to wear one or two items and I am another person. I love the soft sexy feel of womens clothing and it turns me into a pretty ‘little princess’. I sometimes go out for a walk late at night wearing a dress /skirt and my stilettos (which can be difficult). I am happy with my ‘secret ‘life. I do toy with the idea of joining the girls, but as I do not dress up completely with wig, make up etc, I always put it off. Also I worry about someone recognising me.

[Anonymous]

i am a bit of both-but attracted to the female form, even though I would prefer to be a woman.

[Catherine]

WOW!
After 6 years it is more than evident on what a continuum we live in. I think it is a celebration for us all to look at and embrace whatever part of that continuum we are in.

For myself, I was fortunate enough to realise at the age of 5, I was a girl. I’ll thank Gail, my next door neighbour, for being the catalyst of that realisation.

As Christine said earlier, she has had no doubt what so ever that she is woman. My brain wiring has always shared that same perspective. I was distracted in my young adulthood by these unnecessary medical boxes (TG, TS etc, etc) as they only serve to placate the medical fraternaity so they can be satisfied in trying to apply the correct medication in order to “cure” us. I believe that denial is a shocking place to live. (been there) and its not until we brush all the external noise (classifications, media etc) away and tune into our inner most thoughts and feelings that the real you is brought into perspective. How we deal with this realisations is yet another matter. I’ve always been a woman, its just some of my body parts forgot to do the right thing.

I read an interseting article just recently that takes us to an all new level, of molecular biology, in understanding who we are.

I found an interesting link from Dr. Eric Vilain, MD, PhD. Vilain is an assistant professor of Human Genetics at UCLA looks into some of the possible reasons as to, “Why we are”.

http://www.learner.org/courses/bi…/units/gender/experts/vilain.html

In summary there appears to be 5 major factors (to date; watch this space for more in the future) (Sounds like a Spielberg movie) that drive us along our journey. Genes, chromosomes, hormones, genetics and environmental influences in varying quantities, levels, strengths, dominance and interactions provide medical science adequate permutations to respectably resemble the factors that influence any commercial air craft accident.
A whole new ball game is happening down at a molecular level. With new genes DAX1, SRY and WNT4, sounding more like PC operating systems than the basic building blocks of our existence. Where male genitalia can occur in supposedly genuine XX chromosomes (female) and sufficient X chromosomes at a molecular level can be found in the Y chromosome (male) to produce functioning female genitalia and other forms of feminisation.
These molecular levels are so small they are only visible under an electron microscope; normal micro scopes cannot see them
And the good news is, this is still, only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. So, sit back, relax, and do what you have to do, but most of all, enjoy the journey. It’s unique
Thanks for listening.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[Elizabeth]

Hi folks,

It is quite obvious to me that for every individual there is a different answer to the question ‘are you a crossdresser or wanting to be a woman?’ I’ve posed the same question to myself for more years than I care to remember and that’s a lot of years. I’ve taken the tests to determine what I am, asked the questions to so called experts and still never arrived at a true answer that satisfies me. The Gender Clinic in Melbourne said, transsexual despite having never done much about it. We are influenced by circumstances that present themselves in life, family, job, relatives and friends. That’s a lot of ground. I’ve never transitioned because I value my family above transition. My job (now retired) was vitally important as it provided a living and a reasonable pension. Yes, I’ve thought of transitioning but then procrastinated to the point where it is too late. It’s all in the mind and it’s like Amanda pointed out there are a lot of folk who just want to be themselves. It’s a matter of self acceptance and just where the individual feels comfortable in themselves. There’s no need for labels nor boxes to place people in, just get on with life the best way you can and try to enjoy the ride. What will be will be.

Hugs to all my friends,
Liz

[Anonymous]

Mm, this is a timely question for me, and I find it a tricky one.

I started cross dressing at 7 and continued through the classic patterns — denial and purging of clothes, etc. — through to the present. However, over the last, hm… 15 years, say, the urge to become female has grown stronger and stronger. I finally caved into this gradual yet seismic shift in the way I think about my gender and had some sessions with a couple of psychologists and then, more recently, a psychiatrist.

As I wrote in another post, I now have the green light to take hormones, as my psych thought that I certainly fit the profile. I do want to take them. I do want to be female, or at least have female characteristics. However, the mind can be a trickster, and it sometimes presents me with nagging doubts, making me question why I want to transition at all. I suppose these doubts stem from my being so entrenched in my male life, coupled with the fact that I’m quite non-confrontational, a little shy and want to play a low profile (or at least one on my terms).

Yes, there are some factors that complicate my dilemma further. And unless I existed in a social vacuum and had no family there are always going to be complications. Anyway, I’m 38, married, there’s a child on the way and my partner isn’t into my female self. I know mine is not a unique situation, but the situation is unique to me. Pressure, much.

It’s tricky… and a little sad.

S

[Catherine]

Hi Everyone,

Just weighing back in on the topic. It’s not until you reach the level of conciousness that Jannine has reached, that you feel the ‘tumblers’ falling into place.

Quote:

Why had she made such a huge impression on me?? My thoughts turned to the obvious answer, given the private being inside of me….. the other me. I wanted to BE her, I wanted to BE like her, I wanted to DRESS like her, I wanted to see her in MY mirror at home, I wanted to smell like her and wear her beautiful shapely clothing. What a dream for me to aspire to, one that will live in me until I can reach that goal.

And Jannine, you’ll get that goal before long. It’s in your heart. You can do it.

Unlike many of you, I’ve been at the other end of the spectrum. I’ve been the 90% woman 10% man. And hasn’t that been such a hard slog!!! Every decision a man, husband, father, has to make, has been just so laborious. Constantly couched in the terms of “What would a man do in such circumstances?”

I too never subscribed to the, “Living in the wrong body” scenario. For me it has been; OMG!!! I’ve had a prolapse at birth. My ‘inners’ have become ‘outers’, quick get them back in. After all, that’s what GCS does. It puts them back in, if you go for the inversion technique.

And it doesn’t stop there. Even before HRT (one month and counting away) there is the very distinct psychological marker of , Where is Mr. Right? (He’s out there – He just doesn’t know it yet). The only compromise I have to make, as I’m not truely intersex, I’m happy to adopt.

So in order to answer the original thread question, “Are you crossdressing or seriously wanting to be a woman?” I’ll take option 2 please, seriously wanting to be the woman I am. No chips with that, on the express queue thank you. Bring on HRT and GCS ASAP. It’s been a long show in the making.

Appreciate your listening.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine