Geraldine_OBrien
Forum Replies Created
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Hello Caroline, I also am impressed with the work you are doing on this important project but like Tina I am pretty sure my wife would not attend. Have you an introduction that could be discussed with hesitating partners that may encourage their attendance?
I think such an overview or invitation would define what outcome is hoped for, ie is it to convince partners that they should accept their partner crossdressing ( may be seen as manipulative and self serving) or is it to analyse the risks to both partners in crossdressing so that reasoned boundaries can be discussed?
I have recently seen examples of the very different conclusions that are reached by people with very different Meyers Briggs scores. This did not have to do with crossdressing or gender but it made me realise that the response of one person can be so very different to another based purely on their personality type. Is that an area the sessions you propose might deal with so that partners can begin to respect that diametrically diffent views can be quite logical to another person? This might be a way of helping both partners to adjust their world views or respect the very different views of partners and families,with the aim of some form of accommodation, as reasonable people accommodate those they interact with in business, socially or elsewhere.
An invitation and mud map of the areas to be considered might reduce the anxiety a partner might have that they were going to be taken out of their depth or made to feel hijacked. -
Wonderful idea Caroline. It might also need a one page welcome composed to present the most rudimentary introduction to crossdressing and transgender existence and probably even more important, proposing the idea that in a relationship it is necessary to accept the difficulties of life, both of your lives; positing that in that light crossdressing is like ill health, unemployment or in-law troubles. They are to be accepted and used to grow together. And such things can strengthen the idea of having each other’s backs. Normalising what they may see as exceptional and impossible may be a valuable step.
There may well be some partners that can’t grasp some basics of committed relationships who might benefit from such an introduction and who might be prepared to then venture to the sort of meeting you are proposing.
Geraldine -
Great article Ali. A valuable find.
Thanks
Geraldine -
I think it is easy to be alarmed with some of the events we see both here and abroad and then fear that our own group are now more at risk. But Adrian your response is the only option: to refuse to be spooked and to remain level headed and optimistic.
I do believe that most people are becoming more inclusive of those different to themselves rather than more exclusive of others.
And it doesn’t surprise me in the least that wirh your outlook, you generally find people accepting. Our perceptions very much colour our world. Your comments have made the start of 2019 brighter.
Geraldine -
The answer Alana is to collect model trains while attired in high heels. No, from my experience crossdressing is certainly not just a hobby but rather an aspect of who we are.
Geraldine -
Priorities can be vital to achieving particular outcomes. Those outcomes may be broader than others might be aware. Lynnie you might be very strategic while seeming to others to be simply not looking after yourself. Hope that is the case.
Geraldine -
Caroline, thank your partner so much for her wise words. Wonderful to see two people who make it work by considering each other’s needs and welfare. A fortunate couple indeed.
Geraldine -
As good as it can get. Congratulations to you and to them. I am very happy for you all.
Geraldine. -
May I offer a further take on the subject of letting those around us know about our feminine proclivities after our demise?
I am tidying up my recently deceased mother’s estate. A difficult task but one with an extraordinary twist for me. In throwing out half a lifetime of of things of meaning to her I came across a dress she made for herself in about the mid 70s when she would have been in her 40s. Beautifully made and finished but never hemmed. I have seen it before but I cannot remember why she never wore it. I do remember she was very proud of it.
Firstly, I salvaged the dress and it will be my most treasured dress. It is about a size 12 and fits me as though made for me.
I did tell mum of my need to dress several years ago and while she didn’t understand why I would, she accepted it as part of the son she loved. And I am almost overwhelmed by her much loved but never worn efforts fitting me and forming a mother- son bond.
And thus my further observation. Now with both my parents gone and now getting on myself I realise how many things I would love to ask both of them and discuss with them, even after my lifetime of having been very close to both of them and having talked long with both of them.
I am so aware of the importance of being open with my children on everything they might need to know for their futures without me.
Not just my dressing but my fears, challenges, successes, because anything I refuse to share with them is permanent.
Letters with my clothes and with wills? Yes, but not as good as sharing. So I will try very hard to be very open with each of them.
Oh, and just to end on a lighter note, I commenced my letter to my children with the unoriginal line “If you are reading this letter, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, I am dead. The good news is, you are not…”
Geraldine. -
The best I have been able to come up with is a letter with our wills, sealed and marked to be opened by our children after my death. There are also copies in each of the locked suit cases that hold all my girl things.
It explaining that my wife knows of the letter and that it is to explain my girl belongings should my wife or I not be in a position to dispose of them.
I came out to my kids years ago but not one word has been said by them since. I apologise to them for not having shared my efforts to understand my need to dress but ask them to understand how my bravery shown has since evaporated.
I ask them to respect my things as they are important symbols of a side of me and asked that they be given to the Gender Centre or similar group who may have a need. Almost all my things are new and it would pain me to see them tipped.
Should I develop the courage to speak to my children, which would be far better then I would destroy the letters
This is the best solution I have been able to come up with.
Geraldine -
Hi Liz, I want to make comment on this heartfelt post and I will shortly. But I need to respond now just to say wow!
So impressed.
I may never meet you but please know I can empathise with you and you are in my thoughts.
Geraldine
