[Martina]

I would like to thank everyone for their contributions to this thread. The responses have indicated (predictably perhaps) the wide range of views on how
we present ourselves in public (or not).

In the original post, I also made a somewhat whimsical comment that I wished that the gender girls of today would be more feminine in their presentation like the women of yesteryear. I can still remember my mother getting fully kitted out complete with make-up and jewelry to drive to the corner shops. (There were no supermarkets or malls then!) Although I make no apology for the way I feel, I have absolutely no expectation that history will go into reverse nor would I expect my wife to exchange her slacks for a skirt or wear make-up (which she never has firstly because she looks better without it and secondly because she has skin which is sensitive to the great swag of chemicals contained in all those cosmetic products). I accept that the likelihood of that ever happening has a probability close to zero and perhaps it makes me far more appreciative of the effort a gender girl makes when she does “glam up”.

“We are all feminists now. Western culture’s default point of view has become increasingly unisex” is an interesting quote from Steven Pinker, a Harvard Professor of psychology. Of course, he is referring to all mannner of male attitudes to women, and not specifically the way in which men or women dress, but
I wonder whether we can one day just choose to go out dressed as either gender (or both) and no one will turn a hair. But there I go: wishing again.

[Martina]

Adrian gives us some interesting insights into how she expresses her femininity through dress.

We are all different and what drives us to dress in a certain way is influenced by several factors such as the environment we are in and the time available to us to do it. In my own case, I only have a limited time to dress and that is usually in the evening;so I tend to glam up even though I am usually not going anywhere (and if I was I would tend to dress down rather than up). If I am overdoing it, I don’t care as that is my way of embracing my feminine side, even if I have to put up with my wife complaining that I look better than her! If I wanted to go down to the corner shop to buy a bottle of milk, I would rather go as a boy; it’s so much easier (which of course makes me understand why the real girls don’t bother over-dressing either).

If I dressed as a girl 24/7 then I would probably try to dress more casually, wear flat shoes and less make-up; but I don’t, so I try to exploit the time available to embrace my feminine side to the utmost in the way that I enjoy most.

I am sure that everyone has a different story to tell here. As the famous anthropologist Margaret Mead is reputed to have remarked: “ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY UNIQUE. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.”

[Martina]

I will try to remember those quotes Adrian. They are priceless really.

My wife says I look twenty years younger when I am dressed as a female. I feel twenty years younger too. I guess it’s a state of mind but a very pleasant one for which I am grateful. 😆

[Martina]

Thanks Adrian for your warning about ugly labels. I was perhaps a bit careless in choosing the title for this topic but can assure you no disrespect for those who choose the SRS path was intended. I shall be more circumspect in the future.

[Martina]

Thank you Christina and Adrian for those well-expressed views on the “middle path”. I was once called a “mere crossdresser” rather sanctimoniously by someone who planned to transition as if I was just “playing at it”.

As Christina said I would still be the same person after waking up from an SRS operation; so why do it? The ultimate objective is that we become and remain happy with whom we are. Having said that, I certainly know one person who felt she could only become herself after undergoing major SRS and as a result is one of the happiest people I know. A close friend of mine underwent partial SRS (breasts but not vagina) and was happy to stop there; she now lives 24/7 as a woman and is also as happy as Larry or perhaps Larissa (ha ha!).

Two interesting cases in point are that of Norrie and Cate McGregor, both high profile transitioners. Norrie went through the whole SRS procedure to become “female” but soon realised she was still “transgender” and challenged the Australian High Court successfully to have her gender changed to “non-specific”. In her ABC interview with Jane Hutcheon, Cate said to Jane: “I can never be a woman in the same way that you can.” (The quote may be slightly inaccurate but conveys the intent of the statement.)

The fact is that whether or not one decides to go ahead with surgery of any kind, we will still be the same person. The surgery is only beneficial if it makes us more happy to be ourselves. I confess to having some nose surgery which improved my confidence to appear as a female substantially, not to mention, the vastly less important fact that I can now breathe more easily.

For myself, I am happy to be who I am and have no intention of any more surgery …. although some botox around the eyes might help a smidgin ….. (LOL)

[Martina]

Thanks Claire. Sadly I can’t watch the program because ABC won’t give access to viewers from outside Australia. It may pop up on Youtube after a while so I will keep looking out for it.

[Martina]

Thanks Claire for the tip about Rosenbergs. It is good to know that there is another source of DF shoes. I bought my last pair in a sale in Melbourne; I think it was Myers but may have been David Jones. I was so surprised to actually see something that was my size! More than often I have to buy on-line and that makes it is so much easier to make judgements when one can see the item in the flesh as it were.

The Pleasers I have had were without doubt much inferior in quality. I will admit they filled a gap at the time and I still have two or three pairs in service even though I wear them infrequently. One shoe from one pair fell apart when I was out in them on the third or fourth wearing, which was embarrassing at the time, although I was able to get them repaired. After the repair they were much stronger than the original.

