Adrian
Forum Replies Created
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Quote:I think the degree of acceptance is proportional to how femme you look ,how passable you areI don’t think there is any evidence to back the “Pass or Perish” mantra. In fact it is No 3 on my list of Tg Fables (don’t ask – I’ll publish them all one day!). On the contrary I see it as a chain round our necks to sap the confidence of feminine males – setting them a target to “Pass” that is virtually unobtainable (except perhaps in their own eyes).
The proof is that the streets are full of natal females who don’t “pass” if you use the same narrow definition of womanhood beloved of the M->F community. It isn’t a lack of a Barbie Doll image that attracts the attention of the the knockers in society. As a friend put it to me over the weekend, those who openly attack us are cowards – they pick on the weak and vulnerable. Those who present in whatever way they want with confidence tend to avoid open non-acceptance.
My personal experience is that society is superficially far more tolerant of people who present in between the gender extremes. Why? Because if you view the world as Men and Women – someone in the middle doesn’t actually threaten your beliefs. Not a threat in the same way as an obviously natal man who is trying to pass as a natal female. OK, as Kristyana said, after you go they may well whisper about how weird you are…
Passing is a vicious circle. You try to pass, you don’t succeed, it saps your confidence in yourself, some coward calls you out, you blame the lack of passing, and so you descend.
When we stop regarding passing as the gold standard, then society will encounter more people like Kristyana, Noeleena, and myself who stand up in public to be noticed. That, and only that, will change attitudes I feel. So I support Kristyana’s views at the start of this thread.
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Liz,
I’m not sure how your discussion about your androgyny
reflects on gender binaries. So to avoid us wandering away from what I
think is an important topic perhaps I can link it more strongly back to
the original post.Presentation is just another dimension of the space in which we have to position our lives. We have introduced sex (reproductive state), and gender (head state) in this thread already. Presentation (how we appear) is just another choice we make. Many of the labels we use to describe ourselves refer to presentation –
crossdressing is the way we appear, androgenous is the way we appear,
and even a sex change is a decision about the way we appear.If sex, gender, and presentation are in close alignment then you confirm closely
to societal norms of a manly male or womanly female. Most of the world
is happily like that, but it is not our lot.For the gender diverse at least one dimension will initially be “wrong” and result in varying degrees of discomfort. The challenge we face is that sex can be tinkered
with but never fully changed, gender is in our heads and (I assert)
cannot be altered, which just leaves most of us with presentation. We
experiment with reducing our discomfort by changing the way we present.
If societal constraints prevent us from making the adjustments then we
become depressed and prone to mental illnesses.One thing is clear. Gender dysphoria (or whatever word you want to use for the discomfort) does significantly reduce if your presentation aligns closer with your
inner true gender. It is as simple as “you are to others what you feel
inside”.So where does the idea that there are only two genders (the
gender binary concept) come into this?If we assert that only two genders are “normal” – male and female – then we simplify the choices people can take. Of course, if someone has male sex but a female gender
then they will be happier if they change sex presentation to match mind
state, and visa versa. But observation tells us that for many this
simplification just moves them between one unhappy state to another –
maybe a critically unhappy state that results in suicide.As Kristyana said, there is nothing wrong with electing to change your sex
presentation to match your gender if your gender truly is close to male
or female. But if we allow the concept of a gender binary, and anything
other than the male or female is “abnormal”, then we encourage people to
make less than optimal choices based on conforming, rather than on
aligning their gender and presentation.I feel very strongly that the action of denying others an achievable path to happiness is almost criminal. The reality of my life and others I know is that gender isn’t
fluid, and it isn’t constrained to the “true woman”/”true man” dichotomy
of a gender binary. Over many years, the only people I have heard
proposing that we are all men or women at heart are those who have
committed to, or have undertaken sex change surgery. Maybe it is a
necessary belief state to be comfortable with the momentous life
decisions they have taken. I have no need to challenge their beliefs if
that would impact on their happiness. Once again, I just look for the
same empathy in reverse.When I said that I was comfortably androgynous I was not just referring to my presentation – I was making a statement that I feel I have a happy alignment between my gender (something that I have no label for) and my presentation (fluid but
often androgynous). That of course is not the same as asserting that
everyone who presents in a certain way (androgynous) is happy.Being happy is an elusive end point in our gender diverse wanderings – so
let’s not put conceptual obstacles like the “gender binary” in the way. -
Feb 14. The wine was literally flowing in February at Well Connected! A few brave souls headed off early to sample the Mardi Gras crowds at Hellfire. Those left were able to smile at the camera!
