Martina
Forum Replies Created
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I started out with the name Linda because I was probably a little ashamed of what I was doing and wanted a name as remote from the real me as possible. But over time, my attitude changed from one of shame to one of pride. The more happy I became with who I am, the more I detested the name Linda and so changed it to become much closer to my boy name and therefore the real me. It is part of me now and won’t go away.
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I am nudging the old 6′ and buy my hose from DJs and Myers when they are on special, unless I am absolutely desperate. I buy a whole stack of Ambra X-Tall muscade, nearly black or black 12, 15 or 20 denier when I am in Australia as they are impossible to get in large sizes in Thailand where I live. This is the land of the little people!
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I note that the last contribution to this thread was made 4 months and 5 days ago, so please forgive my tardiness but I finally was able to buy the video to watch at home only a couple of weeks ago. (The sods had run out of the DVD version and I had to pay extra for a Blue Ray edition instead.)
I thought the film was beautifully crafted and enjoyed the art and fashions of the time that were portrayed. Eddie Redmayne’s performance was sensitive and on the mark. However, I did find some aspects of the movie rather daunting including Lili’s total rejection of her former self and, as several have pointed out, her long-suffering wife along with it. Perhaps others can identify with this but I am unable to do so.
I think we should also remember that the film was a mixture of fact and fiction and be wary of accepting everything in it at face value. The statement “based on a true story” is very flexible indeed. The record states that Lili had four operations (not two as the film portrayed) and the doctor in the film only performed the last and fatal operation which was an attempt to transplant a uterus into Lili’s body with the inevitable consequences of rejection, infection and death. The doctor was also a Nazi, not that that would have anything to do with his medical skills.
Another article I read said that Einar’s wife was a lesbian but there is little evidence to back that up.
It would be interesting to read Lili’s diaries if they are available to perhaps get a more factual appreciation of what really happened but there is no doubt that Lili paved the way for others to follow.
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The real problem with gathering statistics on any transgender issues is that there are still many people out there who are fearful of making their transgenderness (sorry have I coined a new word?) known to others. I would not be surprised if the real number exceeds even the quoted maximum of 2.3 million. And then there are the ones who were not even aware that they are transgender, as was my case for many years.
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If someone says that he or she is “gay” then there is no confusion as to what is meant; it’s simply a statement of sexual orientation. “Transgender”, on the other hand, is a lot more complicated because of the almost infinite diversity of our kind leading to widespread confusion in the general public about what it really means. This is especially so when members of the media create their own definitions which focus on one end of the transgender spectrum only.
Having said that, I agree that “transgender”, when used correctly, is far more preferable to labels like “crossdresser” which always implied something to be treated with derision and laughed at by the ignorant. We can at least be encouraged by the graph which shows a quantum leap in the use of “transgender” in the media. Raising the transgender profile should help to educate the general public as to who we are as long as the message is correct and unambiguous.
Good article Adrian.
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I worked part-time at a private university in Bangkok for a few years. We had several TG students who mixed in with the rest of the student population without fear or rancor from anyone. They used whatever toilets they felt were appropriate to them.
Some years ago, one or two other universities in Thailand talked about installing gender neutral toilets but in the end it never went ahead because there simply was no need.
I wonder if this sort of acceptance would happen at an Australian university environment?
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There are some good and diverse responses to Fay’s original post here. I particularly liked Donna’s which demonstrates the power of two people working gently through their difficulties and emerging with a positive outcome for all concerned.
In my experience, The reaction of family members is nearly always surprising and unpredictable. My adult daughter caught me red-handed and I assure you I was not a pretty sight; in those days, I had no wigs, no make-up, a beard and very hairy arms. She laughed loudly as she went to her room. The next morning I gave her a lift to work and apologized to her asking her if she was upset about what she had seen. Her answer suggested a worldliness I could not have anticipated; she just said: “No problem at all. I used to share a flat with a couple of guys; one of them used to ask me to buy him female underwear and I knew why!”
Coming out to my wife was relatively easy. She did not know but I did not like living a lie and felt I would go mad if I did not tell her what I had been doing for the previous few years. We had been married for over 30 years at that stage and it was a total surprise for her. Her initial reaction was “do it in your own time and don’t bother me” but otherwise she took the news calmly.
