[JaneS]

I think it’s possible that sometimes we see problems where none exist. Perhaps it’s worth considering that “diagnosis” is merely the identification of the nature and cause of anything. It doesn’t need to be a negative thing. Whether the ’cause’ of transgenderism is genetic, psychological, environmental or any other factor then any effort to work out what that cause is becomes a diagnosis.

Cate McGregor is working within a system that provides medical care as part of its conditions of employment. For her to receive the medical assistance she requires (medication, surgery, whatever) like most other people she needs a professional to prescribe it for her. That professional must make a ‘diagnosis’ to be able to prescribe treatment/assistance.

There is certainly greater acceptance of ‘variation’ nowadays and a lot of that is due to better education. That isn’t a bad thing.

[JaneS]

There’s a place in Campbelltown NSW (not far from you Chantelle) that caters for we of the larger feet. It’s called Mamacita Sole and it is at Shop 21, 25-29 Dumaresq Street Campbelltown. They also have a mail order service for those out of the city or interstate. The girls are very friendly and understanding.

[JaneS]

I’ve not tried purearea mirifica which is why I haven’t added to this thread before. Until about a month ago I was using fenugreek at the suggested dosage for about three months. I didn’t think it made much of a difference until I saw a recent photo of me topless (in male mode) and I realised that I certainly have ‘man-boobs’ now. How much is as a result of the fenugreek and how much is a bit of extra ‘winter storage’ I’m not sure but I’m happy enough with what I see. Now I can just wear a bra with chicken fillets and still have a nice enough shape.

Moderator

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Could I suggest that given the questions asked on posting

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The subject of the thread in which you are posting is
Pueraria Mirifica? Does your post address the subject of this thread?

The answer should perhaps have been no? Fenugreek and purearea mirifica are not the same?

A simple search for Fenugreek shows there are postings already in this thread and others…http://forum.tgr.net.au/cms/forum/F122/154-54&highlight=fenugreek

Amanda-Adrian

[JaneS]

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I might add here that anyone who uses a Ladies Loo is treading on dangerous ground, it would only take one disgruntled female user of the same facility to put the cause of TG People back 50 years or so, especially in Tasmania. One women to run out of Loo screaming about a freak in a dress, and that persons life would go down the toilet literally with absolutely no claim on the title of Transgendered Person.

Direct advice from the New South Wales Police legal section, via one of their NSW Police Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officers, is that a person may use the public toilets appropriate for the gender with which they identify at the time of use. Thus, if one is dressed as a woman, presents as a woman and acts appropriately then there should be no issue. I’m not sure how the law stands in other states but it’s a start.

[JaneS]

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[JaneS]

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So IF by some miracle the recommended changes to anti-discrimination legislation proposed by a minority government and opposed by the other two parties gets through both houses….

THEN

….All the gender diverse in Australia will be able to come out to their partners and families and win instant and unconditional acceptance?

…And everyone in employment will take the opportunity to wear clothes of their chosen gender identity secure in the knowledge that they will be accepted and not penalised. And those seeking work will encounter no discrimination because of their obvious gender diverse background.

…and even-toed ungulates will turn pink and circle over the harbour bridge!!

… and we are all right back where we started the very first time anyone, under the definitions of the proposed legislation, says that they have been “offended” by the words, deeds or actions of another, such as someone having the audacity to wear in public the garments socially intended for others or, heaven forbid, tries to present an appearance that does not match their birth sex.

Sorry Pamela but I fear the proposed legislation, without heavy rewrites, offers more risks than benefits to our ‘community’ because it has the potential to give voice to bigoted minorities.

[JaneS]

I have refrained from contributing to this discussion until now because when I first went to do so I realised that I’m not sure I actually do ‘understand’ gender, as it relates to me.

Like most others my initial ‘understanding’ was that sex and gender were synonymous and for many years I simply believed that my cross dressing was a form of imagined transition of the divide. When I began to study French I grappled with the concept that inanimate objects could have a gender when they clearly had no sexual characteristics. To be honest I think at the time I just accepted that they were assigned a gender and got on with the study. Later study of the Russian language, long after I’d accepted that I was a cross dresser, didn’t clarify matters. At that time though I also had no concept of being ‘gender diverse’; I still thought in binary terms. As I now know, however, that’s part of why I felt such shame and guilt because I knew I didn’t fit the binary.