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Quote:A Sunday morning reflection.
A very worthwhile time for reflection! And welcome back to the forums!
Quote:I have an opinion, which people may or may not agree with.I don’t think I agree – but on the other hand I may well not have fully understood the opinion.
Quote:However the vast majority of people in the world accept that it {binary gender} does exist without even thinking about it.As someone who has explained the lack of binary options for gender to a lot of people I disagree. The general population I think has the view that two sexes exist (here I feel empathy with those who are biologically intersex either through birth or by surgical intervention). The general population has little concept of gender – but when it is explained to them as something different from sex they readily accept that it doesn’t have binary endpoints – after all most people can recognise someone they have met who has a binary sex but who isn’t a manly male or a feminine woman.
Quote:Transgenedered people who transition to the opposite sex, by their transition are confirming that it {binary gender} does exist.Are they? I thought they were confirming the ability of modern surgeons to make a good approximation of a change in sex by cosmetic surgery. Those who transition to the other sex are I think making a statement that they would feel more comfortable living their life with an alternative body image and conforming to a different set of societal norms. Gender dysphoria is clearly moderated by choosing a presentation closer to one’s gender whether by clothing, hormones or the surgeon’s knife.
Quote:There are some transgendered people who do not transition to the opposite gender but feel more comfortable with an androgenous life.I am comfortably androgenous, but don’t believe you can ever change your inner gender. Transitioning to the “opposite gender” is not something I’ve ever encountered. You can hide your gender by pretending…and HRT does perhaps nudge people slightly on the gender continuum… but I believe we are who we are.
Quote:In my opinion these gender warriors….HELP!!! Are we saying that everyone who is happy with a physical presentation that isn’t conforming to societal norms and biological expectations of conforming man or woman is a gender warrior?
Now I think I must have misunderstood something important…
If I am a warrior then my sin is perhaps to struggle to get people to distinguish between gender and sex. Because if we can’t clearly communicate if we are talking about what is between our legs, or what is in our head, then public acceptance for most gender diverse people will be a long time coming.
Personally I have no issues with the route anyone takes to reconcile their gender and sex, and I hope for the same in reverse.
We do have to acknowledge that those who elect for a binary gender/sex solution are a minority of those who display some characteristic of gender diversity. The experiences of the few are valid, but should not be allowed to devalue or depreciate the challenges the rest of us have finding a course outside the gender binary.
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Publicity for a secret Society is always going to be a latent conflict. The need for secrecy by those who are living double lives hiding their cross dressing from family is always there. Whatever you can Google, the secrecy is never far below the surface, with pictures of feet and the backs of heads. It is something I found quite claustrophobic after many years helping run Seahorse NSW.
So this documentary, though short, is breaking new ground and maybe shows a new awareness that secrecy is self defeating as it fuels ignorance and a lack of acceptance in society. Add to that the documentary is very well produced and researched.
So there we have in one month excellent examples of building awareness at both ends of the gender spectrum. Call me Cate ( http://forum.tgr.net.au/cms/forum/F159/5775-775 ) gave us a compelling story about Cate who had to keep her true gender secret but who found support from friends when she eventually changed sex. The Secret Crossdressers Society tells us about heterosexual men who have a secret hobby dressing in women’s clothes and find support in Seahorse.
Both stories are genuine, moving, and take bravery to tell in public.
But I wonder if the general public will make the connection between them, as being examples of two extreme manifestations of gender diversity. Are we all going to have to be crossdressers or transsexuals just to get acceptance in society?
