Adrian
Forum Replies Created
-
Quote:hi there one and all i do not have no problems flying as i have got rid of my old name and i have a new one .Amander,
I’m quite happy with my name (and my unique gender) and have no desire to change either.Obviously if you associate with the society norms and adopt a binary gender, male or female, the on-line booking system is going to work perfectly for you – as that is who it was designed for. Spare a thought to the significant number of gender diverse who do not feel that way – and for whom the “tick-this-box-or-that” mentality of some businesses is either inconvenient or offensive.
Besides which, spending all that time and money on name changing and body changing would be a very expensive way just to book a cheap Virgin flight
-
Quote:Having said that, some on-line booking engines include the the option of “Doctor” as a salutation (I use “Royal Highness” Smile for one airline) – which, of course, is gender neutral.
The actual list Virgin offer is very small – does this reflect their clientele or is it that they don’t seriously want to have a Title but they collect it anyway.
I think those who have laboured to obtain the right to legitimately call themselves Dr would feel cheated if all transgender “guests” chose it for their flight. And I would be quite embarrassed if the flight attendant greeted me as Dr Barnes. Whilst faking your identity is possible I don’t think I should be forced by the Virgin booking system to do it.
The battle continues!!
-
The wait was not in vain…
yesterday I received a formal response to my complaint:
I have the vague suspicion that was just a standard letter sent out to keep the complaint statistics looking good.
So I replied:Quote:Dear Virgin,Your stock reply is as offensive to me as your on-line booking form
as it persists in addressing me as “Mr Barnes” which was the essence of my original complaint!!
It does not address the serious concerns I expressed about the data you require to book a flight.If you review my original feedback I was questioning why it is necessary to state my Gender as Male or Female to book an airline ticket.
It makes no sense when the photo ID I will be presenting to board (a NSW drivers licence) does not contain this information.
Can you please tell me why it is necessary to issue tickets with MR or MRS in front of the guest name when it is both inappropriate and embarrassing to those who are transgender.I refer you to the Human Rights Commission guidelines on recognising sex and gender diversity:
http://www.humanrights.gov.au/news/stories/new-guidelines-recognise-sex-and-gender-diversityAs I won’t be presenting for the for the flight as MR Adrian Barnes can you please alter my ticket so the name matches my driving licence – Adrian Barnes.
And I look forward to receiving a more considered and specific reply to my original complaint.Regards
AdrianPerhaps it will be another 2 months before I hear from Virgin – and by then I will have been to Adelaide and back!
-
Quote:What us it that you are most afraid of in relation to your gender.
A good topic for discussion by lifeisajourney, but I’m not sure that the options suggested are particularly exclusive.
I’m also not sure I qualify to comment, except by observation, as it was a long time ago that I started coming out.But when asked what we seek for the future a large majority of us say we want acceptance.
It isn’t therefore too big a leap to assume that we harbour a fear that we will not be accepted and this looms large in our minds.
We then fear being caught out because we fear that the consequence will be rejection.
It all seems to follow.The second reason perhaps we steer shy of telling others, is because we aren’t sure ourselves about exactly who we are.
One of my friends once described the process of coming out as a journey – not a journey where we change, but one where we learn more about ourselves. So quite frankly I’m inclined not to believe anyone who says they have it all sorted out.I don’t think we can completely nail down gender diversity in our heads, let alone explain it to anyone else.
And if we can’t sell the story in a convincing way, what hope have we of being accepted except by the most compasionate and understanding souls.
So, our inability to explain, leads us again to fear being caught out and having to explain.If it was simple we wouldn’t be here discussing it!
-
I have marked Lisa’s post as a featured post in the hope that those who come to the chat room or forums seeking advice on the “effects of HRT” will read this first.
This post can perhaps be read with advantage in conjunction with the individual observations of members that you will find in this thread
http://forum.tgr.net.au/cms/forum/F176/4106-106 -
Quote:If you want to chat with the group on-line then head over to the Radio Studio.
On the other hand if you are there to have a private chat then the best room to use is the Video Lounge.When I reconfigured the upgraded chat room I had hoped that i could encourage those who want to chat in private to do it in their own space outside the restrictions of the site ACP (and not talk behind the backs of those in the main chat room).
Well that idea didn’t take off – so it seems we are back again to the old all-in-one chat room where people simultaneously private chat to others and perhaps also chat in public.
I can sense sometimes I’m fighting a loosing battle trying to enforce any structure on the creative flow of this web site! But in this case I think the benefits of “segregation” outweigh the inconvenience. Particularly since the main chat room has recently been used in private and public for conversations that are not in keeping with the terms and conditions agreed to on entry:
Quote:All text chat in this room (including whispered conversation) is subject to the acceptable conduct policy to be found at http://forum.tgr.net.au/acp.html.It seems that those who think from the waist down don’t have the benefit of being able to read!
So I have reconfigured the chat room today.
