Elizabeth
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I never wanted to see yet again another suicide of a transgender sister or brother, yet it has happened, and continues to happen. In the land of the free and Trump, all too frequently, in Australia, it happens from time to time. What is the matter of a society that rejects their own kind, their own children and other relatives? We just keep struggling on and hope for the best. So, so sad.
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My initial reaction was of utter horror for Patricia, of hiding in the closet for the best part of her obviously productive life. I suppose I have a great deal of empathy for the woman who’s only support died after being together for over 60 years. Some of the comments made by Mail readers were indeed made around ignorance and hatred. I hope Patricia is able to enjoy the rest of her life as herself, a real heroine in my view.
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Love that bit about other folk manifesting fear within. To me that is a major button, press the button and the fear becomes a mountain, ignore the button, and!
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I’ve been a client at the ‘Shearing Shed’ in Hall for a couple of years or so. With me they’re totally accepting, although charging women’s prices; naturally. I have a longish bob tapering down to the chin. A bit out of the way, but lovely atmosphere.
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Older Transgender? absolutely, I’m all for it.
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A bi- orchiectomy is an option, as I was advised some years ago by a noted guru, however as I understand a minimal dosage of oestrogen is required to inhibit embarrassing hot flushes. Something to consider.
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Just goes to show Philippa. It’s how the situation ought to be.
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Perhaps a fresh look at a subject been visited a million times globally. The partner (read as wife) had felt deceived throughout the marriage and as millions of wives attest to felt betrayed. Again, maybe this instance was somewhat different, however I doubt it. Having wives and partners accept the situation is beyond the pale; who can blame them. They married a man not a woman. Before we discuss this any further, let me assure you I’m no hero having travelled the self same road; we’re still together after 41 years. I encourage transgender folk to come clean with potential wives etc. This is not the answer, the answer lies in parents of transgender children. The children have a need to be accepted by the parent/s and, if possible guided throughout so in life the children may be themselves without fear. The situation with wives/partners would obviously not arise; there would be no need. Focus on parents acceptance by education, support, both educational and medically, acceptance by the general public. Legality has no place in the lives of transgender people. We are dealing with a natural phenomenon, not an induced situation. I stick up for wives and partners; how would you be if the boot was on the other foot? What would your reaction be?
(This thread is about an ABC Radio program. Please do not answer Liz’s rhetorical question in this thread) -
I scratch my head in wonder.
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Oh dear, mum poses more questions than answers, questions I have endeavoured to answer much of my life. What is a girl? What is a woman? How do girls think? how do women think and the birth to a boy, who eventually displays the mind set of a girl, mum and dad are devastated, we’ve lost our son or vice versa, so what? they have a child, a loving and beautiful child. As a father of both a girl and a boy (read that as woman and man) I love both equally, despite both have their own differences between the working brains of males and females? As I have said previously, I believe we need to drop the male and female notion and consider everyone as human. In other words there are no two specific variations of humanity, male a female but cast everyone as human releases the variations and more importantly, the societal created divisions between the genders. Male and female personalities; they’re both human, equally capable, equally loving, equally caring. So mum has lost her son and gained a daughter, she still has her child. I firmly believe having this division of gender is the root of all transgender challenges. You wear what? you want what? Just think, all the differences are man made (as in human). My better half wear trousers all the time, rarely skirts or dresses, woe betide me for wanting to wear a dress or skirt; why the differentiation? Of course the real difference is embedded deep within the brain, I believe it’s call transgender; it goes against God’s will, it’s Satan taking over, it’s evil, horror upon horrors. When will all these lovely people finally accept variations in the human being are part of the natural order, and need to be accepted. No, I’m not sad for the mother or father, get over it, it’s just how it is.
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Shoes? ah! Women’s feet may well be as long as some men’s however women’s feet tend as a general rule to be narrower which is where the problem lies. For a correct and comfortable fit we need to expand our lines seeking businesses providing a correct fit. In Canberra, and I believe elsewhere a company called ‘Comfort Fit’ with franchises at least around NSW. In Canberra In North Lyneham, Sharon a lovely and highly understanding lady with ensure a correct fitting shoe. They ‘aint cheap, but then anything worthwhile never is. I’m a client as is another of our fraternity. At least it’s preferable than buying utter cheap rubbish, ruining the feet, and then spending even more continuing to buy rubbish. If in Canberra and you visit Sharon, just tell her you are transgender, no problem, you’ll be well looked after.
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How to be a girl? Should the question be How to be a Human Being? I am of the opinion that perhaps too many are hung up on presenting as a frilly, girly, dolly bird. Nice if you can get it, and that is what you want and expect. Very few M2F transgender folk look like a dainty, raving beauty ready to grace the pages of Vogue magazine. Most would be quite happy to look something like a bird, or a facsimile of someone who had at the very least made a supreme effort. We, as a community would be more readily accepted should we shine as caring, helping and nurturing human beings, irrespective of what we wear, or present as. I consider that the human beings that ‘stand out’ as people who are exceptional do not talk about their efforts, but rely more on their actions and their outstanding contributions to our society as a whole. Often those people are rewarded with ‘gongs’ from government or other segments of society. As an example ‘Fred Hollows’. Not everyone is an outstanding surgeon, but it isn’t necessary to be one, it’s about what you can contribute as a whole. If Fred Hollows had been transgender he would still have been a National Treasure. Instead of focussing on excessive makeup, the most flattering of hair styles, the latest in Everest heels, perhaps we might consider doing what we are best at, and we all have something to contribute. Men, women, or perhaps just being human is the way to go?
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At 4am it’s coffee and not red wine. An interesting article and the basic notions are relevant not only in the broader sense but to transgender folk in Australia. The relevance of passing is, in most cases a safety factor, at least that is what we are lead to believe. Or is it? having the ability to pass as a cisgender person is the ultimate goal, to blend in with society, not to draw looks of that’s a ” fella in a frock’. Personally, I believe the ultimate goal is to feel good about yourself, to be yourself, shaking off the dysphoria, to feel an internal calmness, to be happy within your own skin. I also believe a dress and the ultimate in makeup application is not the fundamental goal, its about personal happiness. What really makes us happy? I feel the sense of belonging is paramount, belonging and being inclusive within one’s immediate family, one’s circle of friends, our colleagues in the workplace, where we are loved and accepted for ourselves and not a concept of what the others think we ought to be. The struggle to be accepted by the broader community appears the main agenda, I agree, but perhaps the real focus needs to be on those most close to you, changing their concept of what you ought to be. Spread the message from there. I have to say it, as I’ve aged and I mean aged I would love younger transgender people to follow my notion of acceptance and more importantly our own personal happiness. I don’t pass by any means and I don’t care, it’s not about what others think, it’s about what I think and feel about myself, not what I particularly look like.
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Hi Caty- Seek acceptance if possible, not just tolerance. A lot of people tolerate us, not good enough, we need acceptance for being whom we are. Then on the other hand, who gives a stuff? Liz
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I had heard of Tinder where a group sits in a ever expanding circle dreaming up new definitions and sub divisions for the transgender community. If that turns you on, well! Personally I could think of superior ways to diversify my time and gain something positive. In other words I think the whole concept is a useless exercise when we in the community have enough challenges to pass our valuable time. Come up with something useful like further ways of preventing suicides in our community, making people feel more beautiful from the inside, having true acceptance, then I’ll listen.