I hope not, and I hope the media can make the connection soon! I look forward to more documentaries about gender diversity of this quality.
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A final (I expect) update to this saga.
I flew Virgin to Adelaide last weekend.
On both trips the boarding card had MR ADRIAN BARNES on the left hand (large) side, and ADRIAN BARNES on the right hand section.
Following the excellent advice from this forum I clearly crossed out the MR.
On the outward leg no one ever looked at my boarding card (other than scanning it at the boarding gate). The cabin staff were obviously more interested in filling the plane quickly than checking who was boarding.
On the return trip I presented the card to the senior flight attendant on boarding, and after looking at it she said “Clearly you are not a MR”.
Sort of made my day….
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I have moved the comments on Amy Hamblin to a new thread as they neither have anything to do with TV&RADIO nor with Kate. please make an effort to stay on topic
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Even though Cate’s story neither speaks to the specific challenges of my individual gender identity nor my chosen transition I still applaud her for her courage in sending such a powerful and effective message.
As a community we are frustratingly focussed on our own particular issues and regularly put down anyone who has a message that doesn’t fit our needs.
as a result we difuse our energy on internal division and pointless gender politics.
Knowing this inherent propensity to attack before empathising makes Cate’s outing doubly brave. I don’t think her high profile backgroud in any way devalues her experience. She undoudtably faced her own unique challenges and should be applauded for the way she has overcome them.We are all unique individuals but that shouldn’t stand in the way of us supporting the common good.
But so frequently it does
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Quote:Chrissy-ACt suggested Cate McGregor would make a wonderful guest speaker at the Transformal. Sorry Chrissy, it was already thought of, a request made to Cate and declined; Cate was busy, flat out. Maybe another year.
Cate Mc would have been a tremendous speaker holding guests absolutely spellbound. I also thought had Katoomba residents known that Ms McGregor was at the Carrington, the Carrington would heve been bursting at the seams.
Liz,
As far as I know, what you have written is not true.
If it is true it would be good to let me know first.Please can we stick to facts… arranging TF is hard enough as it is.
A
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Quote:But she still has some demons to face yet. like all of us.
True – but what I think Cate got right was to dwell on the positive and not go for the sympathy vote. In many places I detected that her choice of language was considered (as you would expect from a speech writer). I think we could learn as much from what she didn’t say, as what she did say.
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Quote:Hi Amanda,
Is there going to be a wine tasting on Friday night? I went to the one last year and it was great fun and if it is on again this year I will be there.I hear that the wine tasting was a great success last year – but sadly I gave my ticket away to someone. This year, as organiser, I’m not going to make the same mistake twice!
Yes, there will be a wine tasting, maybe two depending how many Weekend ADD-ON Tickets are sold.
And the good news – wine tasting will be included in the price of the weekend ticket this year. Though sadly I won’t be able to provide a place for everyone hopefully everyone who is interested will be able to go. A couple of weeks before the event I will email/post instructions on how to book a place.
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I’d like to thank all those people who haven’t asked me every week
Quote:“How are the TransFormal sales going?”To reward you for your restraint I think you deserve a quick update.
Ticket sales this year are “solid” (Look that up if you like in the Organiser’s Guide to Publicity Allen & Allen 1989 ) .
As I write this we are approaching 1/2 way through the ticket sales period.
We have sold 70% of the seats we can comfortably sell for the formal, and 75% of the weekend tickets.That’s my definition of “solid” !
Thank you to everyone who has supported the event by buying a ticket, and to the others….you have up to 50 days left to decide.
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Quote:
As we have now finalised some arrangements for TransFormal I can release the 10th Traditional Room.
This is the 10th and definitely LAST opportunity to grab the best possible bargain for attending TransFormal 2014.
If you are interested be quick!
Ensure you have bought a ticket to the Saturday formal, then purchase the last TransFormal Value ticket.
If you want to pay by bank Transfer then you must immediately transfer the payment, otherwise I will release the Traditional Room to the next in line.
That was quick!!! Sold in 3 hrs!
