[Elizabeth]

For the first time the other day I entered the chat room. This was mainly to ask Amanda something around Katooma in May. My wife is attending, but not the dinner etc. She will be there for other activities on the Saturday and Sunday, hopefully, full on. I apologise to the other girls for not being too chatty as I was focussing on Amanda and had her undivided attention. Nevertheless it was a wecoming start.
It just shows how attitudes change. Not too many years ago my wife was very anti and can still get her knickers in twist sometimes. Those who have similar challenges, give it time and persistance. I’m not allowed to drive to Katoomba myself due to health problems so it was a two edged sword.

[Elizabeth]

I can only imagine the confusion that Tess in experiencing around transitioning and the loyalties of family. It’s not easy facing such a dilema. On one hand there are your desires to transition and then there’s the family, and by that I mean children, irrespective of their ages.
I’ve had the self same dilema. Do you or don’t you? I chose, with an aching heart the family. The reason; they had stuck by me through a massive bout of depression and suicide thoughts and attempts. My wife took the time to learn the truths about depressive illnesses and suicides. That learning allowed her to empathise with my illnesses and we struggled through until I was well again(it took three yeras). My wife and son have known about Liz for going on for thirty years. At first it was looked upon as an abhorrence. Over the years there has been much acceptance and tolerance, primarily due to her learning and understanding of transgenderism. As recently as four years ago I had the option of moving some way towards transitioning. I was told by the guru of trangenderism, “It’s never too late.” After a heart wrenching search and much deliberation on my part I chose to remain as is. This was in order to retain the love and proximity of my wife and son. I love them and to me they are absolutely paramount, at the top of my essential must haves list.
Some might say for me it was a cop out; it wasn’t. Yes, I still wish that I had gone down the transitional track many years ago, but I didn’t and it’s water under the bridge. The pathway to transitioning wasn’t that easy, not so many years ago. There were too many impediments.

So Tess, that’s my story, at least part of it. In my view you either do or you don’t. It all depends on you and what you want out of life.
Good luck with your decision.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Ashley,
Firstly I empathise with you and your thoughts. I’ve been there several times. I don’t know exactly how you feel, no one does, irrespective of who they are or their qualifications. We are each unique and our thoughts and feelings are unique. I am deeply concerned about you and your thoughts, they are serious thoughts and necesitate immediate action from a professional. If you were living in Canberra I would be with you all the way. I can only be with you in thought and spiritual support. My strongest qualification is my age which means I have lived with transgenderism for the last sixty years. I have professional qualifications, bits of paper which means, more or less, I have training in listening. With all that, I find life as a transgender or whatever box you are in very hard. The hardest critics in my view are family. They are the hardest because they are our nearest and loved ones. you can dismiss others, true friends hang around when the going gets tough. Being a tranny certainly lets you know who your friends are.
I think I can speak for most of TR members when I say, you are not alone. Surely it is what TR is about, support, close support. Somewhere you can turn to when the going gets tough. That is why I am a member. I need to know that I am not alone.
I suspect you are very sensitive. Being sensitive makes us susceptable to words that hurt. I implore you to consult at the minimum, a psychologist who will listen.

Contact me at any time, or someone you can trust.

Hang in there Ashley, we’re all with you.

Sincere hugs,
Liz

[Elizabeth]

I thought Alison made a very valid comment. Its that element that we are afraid of making a fool of ourselves. Not speaking out. I’m as guilty as everyone else. Many folk are not outgoing and keen to make their personal stamp on topics. They’re shy. But I agree with the comment, ‘everyone has a point of view’ and I think everyone would love to read their points of view. I love reading and look forward to reading the views around topics.

