[Elizabeth]

It’s some years ago that I travelled enfemme, 2007 to be precise. Canberra to Melbourne to Canberra by Virgin the same day. The only baggage ws the ubiquitous handbag which did, and still does, carry everything a woman would need during the course of a day.
I travelled under my boy name which does fortunately double as a girl name, so I’m lucky. The only problem I had was my own nervousness, fully aware that every eye in every terminal was glued to me (it wasn’t).
I found Virgin staff amazingly polite, carefully treating me as they would any other passenger, and indeed why not?
At the time my mind was totally elsewhere, frantically worried as to what I was going to say, and what I would be asked. My days appointment was with the gender gurus at the Monash Gender Clinc. Travel was the least of my worries. My worries were all in my mind and totally mine alone, in reality no one gave two hoots who I was nor what I wearing. Have fun.
I have also travelled semi enfemme, to London several times, been scanned in Singapore and need never have worried.

Liz 😳

[Elizabeth]

Just why do volunteers burn out?

Without beating around the bush, volunteers have forgotten how to say No! As Amaanda quoted, you can’t please all the people all the time, and it only takes one disguntled person to stuff it up for everyone.

In my thirty years experience of volunteering in various organisations I learnt one thing; being honest someone else put me on the right track. Volunteers give so much of themselves, many give their all without gaining much, and that’s not the right way of being. To prevent ‘burn out’ volunteers need to gain from their input, in other words instead of running on an empty volunteer cup, the cup needs to be full by gaining so much satisfaction and input from what they are doing. If the cup is continually empty, give up the volunteering.

I’ll guarantee no one will thank a burnt out volunteer. For those volunteers who so graciously give their time for the benefit of others, and a few names come to mind from TgR, I personally thank you. Without your unfailing efforts the transgender community would be an absolute void.

Hugs to all,

Liz

[Elizabeth]

My peasant thoughts are still reeling with information and descriptions that are being posted on gender and sexuality. Everyone is entitled to their ideas and propositions and maybe, just maybe they are somewhere near being right on the button.
I think all the posts have merit because they are saying just what people are feeling about themselves. It is not necessarily a self diagnosis as to their condition but a personal appraisal of feelings, so in my mind they cannot be wrong. Lisa feels as a woman, Amanda feels what, somewhere in the middle, others feel where they are. Irrespective of our ideas, gender and sexuality are just one huge minefield which influence our decisions in life. Whether we marry, have children or do we stay single so as not to drag some other poor unsespecting soul into a transgenders lifestyle.
I most certainly do not blame anyone for my lifelong condition. The blueprint was right but something went wrong within the womb. It doesn’t change anything. I personally know of one poor loving mother who blamed herself for her transgender son, and nothing would convince her otherwise. I’m struggling to convince that woman it was not her fault in any way and to accept her beloved son, soon to be her daughter as they are.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Amada,
Ok, thanks for your reassurance regarding partners. As I said, any objections were centred around Pauline. With that reassurance, go ahead. And by the way, Pauline has no objection to being photographed, group photos, individual, etc. We both are looking forward to a fantastic weekend starting today. We’ve been counting the weeks and days for a long time, and finally it’s arrived.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Hi Amanda,
Under ordinary circumstances, I couldn’t give a stuff what the students do with their camera and interviews, I’m well passed worrying, thank goodness. However, as my wife will be again attending this years Transformal I have to object to students wandering around filming willy- nilly. Pauline has many friends who are unaware of Liz and I would like it to remain that way for her sake.
I have no objection to promoting our community and some wonderful people within it, in fact that is part of my pasion, but keep my wife out of it. P became involved because she supports me wholeheartedly and had made many friends within the transgender community, but she has her own life. I suggest the students either not bother or at the very least be very restricted where they film. I would most certainly need to see the final production for comment before it was released to all and sundry.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Amanda wrote:
Sometimes when travelling, I often envy the simplicity of a peasant’s unquestioning life.