In a pure physiological and anatomical sense “gender is between the ears” because the brain controls who we are. On a more emotive level however I like to think that, because of my understanding of why I cross dress, for me gender is not “between the ears” but comes from the heart because it’s how I feel. How that equates to anyone else’s understanding of gender I am not sure.

Whether I will ever truly reach a point where I can say I understand fully why I feel like I do is another matter.

[JaneS]

I too have been through that range of experiences from total, shame-encrusted secrecy to the freedom of openness that has come from telling my wife. Her reaction was mostly positive (leaving aside early difficulties understanding ‘why’) so the story is a good one at this point.

I do, however, recall those days of terror when I suddenly realised that I couldn’t recall if I’d put something away, or if I’d wiped marks off the mirror, or on one terrifying occasion when I realised that I’d left a couple of photos on the card in the camera I loaned to my daughter. (That was after I’d told my wife but we’d not told our daughters. She ended up not using the camera so I was safe.) I refer to those times as the ‘bad old days’ but I also keep in mind that for some girls those days are ‘today’.

From my earliest memories I dressed in my mother’s clothes for the sense of emotional comfort it gave me; for the feeling that doing so made me her equal and thus she couldn’t hurt me. From that time cross dressing became a way to ‘sooth my soul’, to help me cope with difficult times in my life. As Caty says though, there were always those times when I had to come down from the level of peace and comfort I was enjoying to return to the real world. At those times the feelings of shame and guilt often returned with vengeance.

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I have to say that being able to dress at any time has a drawback in that the thrill of doing it largely goes for me … Its a case of Nirvana has arrived but the gloss is taken off it

I find I am now somewhat in the same position. I am able to dress whenever I feel like it, within reason, and so the ‘need’ is not as strong. Sometimes I like to partially cross dress by wearing minor items, or sometimes just underwear, but at those times I’d never venture outside for fear of ridicule. I still have my Jane-days when I have whole days to myself or when we travel away so I am able to satisfy both sides of my self.

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Liz raised the prospect of me “owning up” to ‘er indoors and like some of the other respondents, my situation just does not allow for this.

Far too much at stake in terms of the lifestyle we live here and what has been invested in time, $$ and brain power to establish it all.

And that’s not even counting the mental anguish it would cause…

To tell, or not to tell, that is the question. (Sorry William). I am loathe to provide ‘advice’ on that issue for only the individual knows her own situation. I was fortunate that, after 27 years of marriage, my wife took the news positively. I have no illusions though that what we’d been through up to that point, as terrible as it was, made the revelation less harmful than it could have been. I also remind myself that she told me that had I come out to her fifteen or twenty years ago things might have been very different – at that time I may have lost everything. It gives me perspective on the question.

For those who enjoy being out, embrace it and be thankful. For those who are not out keep in mind that we never know if and when things might change for the better. It’s always possible.

[JaneS]

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… I was however being serious in suggesting the benefit of using one’s obvious differences to filter out those who are not worth the energy.

This brings to mind that old adage – “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”

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My friends are all the type to be accepting of others & all ’round good people.

Perhaps it’s somewhat of an indictment of myself as a member of society but I have very few people I’d class as close friends. This is mostly a biproduct of working in covert environments for almost 25 years where there was little if any close social interaction outside the work environment. Few of those I worked with I’d consider close enough to ‘come out’ to, not because I think they’d react adversely but more because they are not important enough in my life to know.

Like you Chloe perhaps I already have a DH filter installed.

(And to keep this post relevant to ‘fun stuff’ making people sit through question time in the upper house should only be a treatment for insomnia prescribed by a qualified practitioner and conducted under supervision…)

[JaneS]

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all have one of those – ‘Available now at your local Tg Store, the all new DH Filter (TM)’

People quite often look critically at what they observe as ‘differences’ in others whilst completely ignoring what those others might perceive as their (the critical observer’s) ‘differences’. They fail to consider that they themselves are not actually ‘perfect’.