There’s a saying. ‘The greatest fear of everyone is of being burnt to death’. The close second fear is speaking in public. Writing in a forum would be pretty close.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Peta
I thought I would add the little I know on the legal requirements on transition. Perhaps someone could enlighten me on some aspects of the legal requirements. For m2f, it is still required that you are either single or divorced (same thing, I know) before surgery can be commenced. F2m obviously have no requirements. Presumably, there are legal requiements in respect of a marriage before f2m can change legal documents on their gender. M2f can undergo a bi orchidectomy without any legal change, providing there is psychiatric validation for the procedure. I had considered a double orchidectomy quite recently because health challenges precluded HRT. I naturally did the research, and provided my wife raised no objections it could have gone ahead. The inability to father children has no legal bearing and, I assume the same applies to F2M. Post orchidectomy requires a miniscule dosage of HRT to counter hot flushes. Such a dose has little bearing on raising inherent dangers to already fragile health issues, eg dangers of thrombosis.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Hi everyone!
I just had to make a comment on the subject. I guess just about everyone else has had to confront the subject of acceptance sometime in their lives. Myself is no exception. Basically, I view the broad role of acceptance as acceptance of ones’ self. Without self acceptance we hide behind closet doors and are afraid of what we are. I’ve been there much of my transgendered miserable life. Afraid of everyone around me, especially those who are closest. Afraid of what they think, what they would say and afraid of what they may do. It took many years of my introverted self to find self acceptance. Many years of personal development, soul searching and trying to shake off my timidity. Being transgendered certainly didn’t help. I have found that my advancing years have certainly helped, where I tell myself, ‘I don’t give a stuff’. But the problem is, I do care and care very much. It’s not about others, it’s all about yourself, full stop.
Attending the December Canberra ‘Knees up’, my first time out at a public event I observed the other girls, not only their dress and their deportment, but their demeanour. Most seemed so self confident, I was quite envious. I realised that they all had one thing in common, they had achieved, in my view, some sort of self acceptance. Most of our friends who count know of ‘Liz’ and seem accepting to some degree or other.
A few years ago on the last day of a week long personal developmet couse, a female fellow participant whom I admired learnt of ‘Liz’. I almost pooed myself with sheer terror. I shared my lifelong companion, Liz with someone else. Like my wife of half a lifetime, my friend exhibited pure and unconditional love. At the time I burst into tears with gratitude. I have never forgotten. To a degree I still struggle, but I am able to hold my head high and look others in the eye and hope for the best.
Its not about how I dress, how I look nor, I think about being transgendered. It’s about me, personally, deep inside. An accumulation of a lifetime of experiences, good, bad and indifferent. It’s about how I veiw my role in the world and my interaction with others. It’s about self acceptance.

Hugs and a glorious year ahead,

Liz

[Elizabeth]

I’ve always (or mainly) shopped for SuperSoft (Diane Ferrari) etc at Myers. Never had trouble finding my size in 11, width may be a bit of a challenge. The ladies are always helpful in finding the right fitting shoe.

As we age our feet continue growing, albeit ever so slowly, so we need to keep that in mind. The ultimate solution is to have shoes handmade, guaranteed a perfect fit but expensive. They look good to.

Meanwhile ladies, have a safe and magical Christmas.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

I find the whole transphobia comments sad irrespective as to who is making the disparaging remarks. Lesbians or otherwise, it’s depressingly sad. It seems to me the purpose behind hateful remarks is to generate fear. To some it is like ‘water off a duck’s back’. To others the fear generated is real. Try a man hating lesbian who is a close family member. To them we are all a bunch of loonies. I believe we all have experienced such attitudes sometime in our lives. Sad, very sad.

[Elizabeth]

Does crossdressing run in families? I don’t know the answer to that question and, whilst not qualified to profess an answer I suspect it may.

For an excellant explanation to the trans conundrum expressed without citations but highly plausable, visit http://www.transgendercare.com/guidance/what_is_gender.htm
I’m sure the website is familiar to many, but it was new to me some time ago. It explained an awful lot of questions I have been asking for a long time. Good reading.

I consider the website a worthwhile read for open minded SO’s and other family members who are seeking an explanation of why their loved ones are the way they are.