Let’s get one thing straight from the start, even if it is slightly off topic; I’ve been researching, consulting, thinking, discussing with people who definately, or should know, but don’t really. There are many who think they have an idea, and maybe they have, but it’s an idea only. There are no concrete conclusions, you are only scratching the surface! And I am not ashamed to have my photograph taken en femme!
My wife and I were dining out last night and discussing the ins, outs and the why’s of transgenderism. Her idea is as good and as sound as any I’ve come across. ‘The blueprint at birth was set, but something went wrong’ What went wrong perhaps we will never really know? Of all the psychiatrists and psycologists I have consulted none know a definitive answer to our challenge. The nearest I’ve come across is; ‘sit with it like a brick in your lap’ in other words accept your place dealt in life. Hence that is why transgenderism/transsexualism has been retained in the upcoming DSM V. For those who still endeavour to find their place in the world, good luck, I hope you find that place and some inner peace. We peasants who are still searching are really trying to find an acceptance and inner peace which had eluded us all of lives because in the final analysis that is what life is all about.

[Elizabeth]

All these clever folk trying their damnest to make head and tale of their gender leanings, whether right or wrong. Where on earth does it get them? nowhere I be bound. We are what we are, full stop!
We have gender spectrums, black and white with a lot of grey areas, and at the end of the day we are what we are. I have a massive headache trying to digest it all. When I was a little boy, say five or six years of age, I knew something was not sitting right in my mind. I was only five or six years of age and couldn’t be expected to know what the problem was, nor how to articulate what I thought of as a problem. I was still that little boy who liked the company of girls, I like girls toys, dolls and tea sets and playing house. I still didn’t know why I hated sport (still do), thought that people who shot each other in war were stupid (still do) and couldn’t understand why people were so nasty to one another (still do). All this trying to differentiate the differences between FMMM, FFFF etc doesn’t really help me become myself. In my seventies, I’m still struggling to come to terms with myself. Quite frankly I don’t think I will ever succeed in truly accepting myself. The educated and professional gurus of gender don’t really know, so how the hell am I supposed to know.
I am what I am, primarily unknown to myself and still struggling in my old age. Just what are you offering in your discussions? any help, I don’t think so.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Christina commented that to cross dress was at times thought to be ‘perverse and dangerous.’ Joan of Arc was a prime example, BBQ’d for refusing to wear female clothing, insisting on male clothing and armour. Huggies Ad, last time I looked, boys and girls were different down south.

LIz

[Elizabeth]

OMG! Like all others I’ve been through the hoop so to speak of relationships, breakups and damn right aggresivness. My first wife of fifteen years, a long time ago was aggresive when she eventually found out piecemeal about Liz. I was virtually booted out of the marriage, rarely to see my daughter again. The whole episode left me with a withering bitterness that lasted for a great many years (40 to be precise) and still lingers.
I tried yet again, almost forty years ago still convinced that I could beat this dreadful burden with which we, the transgender community are saddled in life. I didn’t beat the burden, nor will anyone else. It’s a fact of life. Eventually, it came out again over the ensuing years with my second partner, initially with resentment and anger at being decieved. Over the years that resentment mellowed, although I suspect there is a lingering inner anger. The mellowed resentment has, over more recent times blossomed into a genuine interest and an interest to be involved, within limits. Much of the interest has been the result of some research into the causes and outcomes of transgenderism. But then it is about me; my wife sees beyond the frocks and makeup and sees me, the inner unchanging person, and as far as I know, after all these years still loves that inner person. My wife is an active member of AGA in Canberra, enjoys the excellant company and blistering social life. She herself has selectively ‘come out’ to her personal friends (with my consent) which tells me that even for her, this ‘comining out’ has a liberating effect. But, as I said to her at one time, ‘don’t worry, it’s not you who’s transgendered, it’s me; I have to carry the can so to speak. I’m out to every one by now, except my immediate neighbours who may be considered transphobic. With my wife I still suspect it to be a case of ‘if you can’t beat them, you may as well join them.’ We’ve met a good many lovely people from the transgendered community whom we are happy to call close friends.
So sorry to have been rambling on, but I hope my little contribution helps others to see that there can be light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a hard life! ‘Illigitamy Non Carborundom’

Hugz
Liz

[Elizabeth]