If you want to start a private chat you must move to the Video Lounge. (The person you want to chat to does not have to move).
I acknowledge that for a few members there is a need to explore their sexuality. Although I have no interest in private adult chat I have no issues with it (provided that it is consensual and both parties are in the video lounge – where private chat is not subject to the ACP/moderation). Similarly you can use the video chat for whatever consensual purpose you want!
However, please note that I have no tolerance for adult chat appearing in the public area of ANY room – as seen recently.
If anyone wants to find out what I mean by no tolerance then go right ahead! -
December 2013
The well connected set seeing the old year out!
-
November 2013
-
Ditto with regard to the one piece.
Of course it depends somewhat
a) on your age (under 30 by all means expose more of that flawless skin)
b) your body shape (bikini bottoms do look good if you have a nice butt, wide hips and a slender waist)
c) what attention you are trying to attract on the beach (but be honest about the talents of your competition on the looking gorgeous front)But I suspect for most of us we are happier in a one piece and everything stays happily in place in the surf.
Hint: try to get a design that flatters a less than hourglass figure – i.e. avoid floral prints – and look for a pattern that hides the waste line.
-
Since the thread is about importing hormones I’ll try to stay on topic – though there is much I could say off the topic.
It would appear that the majority of gender diverse males do not intend or wish to modify their physical sex to align closer with their inner gender. For this large section of the community there is no need to take hormones in the quantity that is traditionally prescribed for those intending to change their sex by surgery. Much of the advice offered in the context of transitioning physical sex may not be necessarily relevant.
However, if you think you want to transition in the narrow sense of the word and ultimately change your sex then importing hormones from http://www.inhousepharmacy-europe.com will probably send you broke. You will need hormones applied in such high levels that it would be suicidal to go for a DIY approach.
It may be legal, and it may be convenient, but it sure isn’t cheap! If it doesn’t kill you it will bankrupt you!However there is a dirth of success stories published from those who take hormones without any intention or need for surgery, at a hopefully lower, and presumably safer dose. I know it happens widely – we just don’t talk about it.
I detect there is some peer pressure in the community to not acknowledge this as being legitimate, and so anecdotal evidence is hard to come by.
But is a legitimate treatment in the WPATH standards of care.Quote:Some people seek maximum feminization/
masculinization, while others experience relief with an androgynous presentation resulting from
hormonal minimization of existing secondary sex characteristics (Factor & Rothblum, 2008).Quote:Hormone therapy can provide significant comfort to patients who do not wish to make
a social gender role transition or undergo surgery, or who are unable to do so (Meyer III, 2009).For as long as we can’t or won’t talk openly about the use of homones in this wider context of transitioning,
and for as long as the feeling that going to a doctor/endo will enroll you in a medical pathway that does not address your needs,
then the DIY/self importing will continue.The issue with importing for “comfort” is to determine what constitutes a low dose. Most people seem to just guess – you won’t find any guidance on the overseas pharmacy sites.
A low dose from inhousepharmacy is going to cost you about $600 a year.
What if you don’t get results? Will you up the dose?
Will you wait a bit longer? Will you go to a GP?My observation is that as a community we are very impatient and want instant results. We want breasts to grow in weeks. We want surgery straight away. That is our Achilles’ heel – it is our “maleness” coming through!
In my experience using an off-shore pharmacy such as inhousepharmacy is not a risk. The quality of their products is high. The risk lies elsewhere.
So much about the safety of importing depends on the individual, and their attitudes. Only you can make the decision if you have the health and attitudes to achieve the results you want safely.Moderator
Quote:WARNING
TgR is not a medical forum and any comments you may read in TgR forums are only the opinions of the member posting. You should not assume that a posting on TgR implies any verification or independent review and whilst the advice is honestly offered it is made without knowledge of your particular medical conditions. You should always seek professional medical advice before taking any action that might affect your health. -
October 2013
-
How do you achieve a balance?
A surprisingly large number of us don’t – well that is what I observe.
Often we don’t start out our gender exploration in a very balanced way.
Our initial behaviour has often been compared to a kid in a sweet shop, but in our case it is as if we haven’t seen a sweet before in our life. For many of us exploring our gender has been off the radar and when the flood gates are opened we launch into engaging the feminine side of our personality with vigour.
The more restricted the opportunities to “dress” are the harder it is to approach it with restraint. The feelings when we are free to explore are overwhelming, as is are the withdrawal symptoms when we stop.
Hardly a recipe for a balanced lifestyle!
It’s like we have two personalities, one who has all the fun, and the other that has to deal with the fallout on domestic, work and family life.
Much of the angst we go through seems to derive from the need to reconcile the two lives. Some people seem to happily resolve the conflict by containing and constraining their gender expression – blossoming at an annual Ball or at a secret monthly social. Others, sometimes considering that society owes them after such a long period of restraint, test the acceptance and tolerance of family and friends by presenting their true gender come what may.
Neither choice is an obviously balanced behaviour.