Hugs
Liz

[Elizabeth]

Oh dear! along with my wife I watched Bridget’s story on channel 7, which was new to me and my wife. I was prepared for some comment by wife, any comment, but it is always made in favour of the partner. I could sense the tension building and the comment forming. ‘You can tell the wife is devastated and is causing so much grief and despair. What about the children?’ For a while the atmosphere became icey and somewhat inhospitable. Rightly or wrongly I agreed with her without distracting from the main issue, ie Bridget. Sorry folks but its a dilema. We are harmless except to our SO’s, nearest and dearest. The results of our ‘challenges’ can be devastating. Is there an answer? I think that it is an individual thing, I don’t know. The statement of Neil James was factual, without predjudice, well thought out and to the point.
I guess I like to see the points of view of everyone as there is always two sides to the coin.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Now, that Colonel was weird. Not even a cross dresser. Yes, it definately gives the general public a really misguided impression of gender dysphoric people. And, the media loves such a story, sells newpapers etc. and guillable people lap it up.
If only a balanced report was given but no such luck. No one’s interested. We just struggle on whilst the story fades into insignificance. I really feel for the victims of his crimes and their families. What must they be going through? Unimaginable horror. My wife has just ignored the story. I agree with all the sentiments and thoughts of the other contributors.

Liz

[Elizabeth]

I feel for everyone who seeks the proverbial answer as to why we dress.
There are, in my opinion no easy and straightforward answers. I’m not sure there are currently any answers. Trying to answer a loved one’s question as why we dress is heart wrenching, knowing that crossdressing may be tearing them apart. Most people are positive that we are all gay. Answering that assumption, the percentage of crossdressers who are gay is the same percentage as for the rest of the population, probably between 10 and 15 %.
All my family know of Elizabeth, both wives and adult children. My ex wife made an assumption that crossdressing was a lifestyle choice. I had to knock that the head instantly, it’s not. Despite that she acknowledged that it took a lot of courage to open up to her. My dear, long time wife is not condeming and both she any my adult son and daughter see the good side in me as well, despite not necessarily condoning the crossdressing.
I’ve meditated, journaled on the issue, I’ve consulted psychologists, psychiatrists and gurus on the matter. Only one, the Director of the Monash Gender Clinic, and in my opinion, an expert, strongly denied it was the result of nurturing and external influences. I can only speak for myself when he said it was inate, that is, the secondary transsexualism, or whatever label one likes to attach or the box others would put you in. I think crossdressing is a choice as a result of transsexualism or transgenderism. In other words it’s not the crossdressing that’s the challenge, it’s the deep seated femminine side in us that is the problem. I’ve done all the usual, purged the wardrobe several times. Then decided that was waste of time and money. It definately doesn’t go away and we have to accept that crossdressing is permanently with us.
As you can tell I’ve been ‘out’ for a long time and no longer hide behind closed doors. And I still have all the usual challenges, fear, anxiety etc.
Perhaps Louise, you really need to accept yourself as is, then perhaps your SO and others may well also accept (even to a degree). I wish you well in your journey of seeking answers and possible solutions.

[Elizabeth]

For years I cringed, tried to hide my face knowing full well it would never work. It’s all about confidence. Hold the head high, think, my money is as good as anyone elses. If shop staff don’t like it, then it’s their loss. I’ll go somewhere else. Never had any problems. I find both Myers and DJ’s are fine. I usually go andro and tell staff, if I think it necessary, I’m transsexual. No problems with Maggie T’s either. They all want to make a sale. Providing you’re polite everything will be fine. And, by the way, it’s all right to try things on, it’s expected. Ionce asked a very helpful sales girl!

Liz

[Elizabeth]

Interesting on the subject of going public and the experiences of the ladies. (Sounds like a public loo).
I go out on a regular basis, every day to be precise. I don’t own male clothing and present mainly as andro. My guess is that it is all about your own attitude and how you feel about yourself. I own several pant suits, (and a few dresses) which suit me fine, coupled with a blouse or feminine shirt and appropriate shoes, voila! People know what you are so why hide it. Yes, like everyone else I’ve been this way all my life. It doesn’t diminish as one ages, on the contrary, the need sharply increases, but then so does the acceptance of ones self. I’m more into the smart business style. Go public in a pant suit, to change dramatically in one foul swoop, just swap the pants for a skirt, bingo!

Liz