I couldn’t agree more. Unfortunately it’s a fact of life, part of being human.
Rising above such primative antics and responses takes intelligence, practice and an ability to see the others point of view. That is how a forum of fruitful dialogue and the resulting acceptance of all points of view are reached. In other words, I don’t necessary agree with you, but I accept your point of view. It’s part of democracy.
Practicing such acceptance is best started on your own family and see how quickly it spreads.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Joanne-3 expressed her deep concern about coming out to her ‘bigoted’ family. Believe me, one doesn’t have to come from the ‘deep north’ to be bigoted, they’re everywhere. Family is the most difficult as they are the most heartbreaking to lose. I really feel for you in your predicament, it’s why so many TG people carry the sole lifelong burden by hiding in the proverbial closet. Unfortunately, solely carrying this stigmatised burden frequently evolves into depressive states and even suicidal thoughts and sometimes actions; not good!
TgR does to some extent allow us to share our load, but it’s not quite the same as a face to face share. I hope you have someone with whom you can open up to and halve that burden. No one I know would choose to be transgendered and endure the horrors of being ‘outed’ rejected and abandoned. transgenderism, irrespective of our position on the gender spectrum is something we are born with and we ought to expect our immediate families to accept and continue loving us as we are. Having said all that I feel for you and hope someone will understand and accept. If you are attending the Transformal in May I would only be too happy to listen; there are quiet corners in the Carrington.

Hugs,
Liz

[Elizabeth]

I think we have all been in that situation at some time or another and wondered what are our legal rights if sprung!
Going for a wee isn’t a crime, where you go maybe. Trannies in the ladies? If no one bothers you and there are no complaints, that’s it.
Should there be a complaint and is likely to cause a ‘breach of the peace’ then you could be arrested, necessary to nip the breach of the peace in the bud. It would be unlikely to end up in court. You could have an official caution.
I guess the best solution is to proceed with caution, not a wonderful piece of advice but the best I can think of. I often use the ‘ladies’ when necessary, holding my head up high and looking like I own the toilet. Most folk couldn’t give a damn as long as you don’t inpinge on their space.
The only time I had problems using the ladies loo was as a very young child, taken in by my mum and a woman complained that a five year old boy should have used them mens’ loo. At the time I felt as though the world was about to collapse around my ears and felt awful. There are some nit picking, bloody awful folk out there.
Use the loo and be careful. Remember McDonalds recently in the US!

Hugs,
Liz

[Elizabeth]

It was written from our perspective, and from the media point of view, about time. It was truthful without being ‘gushy.’ I think that such media coverage is a positive step on the long road of acceptance. The slogan ough to be, ‘Changing public perceptions around gender challenges’ As I see it, changing close family perceptions of what we are and how transgenderism comes into being is paramount. Surely, close family ridicule and rejection is a primal cause of suicidal thoughts, attempts and successes. It’s all tied up to the general view of ‘looney’ transsexuals. We have a long, long way to travel, but I think there is a pin prick of light at the end of the long tunnel.

[Elizabeth]

Peta asked ‘how I knew the shoe widths’

The standard width for women’s shoes (or ‘Pumps’ as the yanks call shoes’) is ‘C.’ Normally manufacturers no longer produce in various widths assuming all women have the same width in their feet,’not so.’
Supersoft produce a ‘W’ which we could assume is for wide; but that’s it.
Rosenberg’s do have some varying widths, eg ‘W’ ‘EW’ extra wide and so on. However shoes in these widths are both limited in style and numbers; the majority revert to the standard ‘C’ fitting. Try squeeezing a triple ‘E’ into a bone crushing ‘C’ not good for the feet in the long term. The only way to assure a superb fit is to have shoes individually hand made, an expensive exercise.
Personally, I have always found shoes to be the most difficult items to scource soley because women’s shoes are not made to fit men’s feet.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

I’ve just bought a pair of strappy heels from Rosenberg’s, Melbourne.
A perfect fit, look good and wear like a pair of well worn kid gloves. Soft,
extremely comfortable and why hadn’t I found Rosenberg’s before? Delivery was very prompt, and yes they have a return policy. Their shoes are not for everybody in style, it’s a matter of taste. They have the sizes and, thank God, the neccessary widths. I’ll be buying again from there with their new catalogue, to be published very soon.

Liz