I am slowly getting to the point that I no longer care what others think of me (unless they are laughing at me…) but I acknowledge that for some folks that is not yet an option.

[JaneS]

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…Defence was quietly working towards being a more inclusive environment and even though it is not made public, barriers are starting to come down and funnily enough it is working.

Thankfully that’s happening in more and more government departments. Barriers do take a while to be brought down but it does happen. In the meantime people like us continue to do what we can to help the process. There were certainly many positive changes in my last few years, especially in relation to gays and lesbians. I have no doubt that greater understanding and acceptance of trans people will follow, not just in Defence but in law enforcement and other government service as well.

[JaneS]

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Since my transitioning/ SRS I am particularly very distressed with any form of aggression or violence, so I am somewhat regretting my previous role in the ADF. I helped others get well so that they could go back to learning how to kill.
As a woman I find that does not sit well with me now.

I don’t think any rational person is okay with aggression or violence but I believe that irrespective of what role those “others” went back to you should feel justifiably proud of the medical services you rendered to them. I also believe that even though your beliefs are different now you should still feel proud that you ‘did your bit’. All life is sacred and those who help to preserve it also help to undo the efforts of those who seek to take it.

Connie, one of the people I mentioned who transitioned in the service was an RAAF member. I’ve even seen her new ID though I believe she has since left for other reasons unrelated to her transitioning.

[JaneS]

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Even though I was served by a blind lady, she was still able to lift my spirits even higher …

Ah, I see. (I can’t believe you went there, and I followed.)

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I don’t believe in these particular instances that the ladies were being patronising.

How did it make me feel?… Accepted as a woman, & validated in regard to my ability to assemble an outfit. No vanity, just real appreciation.
It’s so nice to be able to speak to other women, about subjects that appeal to most women, as a woman & be accepted whilst doing so. Lovely!

Of course it helps when you have a good sense of style and an ability to put together colour combinations that work. I was once given a back-handed indication of acceptance: “Now you can show poor dress sense in two genders.” Sadly, she was pretty spot on the mark. Oh well.

[JaneS]

Sometimes with surveys you have to play hardball. The bottom line is that you need to be proactive not reactive and get the ticks in th boxes. Just between us, you have to think outside the box and change ther mindset to come up with a win-win situation.
Keep the big picture in mind and stretch the envelope without moving the goal posts.
Time to put this one to bed.

[JaneS]

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Good point. I should have said Multiple Personality Disorder or Dissociative Identity Disorder as these are the correct terms for persons exhibiting 2 or more distinct personalities. Either way, what was said tongue in cheek was a cheap shot for the sake of a bit of humour and unnecessary. My apologies.

As one who has seen, in another place, the damage that ill-advised humour can cause when ‘jokes’ are made about mental illnesses I think your apology is most welcome and freely accepted.

Humour is one of those odd aspects of human existence where sometimes we within a certain ‘group’ feel comfortable making jokes about ourselves and/or our conditions or situations. I have been guilty of making such jokes at the expense of myself and others, on far too many occasions. What we can forget, though, is that often others within our ‘group’ may have different sensitivities and may thus not find what we say humourous. For that reason I think your apology was gracious.

I am one who sometimes uses humour to cover up my own insecurities though lately my inner battles elicit little to laugh about. I would dearly love to embrace Pamela’s concept that I am an individual and should thus not be judged by others but I am my own judge and jury. At times I do feel ‘comfortable’ in this company yet at other times doubts reassail my confidence. I find it difficult to determine where on the gender spectrum I belong because I can’t identify where I am. Should I be more one way or the other? Am I already that way and should just accept it? What am I trying to accept?

Chloe speaks of “unconditional acceptance” and for me that’s a pretty easy thing to do – for others. It is accepting myself, and working out just what I’m accepting, that challenges me. Maybe I’m more suited to an analogue world where there is more than the binary condition of on/off.