Elizabeth
Forum Replies Created
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I’ve struggled for a lifetime with being TG, and struggled for that same lifetime keeping my secret internalised. The internalisation of being TG manifests, in my opinion into depression, anxiety and ultimately to suicidal thoughts and maybe suicidal actions. If we are keeping our secret internalised, who are we internalising such secrets for? ourselves, our SO’s, our children, our careers, our presentation as upstanding cisgender citizens complete with short back and sides haircuts etc. Perhaps we’re keeping our secret out of fear, or the sheer terror of being found out; no wonder we are depressed and possessing suicidal thoughts. That, in my opinion is not the way to live, it is not the way to freedom of expression as to who we are, it is the long road to despair, isolation and self deprivation.
I have read the posts on this subject from our members and sympathise with their many varying views. I wonder just how they are viewed by their partners, as courageous, timid, strong or weaklings.
I for one have been down the path of despair, of suicidal attempts and for what, to hide the authentic me, to present as something I am not. No longer, folk must take me as I am, a transgender person, out and proud. To some people, not my SO and friends, I’m queer, loopy, in need of psychiatric straightening out, a cure for this unacceptable chosen lifestyle.
Since I have been out and proud, I have found the vast majority of people accept me as is without pretentions. Such acceptance allows me peace of mind to live my life as it ought to be. My clothes which by the way are all female, are hung in a closet (pun intended) where they should be. My underwear is in a drawer, my shoes on shelves in a cupboard. I don’t hide, why the hell should I? My wife at last likes me as I am, I have a very reasonable relationship with my adult son, my middle aged daughter accepts me as I am, I have not really been rejected. It has taken time to reach this position.
I will attend this years Transformal as Liz, and Liz only with my head held high. I will be there with the blessing of my wife. -
Lucy Meadows, God rest her soul, the victim of media bullying, harassment and personal abuse. The media bullying perpetrated by Richard LittleJohn in the Daily Mail. Such publicity doesn’t help our educationing the public cause. There is a petition for the sacking of Richard Littlejohn, although I think he should be tried and, if found guilty jailed possibly for manslaughter. A sacking is a easy way out.
Fellow members of TgR please sign the petition, I have signed as a concerned POM. I hope they don’t send Littlejohn on a sabatical to Australia.
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What’s good for the goose is good for the gander!
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Oh my, what a can of worms I have opened up, or is it ‘Pandora’s Box’.
If I’m correct the subject of coming out to SO’s is a real hot potato and has certainly invoked some horny reactions. Enough said; I think perhaps that the subject will be left at this stage to a discussion in the breakout room at the Transformal. I have my own very strong thoughts on the issue which wouldn’t necessarily gel with everyone.
It is indeed a highly touchy subject invoking a range of reactions. For those attending TF and intending to attend the breakout discussion prepare for lively discussions, I certainly am. -
First of all, “Coming Out’ to whoever would be a wonderful subject for discussion in the breakout room. Such a subject invokes a whole host of ideas, ideals, and reactions. On a personal basis I now let most people know about Liz, however I’m selective and base my selections on a need to know and, above all my gut feelings. Being an old fella helps as I no longer really care who knows, I’m too old in the proverbial tooth to worry about such trivial matters, after all, what the hell are they going to do? reject me, so what, I’ve been rejected at various times in my life to care, and often it had nothing to do with being Liz.
Coming out is a very personal thing and depends just where one is in life, it has an enormous impact on such a decision. I found that one has to consider relationships, employment etc, and just where you are on the ongoing gender spectrum. I’m going into my coffin as Liz adorned in my best frock, going out in style which in a way is me thumbing my nose at society.
On a last note being trans and out frequently means giving something up, usually relationships. A good relationship is worth it’s weight in gold, something to hang on to. -
OMG, the reaction was not quite what I expected. I was not advocating that each and everyone who is TG shout the fact from the top of the hills, that I think is an individual choice as to who one tells.
I was pointing out the book which comprises of individual stories from SO’s, etc. relates to those SO’s etc who have chosen to stay with their TG husbands etc. the reasons why they stayed and how the news of the TG partners coming out affected them. It gives first hand accounts just how being TG has affected the SO’s and ultimately how the dynamics of their relationships have changed.
It is well worth a read, highly recomended. -
Gender diverse leadership, where is it? Well, I can’t speak for South Australia because I don’t know SA at all. However here in the ACT we have strong leadership and organisational skills in the form of Peter Hyndal of AGA, a member of TGR. Peter, et.al has instigated change that has benifited all of Australian transgender people, and for that we are eternally grateful.
I sense in Kristyana a sense of frustration and stagnation that we are failing to gain ground in attempts at pushing the transgender wheel barrow. Or is Kristyana referring to TGR, I don’t know.
The wheels of progress turn slowly, but solidly as shown by the achievements of the global transgender community in recent years. Australia, I think is well to the fore in contributing to these achievements. If someone is looking for a magic spell to overnight change the status of transgender people into total social acceptability, then I think there would be an neverending wait. -
To me this is a serious question and requires a serious answer.