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Quote:Is the accommodation limited or is there enough for everyone? If it is limited at the venue where does everyone else usually stay and is it trans friendly?
We have never sold every room at the Carrington – but generally by the day the on;y rooms left are the suites ($$$). The web site lists plenty of other options under Accommodation – all of which have been tried by guests in past years. I’m not aware of anywhere trans-unfriendly in Katoomba – I’ve never had any negative feedback like that.
Quote:Will anyone be going who is from the Newcastle area who I could maybe share a ride or transport with?I don’t know where everyone is from this year ( a mistake in making the new web form) – but I do recognise names from the central coast. Tanya (BFS) will be there as well. So yes – but car pooling is something you would have to arrange.
Quote:Is there any opportunities over the weekend to go shopping as a group or similar?Everyone goes shopping…and some vendors bring their stuff into the hotel to make it easy. Katoomba is a boutique place – no Target.
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Katoomba in May means
TRANSFORMAL 2014!
Don’t miss it!
Tickets for 16th/18th May 2014 are selling well.
http:/www.trannytix.com/transformal
*Come for the Formal!*
The centerpiece of the weekend is a formal dinner dance held in the
heritage 1886 Grand Dining Room.Now in its 5th year what will be the same?
– Well you can be sure of lots of opportunities to socialise and
dance.– By popular request this year sees the return of the dynamic band
“Radio Dynamite”. This group received very good feedback last year –
come along and hear why!What is new?
– The bar will be open till 1am giving an extra hour to relax after
the exhertions of the dance floor.A TransFormal Ticket includes: TransFormal on Saturday night +
admission to the vendor expo on Saturday afternoon + access to special
accommodation prices at the Carrington Hotel*Or make it a weekend!*
Transformal is so much more than a too short evening at a formal!
As a guest wrote last year “Transformal is a place to meet old
friends, make new friends, a place where we, for one weekend in the
year can truly be ourselves, without guilt. For one weekend in the
year we can thumb our noses at the unaccepting side of society and
feel good about ourselves, more, we can take pride in ourselves.”>From Friday to Sunday there will be organised activities both inside
and out of the hotel to make it a weekend to remember for everyone.Planning for the weekend activities is in its final stages – so look
out for the chance for a round of golf, wine tasting, a return of the
TQ&A panel, makeup workshops, and a fun new addition to the Sunday
program. Your weekend ticket also includes a supper reception on
Friday night, and an informal Saturday lunch.Buy a TransFormal Ticket (see above) Then pair your TransFormal ticket
with a Weekend Ticket.Your Weekend Ticket includes: Admission to all free events from Friday
morning to Sunday lunchtime. + Reception on Friday evening + Saturday
morning workshops + Saturday lunch.*Seating at the TransFormal formal*
When you purchase your ticket you will be asked to nominate which
table you want to sit on. Read the instructions on the web site
carefully as we cannot change seating after your reservation has been
ticketed. Seating is strictly on a first-come basis. The web site will
show you who is already seated on each table. Your choice of seating
is determined by when you book.BOOK EARLY TO GET YOUR CHOICE OF SEATS
If you want to arrange seating for a group of 4 or more on the same
table then contact tickets@trannytix.com to arrange for a temporary
block. We can hold back the seats you want to give your friends time
to get ready to book. When you are all ready the block can be lifted
and you can all jump in! Alternatively let one person book all the
tickets for the group.*Ticketing*
Tickets will be sent by email. If you are staying for the weekend then
you will have two tickets – one for Saturday night and one for the
weekend. Payment has to be received before the ticket can be issued.
If you elect to pay by bank transfer then don’t forget to put your
order number on the reference- and more importantly don’t forget to
pay! Seat reservations will only be held 7 days after which your order
will be cancelled and you will have to start over again.*Pricing*
Transformal Dinner Only $109 + Transformal Weekend Add-on $79
Pay by Credit Card, Direct Deposit or PayPal ($3 booking fee for
Credit/PayPal)http://www.trannytix.com/transformal
Tickets now on sale!
Remember – the early birds get the best choice of hotel rooms and
formal seating.