Our relationship has always been close and loving, so I was happy that at least it was out in the open, even conditionally. Several weeks later she asked to see me dressed and her only comment was: “Well, you’re still the same person, no matter what you’re wearing.” From that point on, I dressed nearly every night for dinner and the relationship between Martina and my wife slowly evolved to where it is today. She is my protector and co-conspirator and as supportive as any T-girl could hope for; her only condition is that she won’t be seen out with Martina except for arranged TG events such as the Transformal. But I can certainly live with that small encumbrance.
As Donna demonstrated in her post, a gently-gently one baby-step at a time approach by two mature adults who treat each other with love and respect can yield long-term benefits for all. I am saddened that this will only be the case for some of us.
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A T-Girl friend of mine in America is now fearful of going to ANY public toilet, something she did frequently before without giving it much thought. She feels that all the publicity has raised awareness not so much of transgender issues but that “OMG you might find one of THEM in your restroom!”
It’s bad enough feeling that you might be a target for verbal or physical aggression but all this not only amplifies the problem but also gives the bigots and haters “just cause” for indulging in abuse sanctimoniously directed at a specific group of innocent people just trying to be themselves.
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An interesting article which encapsulates most of our concerns re our male facial characteristics and some of the things we can do to improve our “disguise”. I had nose surgery done to reduce the size although not specifically to “feminise” it. It still looks male although thankfully not the face-mounted battering ram it once was and makes me feel more confident in female mode. I would certainly agree that eye make-up is the most important key to enhancing one’s “femaleness”.
Thank you Christina for posting this.
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I regret I have not been able to see “The Danish Girl” yet but will do so at the first opportunity. In the trailers I have seen, Eddie Redmayne did seem to be well cast for the role.
I did see one interview with Eddie Redmayne about his role and he seemed to empathise closely with transgenders and the transgender cause. At the end the interviewer asked him if he was transgender himself but Redmayne refused to answer leaving the audience in a state of suspended speculation.
And thanks Adrian for the tip about having a few hankies handy; I am sure I will be affected.
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“2. Transgendered people need to identify as the opposite sex.”
I have to take issue with this statement because it is not all-encompassing and because it makes an assumption about transgenders ie that they all want to live 24/7 as the opposite sex . I identify as both male and female and only “need to identify as the opposite sex” some of the time, not all of the time.
Transgender is a very diverse term and should be clearly defined and understood by all who take part in promoting our interests. I think the Wikipedia definition is the best that I have seen thus far.
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The article is good in that it, like other articles and television programs about gender issues (which are appearing more and more frequently) educates and raises awareness in the general community about a problem that has existed since time began. In so doing, one hopes that the mindsets that have entrenched themselves over the same period of time will start to crumble.
One is left wondering why do we have our gender on our driving licence. Is it that hard to tell what we are? Does it matter? I like the reference to male/female discrimination which suggests it was perhaps originally a status thing implying that males were superior to females. I can see feminists marching in the street carrying placards demanding that this clearly discriminatory piece of information be removed from our driving licences!
I also like the idea that we should strive to achieve a more “gender fluid” world. Viva la revolucion!
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There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that gender is a spectrum. The people at the extreme ends should be perhaps be called gender extremists a. because they are there and b. because many of them seek to oppress those who are not.
The third gender is already there; it just needs to be recognised.
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Sounds like an interesting plot.
It also sounds a little like a friend of mine who lives in Scotland. He had never crossdressed in his life but after his wife died, he discovered a new dress in her wardrobe that had never been worn before, so he tried it on and was instantly hooked and has not stopped since. One might suspect that it was a way of dealing with the grief but I do think there are a minority of us who get quite a way through life without even knowing we are transgender (but that’s another subject).
I will keep an eye out for the film; seems like it should be worth a view.
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Thank you Bee for showing the other side of the coin. At the “official” level all is not good, but I still maintain that I feel much happier being out as a TG in Thailand than I do in Australia, simply because of the wider acceptance by the community at large. I recently tried on a dress in a department store in Chiang Mai and the sales ladies asked for my ID so I could get a better discount; I showed them my Thai driver’s licence which has my boy photo and they never batted an eye-lid. I like that.
One other negative aspect is that when royalty are handing out degrees at a university, transgenders are required to dress according to their birth gender.
At present, the military government is drawing up a new constitution which is rumoured (according to the Huffington Post) to contain clauses designed to protect the third gender and overcome some of the problems you mention. If that happens it will be an important step forward to overcome the “official” prejudices which exist here and do not reflect the attitudes of the wider community.
Have a look: Huffington Post