I have the good fortune to have accumulated some good friends over the years who are visibly balanced in their life choices.
Looking at what is common between us, I think I can safely say that you won’t hear us saying:
“You need to live your life for yourself not others”
“Don’t compromise! Be true to your inner self”
“If you don’t accept me for who I am then you have no part in my life”So my answer, to achieve a balance you have to work beyond being in a sweet shop, and choose life choices that address the needs and feelings of others as well as your own.
If it was easy, we would be a very happy community!
-
Quote:It appears that the new chat room looks up the profile by name (not member number) and dredges up anything it can find from the archive.
The problem is fixed I hope – well at least Caroline’s profile looks more up to date now.
-
Quote:When I was in the chat room today, I thought I would click on my profile. I was amazed to discover I was from Queensland post code 4811!
Yes there is a glitch. It appears that the new chat room looks up the profile by name (not member number) and dredges up anything it can find from the archive.
It was pointed out to me that Caroline also ends up with a puzzling profile.
It is on my list of bugs to hunt down. I’ll let you know here when I get the to the root of the problem.
Thanks for letting me know.
-
Quote:I’m genuinely not here to pick a fight
I could generalise that most posts that start “I’m not trying to…” are in fact doing just what they claim to not be doing. So I have!
Quote:but the evidence from being a member for 2 weeks is that next to no-one here does anything…or gives a f%$k…or cares enough to even have an opinion on anything other than whether you do your bra up ‘chicken wing’ style or swing it around.First opinions are always interesting to hear, but they are just that. Often the initial exposure to a wider gender diverse community can be a challenge to ideas that have formed in isolation. You wouldn’t be the first person to be shocked to find that the community doesn’t live up to your preconceived expectations.
Quote:For example:
My profile…challenges the trans goals of ‘acceptance’ and ‘being passable’ as as stupidI wonder if you have looked through the forums to see how widely the concepts of ‘acceptance’ and ‘being passable’ have been discussed over the years. 2 weeks is barely time to skim over the surface of the content of the forums, so you may have not found it yet. Your challenges are not new challenges – and that may temper the response you get unless you bring new ideas.
Quote:as well as being critical (in a nice way) about how the vast majority of us dress…not one comment!How many of us have you seen dress? When you wrote “…our sense of fashion/style…sorry but it’s pretty tragic and does nothing to present us to society in a favourable light” how many of the TgR members were you basing your observations on? Are we obliged to comment when we read such inaccurate generalisations?
Quote:My profile pics…well they’re out-there and intended to challenge how society makes off-target assumptions about gender…no comment!I’m not sure how many people have read your profile in 2 weeks – let alone viewed your albums. Perhaps this thread is just an attempt to get greater visibility?
Quote:My trans fashion brand…mentioned in the profile and a brand actually designing affordable, stylish, ‘off the rack’ fashions for trans is a big deal as no-one has ever done this before…no comment!I’m aware of two others who have been engaged in similar endeavors. But as TgR is strictly non-commercial promoting such things is against the T&C.
Quote:My blog…tho very positive about my short trans experience, it nonetheless challenges all those who think that ‘finally finding the courage to live as the woman they were meant to be’ actually matters to anyone but themselves…no comment!Some of us have the experience of very long trans experiences. We become used to the diversity in the community. Frequently people may take offense to the views held by others so just making controversial (and possibly insulting) statements doesn’t generally lead to robust discussions.
Quote:My posting…an open invitation to a trans fashion/social party each Sat arvo up till Xmas in central Sydney…90 plus views at last count, one taker and only one comment from that one taker…thank you David n Samantha.Organising events is a difficult enterprise at the best of times – let alone if you are an unknown person with only 2 weeks in TgR. Most gender diverse people are very cautious – and wouldn’t head off to a private event organised by someone relatively unknown. Successful events have to be nurtured.
Quote:And Adrian be upfront about what this site is about…I can’t find anything resembling a mission statement or ‘about us page’..I can find one – but how much of the web sites have you read?
I just don’t think you have approached TgR with an open mind.
The shock and awe tactic is probably not the best introduction you could have made.Quote:Any comments…assuming this doesn’t get deleted by moderators which is expected…I’d like to think that some members here care enough about being trans to go further than attending a formal once a year dressed like the Queen mum (god rest her soul but her style sucked)…You are correct in assuming that you have crossed the line at which moderation happens. But your idea that posts get deleted once again shows a lack of understanding how things happen here.
I think many members will find the above paragraph insulting not provocative. And will probably shy away from engaging with you. If you think such a natural response is pathetic then I disagree.
I’m not taking any moderator action otehr than voting on your post, because that would just re-enforce the strange ideas you have about the wider gender diverse community.
Quote:I expect either deletion or silence…pls prove me wrong…Genni.I think silence is the appropriate response to such an outburst. I advise you to rethink the way you engage with such a diverse group or maybe your time in TgR will be limited.