[Martina]

Some really good observations and comments in this post. I have a friend, who now lives in Italy, and presents 24/7 as a female. She is 73 and couldn’t care less if she does not pass. She finds, as many of you have found, that most people seem these days willing to accept you as you are.

I sometimes get “picked”, but would not worry too much about it unless someone became aggressive either verbally or physically, but so far I have never had any negative situations arise. I have had men try to “hit” on me a couple of times including last time two gay guys!

I think that, as a rough generalisation, as we get older we worry far less about what others think, especially if we accept who we are.

[Martina]

We are all different, but like some others I am very glad to be transgender and even feel a sense of privilege to be so. The journey of self-discovery, the great friendships I have made and all that I have learnt along the way have made me. I believe, a better person, more accepting of myself and others. I am happy to be who I am and grateful that I was born transgender. I just wish I could change my birth certificate and passport to reflect that. One day that may come.

[Martina]

There’s no easy way to tell one’s wife. In the end, I just felt if I didn’t tell her I would go mad; I just couldn’t bottle it up any more. It was in the vernacular “living a lie”.

So I chose a time when there would be no distraction and no easy escape for either of us. Lying in bed in the morning, both awake, possibly thinking about getting up and facing the day I told her I had been dressing as a woman and wanted to continue whenever the opportunity was there. She was shocked of course and (as I said in a previous post) she told me to keep it to myself, but there were no threats of imminent separation or revealing my nefarious activities to the world. The subject had been broached and at least we could live without the lie.

The rest is history after two loving positive and constructive people worked through the “problem” and realised it was not really a problem at all.

(Best of all, my tiny CD wardrobe kept in an old locked briefcase could see the light of day and start expanding!)

[Martina]

ClaireStafford wrote:

For whatever reason or happenstance I had chosen to be open about my cross-dressing to any girl I became seriously close to in my life. In the main this has served well, there were the occasional hiccups but I figured better to have discovered them before we became deeply involved than afterwards. As most are aware the stress of concealment and the trauma of discovery can be very difficult to recover from..

I have to agree with Claire. Being open about one’s cross-dressing early in the relationship is very important especially if something more than gravity is pulling you more and more together. I am reminded of a friend, a cross-dresser, practically from birth, whose wife left after saying: “You’re not the man I married, and besides I have a new boyfriend!” (For the purposes of this story, I shall call her Kate although that is not her real or assumed name).

Kate was devastated by this news but I suggested that she was better off seeking a new relationship than mulling over the now dead one. I encouraged her to get onto the dating websites. Kate (now 60) was, much to her surprise, deluged with contacts from single women seeking a new partner. The dilemma now was: should she tell them right from the get go or should she wait until after a few meetings to see if something positive was developing. My advice and that of several others was the latter; it was case of careful timing.

Kate soon narrowed her list down to two ladies and met with both of them but said nothing about her “hobby”. The meetings continued and eventually she told one of them, obviously the one she favored, about her part-time cross dressing and showed her some photos. To cut a long story short, the relationship is now thriving and Kate has returned to being the happy humorous and energetic person she once was. Most importantly, she can enjoy her periodic cross-dressing with her partner as a confidant and co-conspirator. Some times bad news leads to good news and it did in this case.

[Martina]

As Carol points out, we are all different and have different stories to tell. The article makes several generalisations which may be valid for some but not others, but overall it offers some points which may be helpful. The recommendation to see a therapist together is a very American thing; in the few consultations I have had with this breed, I have walked away with a sense of just completing an expensive waste of time. Surely if a husband and wife love each other and can communicate sensibly then there is no need for such things.

My experience is very different in that I started dressing after being married for more than 25 years. Two years later I confessed and was initially told to do it in my own time and not hers. Thankfully my wife is a very intelligent and caring person and after the initial shock and two weeks further down track she asked to see me dressed and declared that I was still the same person regardless of how I dressed. These days we go shopping for girls’ clothes together, for both of us. We are grateful for the shared interest and the extra dimension that has been added to our lives.

I pity those who live secret lives in the closet or whose partners have difficulty accepting them as they are and will be forever more. That’s a tragedy.

[Martina]

The article is well-written and, I suspect, gives an accurate portrayal of the current situation in America. Australia is one step ahead of America in having legislation at the federal level aimed at protecting the LGBT community from discrimination. Recent “religious freedom” legislation in some states of America allows people to discriminate on the basis of their religious beliefs which is a really backward step, but that is perhaps another topic.

I agree that the article is positive and encouraging and at least demonstrates how increasingly more visible the transgender community is becoming and that can only be a good thing. However, and I have said this before, I don’t like the continual media focus on those that desire transition rather than the transgender community at large.

[Martina]

Adrian wrote:

Moderator: Perhaps Marina can clarify if the discussion is about Latecomers or about everyone’s journey and I will moderate the thread accordingly.

Adrian: My intent here was to elicit responses that indicated when people started dressing in a way that might be considered opposite to their birth gender. This applies as much to “Earlycomers” as it does to latecomers.

Martina

Moderator: Moved to an informal forum more suitable for people to tell their life story.

[Martina]

I found the program somewhat inconclusive and disappointing. The researchers themselves seemed to suffer from their own mindsets about what constitutes male and female and made no mention of the third gender. Not very useful at all.

[Martina]

Thought I would include a photo of me and Cathy after coffee and later a wine in Chiang Mai earlier this year. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words:

[Martina]

Adrian wrote:

This was one of the topics addressed in the TgR Survey which you can read on this site.
Look for Question 13 Becoming Aware.
http://forum.tgr.net.au/cms/home/about-us

From the pie chart in the survey report, we can see that only 7% discover their transgenderness in adulthood and only 3% after the age of 40. Interesting stuff.

[Martina]

ClaireStafford wrote:

She described how she had always felt ‘out of step’ with everyone, having this sensations most of her life.

This rings some bells with me. I always had a feeling that I was somehow ‘different’ but had to wait fifty years to figure it out. Sadly I grew up in an environment where I was expected to conform to the accepted male paradigm and my conditioning was so strong I never thought to question it. How things have changed! And I am really glad to find my real self at last even as a latecomer.

[Martina]

ClaireStafford wrote:

I still do it, even if in boy mode, I won’t go out unless I feel I am, at the very least, neatly attired.

Same here Claire. Sometimes I feel a little overdressed among the slobs of Upper Woy Woy!

[Martina]

Over the last 2 years, I have bought three pairs from Bosomfriends which on me turn out to be small 16C (DRTS1), medium 16D (DRTS2) and bazookas 16E (DRTS3). I am happy with all three pairs and also happy that I can choose the size to suit my choice of clothes and the overall effect desired. That seems to be one advantage over a real girl although they too can use inserts to appear more buxom, but they can’t go smaller without surgery. (I know someone who actually did that.)

Must say the Bosomfriends were very prompt and delivery was quick for something sent from UK.

[Martina]

I had the good fortune to see Cate’s speech as it was happening. I had just prepared some lunch and switched on the TV; I did not realise who it was at first and was about to switch over when the penny dropped. I enjoyed her talk very much; she comes across as eloquent, intelligent, sincere, wise and humble. I admire her greatly and am so glad that she, albeit slightly reluctantly, is out there doing so much for the transgender community as a respected member of society. Go Cate!

[Martina]

I never use the public chat room because I generally don’t know the people chatting and prefer to communicate one-on-one. Then it becomes more personal and for me more interesting as I can concentrate on the individual at the other end of the line. If I end up having a long chat with someone I usually ask them to continue the conversation via email which is altogether easier and more convenient. Importantly, I can also add photos to illustrate the discussion where appropriate.