One of my friends had Pleaser shoes and was clever enough to be able to reinforce them in all the right places to carry her weight without imploding. And she wasn’t that heavy.

[Martina]

I saw this in the Thai news media also. In general, this sort of behaviour is unusual and frowned upon in Thailand. The new constitution when it arrives is believed to contain a section outlawing anti-transgender activity. TGs are widely accepted in all walks of life here, not just the sex industry. Two out of my last three haircuts were done by a “lady-boy” hair dresser and the last one was very good.

[Martina]

On the subject of Pleaser shoes which are American sizes (for example size 12 equals size 11 in Australian sizes), I used to order them from websites in USA as it was a lot cheaper that way, although with the Australian dollar plunging into the abyss that may no longer be the case. They also had the larger sizes which some of us need. Nevertheless, I gave up buying them because they were very poor value for money; being made very cheaply in China (where else?), they fell apart very quickly.

Depending on the style of shoe you want, I do recommend you look at the Diana Ferrari website where you can order on line and can return items that don’t fit. They go up to size 13 in some styles. The prices may seem very expensive, but if you put your name down for the email newsletter and other notices, you will find that a pair of shoes you have been eyeing for $175 are suddenly on sale for $45. I have several pairs of DF shoes which are very good quality, made of leather in most cases, last a long time and can be repaired (unlike some of the Pleaser lines).

Hope you find the above of some value.

[Martina]

Only on 31 October if I was going to a Halloween Party

[Martina]

With so much conflicting information (misinformation?) it is hard to come to any conclusions at all. Nevertheless, I enjoyed doing the various little tests that “confirmed” that at least part of my brain was female; they seemed to give some credence to what I already knew deep down was true. The best one for me was the BBC Brain Gender Test (now no longer available) which seemed quite comprehensive in exploring one’s tendencies to think in male or female ways. I asked my wife to do it and her result was 100% female which I thought was interesting – I could never describe her thinking as anything but female.

I suggest that we should leave the brain research to the scientists for the time being, at least until they come up with something more definitive. In the meantime, I am happy to continue to do the brain gender tests even if it is dismissed as frivolous fun. We should not take ourselves so seriously, that we cannot have a bit of fun along the way.

[Martina]

I have been living in Thailand on and off for more than 16 years and have always felt a lot happier and safer going out here. In the main, TGs are accepted in all walks of life: I have met TG university students, receptionists, restaurant workers, sales persons, airline cabin staff and of course there are the “lady-boys” in the sex industry. The cosmetics people in the big department stores usually have at least one TG sales rep – the last time I bought eye-liner was from one such person and we had such fun I ended up buying the most expensive stuff ha ha! Some universities toyed with the idea of creating third gender toilets but really no one seemed to mind who used what.

Sometimes there are internal family problems created by the realisation that they have TG offspring. Also TGs are not allowed to receive their university degree from a member of the royal family dressed opposite to their birth sex. “Disrespectful” they say. After the new constitution becomes law perhaps that will change; I hope so.

Incidentally, when I worked at a university in Bangkok, I seemed to encounter more FTM TGs than MTF.

[Martina]

Just glad I don’t live there. Sadly Russia is not the only place that actively represses transgender people. Will definitely remove Putin from my Christmas card list. :angry:

[Martina]

I have to agree with most of the sentiments expressed thus far. United we stand; divided we fall. Sadly, judging by the anecdotes expressed in the discussion, unity is still some distance away.

At the previous Transformal event, there was a workshop where a panel of experts answered questions about transgender-related topics. I posed a question about what defines transgenderism and perhaps how they would define the term “transgender” themselves. I found the answers incredibly disappointing as they seemed to be avoiding the question altogether, mumbling that they didn’t like “labels” or “umbrella terms” and giving no clear guidance at all.

The term “gay” is easily understood by the community at large, possibly because one’s sexuality is either one or the other (or both in some cases), not to mention that there is plenty of mature discussion about gay issues. It seems to be a badge of honour these days to come out and declare yourself as being “gay”. The transgender movement is a long way from reaching a similar point.

I would contend that we do need an umbrella term, namely, TRANSGENDER, to define ourselves under which all the other terms reside: crossdresser, transvestite, transsexual, bigender, gender queer, drag queen, two-spirit, androgyne et al. On that note, I think the definitions in Wikipedia are fairly close to the mark and a good starting point for discussion.

[Martina]

A very interesting post from a new member, sadly full of crass generalisations together with an unhealthy dash of cynicism. Nevertheless, I am glad that it was not moderated out of existence as we need to hear the views of the detractors so that they can be discussed and where necessary countered.

And thank you Adrian for the sensible and balanced response and permitting the post to continue. As Voltaire is reputed to have said: “I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.”

Perhaps Genni might need to reflect just how diverse we really are as a group and that sometimes common ground is hard to identify. Lastly, I will say something on my own behalf: “Genni, I am proud to be transgender and am in no way pathetic and never will be.”