Personally, I’d claim everything that I could legitimately claim, after all my insurance premiums are damn expensive, so why not? Insurance companies are more than happy to take your money and a little more reticent to cough up on claims. When I look at my closet (no pun) and the clothes therein the dollars stack up to an impressive figure. And not forgetting footwear, wigs, which are on the way out, I’m letting my hair grow for a stunning hairstyle.
It all adds up, don’t be reticent, who cares? A bit dodgey if your SO is unaware; I suggest a separate, itemised and secret policy. -
Gender:
Late middle English, French old french gendre (modern genre), based on Latin genus ‘birth, family, nation’. The earliest meanings were ‘kind sort, genus, and a type or class.
The word gender has been used since the 14th century as a grammatical term, referring to classes of noun designated as masculine, feminine or neuter in some languages. The sense ‘the sense of being male or female’ has also been used since the 14th century. This didn’t become common until the mid twentieth century. Although the word gender and sex both have a sense of ‘the state of being male or female, they are used in slightly different ways; sex tends to refer to biological differences, while gender refers to cultural or social ones. (Oxford Dictionary’.I came across the differences some time ago reading Virginia Prince, ‘sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears’. I wonder if that definition ought to be in the Oxford Dictionary?
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I feel for you Caty having experienced what you do for more years than I care to remember. Hiding everything in secret spaces hoping never to be found out and when I retrieve them to wear they usually crushed and unwearable. Is makeup spots in the wash basin? clean it just in case. A horrid life which increases guilt, shame and a secretivness which only increases with time. Guess what that does to the self esteem? There’s a movie from about 1994 call ‘Just like a woman’ The protagonist leaves his frillies lying around the home and make up in the bathroom and goes to work. His wife and two children return unexpectedly from overseas. You guessed it, she finds the offending ‘smalls lying around before our heroine returns home. Convinced there’s another woman (which there is, in a way) the smalls are thrown out onto the street, and so ends the marriage.
To prevent the nerves from decaying into whatever, it may be a little folly, but wise to open up about Caty and consequently breathe fresh air in a relaxed environment. Let me assure you it’s good to have my own make up draw in the bathroom, a closet (excuse the pun) purely for Liz’s clothes. I now never get caught, because the cat is out of the bag so to speak. No, initially the news wasn’t welcomed but in the long run it was worth it.
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Chloe,
I feel for your tears around your brother, and to others who have similar challenges around close relatives. I don’t have siblings so I don’t have such problems. I’d tell them using my English colloqueal, ‘get stuffed’.
My relatives who are significant tend to ignore my eccectric side, but then they, ‘the Poms’ haven’t seen Liz in all her glory.Chloe, you may well have a brother who chooses to ignore Craig and Chloe but you have many friends who choose to embrace you in whatever mode you choose to present yourself.
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Hi Chloe,
What the hell does one say in instances like this?
A damn good letter, caring, explanatory without the sickly sweet mush, expecting nothing in return except a hope of some understanding and possible acceptance.
Hope all goes and is going well,Liz
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Hi Ellie,
Welcome Ellie-M to TgR, I’m sure we’ll hear more of you and your foray into the Transgender world of self discovery and acceptance.
Liz
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I’ll go along with Pamela on this thread, I most certainly wouldn’t tell the stranger bloke in the pub I’m transgendered, I wouldn’t want to examine the floor from floor level, but I have told sales staff in Myers womens department. The latter would have already guessed anyway. I remember a family friend and employee of Myers saying thay sell more pantyhose to males than they do to females. I raised my eyebrows in suprise.
In the main I have never had too many problems, (see my recent blog). Some years ago many people wouldn’t have even heard the term transgendered, especially in the quieter towns and communities. Mostly people associate transgendered with being gay, ‘you’ve got to be’ Mainly I think folk would prefer to be associated with transgendered people than gays, but then that’s something I have assumed and taken on board. As I’ve said previously, people we would consider as accepting are, in reality tolerant. If it doesn’t directly affect them then they couldn’t care less, they may even be interested to learn a little more.
Last year at the U3A (University of the 3rd Age) for those who haven’t reached that phase in life, a fellow participant guessed I was Transgendered and, it turned out her son was also. Boy, was she upset that her son had turned out differently, blaming herslf because when son was in the womb, she desperatly wanted a girl. That was, in her eyes the cause of son going off the mainstream track. No way, could I convince her differentlly.If everyone walked around stark naked in their everyday lives, eventually no one would take the slightest notice because it would be the norm; it would be accepted.
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Ok, so we have the opportunity to utilise a breakout room for half an hour discussion on any subject on Saturday, 11.30 to noon.
I really don’t think a subject is necessary; let’s just meet up, those who may be interested and see what comes up. I’ll attend, and if I’m on my own I’ll have a personal discussion, a bit like the sound of one hand clapping. I’m in, who will join me?